I will preface this with I know I'm not a bridezilla, because I feel terrible, and I don't think real bridezillas do. But am I being one in this case?
My family is stressing me out. They live in Florida (my step-mom, 2 sisters and a brother). My little brother (he's 22) emailed me a few weeks ago that he wants to go to Wildwood NJ with some friends around 4th of July, would it be cool if he stayed with me for a few days before and after (ie, can I pick him up at the airport, lol). I was like, omg YES that would be great! So a few emails back and forth I was like, btw I can't take any time off of work because all of my vacation time is saved for October (THE WEDDING!). He said, oh that's a bummer I was hoping we could spend time together in case we can't make it up for the wedding.
One of my sisters has some legit health problems and might not be able to make it. While I'm bummed about that, I completely understand.
Talking to my step-mom yesterday I asked her if she could find something blue of my dads to either sew into my dress or wrap around my bouquet as my 'something blue' and a few texts back and forth, she says, I still don't know how I'm getting up there for the wedding. I was like, uummm no. She did say, I'll figure something out.
Later in the day yesterday my other sister texted me about something bridal shower related and I said, actually while we're on the subject of the wedding, do me a favor and take Michele (my step-mom, her mom) dress shopping, I want her to really feel mother of the bride-y, I'll pay for it. And once again I hear, well she doesn't even know if she'll be able to make it.
WHAT?!?! Why does my family seem to think that coming to my wedding is optional?!?!? To give some context, I was raised by my dad and step-mom, she's more a mom to me than my real mom. And with my dad gone, she's the closest link I have to him. Not to mention, we've been engaged for a year now, we set the date more than a year in advance, it's not like, SURPRISE we're getting married in 4 months.
I texted my BFF (MOH) to vent about it and she told me about a convo she had with my step-mom about the same thing and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke down crying (I DON'T cry. ever.)
Am I wrong for being so upset about it? My BFF was like, don't even worry about it even if I have to pay for her plane ticket, she WILL be there. Like, my one sister with her health, ok. My brother, poor college kid, ok I get it. But you're the mother of the bride, you HAVE to be there!! I know that money is tight, which is why I feel terrible for being so upset about this, but come on!
marvandmaya
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
I don't think you are being a bridezilla. Your feelings are hurt. That's understandable. Deep breath and try to figure out options. Can you help with flights and hotel for your step mom? Maybe she can wear a dress she already has instead of you buying that. Is she uncomfortable in role as 'mother' of the bride? I think you should have a conversation with her and see what you can work out. She may have underlying reasons you are unaware of. Good luck!
Kimberley2015
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
I just want to give you the biggest hug! Ssssssssqqqqqquuuuuuueeeeeeeeeezzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Under no circumstance are you being a bridezilla and you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. Like you said, she has been more of a mom to you than your real mom and that last link you have of your father. Personally, and please don't take this the wrong way - you guys need to pick up the phone!!! No more texting because a lot of times texts can be interpretted wrong - although when reading a text saying, 'I'm not sure if I will be able to make it to your wedding' kinda hard to not interpret that. I think you need to have a convo with your mom and express to her how you feel. How much it would mean to you for her to be there on your special day and most importantly how much she means to you. You don't know she may be going through her own emotional rollarcoaster and seeing you again she may remember your father. That's why I think it would be best to talk it out than text it out. Please keep us posted and it's ok you feeling the way you do and certainly ok to cry.
Vilardi82
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Def not a bridezilla at all they are your family of course they are the people that you want there most on your special day. Even if money is tight, a flight from Florida isn't ridiculously expensive usually you can get a good deal if u keep an eye on the flights. Maybe tell her how much you want her there especially without your father now. Even say don't bring a gift I just want you to be there ...that is my gift. I really hope they wind up making it. And it they don't you will still be surrounded by people that love you.
bridejackson22
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Definitely not a bridezilla! That is your family they are the people that should be there the day you get married. I have family coming in from all over they are all making it work. I think you should tell them how you are feeling, if anything at least you are getting it off your chest and making it known to them.
