AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????

My cousin in FL. who is a BM in my wedding has advised me that she 'might' be pregnant cause she forgot to take her pill....but if she isn't, she's planning on conceiving in May so she is only 4 months pregnant at my wedding.

Then she emails me today to tell me she's not pregnant, and I quote:
....'It would have been great to bring our daughter or son to your wedding. But what will be will be. We'll just have to wait until the summer to start trying'

My OTHER Bm in Florida has also advised me she is trying to get pregnant and if she is 8 mos pregant in september, she isnt coming to my wedding....but not to worry....if she gets pregnant NOW, she'll just bring her 11-month old.....AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

I can't even get into my possible pregnant BM dilemma right now. It is all to new for me. I will chat with you another day!

Good Luck Neesie!!

Denise, I dont even know what to say. If you need me as a backup bridesmaid though, Im here for you!!!

I know the feeling... my maid of honor just told me she is 6 weeks preg. and my wedding is in Aug. '05 she will have the baby in May but have to travel with an infant.....just more stress to add to my day! plus she has a 4yr old and 7yr old. and lives in Las Vegas. I already told her no kids, the only kids that are invited to the wedding are kids 7 + which will be in our wedding party!

I don't want little kids running around at my wedding... it is my day not theres....not to be rude and I love kids, I have 3 god children myself...but you know what their parents will have to be chasing them around and not focusing on our wedding which is what the day is all about, 'us'' for a change and not them!

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Posted by divabride


Denise, I dont even know what to say. If you need me as a backup bridesmaid though, Im here for you!!!

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Awwww! I might have to take you up on that offer...I'll get back to ya in September. lolol

Looks like we're all in the same boat, I basically have to wonder what will be for the next year---one of my BM stopped the pill, b/c she wants to give her body some time, b/c they plan on conceiving in May---but what she doesnt get, is that accidents can happen as she thought she was pregnant a month ago--

No Protection= Possible Accident

Then what? Dresses are already ordered in a small size--it will be insane---even if she is 4 months pregnant at my wedding in September --I hope her size 12 still fits---or else its going to be extremely costly--and such a mess! Its one of the things Im highly worrying about--until next May then I guess the coast will be clear if she doesnt get pregnant before then.......

Another one here..

My MOH is due 6 days before the wedding..

How can you plan for that???

and I love how they are so non-chalant about it!
la-la-la I MIGHT be pregnant. Who knows. La-la-la. The dress might be a little snug, but I'll only be 4 months pregnant. No biggie..la-la-la We'll just take it out a few inches,they wont charge much for that. la-la-la, do you have a car seat we can borrow??

Yep, same here.

My two dearest friends were not able to be BMs because they were pregnant or trying to get pregnant, and didn't want the 'stress' of being a BM...

Initially I was really hurt, sad, disappointed...but now they both have beautiful healthy babies, so it was definitely worth it.

4 months is not THAT pregnant- -- they really just need a size or two up from what they normally wear.

As long as they can actually be at your wedding- work around it. If not, they need to get another dress-- I hear ya though-- like, think about these things when you are planning to get prego-- order a dress a size up if you think you might be- it can always be taken in. I understand no one's life revolves our weddings- but, if I was trying to get prego and I was in a friend's wedding0- I would take everything into consideration.

Isnt it horrible to constantly worry about something beyond your control????

It sux.....but if the roles were reversed, they would be stressing out as much as we are--if not, MORE, and everything would then be so 'non-chalant'!!!

My friend mentioned she might start trying to get pregnant next year... I was like, why would you do that when you know you are in my wedding? If it happens by accident there's not much you can do but I don't understand why people intentionally try to get pregnant before they have to be all fancily dressed and helping in a very important day of someone they obviously care about!

WHATEVER!!!

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Posted by GoingNutty

My friend mentioned she might start trying to get pregnant next year... I was like, why would you do that when you know you are in my wedding? If it happens by accident there's not much you can do but I don't understand why people intentionally try to get pregnant before they have to be all fancily dressed and helping in a very important day of someone they obviously care about!

WHATEVER!!!

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YES!!!! One of my friends (who was supposed to be a BM) said 'oh, your wedding is in September? Then we'll shoot to get pregnant around December or January.' Ummmm, I'm no mathematician, but wouldn't that be 9 months???

Needless to say, she was not able to come to the wedding...

Okay, I thought I was over this but apparently not!

I agree that if they have the babies before your wedding they shouldn't assume they're invited. And its not very thoughtful to 'plan' to conceive at a time when you could be 8 months pregnant and then miss a close friend's wedding.

