Am I being a Bridezilla???

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Posted by Espo22
its true, its kind of like the father always looking forward to walking his daughter down the aisle ever since she is a little girl. Even daughters always picture this moment...imagine if you were told NO you cant walk down the aisle with your father...it would be weird and expect people to respect you for your wishes.

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ooo---good point denise! i totally forgot to mention it...we'd probably all flip out if we were told that just walking down the aisle with our dads was 'weird' cause Jewish tradition is both parents.

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I've seen this done before at Jewish weddings. My parents had an interfaith wedding and I believe they participated in this part of Jewish tradition.

If you feel that strongly about FILs not standing up there, than that's something you shouldn't back down on. Maybe there is another Jewish tradition that you can use during your ceremony. Basically though Nicole, you have to choose your battles... like I said, if it's that important to you, than don't back down.

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i understand what you are saying kim, however, this is seen as the BIGGEST insult imaginable

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Posted by Snowflake08

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I've seen this done before at Jewish weddings. My parents had an interfaith wedding and I believe they participated in this part of Jewish tradition.

If you feel that strongly about FILs not standing up there, than that's something you shouldn't back down on. Maybe there is another Jewish tradition that you can use during your ceremony. Basically though Nicole, you have to choose your battles... like I said, if it's that important to you, than don't back down.

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i understand what you are saying kim, however, this is seen as the BIGGEST insult imaginable

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Yeah, that's why I'm saying choose your battles... I mean if Nicole feels that strongly about her FILs not standing up there, than so be it.. she'll just have to suffer the consequences, KWIM?

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Posted by Snowflake08

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I've seen this done before at Jewish weddings. My parents had an interfaith wedding and I believe they participated in this part of Jewish tradition.

If you feel that strongly about FILs not standing up there, than that's something you shouldn't back down on. Maybe there is another Jewish tradition that you can use during your ceremony. Basically though Nicole, you have to choose your battles... like I said, if it's that important to you, than don't back down.

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i understand what you are saying kim, however, this is seen as the BIGGEST insult imaginable

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yeah i agree. i don't think the OP is 100% understanding how big a deal this probably is to the FIL's. it will basically be a slap in the face to them....because they are being told they can't stand there like they've always dreamed of.

pleae OP--remember--....if you do something to upset your MIL & FIL that insults them, they might resent you for years to come....they aren't trying to steal your thunder or anything, they just want to have a tradition...thats all.

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

Here is my take on it. (for whatever its worth- haha) I had the exact same situation as you and only wanted FH and I up there (so did he), but after his Mom's reaction to us saying no, it kinda made me think.. i really dont want them to miss out on something they feel so strongly about and have been looking forward to since their son was born, ya know.

There are A LOT of Jewish wedding traditions and i didnt want what little Christian traditions of mine to be lost so I am just incorporating more of mine in with his. (unity candle, readings, my dad is still walking me down, not both parents etc.)

FH felt like it was odd for him to be walked down by his parents b/c hes a grown man, but that is also their tradition so he is letting them do it.

Although its your ceremony, its sorta a give and take. In the Jewish tradition the ceremony is very family oriented. Something about the Chuppah representing the home and family, etc. (sorry not clear on the details)

Def. talk to them and see where they stand on it. It seems like they were insistant on it and may not budge though. GL

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very well put!!!

i think this is a case of 'choosing your battles' -- cause really.....please see it from your IL's point of view. they have always wanted to see their son get married....and in THEIR tradition...the parents stand there when the child is married. i don't think its weird.....or anything like that. if you really take a few steps back---think of it as an honor....they want to BLESS your union and represent how the family is standing BESIDE their son on the day that you are about to enter their family. just think of how many people out there can't even get their FMILs & FFILs to even be in favor of a wedding....let alone wanna stand there.

i think its a sweet tradition for them to want to follow---and you can have your parents up there as well. to perhaps make it more appropriate--you could have them stand to the side with the BP vs. being right there by the two of you. make it a happy compromise and let them stand there with you that day.

remember---there are worse things that they could ask of you....and really you will barely notice them, because you will be standing there staring into your FH's eyes happy as can be. i would honor this tradition for them.

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To clarify, they don't stand right next to you, hold your hand, or anything like that. I'll look for a picture but basically they stand at the edges of the chuppah.

Here's one random pic I found:

The rabbi faces the bride and groom, just like in any other wedding (I'd assume). They stand under the Chuppah (marriage canopy). The brides parents stand to one side (usually just outside of the chuppah covering) probably the ones I circled in BLUE, because they are on the bride's side. The grooms parents stand on the other side, and I circled them in YELLOW.

Then the bridal party stands on the sides (BM/MOH in PINK, and Best Man/GMs in PURPLE).

They might seem a little close since this is a small chuppah, but I also included a second picture with a slightly bigger chuppah, where the parents stood underneath, and then another one where the parents stood just outside.

Would you feel more comfortable if they stood just outside of the Chuppah?

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Posted by AMGBride2008

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Posted by Snowflake08

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I've seen this done before at Jewish weddings. My parents had an interfaith wedding and I believe they participated in this part of Jewish tradition.

If you feel that strongly about FILs not standing up there, than that's something you shouldn't back down on. Maybe there is another Jewish tradition that you can use during your ceremony. Basically though Nicole, you have to choose your battles... like I said, if it's that important to you, than don't back down.

