A little nervous. Long, but please keep an open mind

ok..try and keep in mind she is 14. It sounds like her family problems (seems like mom) are affecting her in a way that your FH should be more concerned with then just her showing up at your wedding. I think that you should definitely keep her in the wedding and let her decide to not show up that day. In the end whatever the cost you can be at peace with the fact that you did not place her outside of her brother's wedding. Believe me when I tell you that you and your FI need to be supportive and understanding that she is young and obviously troubled and be patient. If she doesn't show that day..is it going to ruin your wedding...no..you will have already braced yourself for it and all that was lost in the end is $$. If she does show she will be happy for her brother and will remember it forever.

Amy

If she is flaky and the relationship is already strained, ask her to step down and give her another job. A 14 year old can't make decisions for herself and can't be trusted to commit to anything. (Going to the mall is more important to her than going dress shopping???!!!) Also, that is a tough financial burden to put on her. Will she drop the money she saves/earns on movies and not have it for the dress in the end?

I agree with the person who suggested you give her the program job. She could also be the 'rice hander-outer'. List her in the program as a 'bridal attendant'. Less than a BM, but still giving her an official job.

I wanted to comment on the parent thing; I think that, if possible, you should arrange a meeting beforehand. Make dinner for everyone or get them together for apps and egg nog this month. It will make things much smoother in the end.

Good luck!!!!!

LOL! We have tried!

His parents will not meet my parents...FIL's think it's a joke, but my folks are a little offended (and rightfully so).

Like others have said, she is 14 - this is a very tough and confusing age. Can you talk to her? Some kids you can do this with, some you can't. I remember the issues I had when I was 14 - I seemed difficult on the outside, but anyone who took the time to talk to me got to see what I needed was understanding.

Plan for her to be there, but understand she may not show up. Talk to her regularly, let her know how important it is and you will help her however you can. Make regular appointments with her to do wedding stuff, and let her knowe should something happen, here is the backup date.

It depends on how much time and energy you can put into this - good luck!!!!