Am I being a Bridezilla???

thanks again denise
i hate to keep perpetuating this but i was personally offended by some of the comments

FH is catholic and his father is more than happy to stand up there BESIDE us

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Posted by Snowflake08
'HELL NO IM NOT EATING THAT WAFER!'

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Laura. You're too much.

I think YOU are weird.

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Posted by Snowflake08

i couldnt care less what it 'looks' like
what i am saying is that the way many people are phrasing their opinions is RUDE AND INSENSITIVE PERIOD

saying something is 'weird' just because youve never seen it before is not a 'nice' way of putting it
im SO not surprised you havent seen it

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Well said, I think alot of this is ignorance, and lack of knowledge combined. In the Jewish tradition the grooms parents walk him down the aisle. I'm sure people will find that 'weird' too.

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by Snowflake08
'HELL NO IM NOT EATING THAT WAFER!'

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Laura. You're too much.

I think YOU are weird.

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LOl that I dont mind Jen

Here is my take on it. (for whatever its worth- haha) I had the exact same situation as you and only wanted FH and I up there (so did he), but after his Mom's reaction to us saying no, it kinda made me think.. i really dont want them to miss out on something they feel so strongly about and have been looking forward to since their son was born, ya know.

There are A LOT of Jewish wedding traditions and i didnt want what little Christian traditions of mine to be lost so I am just incorporating more of mine in with his. (unity candle, readings, my dad is still walking me down, not both parents etc.)

FH felt like it was odd for him to be walked down by his parents b/c hes a grown man, but that is also their tradition so he is letting them do it.

Although its your ceremony, its sorta a give and take. In the Jewish tradition the ceremony is very family oriented. Something about the Chuppah representing the home and family, etc. (sorry not clear on the details)

Def. talk to them and see where they stand on it. It seems like they were insistant on it and may not budge though. GL

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Posted by Snowflake08

thanks again denise
i hate to keep perpetuating this but i was personally offended by some of the comments

FH is catholic and his father is more than happy to stand up there BESIDE us

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laura i agree with everythign you said and couldnt have said it better....

it is tradation, it may be what they want to do as tradition adn wont budge no matter what you or lee may think....

nicole i think you may need to reevaluate everything that may or may not be happening during the ceremony and see WHY it may be done and not WHAT is being done.... sometimes you cant change someones religious tradition.

JMO

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Snowflake08

yes, denise, i agree and thank you
and besides that, when you say something is 'well, thats just weird' or 'sit their assses down' it is disrespectful to those of that faith to whom this is the norm

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i understand completely...I am christian orthodox and many people don't know alot about the religion so i always hear comments like that. It does bother me many times because its like 'why is it weird' bc its not what you do? do i say your traditions are weird or stupid? i never do. Its like if my culture and traditions are weird then that makes me weird. Most though just do it without realizing though so thats why i wont get mad sometimes

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I completely agree with both of you. It's just hard because everything is so Christian-centered that anything else is considered 'weird' by a lot of people because it's not their way of doing it. That's why in my post I clarified that this actually is a real, important traditional part of a Jewish wedding (and not something his parents just made up to be overbearing) in case she didn't know.

I too was offended by some of the comments people made but I'm trying not to take it personally -- a lot of people are just ignorant about other religions and their traditions. Maybe this will open their minds a little bit

Again, as to the OP -- talk to your FH. See how he feels and then go from there

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Posted by angl2001

i wouldnt want them up there...that you the bride and grooms time not theirs!

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yes heather but it is not a matter of whose time it is
it is tradition and how it is done in the jewish faith

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Posted by Randilotus

Really is that some type of tradition, I have never heard of the parents standing? I don't think you are wrong to feel this way!

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It is actually a Jewish tradition. Both of the brides parents walk her down the aisle and both sets fo parents stand at the alter. Usually of to the side by the bridal party.

believe me, my mother is not trying to steal my spotlight by standing up there with me
there will be no mistake about who the bride is
but yes, this is a strong tradition and im sure someting that jewish parents look forward to when their children are growing up
it is an honor to stand under the chuppah

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

Here is my take on it. (for whatever its worth- haha) I had the exact same situation as you and only wanted FH and I up there (so did he), but after his Mom's reaction to us saying no, it kinda made me think.. i really dont want them to miss out on something they feel so strongly about and have been looking forward to since their son was born, ya know.

There are A LOT of Jewish wedding traditions and i didnt want what little Christian traditions of mine to be lost so I am just incorporating more of mine in with his. (unity candle, readings, my dad is still walking me down, not both parents etc.)

FH felt like it was odd for him to be walked down by his parents b/c hes a grown man, but that is also their tradition so he is letting them do it.

