AAARGH! Pregnant BM's????

I'm not stressing that much...just venting. Of course I don't expect them to plan their lives around me. It's more therotten timing.....I just want them to be there like I was there when they got married. They're my closest family and I would be so sad without them there....I have NO family in NY.
it's not that I am mad, really...just kinda frustrated.
But what will be, will be....and I wish them healthy babies more than ANYTHING else....and if one of them gets pregnant and can't come...then i BETTER be the godmother! lololol

One of my was-supposed-to-be-a-BM brought her two month old baby to the wedding. They flew halfway across the country. I was blown away that she would do that. It really meant so much to me. I can't imagine the hassle, inconvenience, and risks associated with traveling with an infant that young.

Btw, the little peanut slept almost the entire time. Except for the fact that he was too adorable to ignore, I wouldn't have even known he was there!

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Posted by DebMaher
(ie Jenny Yoo who has a whole line for women who are expecting.)

And ps, Randi, whew, that is a close one.

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jenny yoo has two maternity dresses..

And with my MOH.. I am still slightly hurt and upset that she cared so little about my wedding to start trying exactly 9 months before the wedding. But, I am basically over it now and I really want all the best for her. She is going to get a maternity BM dress- that she will wear before the wedding- it will be her maternity dress- for whatever else she needs to go to. I don't care if she wears it ahead of time- I just want her to look like she is part of the wedding party of she is able to come. Rather than just looking like a guest.

I think that everyone needs to just take a step back and realize once the initial feeling of sadness or whatever passes- these are happy things in each other's lives. And as much as you need support- they will too. It's not worth the aggravation and the stress.

Bring on the next stressful wedding issue!

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Posted by DebMaher

Wow, respectfully to all opinions, I actually come down on the other side of the majority on this one. First, let me be clear, accepting the responsibility and then intentionally becoming pregnant or not being careful is truly lame. Truly.
But, I picked my girls because of who they are in our lives. We are mostly (with some exceptions) a little bit older when we marry these days and all essentially have friends who are at the age of pregnancy being a reality. Given the remarkableness of being able to get pregnant, stay pregnant and the miracle of a healthy baby with all of the things that can happen, I celebrate it and would not think it a negative to have someone pg in my party. Quite to the contrary, if I am that close to the mom then I will likely know and love the baby and think, how cool that, in that unique way, they got to be a part of the day also. I do diasgree about bringing uninvited infants -- not cool at all. But, dresses can be altered and even now, beautiful choices exist (ie Jenny Yoo who has a whole line for women who are expecting.)
Anyway, in a day that is all about love and family, I think that fits right in with the theme. That said, I wish you all the very best with your individual situations, beautiful weddings and happy, healthy babies to all concerned.
And ps, Randi, whew, that is a close one.

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Well said and I completely agree! My MOH had a miscarriage prior to ordering the dress. Just after ordering she told me that she was trying again. I had said to her that I didn't care if she wore a burlap sack, I wanted her at the wedding!! She turned out to be at the 4 month mark at the time of the wedding and all went well with the dress. I couldn't be happier for her and her husband.

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Posted by DebMaher

Wow, respectfully to all opinions, I actually come down on the other side of the majority on this one. First, let me be clear, accepting the responsibility and then intentionally becoming pregnant or not being careful is truly lame. Truly.
But, I picked my girls because of who they are in our lives. We are mostly (with some exceptions) a little bit older when we marry these days and all essentially have friends who are at the age of pregnancy being a reality. Given the remarkableness of being able to get pregnant, stay pregnant and the miracle of a healthy baby with all of the things that can happen, I celebrate it and would not think it a negative to have someone pg in my party. Quite to the contrary, if I am that close to the mom then I will likely know and love the baby and think, how cool that, in that unique way, they got to be a part of the day also. I do diasgree about bringing uninvited infants -- not cool at all. But, dresses can be altered and even now, beautiful choices exist (ie Jenny Yoo who has a whole line for women who are expecting.)
Anyway, in a day that is all about love and family, I think that fits right in with the theme. That said, I wish you all the very best with your individual situations, beautiful weddings and happy, healthy babies to all concerned.
And ps, Randi, whew, that is a close one.

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Very well said!

Sorry ladies, that some BMs can be sooooo selfish. They truly don't understand the meaning of being a BM. They definitely should have thought it out more, when you asked them to be a BM, and put tthe preggo issue on the table before the accepted. I know that brides tend to be a little selfish about their weddings, but one should definitely consider the bride with such a huge plan for their future.

