My cousin in FL. who is a BM in my wedding has advised me that she 'might' be pregnant cause she forgot to take her pill....but if she isn't, she's planning on conceiving in May so she is only 4 months pregnant at my wedding.
Then she emails me today to tell me she's not pregnant, and I quote: ....'It would have been great to bring our daughter or son to your wedding. But what will be will be. We'll just have to wait until the summer to start trying'
My OTHER Bm in Florida has also advised me she is trying to get pregnant and if she is 8 mos pregant in september, she isnt coming to my wedding....but not to worry....if she gets pregnant NOW, she'll just bring her 11-month old.....AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
littlewilson
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by honest
Sorry. Our friends' preganancies, family planning, and timelines are always, without exception, infinitely more important than these parties (and make no mistake, they're just well choreographed parties) that we obsess over. The trick is realizing when it's time to stop obsessing and tune in to what's important (lives mapped out as our loved ones wish them to be, healthy babies, happy families) and what's not (5 girls in identical dresses on call). For most of us who plan to have kids once we're married, being a mom will be the most important role we play in life (more than, say, BM or MOH!), and as much as I hope that everyone can attend my wedding, it would hurt me immensely to think that someone would alter their ideal life plan for the sake of wearing a dress to my party. In my opinion, all pregnancies and ideal family planning timelines that fit into people's lives are infinitely more important than all wedding conviences, like being thin or having a life unoccupied by other things for a wedding day. To compare the two is laughable.
I agree completely!!!!!
Me too.
Taking issue with the effect someone's pregnancy could have on a wedding (i.e. maybe they can't make it, maybe there will be dress size issues) seems absurd to me.
Donna
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by neesiepie
I like to plan things in advance and I just dont like this uncontrillable situation hanging over my head....sigh...I will deal with it and keep my fingers crossed that they make it to my wedding...but honestly, if it was ME getting pregnant, i wouldn't be so non-chalant about it. I would consider all these things, especially since I have already had my own wedding and understand what it entails.
PS: this is a very interesting thread and I find a lot of truth to what everyone is saying...from each perspective.
Since neither of your friends are pregnant yet, you should just go ahead with everything you have planned now. From your post, I know you like to be in control but please be prepared that there is a chance that something may come up and not go your way with your wedding. If you read every bride's review so far they have all had one or many things happen that they didn't plan on (limo issue, no-show guests, etc)
HearzBellz
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by neesiepie
and I love how they are so non-chalant about it! la-la-la I MIGHT be pregnant. Who knows. La-la-la. The dress might be a little snug, but I'll only be 4 months pregnant. No biggie..la-la-la We'll just take it out a few inches,they wont charge much for that. la-la-la, do you have a car seat we can borrow??
tray831
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Neesiepie:
I sent you FM
neesiepie
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by littlewilson
Me too.
Taking issue with the effect someone's pregnancy could have on a wedding (i.e. maybe they can't make it, maybe there will be dress size issues) seems absurd to me.
MAN! Wish I could be like you and not think about these kind of things.....I think I got too much done too soon and have toomuch time on my hands to think....
thanks for all the informative insight, ladies
Katherine121
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
JMO - if someone agrees to be a bridesmaid, once they make the commitment, they need to adhere to all that that commitment entails, which would include, waiting to start a family. It sounds selfish, but if you think about it, it's the truth. An accident is one thing, if it's really an 'accident.' Another reason why it's okay if you don't have 6 or 8 or 10 bridesmaids. Not everyone is interested in the day being about the bride.
tray831
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by Kaylo999
JMO - if someone agrees to be a bridesmaid, once they make the commitment, they need to adhere to all that that commitment entails, which would include, waiting to start a family. It sounds selfish, but if you think about it, it's the truth. An accident is one thing, if it's really an 'accident.' Another reason why it's okay if you don't have 6 or 8 or 10 bridesmaids. Not everyone is interested in the day being about the bride.
Actually very well said.!!! I agree--most dont see that point of view though.
jacardi
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by MuchInLuvMichi
i think it is insane to b annoyed about a preggo bridesmaid, i cant even believe some of u could say they should PUT THERE PREGNANCY ON HOLD b/c of ur wedding!!
thats so crazzy, no offense but just cause its ur wedding day doesnt mean other pple need to schedule there lives around it..it should b about them being a part of ur day whether they r trying to conceive, preggo, or big as a house at 9 months, dont b so selfish as to expect pple to make there lives revolve around ur wedding no matter who it is, JMO
I agree 110% again JMO
patti08
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by Kaylo999
JMO - if someone agrees to be a bridesmaid, once they make the commitment, they need to adhere to all that that commitment entails, which would include, waiting to start a family. It sounds selfish, but if you think about it, it's the truth. An accident is one thing, if it's really an 'accident.' Another reason why it's okay if you don't have 6 or 8 or 10 bridesmaids. Not everyone is interested in the day being about the bride.
Since when does agreeing to be a bridesmaid - (which is a favor to the bride not a privelege for the bridesmaid) entail putting your life on hold. I'd never expect that of my girls nor would they of me.
