Here's the situation. FILs told FH that they were giving us a set amount for the wedding and we could use it towards whatever we needed. Well we have basically spent that money (in theory) and in the mean time we have used our own money to put down the deposits. Now it's coming time for second deposits and we need the money from FH parents. FH went to talk to them yesterday and they said that they will give us half now and half at the wedding, because they want to feel like they're giving us a gift. Now that leaves us coming up with the missing money, which needless to say, we don't have. I'm pretty annoyed right now that they're not giving us the money they said they would and they're really screwing us in the process. Now FH and I are arguing and I don't think I did anything wrong. Am I just being a jerk about this?
And on a sidenote of this, part of the money they're supposed to be giving us is also supposed to be used towards the RD. They aren't planning it and aren't even going to be paying for it until after the fact. I thought we could save money by having something more casual, like a pizza party, but they want it in a restaurant. I feel like if that's what they want, than they should be the ones planning it, not me!
kazee525
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
i am having a similar situation...so in the mean time, my parents are lending me the money my FIL's are going to give me, and then when they do give the money, i'll just give it to my parents. it is tough but i am just happy they are giving us money at all.
tracyg
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
if you're a jerk then so am i.
FIL's promised us money too, and we haven't gotten it yet. They are paying for half the rehearsal dinner, so if thats what they are spending the money on... fine. But FH said that they mentioned to him AGAIN that they have money to give us. Well what are you waiting for... we are paying for the rest of our stuff now... we sorta need it. Especially since we haven't gotten FH's refund yet!!
in the meantime i took it OUT of our budget because i'm not holding my breath for it anymore.
ETA- i was in no way EXPECTING that money... or demanding they give it. But when you promise someone something, live up to it, or say you can't do it. Thats fine. I just hate NOT KNOWING if its coming or not. SO i im just not expecting it at this point. and if we get it, then thats very nice of them.
divabride
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
As far as the RD, I would just plan it as you intended it to, and if FIL's dont like it, then ask them where EXACTLY they would like it. Just say 'I was looking forward to having it at so-and-so's, but if you have something else in mind, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could help me plan it.' I hope this works out for you. I think they are being unreasonable, IMO.
WinterBride2005
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
I wouldn't say you are being a jerk. But, I am understanding both sides. If you were totally depending on that money and there is no other way around it, then I would let his parent's know. Maybe, they will understand and give all the money at once. We were in a similar situation. When we got engaged, FH parent's gave him 5k to clear up some debt. Instead, they give him half of it for his debt and then the other half was our engagement gift. I wasn't upset at all. Either way, it was going to his debt. I was very appreciative of them being so generous. At the same time, we were not depending on that money for anything.
nferrandi
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
My parents are willing to lend us the money in the mean time, but I feel kind of bad taking it. My parents are spending a significant amount more than FIL and bsaically paying for our honeymoon. FH and I have already spent a decent amount of our own money. In fact, we're out of wedding money for the moment, but we're obviously still saving. I guess it will all work out in the end, but I'm really frustrated at the moment and FH isn't really being understanding. I guess I just needed to vent and get some support from you girls. Thanks!
butterfly20
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
i can kinda see both sides of it... my fil's doing the RD, and told us how much they plan to give(we asked so we could budget properly)... they are going to give it to us at the end, so if we need money before then, then we'll just borrow it..
the way i like to look at it is, Ive read on here of so many couples where the grooms family is contributing very little, or nothing, so im just happy at what they are contributing and not that i have to wait for it...
if you need the money earlier, then perhaps he can tell his parents the situation and they can give it a little earlier, and still give you the card at the reception
kel2004
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
I think you are totally right. If they told you they were going to give you a certain amount of money to help with the wedding expenses, they should not withhold it now that you need it. If they wanted to give you part of it as a gift on the wedding day, they should not have told you you would have that amount to put towards the wedding.
JimmysBride
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Re: Am I being a jerk?
I don't think you are being a jerk at all. Money is always a delicate issue and it sucks that they put you in this position if you ask me. My mom offered to give us our HM as a wedding gift.
Anyway, I told her that in order for me to plan the HM, I had to have the actual money in my possession otherwise I wouldn't count on it because you never know what can happen. (We had some of our own money going towards the HM already too) Some kind of emergency may come up and she may need it. So, she gave it over. Maybe if you (or FH) explains it to them tactfully that you basically already SPENT this money and that you will consider it a wonderfully generous gift regardless of when they give it but that it would be really cool if they uh, gave it to you NOW.... maybe that will help. Good luck! Sorry you are going through this (I know how stressful it can make things) and feel free to vent anytime!
