I don't really have a bridal party. My MOH got to choose her own dress, her own shoes, and I didn't even tell her what color to wear!
My bachelorette party was two weekends ago at Hershey Spa and she canceled the week before the party because she had CANCER and was undergoing surgery. Her story didn't add up but I went along with it and was willing to lose $600 for her share of the trip. She thought my party was 4th of July weekend, so her surgery was scheduled that weekend. When she found out that the party was the weekend after, her surgery was miraculously canceled and rescheduled for the weekend after.
I called her the day of the surgery and called her everyday thereafter and she told me details about this 'surgery.'
She called me this weekend and said 'it wasn't really surgery...it was a biopsy.' I kept calm even though I caught her in a lie.....she then told me she is going to the Dominican Republic next week with her boyfriend.........
She then proceeds to tell me that she was not going to come to rehearsal because she is taking her boyfriend away for his birthday and refuses to do so if it's not on his actual birthday. I said, that's totally ok, just that she cannot walk down the aisle b/c greek tradition is very different than jewish. Buttt, I was totally ok with it. Then, she was PISSED OFF and was screaming that she cannot take him away...'this is bs' etc. I just let her talk, was calm, and wanted to just have everything sink in.
Last night: I sent her an email and told her that I re-arranged the wedding for her to take away her boyfriend and I will have the kids parents walk them down and that I just wish she is back before sunday for the wedding. Even ended the email with a smile and a kiss.
WAS I WRONG? WOULD YOU SPEAK TO SOMEONE IF SHE LIED SHE HAD CANCER TO MISS OUT ON WEDDING RELATED ACTIVITIES?
I really don't think I will speak to her after the wedding....even if she decides to come.....
florezpeeps
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
what a flake..tell her off when you get a chance..aka after your hunnymoon!
Wifeynella
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
First I'd sit down with her and get th full story. A biopsy can be considered surgery so that's just splitting hairs in my opinion.
There has to a reason you asked her to be your MOH in the first place? Maybe try to figure out that reason but definitely talk to her.
Autumn08
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
This is a tough situation and since you are thinking of possibly not continuing the friendship after the wedding I think you definately need to sit down and talk with her. One on one. No intimidation, to get the story straight. To make sure she is ok, will attend and such. You did value the friendship enough to ask her and only her to be with you for this day in the BP. I hope everything works out with you.
FCsBride914
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
I don't think you're being a bridezilla AT ALL!! You have been very understanding with her.. I really won't even give her the time of day.. Honestly, its wrong for her to even consider to ask you to change around your arrangements for her to be there... That's just flat out rude!!! See, I would have screamed and yelled because I have NO patience when it comes to people being sooo selfish! I hope it all works out for you!!
SoonToBeMrsBrady
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Posted by wundmoretime
IMO, she sounds like a chronic liar and has to lie to cover her lies and I wouldn't trust her. I would distance yourself from her. You don't need a friend like that and you don't need the stress right now.
I second that!
Jenn04
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
I read the above response (but forgot to quote it). Anyway...I would not deal with this chick. She is very self centered and it is not worth your time. She was too distraught to open your invitation yet she can plan a vacation for her bf??? Give me break! Kick her out.
Call and say 'Sounds like you have a lot going on and its better off for both of us if you arent in my bridal party anymore'
Jenn04
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Posted by Jenn04
I read the above response (but forgot to quote it). Anyway...I would not deal with this chick. She is very self centered and it is not worth your time. She was too distraught to open your invitation yet she can plan a vacation for her bf??? Give me break! Kick her out.
Call and say 'Sounds like you have a lot going on and its better off for both of us if you arent in my bridal party anymore'
ETA - My friend wanted to fire her MOH bc she was TOO busy with law school and her internship and totally self absorbed and did not help plan anything (bachelorette or shower) and wouldnt return her phone calls. Then she was LATE to the bridal shower and all of us NYers were up since like 9am decorating and stuff. (Shower in MD) Anyway the list goes ON. So she talked to her and asked if she wanted to step down bc it didnt seem important to her. She decided not to step down and really ended up stepping it up. So have a talk and see how it goes.
GinaZ
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Posted by DiamondPipa
Posted by GinaZ
I can understand her saying surgery vs biopsy because sometimes for cancer related biopys you are heavily medicated. But would she really lie about having cancer? if so that is disgusting. If not, you have to understand she is going through a tramatic time and I guess just try to be there for her. She still shouldn't be giving you the run around though...
editied to ask: was the biopsy on an already diagnosed cancerous lump or was it to see if a lump was cancerous?
This is the exact sequence of events:
1st she told me she was diagnosed with cancer, and the surgery was to have the cancer removed b/c she was diagnosed with Stage 1 and she was lucky it could be removed.
2nd she told me that the surgery was canceled b/c the doctor's mother passed away and it was rescheduled for the following Thursday
3rd she told me that she had an MRI to see whether she had cancer this is when it started to get fishy (do you have it or not???)
4th she told me that the surgery was re-scheduled for the Saturday.
5th. That saturday she called to tell me that the surgery was 2 hours long and that she has a HUGE scar on her belly button.
6th. The following day she went along with the same story.