Sarahg9
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
I don't think your being a bridezilla at all! Its a sad situation to be in but like some of the other girls said maybe you can try to talk to her about it. I understand how money can be really tight at times but there's ways to figure things out. Does anyone in your family or close friends have any credit card rewards that you can use for airline tickets or anyone with frequent flier points? I think that would work out great especially if you don't have to worry about paying for it. I've also seen things on pinterest with a certain day of the week being the best to buy airline tickets to get the best deal. I'm sure it will all work out!
coffeeisgreen
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Re: Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Aww!! No you are not being a bridezilla at all. I understand 100% how you feel. I am going through something similar with someone else. It feels good to let it out and cry. Will be thinking of you and hoping she makes it for the wedding. She will absolutely regret it for the rest of her life if she doesn't come. Hopefully she realizes that.
Alimm729
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Re: Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Thanks, girls! I feel better that I'm not overreacting or being unreasonable. And you're totally right, she'll regret it if she doesn't come, I'll make sure I bring that up when I talk to her, lol. Since my little bro is flying in today (weather permitting!) I'll be talking to her tonight I'm sure.
Thanks again!!
haw4
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Member since
Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
You have every right to feel the way you feel. It's your special day and you want people there who are special to you. For such an important event, I would talk to your step mom and explain to her the importance of her being there and I'm sure together you will be able to find a way toget her to your wedding, even if she has to take amtrak the entire way.
Although everyone of us will probably have one bridezilla moment as we plan our wedding this is definitely not yours. I really feel for you because you should not be going through this. Your stepmom should be there for you and like someone said the plane ticket can be the money she would have given you as a gift if she lived locally. I would probably ask her: if money was not an option would you be at my wedding? This way you can try and find out her reason for thinking about not being there..
msj288
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Def not bridezilla at all! DOn't feel bad one bit! Its a natural thing to want those closest to you to be at the wedding. I also agree with the girls here to let her know how important it is for her to be there, and maybe even get your bff to do it for you. That way she knows how important it is hearing it from someone else, and that its not at all a selfish request for you to want her to be there. Sometimes it takes hearing it from another perspective outside the family. Let us know how it goes, and I hope all goes well for you!
QueensNYC
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Totally not reacting like a bridezilla...and my FH agrees. I echo the sentiment expressed by the other ladies. Have a talk with your stepmom to let her know your feelings,but take the time out to hear her concerns. I'm sure something can be worked out. Best of luck!
cconaty94
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Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
No. Absolutely not wrong. My FH is feeling the pain right now. Our wedding is in 10 days. His extended family has been horrible about this whole thing. A- we hardly received RSVPs. B- Most of the RSVPs we got were no's C- many who said yes, are now cancelling. He feels like no one wants to come to his wedding and he is embarrassed and feels guilty. His grandmother is very sick and is unable to come, which devastated him, but to have all of these family members opting out on top of that, he feels like crap.
Your step-mom better get her butt there. That is all i can say. I would have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how upset you are at the prospect of her not being there. Tell her you would rather pay for her to be there than have anything else at the wedding. Let her know your day won't be your day without her. Maybe she feels awkward? Maybe it really is financial? Whatever the reason, it doesn't hold a candle to you being happy.
Alimm729
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Re: Am I being a Bridezilla? (kinda long, sorry!)
Posted by cconaty94
No. Absolutely not wrong. My FH is feeling the pain right now. Our wedding is in 10 days. His extended family has been horrible about this whole thing. A- we hardly received RSVPs. B- Most of the RSVPs we got were no's C- many who said yes, are now cancelling. He feels like no one wants to come to his wedding and he is embarrassed and feels guilty. His grandmother is very sick and is unable to come, which devastated him, but to have all of these family members opting out on top of that, he feels like crap.
Your step-mom better get her butt there. That is all i can say. I would have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how upset you are at the prospect of her not being there. Tell her you would rather pay for her to be there than have anything else at the wedding. Let her know your day won't be your day without her. Maybe she feels awkward? Maybe it really is financial? Whatever the reason, it doesn't hold a candle to you being happy.
Omg, your poor FH. It's terrible that they didn't RSVP in the first place, but to say yes, then cancel. I can't imagine. Love to both of you!!
And thank you all again so much. My MOH did tell her, no no no you're GOING to be there. But I am going to have an honest talk with her about it. I really do think it's just financial, she's taking care of my sister (who also has a 4 year old) and I think really the point is, if you still have to figure it out and you really do think you'll find a way there, don't TELL me about it! I don't have enough stress planning a wedding? lol.