But, on the other side - I've been married a year and three of my closest friends are all in serious relationships but not yet engaged. These are weddings I know I would be in the bridal party for. Two of the them live in VA and I know wouldn't have more than a one year engagement based on how their siblings weddings were planned and how things are done down there. My DH and I are not ready to have kids yet due to many factors (he is in grad school full time, we're living in Chicago away from all family, we haven't bought a home yet...) - Should we also throw their weddings into the equation? Granted their not engaged yet, but next year they very well could be.

When to start trying for a baby is a hard decision on its own (and it usually doesn't happen right when you want it to) so if someone ends up 4 months pregnant at your wedding I wouldn't be upset with them at all - your life isn't the only one moving forward. But, being 8 months and missing the wedding when you were engaged well enough in advance, I agree is unthoughtful of them.

I had a BM become pregnant AFTER the dresses came in!!! And she thought I was going to kick her out of the BP. She actually was in tears when she told me (which completely broke my heart). We had 2 piece corset gowns - if that's not a challenge, what is?

Although I had thought in the beginning that I would not want a pregnant BM (in fact that particular BM and I discussed it before hand and she agreed!) I couldn't have walked down the aisle without her as one of my BMs, so the minute it became a reality, I gave her license to do whatever she needed to do to get the dress to work. She called the store and told them she was preggo, and they ordered extra material to alter her gown to fit (which she paid for). In the end, it all worked out.

And she had a beautiful, healthy baby boy last weekend.

My point is that you didn't pick your BMs because they're skinny, you picked them because they're your friends/family and they're important to you. It seems like a really big deal now, but unless she gives birth at your wedding, it's not.

However, I would have been extremely nervous if she was due around the same time because towards the end so many things are possible (like bed rest) and I understand the 8-month no flying rule can be very upsetting but other than that, don't sweat it.

See, I don't mind someone being 4 months pregnant....but the fact that she was planning on bringing her now-hypothetical child to my wedding irks me...who would bring a 2 month old on a plane??? I just dont see THAT happening. I can't even write her back and say THANK GOD you're not pregnant! lol
And accidents happen...I can hear it now...the phone call in 3 months...'Denise, GREAT NEWS! I'm pregnant!' Ohhhh...GREEEEEEAT!

As for the other one who is trying to conceive as we speak, the fact she said she isnt coming if she's 7mos pregnant or up bugs me the MOST. OH, no worries, I have a couple of BM's on STAND-BY...let me call them up last minute....

I wish them healthy babies...and I have nothing against kids, I dont mind infants, but toddlers and young ones under 8yrs old run around and stuff.....
now, if they can find a way to glue their A$$es to the chair and zip their mouths shut, then the more kids the merrier!

ONLY KIDDING! ...sorta

Wow, respectfully to all opinions, I actually come down on the other side of the majority on this one. First, let me be clear, accepting the responsibility and then intentionally becoming pregnant or not being careful is truly lame. Truly.
But, I picked my girls because of who they are in our lives. We are mostly (with some exceptions) a little bit older when we marry these days and all essentially have friends who are at the age of pregnancy being a reality. Given the remarkableness of being able to get pregnant, stay pregnant and the miracle of a healthy baby with all of the things that can happen, I celebrate it and would not think it a negative to have someone pg in my party. Quite to the contrary, if I am that close to the mom then I will likely know and love the baby and think, how cool that, in that unique way, they got to be a part of the day also. I do diasgree about bringing uninvited infants -- not cool at all. But, dresses can be altered and even now, beautiful choices exist (ie Jenny Yoo who has a whole line for women who are expecting.)
Anyway, in a day that is all about love and family, I think that fits right in with the theme. That said, I wish you all the very best with your individual situations, beautiful weddings and happy, healthy babies to all concerned.
And ps, Randi, whew, that is a close one.

People can not put their life on hold because of your wedding. What will be will be, so if she is pregnant that just be happy for her and if she isn't their for your wedding than just know that you are both experiencing the happiest times in your life at the same time!

MY FSIL found out she was pregnant and due 10 days before my already scheduled wedding. After much convincing I got my FH to change the date. So we went from getting married in April to NOV because that was the next Sat that they had available.

I am not saying to change your date, I am just saying that this is out of your control so don't stress over it.
GOOD LUCK


EDITED TO ADD: MY FSIL actually had her baby on 3/15 - almost 1 month early. So I could have still had my wedding and the weather was beautiful that day! All in all I did the right thing for me but things usually have a way of working themselves out so try not to worry.