Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)

Here is the background:

I don't really have a bridal party. My MOH got to choose her own dress, her own shoes, and I didn't even tell her what color to wear!

My bachelorette party was two weekends ago at Hershey Spa and she canceled the week before the party because she had CANCER and was undergoing surgery. Her story didn't add up but I went along with it and was willing to lose $600 for her share of the trip. She thought my party was 4th of July weekend, so her surgery was scheduled that weekend. When she found out that the party was the weekend after, her surgery was miraculously canceled and rescheduled for the weekend after.

I called her the day of the surgery and called her everyday thereafter and she told me details about this 'surgery.'

She called me this weekend and said 'it wasn't really surgery...it was a biopsy.' I kept calm even though I caught her in a lie.....she then told me she is going to the Dominican Republic next week with her boyfriend.........

She then proceeds to tell me that she was not going to come to rehearsal because she is taking her boyfriend away for his birthday and refuses to do so if it's not on his actual birthday. I said, that's totally ok, just that she cannot walk down the aisle b/c greek tradition is very different than jewish. Buttt, I was totally ok with it. Then, she was PISSED OFF and was screaming that she cannot take him away...'this is bs' etc. I just let her talk, was calm, and wanted to just have everything sink in.


Last night:
I sent her an email and told her that I re-arranged the wedding for her to take away her boyfriend and I will have the kids parents walk them down and that I just wish she is back before sunday for the wedding. Even ended the email with a smile and a kiss.

WAS I WRONG? WOULD YOU SPEAK TO SOMEONE IF SHE LIED SHE HAD CANCER TO MISS OUT ON WEDDING RELATED ACTIVITIES?

I really don't think I will speak to her after the wedding....even if she decides to come.....

I think you have been more than understanding with her- and for her to tell you that she had cancer when it was a biopsy- is terrible, beyond the fact that she lied, she probably scared the crap out of you- not fair at all.

I can understand her saying surgery vs biopsy because sometimes for cancer related biopys you are heavily medicated. But would she really lie about having cancer? if so that is disgusting. If not, you have to understand she is going through a tramatic time and I guess just try to be there for her. She still shouldn't be giving you the run around though...

editied to ask: was the biopsy on an already diagnosed cancerous lump or was it to see if a lump was cancerous?

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Posted by GinaZ

I can understand her saying surgery vs biopsy because sometimes for cancer related biopys you are heavily medicated. But would she really lie about having cancer? if so that is disgusting. If not, you have to understand she is going through a tramatic time and I guess just try to be there for her. She still shouldn't be giving you the run around though...

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I couldn't have put it better than Gina.

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Posted by GinaZ

I can understand her saying surgery vs biopsy because sometimes for cancer related biopys you are heavily medicated. But would she really lie about having cancer? if so that is disgusting. If not, you have to understand she is going through a tramatic time and I guess just try to be there for her. She still shouldn't be giving you the run around though...

editied to ask: was the biopsy on an already diagnosed cancerous lump or was it to see if a lump was cancerous?

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This is the exact sequence of events:

1st she told me she was diagnosed with cancer, and the surgery was to have the cancer removed b/c she was diagnosed with Stage 1 and she was lucky it could be removed.

2nd she told me that the surgery was canceled b/c the doctor's mother passed away and it was rescheduled for the following Thursday

3rd she told me that she had an MRI to see whether she had cancer this is when it started to get fishy (do you have it or not???)

4th she told me that the surgery was re-scheduled for the Saturday.

5th. That saturday she called to tell me that the surgery was 2 hours long and that she has a HUGE scar on her belly button.

6th. The following day she went along with the same story.

7th. This weekend she called and said 'I haven't spoken to you abou the surgery' I replied, 'of course you did, we spoke 3 days in a row about it.' She replied, 'oh well, it wasn't really surgery. It was just a biopsy.' (she must have forgotten her initial story)

sorry it's so long

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I think you have been more than understanding with her- and for her to tell you that she had cancer when it was a biopsy- is terrible, beyond the fact that she lied, she probably scared the crap out of you- not fair at all.

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thanks it's just so disappointing!

As a bride you have plenty to worry about. You should not have to watch over and delegate every step to those in your party.

I would have done the same thing, but with many foul words.

I hope you find a way to make peace with yourself and realize it's your wedding. Unfortunately, some people ( namely your MOH) are greedy, selfish and inconsiderate.

I hope you feel better with all this dead weight off your shoulders.

Definitely fishy. Have you seen her? Have you see the scar?

I dont get this party either?

Last night:
I sent her an email and told her that I re-arranged the wedding for her to take away her boyfriend and I will have the kids parents walk them down and that I just wish she is back before sunday for the wedding. Even ended the email with a smile and a kiss.

Is she coming to the wedding or not? Why is her stupid bf b-day more important than your wedding. Me and DH plan all our personal travels around weddings and such and would never be so selfish to do something like that!

How long have you known her?

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Posted by Jenn04

Definitely fishy. Have you seen her? Have you see the scar?