Although its your ceremony, its sorta a give and take. In the Jewish tradition the ceremony is very family oriented. Something about the Chuppah representing the home and family, etc. (sorry not clear on the details)

Def. talk to them and see where they stand on it. It seems like they were insistant on it and may not budge though. GL

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very well put!!!

i think this is a case of 'choosing your battles' -- cause really.....please see it from your IL's point of view. they have always wanted to see their son get married....and in THEIR tradition...the parents stand there when the child is married. i don't think its weird.....or anything like that. if you really take a few steps back---think of it as an honor....they want to BLESS your union and represent how the family is standing BESIDE their son on the day that you are about to enter their family. just think of how many people out there can't even get their FMILs & FFILs to even be in favor of a wedding....let alone wanna stand there.

i think its a sweet tradition for them to want to follow---and you can have your parents up there as well. to perhaps make it more appropriate--you could have them stand to the side with the BP vs. being right there by the two of you. make it a happy compromise and let them stand there with you that day.

remember---there are worse things that they could ask of you....and really you will barely notice them, because you will be standing there staring into your FH's eyes happy as can be. i would honor this tradition for them.

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Posted by alissa5517

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Posted by Randilotus

Really is that some type of tradition, I have never heard of the parents standing? I don't think you are wrong to feel this way!

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It is actually a Jewish tradition. Both of the brides parents walk her down the aisle and both sets fo parents stand at the alter. Usually of to the side by the bridal party.

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ITS FUNNY bc nobody has a problem with the MOH and BM to stand to the side of the bride and groom but why the parents? i am just curious...i am no matter what NONE of us will be up there alone

I've seen this done before at Jewish weddings. My parents had an interfaith wedding and I believe they participated in this part of Jewish tradition.

If you feel that strongly about FILs not standing up there, than that's something you shouldn't back down on. Maybe there is another Jewish tradition that you can use during your ceremony. Basically though Nicole, you have to choose your battles... like I said, if it's that important to you, than don't back down.

good point denise
i guess its because people CHOOSE their BP and we dont get to pick our parents LOL

however, that being said, my sister in my matron of honor, our best man is FH's older brother and they will be standing WITH our parents

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Posted by Snowflake08

believe me, my mother is not trying to steal my spotlight by standing up there with me
there will be no mistake about who the bride is
but yes, this is a strong tradition and im sure someting that jewish parents look forward to when their children are growing up
it is an honor to stand under the chuppah

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Yeah, Laura... doesn't the tradition include the parents 'holding up' the chuppah as well?

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

Here is my take on it. (for whatever its worth- haha) I had the exact same situation as you and only wanted FH and I up there (so did he), but after his Mom's reaction to us saying no, it kinda made me think.. i really dont want them to miss out on something they feel so strongly about and have been looking forward to since their son was born, ya know.

There are A LOT of Jewish wedding traditions and i didnt want what little Christian traditions of mine to be lost so I am just incorporating more of mine in with his. (unity candle, readings, my dad is still walking me down, not both parents etc.)

FH felt like it was odd for him to be walked down by his parents b/c hes a grown man, but that is also their tradition so he is letting them do it.

Although its your ceremony, its sorta a give and take. In the Jewish tradition the ceremony is very family oriented. Something about the Chuppah representing the home and family, etc. (sorry not clear on the details)

Def. talk to them and see where they stand on it. It seems like they were insistant on it and may not budge though. GL

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very well put!!!

i think this is a case of 'choosing your battles' -- cause really.....please see it from your IL's point of view. they have always wanted to see their son get married....and in THEIR tradition...the parents stand there when the child is married. i don't think its weird.....or anything like that. if you really take a few steps back---think of it as an honor....they want to BLESS your union and represent how the family is standing BESIDE their son on the day that you are about to enter their family. just think of how many people out there can't even get their FMILs & FFILs to even be in favor of a wedding....let alone wanna stand there.

i think its a sweet tradition for them to want to follow---and you can have your parents up there as well. to perhaps make it more appropriate--you could have them stand to the side with the BP vs. being right there by the two of you. make it a happy compromise and let them stand there with you that day.

remember---there are worse things that they could ask of you....and really you will barely notice them, because you will be standing there staring into your FH's eyes happy as can be. i would honor this tradition for them.

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its true, its kind of like the father always looking forward to walking his daughter down the aisle ever since she is a little girl. Even daughters always picture this moment...imagine if you were told NO you cant walk down the aisle with your father...it would be weird and expect people to respect you for your wishes.

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Posted by AMGBride2008

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Posted by Snowflake08

believe me, my mother is not trying to steal my spotlight by standing up there with me
there will be no mistake about who the bride is
but yes, this is a strong tradition and im sure someting that jewish parents look forward to when their children are growing up
it is an honor to stand under the chuppah

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Yeah, Laura... doesn't the tradition include the parents 'holding up' the chuppah as well?

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that is only in VERY religious ceremonies where the chuppah is a piece of cloth and some sticks or poles