Obviously there's quite a split in opinions here and I'm not saying anyone is wrong. Just selfish IMO.
neesiepie
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Man, things get taken the wrong way on here sometimes I speak for myself right now: Just for the record....and this is the last time I will try to make my point here...because this is being taken waaaaay out of proportion.....
I, in no way, shape, or form EXPECT my BM's to PUT OFF their pregnancies for MY wedding. As a matter of fact, BOTH BM's discussed it with me and asked my PERMISSION to get pregnant. How could I say NO to that? So I said GO FOR IT. But I would still be upset if they couldnt make it to the wedding. AND maybe I am ABSURD and SILLY to even post this thread to begin with, but I felt the need to vent my absurdities (which i thought was the purpose of these boards) and get some frustration off of my chest. If I am ABSURD, so be it. I don't know a SINGLE BRIDE who has NOT stressed over SOMETHING that others would find ABSURD. Whether it's the IN LAWS or having your linens match your gown.......just b/c it is absurd to you does not mean it isn't something worth worrying over for the bride. I was not trying to sound selfish at all.
Everyone else is entitled to their own opinions. I just want to state MY OWN. I appreciate other's points of view, but I dont appreciate being called ABSURD for something that is being taken the wrong way. If I really expected them to plan their pregnancies around my wedding, then OK, call me ABSURD...that's your opinion....but to be called absurd for the wrong reason is something I take offense to.
(PS: if i didnt want opinions, i wouldnt have posted to begin with. I can handle criticism for something that is TRUE)
StepherG
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
My BM was 8 months PG for my wedding...she had to switch her entire dress....they didn't make a PG dress in the same color so we had to get a complimenting color. All in all it worked out ok.
PS. My original plan was 3 different dresses SAME color. BUT instead I got 3 different dresses and different colors!! Oh well...at least I had all of them by my side!
burningwithlove
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
I think that this topic is very touchy and we obviously all have our own opinions and all think that we are right in the way we think but I just want to post my opinion.
When you are trying to get pregnant it isnt like you decide one day 'hey lets have a baby' most of the time couples tryfor months without letting anyone know because they dont know when it will happen. Your BM's need to carry on with their lives and if having a baby is important to them it should be important to you. I know that you feel they should be there and proper planning, but what if your friend has been trying and has not been successful? Do you really think she wants to put it off for a few months because of YOUR wedding? I dont think so. Especially if they have a certain job where they know its best to have a baby during certain months. My best friend knew she had to get pregnant to have her baby in June because she works in a school. Do you really think just beause she is a BM she should put it off? How selfish can you be?
I just think all of you worried about your preggo BM's should take a step back and stop looking at from your perspective. I know its your most importatnt day but that it....YOUR important day...not theirs.
janielanie
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by neesiepie
Man, things get taken the wrong way on here sometimes I speak for myself right now: Just for the record....and this is the last time I will try to make my point here...because this is being taken waaaaay out of proportion.....
I, in no way, shape, or form EXPECT my BM's to PUT OFF their pregnancies for MY wedding. As a matter of fact, BOTH BM's discussed it with me and asked my PERMISSION to get pregnant. How could I say NO to that? So I said GO FOR IT. But I would still be upset if they couldnt make it to the wedding. AND maybe I am ABSURD and SILLY to even post this thread to begin with, but I felt the need to vent my absurdities (which i thought was the purpose of these boards) and get some frustration off of my chest. If I am ABSURD, so be it. I don't know a SINGLE BRIDE who has NOT stressed over SOMETHING that others would find ABSURD. Whether it's the IN LAWS or having your linens match your gown.......just b/c it is absurd to you does not mean it isn't something worth worrying over for the bride. I was not trying to sound selfish at all.
Everyone else is entitled to their own opinions. I just want to state MY OWN. I appreciate other's points of view, but I dont appreciate being called ABSURD for something that is being taken the wrong way. If I really expected them to plan their pregnancies around my wedding, then OK, call me ABSURD...that's your opinion....but to be called absurd for the wrong reason is something I take offense to.
(PS: if i didnt want opinions, i wouldnt have posted to begin with. I can handle criticism for something that is TRUE)
I hear you. I have the exact same situation right now and it isn't that I don't want a pregnant MOH - I want to be sure that she will be with me to share my day and not be uncomfortable, in delivery or on bed rest (god forbid!!)
Salason626
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by neesiepie
Man, things get taken the wrong way on here sometimes I speak for myself right now: Just for the record....and this is the last time I will try to make my point here...because this is being taken waaaaay out of proportion.....
I, in no way, shape, or form EXPECT my BM's to PUT OFF their pregnancies for MY wedding. As a matter of fact, BOTH BM's discussed it with me and asked my PERMISSION to get pregnant. How could I say NO to that? So I said GO FOR IT. But I would still be upset if they couldnt make it to the wedding. AND maybe I am ABSURD and SILLY to even post this thread to begin with, but I felt the need to vent my absurdities (which i thought was the purpose of these boards) and get some frustration off of my chest. If I am ABSURD, so be it. I don't know a SINGLE BRIDE who has NOT stressed over SOMETHING that others would find ABSURD. Whether it's the IN LAWS or having your linens match your gown.......just b/c it is absurd to you does not mean it isn't something worth worrying over for the bride. I was not trying to sound selfish at all.