Is she coming to the wedding or not? Why is her stupid bf b-day more important than your wedding. Me and DH plan all our personal travels around weddings and such and would never be so selfish to do something like that!

How long have you known her?

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She lives in NJ and I wanted to go see her but she was at her b/f's house basically the entire weekend and week after the biopsy. So, she wasn't around for me to go see it...my plan was to go to the hospital and I kept on telling her I wanted to go see her in the hospital....but she kept on saying it was an outpatient procedure and kept changing the dates on me....

I've known her for 9 years and she is definitely a liar but it never affected me....and i never thought someone would lie about such a serious condition.

She told me she never opened the invitation b/c she was so distraught about her condition, so no rsvp! If she comes, she comes. I'm not paying for a plate though....i'm going to just add her if i see her at the cocktail hour or the church....

Recently, she lied that she was in a car accident for her other friend's engagement party. She ended up not showing up to the e-party. I guess that girl knew she lied and never called her again....then she had the audacity to be pissed off at the girl who didn't call her to find out how she was after the FAKE car accident!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by Kerin2804

after reading your first post and second seems she is telling story upon story. I sincerely hope she is alright. Stage 1 cancer is bad..my mom had it this year and still had to go through radiation. All the same one lie after another...she needs to grow up and be honest.

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i'm so sorry about your mom...i hope she is ok this girl told me that she did not have to undergo any radiation, no chemo, just follow-up.

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Posted by DiamondPipa

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Posted by Jenn04

Definitely fishy. Have you seen her? Have you see the scar?

Is she coming to the wedding or not? Why is her stupid bf b-day more important than your wedding. Me and DH plan all our personal travels around weddings and such and would never be so selfish to do something like that!

How long have you known her?

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She lives in NJ and I wanted to go see her but she was at her b/f's house basically the entire weekend and week after the biopsy. So, she wasn't around for me to go see it...my plan was to go to the hospital and I kept on telling her I wanted to go see her in the hospital....but she kept on saying it was an outpatient procedure and kept changing the dates on me....

I've known her for 9 years and she is definitely a liar but it never affected me....and i never thought someone would lie about such a serious condition.

She told me she never opened the invitation b/c she was so distraught about her condition, so no rsvp! If she comes, she comes. I'm not paying for a plate though....i'm going to just add her if i see her at the cocktail hour or the church....

Recently, she lied that she was in a car accident for her other friend's engagement party. She ended up not showing up to the e-party. I guess that girl knew she lied and never called her again....then she had the audacity to be pissed off at the girl who didn't call her to find out how she was after the FAKE car accident!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If this girl is lying she's really got issues. She sounds very childish and selfish. I'd drop her like a hot potato before she ruins your day!

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Posted by Mimacat

Biopsies ARE considered surgical procedures. If you've ever had one, you'd know that your priority would be finding out the results. Maybe preliminary blood tests indicate that she might have cancer and they're doing the biopsy to remove the growth, not merely to test it. If i were going through something like that my LAST priority would be my friends wedding and my first priority would be my own health. Cut the girl a break.

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i have biopsies almost every year.--i've always gone to work right after..i've even had one during a long lunch break. if i didn't think she was lying, believe me i could care less if she did anything. but, she is going to DR 2 wks after she said she just couldn't go to the bachelorette party and going to Florida the week of my wedding for her b/f's bday. those have nothign to do with the biopsy.

she sounds like a liar

i recently had a biopsy for a suspicious mole - my mom had melanoma (the worst type of skin cancer) and i have a history of atypical (abnormal) moles so as a precaution this particular mole was excised (usually they just do a shave biospy where they numb the skin and use a razor to just shave off the top layer of the skin to be sent for biopsy - ive had that type of procedure done like 10 times already on other moles) but anyway this biopsy was more invasive - a scalpel was used, the entire mole and surrounding tissue was cut out of my back and then it had to be stitched closed (5 stitches) - it ****** really bad and it still ***** - to make it even worse the wound actually ended up opening 2 days after my stitches were removed so i had to get re-cut and stitched closed again....im guessing that maybe she had some simialir procedure done and exaggerated? and jumped to the conclusion that she had cancer? maybe she wanted attention? and a way for you to not be mad at her for backing out of the party? maybe she lied completely? i dont know, to me it sounds like a lie, how big of a lie i am not sure, but its def fishy - especially since she kept having the procedure date changed to the date of the party


ets: the whole point of my story was meant to say that i had an actually cancer type screening procedure done, had stitches, and still would have been able to participate in wedding related activities -sorry i ended up going off on a tangent

im sorry that this happened to you!

I can tell that you already know she's a liar and whatnot - kick her asss out.

IF you keep her in the wedding party you will soon terminate your friendship. We're too old to be going through such HS crap, you know? After you're married - you really won't want to put up with that, even petty lies.

Do you really want to look back on your pics and be like - I can't believe she was my MOH. ESPECIALLY since you don't really have a wedding party. The MOH position is obviously pretty special.

If you have no other close friends - I would ask mom.