Advice please

COMMUNICATION!!

both of you really need to sit down and talk.

Does he have any friends out here?

If your only going out 3-4 times a month I don't see what the problem is then. I know you said your off during the day & you make sure your home when he gets home, so are you going out 3-4 times on the weekends?

It sounds like he might be feeling lonely and upset that his family moved away. Does he go out with his friends often? How often are you going out once a week?
I'd say if you were going out to bars and clubs once a week I could understand if he was upset about that. If your just hanging out with your friends getting lunch or watching a movie during the day then its a little different. If he has a problem with you doing these things when he is not even home ,to me that is controlling. I think you need to talk to him more about this, and figure out why this upsets him and if you can compromise somehow. Good luck.

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Posted by futuremrsskarren

No, on weekends we will go out together in a group. He does have a lottttt of friends but all he wants to do is hang out with me.

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If you guys go out together in a group then that means he's with you so there's shouldn't be a problem there. As long as you guys are spending some time just the 2 of you then I don't see the issue.


In all honesty I loooove hanging out with fh just the two of us but then I also enjoy hanging out with my family and fh.

Do you guys live together?

I agree with the girls. It could 1 of 2 ways. He's lonely sitting in your parents house while your out or he is trying to be controlling.


Once you guys have your own place he may not care. Fh and I rented an apt for 2 yrs in his parents house so it was in his home town & when he went out with his boys I couldn't wait to have the apt. all to myself.


I would definitely sit down & ask him if it's just that he doesn't want to stay home alone while your out.

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Posted by ndeokinanan

COMMUNICATION!!

both of you really need to sit down and talk.

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THIS!!!!!

communication is key during something like this!

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Posted by dunnkat

Is it awkward for him hanging out at your parents without you there? I think if it was me living at my in laws and my FH went out that much I'd feel a little funny about it too. He might feel different if you were in your own place, did he ever get upset when about it when he wasn't living at your parents?

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this! despite the fact that I am close with FILs and feel comfortable in their home, I would still feel slightly strange being there a lot without FH. you definitely should talk to him and get down to the really issue... and maybe work with him on scheduling certain nights where he goes out with his friends and those are the nights you spend with your friends.

hth

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Posted by pixietina

You two are really going to have to sit down and talk. It could be that he is really lonely and things will change when you live together, but you never know if he will just get worse.

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this

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Posted by KristynLeigh

If it was me, I wouldn't want to sit in FILs house without future husband there all night either. Maybe the thing to do would be to try and schedule girls and guys night out together so he is out doing something at the same time you are. You are definitely not wrong in any way wanting to go out with the girls sometimes but it is a weird situation. I totally see his side of it too.

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This, I think this is the problem. I would be miserable sitting in my in laws house without my fiance there, not because i don't like them but i think i would be uncomfortable there without him being with me. I think he is just clingy because if this. He probably feels weird when you're not there.

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Posted by futuremrsskarren

LAST NIGHT WAS A DISASTER!! Last night, I took some of your advice and invited a bunch of people over to have drinks and hang out. My best friend was sleeping over because she lives an hr away. I decided to go downstairs and sleep in the bed next to her not to leave her alone. He got soo mad at me and when I went upstairs, he said he couldnt understand why I would leave him. He said that we are getting married and its not right to have 'sleepovers'. He was like I am leaving, he had him bag in hand, but never left. I went back downstairs with my bf who now was like 'is he mad at me?' so embarrasing..

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It sounds like you and your DH might have different opinions about what it means to be 'appropriate' at this stage in your life. I think that perhaps you should have a chat about each of your unique expectations and how you can come together to compromise and make both of you happy.

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Posted by futuremrsskarren

LAST NIGHT WAS A DISASTER!! Last night, I took some of your advice and invited a bunch of people over to have drinks and hang out. My best friend was sleeping over because she lives an hr away. I decided to go downstairs and sleep in the bed next to her not to leave her alone. He got soo mad at me and when I went upstairs, he said he couldnt understand why I would leave him. He said that we are getting married and its not right to have 'sleepovers'. He was like I am leaving, he had him bag in hand, but never left. I went back downstairs with my bf who now was like 'is he mad at me?' so embarrasing..

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OKay, I read the entire thread and it kind of seems to me that FH has an 'Old school' mentality. My parents for example, have very strong opinions on what is appropriate for a 'young lady' and especially a married or soon to be married woman. They just grew up and come from a culture where women don't leave their men at home to sleep over thei gf's house, etc. Even if it's to do something so innocent as watching movies.

your Fh seems to feel this way and I don't think it's something that will change when you get married. Will you be okay with this when you are husband and wife? To me it just seems like he wants a 'traditional wife.' I wouldn't be okay with it but I also rarely spend nights away from DH.

can i ask why you chose to sleep next to your friend instead of DH? I find that a bit odd. If a friend was spending the night at our place, i would never think to sleep with her instead of DH. She's in adult KWIM?

DH would think that was odd too and probably feel that i was choosing my friend over him