Everyone else is entitled to their own opinions. I just want to state MY OWN. I appreciate other's points of view, but I dont appreciate being called ABSURD for something that is being taken the wrong way. If I really expected them to plan their pregnancies around my wedding, then OK, call me ABSURD...that's your opinion....but to be called absurd for the wrong reason is something I take offense to.
(PS: if i didnt want opinions, i wouldnt have posted to begin with. I can handle criticism for something that is TRUE)
i knew fr your post you were just venting bc you were worried about them being there and frustrated about a baby at the wedding and not bc you think they should NOT get pg. i dont think it deserved the harsh responses it received. i had a similar situation w SIL & cousin (1 month and 1 week before the wedding) and its just added stress that you want to VENT about - not that you think they should be not have gotten pg! it will all work out for you. my new 1mo old niece travelled fr michigan and was there through the reception and was quiet as a mouse & my other BM left her 1 wk old baby to be at the church (she came fr NJ to LI for it) even if she couldnt walk down the aisle.
Katherine121
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
I always thought a bride asked a friend to be a bridesmaid as an honor, not a favor.
I don't think anyone's life should revolve around me. However, it's just a simple matter of courtesy, communication and accepting responsibility. If one of my friends had said 'I might become pregnant because we're trying to start a family', then great! She was very straightforward with me, as a real friend would be, and I wouldn't have a problem with her still being a bridesmaid at all if she still wanted to. Alternatively, she might opt to bow out gracefully and I'd understand that as well. But being a BM is not a 'favor', it's an honor that happens to come with responsbilities that should probably be well thought about and decided upon before accepted.
ckgmwedding
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by lullabella
People can not put their life on hold because of your wedding. What will be will be, so if she is pregnant that just be happy for her and if she isn't their for your wedding than just know that you are both experiencing the happiest times in your life at the same time!
MY FSIL found out she was pregnant and due 10 days before my already scheduled wedding. After much convincing I got my FH to change the date. So we went from getting married in April to NOV because that was the next Sat that they had available.
My FSIL was supposed to be 9months pregnant on my orginal wedding date of Aug. 13, 2204. We posponed the wedding almost a YEAR to July 16 since I work at school and other than Christmas break(Yuck- I always get sick), I didn't have two weeks off to have a wedding across the country. It was too important not to have her there even though I was royally pissed when I first found out at the situation in general. She ended up losing the baby and I still feel horriable about it. All that complaining about changing the wedding and it ended in such sadness for her. It is just a wedding- life for others is important too>
anjerandunder
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
my bridesmaid sent me a link to a maternity dress and stated 'just in case' she's trying now and she'll be 9 months by the wedding..i got upset in the beginning but then i thought she's doing me a favor by being in my bridal party so i can't tell her she can't try to get pregnant..whatever will be will be..it is very frustrating though
Nautical bride
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Neesiepie, I understand how the situation might cause a little angst even though you would be happy for your friends.
My BM (my FSIL) thought she was pregnant and would have been due the week of our wedding. She insisted she would make it to the wedding, even if she delivered earlier that week. But I felt a sense of dread about not knowing up until the last minute whether she would make it. She is 40 on top of everything, so the pregnancy would have naturally been a high risk pregnancy. Her daughter is our FG, so if she couldn't show, neither could the FG. We don't have a big wedding party. I couldn't help but think about the last minute logistics and planning issues that would arise.
As it turned out she isn't pregnant, but still trying. I truly hope she and her husband are blessed with a pregnancy this year, and I don't mind it if she is 4 months pregnant or 8 months pregnant - I just hope she can make it.
I do wish, however, that she had told us she was trying to get pregnant when we asked her to be a BM. It would have been a nice heads up.
janielanie
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
Posted by Nautical bride
I do wish, however, that she had told us she was trying to get pregnant when we asked her to be a BM. It would have been a nice heads up.
I agree.
lvdolphins
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Re: AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????
My DH and I are ready to have a child. The problem is I am on meds cuz I got sick this year. My dr. keeps checking levels (all that fun stuff) and hopefully by March, I will be off the meds and be able to start TRYING to concieve. Here's where the BM part comes in. I am in 2 weddings next year! One in July, one in Oct. I am so sad to see that so many brides get upset cuz thier BM is PG. I talked to my cousin already and she basically said 'Go for it'..The flowers will hide your belly. Yeah, it will be costly, but I want to be there for my cousin. Im in my friends wedding in Oct. and I havent really brought it up with her yet, but if I;m 3 or 4 months PG I'm hoping it won't be too big of a deal. I talk to DH about this all the time. Ive been married 5 years, Ive been through a lot this year (with being sick). If my friend really doesnt want a PG bridesmaid, then I will go as a guest! Like I said, I really dont think she would ask me to 'step out'. I would NEVER even consider taking an infant to a wedding. That's just out of the question!! Ok, thank you for letting me vent now!
