Brides Helping Brides ™ - A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

halloweenbride04 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:10 AM

A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

So FH and I are in my brother's BP (3 months before our wedding). They're having their wedding upstate where they do weddings VERY differently than we do here on LI, some of what they're planning is hard to swallow, but it's their day. After months of her changing her mind about the dress, the color, she finally commited and I now have a lovely champagne colored dress which I like. BUT here's my gripe....she and her mother are making every decision right down to what my brother and his GM will be wearing. They have chosen a white (yes white) tuxedo for my brother and ivory (yes ivory) tuxes for the GM!! FH just shrugged it off and said whatever, I just hope he doesn't expect us to keep an ivory tux clean all day. Now, my brother calls me last night to ask if I got my shoes yet, I say no and he says good xyz wants you to get white canvas sneakers....I'm like for what? and he says for the dresses, and I said absolutely NOT! Was I wrong for saying that? Come on now! I have to say she is 18, all of her BM's are under 21 and maybe they think it's cute to wear canvas sneakers with gowns but I'll be 29 at the time of the wedding and I just think it's tacky and absolutely refuse! Just had to vent....haven't even told my mother this latest tid-bit....

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:13 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Sounds like fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am young and I don't think there is anything cute about wearing canvas sneakers with a champagne gown!!!!!

I really don't even have much advice for you but I hope you don't have to go through with it.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:15 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

OMG!!! Is here mother also 18???!!! How in the world is her mother letting her do this? I don't blame you one bit for saying no. Regardless of age, I think that's ridiculous and I also think most of her guests will agree. Just try not to fight her too hard on it and let someone else fight the battle. Maybe tell your mom and have your mom tell her mom, or tell the MOH or her FH or something... geez... good luck with this FREAK.

diamondgrlie Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:16 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Wow! Well I guess if you are forced to wear sneakers, at least you will be comfortable.

Xelindrya Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:32 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

If it's a long gown just bend your knees so your shoes don't show up in the standing still photos. hehee

Heck it aint your wedding. Let her dread in her later years.

To each her own dream.

Im sure her mother went along because she probably either whined about it or sold her on the idea with some really extraordinary sales talk!

Personally, I would care less.

I was the BM (last minute addition - an afterthought - I might add) to my own brother's wedding (I still havent forgiven my SIL) and she wanted me to put up the CASH and be poked and prodded for her handmade gowns with less than a month to go. I wore black with thick sliver straps that flowed back and became a HUGE silver bow (we're talking late 90's so this was odd). MInd you this was back when I was 117 lbs. So black was flattering to me.. Can't be said for the MOH though! LOL

She told me I had to wear flats with these little rinestone attachements. No direction on what type of flats, shiny or matte black just 'flat black shoes'. Later overheard her tell her MOH 'Veronica just not girlie, she's no use to explain how to get pretty, she's happier in Jeans, Just hope she doesnt embarass herself'

Honestly, I am MUCH happier in Jeans! hehehe

So I show up polished (I am still a girl dang it) I had my hair done since she gave no instructions, pulled out my old prom jewerly (rinestones) and honestly I looked GOOD!!

To this day, she hates me for it. I have NEVER seen a single developed photo of me on that day. I keep asking and my brother says I looked great but Angie doesnt want to part with the photos (yeah, right). She cried when she saw me that day and yelled at me 'How DARE you get your hair done, only *I* am supposed to look pretty!' (is it my fault she picked her friend who may or may not know how to do hair but was gonna do it for free?)

I did what I had to do because it was my brother. I love him and it was his day. Otherwise, I could honestly have cared less, aint my wedding. *shrug* I never let it get to me.

Just think of it this way.. you can say 'this is her wedding, see me the BM in the sneakers' and 'Heres my wedding and my BP' Isn't it great?

lullabella Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:40 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

I say go with the flow~ it is their wedding and you accepted to be in the BP so you should wear what they want you too. Even if it is a little strange.

At least your feey won't hurt

tourist Posted: Apr 01, 2004 09:47 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

I 'd be annoyed too, but everyone else is right, its not like anyone is going to think YOU'RE the one with no taste.

Where a slight heel when you get your dress altered, so the hem will be a little long when you where the sneaks, and they won't show.
(BTW- I didn' t know they MADE ivory tuxes!)

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Apr 01, 2004 10:13 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

I hate to say it but I don't think you have any say. I think that whether we agree or even hate someone's wedding choices as BM it is not our place to say anything as LONG AS it DOESN'T hurt you or anyone else.