7th. This weekend she called and said 'I haven't spoken to you abou the surgery' I replied, 'of course you did, we spoke 3 days in a row about it.' She replied, 'oh well, it wasn't really surgery. It was just a biopsy.' (she must have forgotten her initial story)
sorry it's so long
Okay I can see why you think it is fishy. However, I am dealing with a family member now who was recently diagnosed with cancer and everyday its like a different story. They are not lying to me. But after every visit and phone call they are being told something different and changing appointments etc. its very upsetting and stressful. If she is infact telling the truth, then def try to be there for her. If she is lying, then do what you have to do.
SoonToBeMrsScott
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Nope your MOH you should be able to trust and depend on for anything once that trust is broken you should kick them to the curve you are better off on your own some people are just selfish and only think of themselves
soon2bmrsconnolly
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Posted by Mimacat
Biopsies ARE considered surgical procedures. If you've ever had one, you'd know that your priority would be finding out the results. Maybe preliminary blood tests indicate that she might have cancer and they're doing the biopsy to remove the growth, not merely to test it. If i were going through something like that my LAST priority would be my friends wedding and my first priority would be my own health. Cut the girl a break.
I completely agree.
Michelleypie
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
I'm not a medical expert by ANY means, but I'm just wondering if it's possible that she thought it MAY have been cancer, jumped to conclusions and later realized that she needed the biopsy to determine if it was cancer. I mean, I myself has misunderstood a medical diagnosis, especially if I'm nervous about the outcome, and I'm sure that's common in lots of people.
However, all of that aside, I would say beyond anything bridezilla, anyone who would be so dishonest in general that their close friend would suspect them lying about having such a severe medical condition has problems - whether she is in a wedding or not.
I don't know if this would all lead me to kick a MOH out of the bp though. I mean, as friends, I would think you'd want to give it a chance to communicate your concerns and offer an opportunity for her to lay out the real problem, which is either A - she's really sick, in which case, as an understanding friend, I would see past the inconveniences, or B - she's got such difficulty communicating honestly with you that she'd fabricate something that serious, which is a problem above and beyond your wedding - it's a problem in her communication skills and ability to maintain a solid friendship, and that ought to be resolved outside of the wedding context. Once you use your wedding as a penalty for resolving a relational conflict, you're making the wedding itself the causal factor, when it's really your discomfort with her actions that's the problem.
Snowflake08
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
IMO, you would have to have been pretty close to have chosen her or asked her to be your MOH, therefore, have you had a 'heart to heart' and not just me, me me, my wedding, my wedding?
You said you dont have a bridal party which means that this girl was your pick out of all the girls/women that you know
Is it really that easy to just bid them farewell??
ace730
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
Posted by DiamondPipa
Posted by GinaZ
I can understand her saying surgery vs biopsy because sometimes for cancer related biopys you are heavily medicated. But would she really lie about having cancer? if so that is disgusting. If not, you have to understand she is going through a tramatic time and I guess just try to be there for her. She still shouldn't be giving you the run around though...
editied to ask: was the biopsy on an already diagnosed cancerous lump or was it to see if a lump was cancerous?
This is the exact sequence of events:
1st she told me she was diagnosed with cancer, and the surgery was to have the cancer removed b/c she was diagnosed with Stage 1 and she was lucky it could be removed.
2nd she told me that the surgery was canceled b/c the doctor's mother passed away and it was rescheduled for the following Thursday
3rd she told me that she had an MRI to see whether she had cancer this is when it started to get fishy (do you have it or not???)
4th she told me that the surgery was re-scheduled for the Saturday.
5th. That saturday she called to tell me that the surgery was 2 hours long and that she has a HUGE scar on her belly button.
6th. The following day she went along with the same story.
7th. This weekend she called and said 'I haven't spoken to you abou the surgery' I replied, 'of course you did, we spoke 3 days in a row about it.' She replied, 'oh well, it wasn't really surgery. It was just a biopsy.' (she must have forgotten her initial story)
sorry it's so long
WOW! That is all I can really say to that. Her story does sound a little fishy. As to your question of whether or not you are a bridezilla for firing her, then no. It is your wedding day and it is a bit ridiculous for her to expect you to keep rescheduling things to accomodate her.
Newsysuzy12
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
I think it sounds fishy....every so often I have come across a person who lies about having cancer...it's a sad and disturbing way to get attention. I think this is the case with this girl. Please move away from her if she does not seek help.
DiamondPipa
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
thank you all for all your responses! i really needed to vent today b/c it was very upsetting!
bluegreen08
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Re: Am I a Bridezilla for Firing MOH????? (with poll)
there was clearly a lot of other stuff leading up to this, but I asked a BM to step down -- the final straw was when I caught her in a lie about why she couldn't come to my bach party
she told my sis she couldnt come to either possible date because she had her bro's HS grad party, and she'd be in spain. turns out they were both different weekends, and she was really going to another bach party the same night as mine. when I confronted her she said a bunch of horrible things, and I asked her to step down.
It's harder when it's your MOH, but do what you feel you need to do. You dont want to let this person make you feel miserable, and you don't want to look at all of your wedding pictures with regret. I'm very sad that things went sour with my friend but I'm also very relieved to have closure.