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i understand what you are saying kim, however, this is seen as the BIGGEST insult imaginable

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Yeah, that's why I'm saying choose your battles... I mean if Nicole feels that strongly about her FILs not standing up there, than so be it.. she'll just have to suffer the consequences, KWIM?

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i agree if she feels that strongly but i feel that if she feels that strongly then dont agree to doing a ceremony where the jewish traditions are involved. Its not towards nicole now but ALOT of ppl i see agree to do a ceremony of a different religion without knowing anything about it, and then after say OH NO but i dont want that, i am gonna ask if we can't do it or i am going to ask if we can do this instead. Its like NO this is what you agreed to, dont disrespect the religion and the families customs. I mean for a person to come into a church for example of a different persons religion and want to change something that is not custom, how are they going to do that in front of all the guests of that religion. People are going to sit there like why are you coming into our house of worship and not doing what is our way of doing it.

In orthodox religion no vows are exchanged...now i agreed to get married in a catholic church, if i posted on here that in my religion we are married by god not that we marry eachother and i dont want to exchange vows, i think people would be like 'What is wrong with you? you can't do that' and probably wonder why i am getting married in a catholic church then

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Posted by Snowflake08

well, its nicoles decision but i guess we did let her know how big of a deal this is and if they are paying for the wedding and / or contributing towards it; i certainly would grant them this wish

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yeah nicole when you read this, dont take it as being against you. I can tell from your OP that you think his parents just feel like standing up there with you and don't realize that this is a big part of the jewish tradition.

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Posted by WinterBride08

You're not being a bridezilla, I wouldn't like that either....it takes away from the intimacy of it in my opinion..

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its not intimate, i mentioned in the thread before but the MOH and BM are up there already

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Posted by WinterBride08

You're not being a bridezilla, I wouldn't like that either....it takes away from the intimacy of it in my opinion..

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not if this is what you and your family are used to and are brought up with this being standard practice

I just wanted to say that I think you might have to let your future inlaws win on this one... it's obviously a very important tradition, IMO from the pictures it's very beautiful!

Maybe you could have your parents stand up there with you as well if you're worried about just having his parents there. Don't get offended by me saying this, but the ceremony is about bringing you and your FH together... and that means bringing your families and traditions together as well. You shouldn't really worry about feeling uncomfortable with one of his families traditions, especially if you agreed to the interfaith ceremony.

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

Takes away from the intimacy? What are you talking about? People really need to look beyond their immediate bubbles that they live in!

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i am gonna say it for the 5th time probably in this thread but i dont get the intimacy part either because even catholics dont stand at the altar alone so that intimacy is never there. Catholics have their MOH and BM and ive seen the whole bp even up there. Nobody has ever had a problem with those ppl standing at the altar with them.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

Takes away from the intimacy? What are you talking about? People really need to look beyond their immediate bubbles that they live in!

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i am gonna say it for the 5th time probably in this thread but i dont get the intimacy part either because even catholics dont stand at the altar alone so that intimacy is never there. Catholics have their MOH and BM and ive seen the whole bp even up there. Nobody has ever had a problem with those ppl standing at the altar with them.

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yeah i also don't get this at all. we had a spiritual ceremony at our RH---and our entire BP was standing to the side of us during our ceremony.....not sure why THAT is okay and parents aren't?

um they gave BIRTH to us....so yeah i don't see it being odd at all....if your ILs didn't have your FH -- well then you wouldn't be marrying him!

im trying to find the meaning- all i found is this

Chuppah (chupah) The chuppah is a canopy, usually a decorated piece of cloth, that symbolizes the home the bride and groom will build together. The chuppah is open on all sides, also symbolizing that friends and family are always welcome in the newlywed’s home.

of topic..but i gotta say I LOVE the flowers in this pic


but hey- how did the video guy get a seat in the chuppah

Im pretty sure HE is NOT supposed to be there

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

Takes away from the intimacy? What are you talking about? People really need to look beyond their immediate bubbles that they live in!

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i am gonna say it for the 5th time probably in this thread but i dont get the intimacy part either because even catholics dont stand at the altar alone so that intimacy is never there. Catholics have their MOH and BM and ive seen the whole bp even up there. Nobody has ever had a problem with those ppl standing at the altar with them.

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yeah i also don't get this at all. we had a spiritual ceremony at our RH---and our entire BP was standing to the side of us during our ceremony.....not sure why THAT is okay and parents aren't?

um they gave BIRTH to us....so yeah i don't see it being odd at all....if your ILs didn't have your FH -- well then you wouldn't be marrying him!

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maybe its like laura said, we picked our bp we didnt pick our parents

i guess the issue at hand is that most people fail understand the cultural aspect of it.. in my culture, the parents are treated with the utmost respect and honor and the family is considered to be sacred.. and each person, dad, mom, bro, sis all have an equal and important role when someone gets married.. it's truly a family affair..

but that might not be that mentality people were raised with.. and it's not that the person is bad.. it's just the norm to them.. they're paying for the wedding and feels that it's their wedding and nothing else matters except themselves and their significant other.. i for one believe that in any marriage, interfaith or otherwise, leave the traditions to the parents.. make them happy and it will come back to you ten fold..