I think as tacky as it sounds it is her wedding and her choice and I would say wear them and know at least your feet shouldn't hurt at the end of the night

divabride Posted: Apr 01, 2004 10:22 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Sorry hon, I have no advice for you. But I had to mention....you just gave me quite the chuckle. IVORY TUXES!!!!!

oneday Posted: Apr 01, 2004 10:30 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

As much as I would never want that for my wedding, I don't really see why you'd be so mad about this. I was in a wedding where we all wore sneakers - it was also upstate and the bride's mother made all our dresses (they were nice, floor length) but anyway, the groom was a roady for a band and the band members were all in the wedding. The guys wore black tuxes (with tails if I remember correctly) except the groom who wore white and we all wore dyed purple high top Chuck Taylors. Was this a look I would want, no, but it suited them and they were happy - and no heels to hurt my feet
So, I would just do what she asks (at least canvas sneakers won't cost too much) and if she looks back on her wedding pictures with regret, it's not your problem anyway.

akanini Posted: Apr 01, 2004 10:32 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Posted by divabride

Sorry hon, I have no advice for you. But I had to mention....you just gave me quite the chuckle.

Canvas sneakers? NO WAY!

LIPrincess00 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 10:45 AM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

I agree that it is not something I would want or do, but if that's what she wants I would wear them. You will probably be so comfortable and its not like your the only one wearing sneakers. BTW, is she in your bridal party and is she wearing what you want? Didnt mean to offend, its JMO.

kathleenmarie Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:32 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Its so funny cause all I told my
BM is to get the shoes to match the dress and I didnt care how they wore their hair or what kind of shoes they had. Everything looked great. It just amazes me how crazed it can get. MY biggest fear was myself and how I would look/act/be

jen110704 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:36 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

I'm sorry all I can do is . At least you'll be comfy

Becky Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:39 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Hell, no. That would be my first reaction, too. I had all of BMs chose what shoe and what color. I didn't care as long as they weren't clear shoes, because I don't like them. But I wanted them to buy shoes that they liked and would wear again.

I can't decide what I am more put off by, the canvas part of the sneaker part!!!!

I would b!tch about this for a long time before I agreed to it. Even then, if I did somehow agree to this, my bro would be purchasing those puppies

MrsBrad Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:52 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Posted by halloweenbride04

he says good xyz wants you to get white canvas sneakers..../QUOTE]

HAHAHAHA --

That is soooo tacky! Well, let me say this ... We went to a wedding upstate this summer and it was horrible (to say the least) - we got there 5 minutes late the the bride was running around with a cigarette in her mouth, her veil on her head and SHORT cut-off jeans while the groom sat back and had a beer. An hour later the ceremony started and over half the guest still hadnt shown up and the officiant kept talking about himself, totally avoiding his duties!! Needless to say, most ppl had left with an hour or so and just as we were about to leave (we had a 6 hour car ride) she makes an announcement that no one is allowed to leave until she eats her cake and she then prolonged the cake cutting for an hour.

Upstate weddings ... I dont like them!!

GOOD LUCK!!

wenndypoo Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:57 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Canvas sneakers and ivory tuxes?????
Oh man, that is BAD!!!

BUT, it is her wedding, I don't think you have much of a choice, unless you want to drop out. When you agree to be in the BP, you agree to everything that goes along with it.

Like everyone said, it is not a reflection of you at all, and at least you'll be comfortable (and they're cheap too!).

halloweenbride04 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 01:38 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Posted by MrsBrad

Posted by halloweenbride04

he says good xyz wants you to get white canvas sneakers..../QUOTE]

HAHAHAHA --

That is soooo tacky! Well, let me say this ... We went to a wedding upstate this summer and it was horrible (to say the least) - we got there 5 minutes late the the bride was running around with a cigarette in her mouth, her veil on her head and SHORT cut-off jeans while the groom sat back and had a beer. An hour later the ceremony started and over half the guest still hadnt shown up and the officiant kept talking about himself, totally avoiding his duties!! Needless to say, most ppl had left with an hour or so and just as we were about to leave (we had a 6 hour car ride) she makes an announcement that no one is allowed to leave until she eats her cake and she then prolonged the cake cutting for an hour.

Upstate weddings ... I dont like them!!

GOOD LUCK!!

OMG! I almost spit out my tuna sandwich! I got a majorly clear mental image. While I know my FSIL won't have a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, the cut-off jeans part I could see.

I hear what you are all saying, maybe I feel this way because it is my ONLY brother's wedding and on top of the other things I didn't even mention, I don't want it to be tacky. My mother thinks our family is going to lol all the way back to LI.

You know I'll defintely be posting pics afterwards, so just wait and you'll see....

samsbride Posted: Apr 01, 2004 02:03 PM

Re: A little role-reversal....I'm the BM and I have a gripe!

Are they kidding with the canvas sneakers? It's a wedding not a BBQ.
I think you should speak up. Lots of brides wear sneakers (personally I don't get it)
A wedding is as formal as you get. Wear proper shoes.