If my friend asked me right now to be a BM for next year, I'd definitely let her know that if we were trying to conceive, so she can make adjustments, and not be surprised later. ARGH! PEOPLE!

i think it is insane to b annoyed about a preggo bridesmaid, i cant even believe some of u could say they should PUT THERE PREGNANCY ON HOLD b/c of ur wedding!!

thats so crazzy, no offense but just cause its ur wedding day doesnt mean other pple need to schedule there lives around it..it should b about them being a part of ur day whether they r trying to conceive, preggo, or big as a house at 9 months, dont b so selfish as to expect pple to make there lives revolve around ur wedding no matter who it is, JMO

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Posted by stacie0877

Sorry, but I think complaining about a pregnant friend is just plain silly. JMO

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I don't think that she's complaing about her friend being pregnant, it's more about the outcome BECAUSE she's pregnant. It's a possibility that pregnant BMs will end up cancelling for many reasons. They could be going through medical complications, or are too tired and can't be on their feet too long, or aren't allowed to fly to an event, or are actually having the baby & can't attend etc, etc.
On a selfish tip, it kind of alters one's mental picture of their wedding day.

(pressed reply by accident )

It's not about her being pregnant. Its about the possibility of her not showing up at my wedding. MY point is that both of these particular BM's live in Florida. I could care less if it was one of the girls in NY b/c flying is not a consideration for them to worry about...
I would rather her BE there than NOT be there.
There is also a lot I have planned....
Not only do we choose our BM's because they are people we love and care for, but also because they are people we feel we can COUNT ON to be there for us when we are planning our weddings. To me, it's not just a party. It's a RELIGIOUS ceremony that involves the union of 2 people and 2 families to start a new one. A marriage, IMO is just as much a life changing event as is planning and having a baby.
...i can understand how some people feel like 'whats the big deal. so what if she is pregnant.' I don't mind if she's 4 months or 8 months pregnant. But it does make things more complicated and I tend to worry about wether or not she'll be comfortable. How can we get a new dress when they are already paying so much $$ for the hotel and the airfare and the hair and shoes, etc...and CAN I afford to take on the expense to help her out???? IS flying safe for her and her baby? What if she goes into labor???? IS there a hospital nearby we can get her to quickly???
It's frustrating b/c it also kind of throws a lot of my intended plans for a loop. I have to reconsider some of my options as far as planning activities for my OOT BM's, buying them personalized gifts,etc.
I like to plan things in advance and I just dont like this uncontrillable situation hanging over my head....sigh...I will deal with it and keep my fingers crossed that they make it to my wedding...but honestly, if it was ME getting pregnant, i wouldn't be so non-chalant about it. I would consider all these things, especially since I have already had my own wedding and understand what it entails.

PS: this is a very interesting thread and I find a lot of truth to what everyone is saying...from each perspective.

I totally see your point...I made a recent aquaintence that might have been invited to the wedding, but since her due date was the week of my wedding, we agreed not to worry about it. If I was pregs and was asked to be a BM, I would probalby decline if It was going to complicate matters. It's one thing to be a little along, it's another for your water to be breaking in your BM Dress!

I had a BM that was 5 months pregs on the day of...and she found out the week we ordered the dresses. Luckily, she is thick-waisted to begin with and the dress was strapless and A-line...PERFECT for the pregs bm! She looked great, and honestly, fit in better with the other 3 bms...
She would have been the thinest one..but 5months pregs next to 3 plus-size bms worked ok...they were all comfy and looked GORGEOUS!!!



(the pregnant one is hidden behind the front girl...not on purpose though!)

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Posted by chichila15

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Posted by stacie0877

Sorry, but I think complaining about a pregnant friend is just plain silly. JMO

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I don't think that she's complaing about her friend being pregnant, it's more about the outcome BECAUSE she's pregnant. It's a possibility that pregnant BMs will end up cancelling for many reasons. They could be going through medical complications, or are too tired and can't be on their feet too long, or aren't allowed to fly to an event, or are actually having the baby & can't attend etc, etc.
On a selfish tip, it kind of alters one's mental picture of their wedding day.

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EXACTLY what I am trying to say. And this turning into me expecting people to plan their pregnancies around my wedding is absurd, b/c I would never expect that from anyone. I am not that girl, trust me.

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Posted by honest

Sorry. Our friends' preganancies, family planning, and timelines are always, without exception, infinitely more important than these parties (and make no mistake, they're just well choreographed parties) that we obsess over. The trick is realizing when it's time to stop obsessing and tune in to what's important (lives mapped out as our loved ones wish them to be, healthy babies, happy families) and what's not (5 girls in identical dresses on call). For most of us who plan to have kids once we're married, being a mom will be the most important role we play in life (more than, say, BM or MOH!), and as much as I hope that everyone can attend my wedding, it would hurt me immensely to think that someone would alter their ideal life plan for the sake of wearing a dress to my party. In my opinion, all pregnancies and ideal family planning timelines that fit into people's lives are infinitely more important than all wedding conviences, like being thin or having a life unoccupied by other things for a wedding day. To compare the two is laughable.

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I agree completely!!!!!