My soon to be 19 year old daughter comes home last night and says that she wants to go to Aruba for a week in June with two of her soon to be 19 year old girlfriends and one of the girls 25 year old boy friend........and here is the kicker...my daughter cant leave the same day they are so she would have to fly to Aruba herself.......of course I said...hell freaking no!!!!!
Am I being mean?? I told her she needs to break me in and go to like Florida or the Jersey Shore first by herself....
mariedsgn
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
nope! there is no way that my parents wold have let me even go with my friends - yet take the plane by myself!
Michy2009
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Posted by Chelechel1
I wouldn't let her go. Do you know this 25 year old friend's boyfriend? If you did and he's a guy you feel that your daughter is safe with then that may be a different story. If you don't know who he is, then I wouldn't let her.
I know of the boys family and from what I hear from everyone, he is a good guy, but again, I dont think it is his responsibility to watch over my daughter..besides..dont you think he will be more interested in 'alone time' with his girlfriend?
Panamasweet
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there is no way in hell i would let my daughter go at that age. your doing the right thing. dont 2nd guess yourself
Michy2009
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Posted by Panamasweet
there is no way in hell i would let my daughter go at that age. your doing the right thing. dont 2nd guess yourself
I wouldn't allow it unless the friends were going first and there was someone there to meet her as soon as she got off the plane...
MikesBride2B
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Honestly, if you truly think she is naive then I think you were right not to let her go. We are in the same situation with FSD (although she is much much younger). She just doesn't have a lot of common sense, and will wander off if she sees something that is interesting to her, not letting anyone know where she's going. Its scary.
Only you know your daughter inside and out...if you truly believe she'd be in danger down there, then you made the right decision.
SoonToBMrsC
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I'm in the same boat as you. If it were my daughter I would not let her go either. But I grew up with stricttt parents so thats why I have that mentality I guess.
flibbertigibbet
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i'm not sure why you would be concerned about her flying by herself?
i'd be concerned about what happens after gets OFF the plane!
Michy2009
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Posted by weddingbees
i'm not sure why you would be concerned about her flying by herself?
i'd be concerned about what happens after gets OFF the plane!
very true.........however, I still cant picture her flying there by herself even though that would probably be the safest part of the trip!
jackieee
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Umm is she paying for it? If so, then I would let her. I flew alone at I think 19 or 20. It's not like she will be in Aruba alone. Her friends will be there.
If she's paying, I think let her...if not, it's your call, but I might let her as long as she is responsible!
jackieee
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Posted by AngnShaun
JMHO, if you think shes naive and gullible... shes going to be that way regardless if shes in Aruba, Florida, Jersey or even at school...
id be happy she asked you at all... I didnt ask permission to go to the Bahamas when i was 19...
Very true. Me either. I worked and would have booked the trip, paid for it, and left!
FallBride2010
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I dont think it's mean...you are concerned. But being she goes to colege 3 hours away and she is essentially an adult...I'd actually probably let her go. Once I went off to college, my parents had to start trusting I would make the right decisions. I know it's not easy, and you have to go with your gut, so just my two cents : ) Good luck! If you dont let her go...she'll get over it eventually
Michy2009
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Yes, she would be paying for it...shes not asking me for money...and I guess I am lucky she is still asking cause in a year or two, she wont be asking, she will just be going. Maybe I watch too much Lifetime TV...i dunno.
bubberflys
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
This is a tough one...
You aren't being mean, you're being a parent. That's what they do. If I had a child who went away to school I'd have to start trusting him/her and let her make his/her own decisions, but at the same time, I don't know exactly the shoes you walk in so if you have a very good reason to not let her go, then don't, other wise, the best way for someone to grow up and learn, is to let them go do what the think they need to do and acquire their own experiences.
When I was 19 I still lived with my parents under strict rules and regulations and would have never been allowed to go...At the same time, when I was 26 and moved out, they fought kicking and screaming... If it was up to them, i'd still be living under their rules!
You have to determine when the right time is to 'let go' and let her make her own decisions. If you think it's now, let her go, if not, she'll forgive you eventually.
FutureMcBride
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I think that you have to really think about whether or not she is mature enough to handle being in Aruba by herself... I know for myself, I went to the Bahamas my senior year of HS, and it was with a bunch of friends, and we were FINE... we partied, had fun, but were responsible.
When I started dating FH,he was 19... and we did plenty of things together that involved going away... and here we are 5 years later, getting married... and I look back and we were young but pretty mature for our ages.
If your daughter is responsible, mature, and you feel like you can talk to her about what you expect from her on this trip, she should be fine :o)
good luck!
scatteredx12
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I don't think you're being mean - I think you're just being a cautious parent. I HIGHLY doubt my mother would let me go to Aruba when I was 19 with just a few friends, especially if I was flying alone, and especially if my boyfriend who my mother actually trusted to protect me wasn't going also.
It's hard to say..Technically she is an adult...But who is paying for this? Is she asking you for the $$? If she is paying for it..then I'd consider letting her go. Is she a good daughter? Has she been doing good in school?
elisa112101
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you are SOOO NOT WRONG!!!! doesnt she know about Natie Hallowell(however its spelled)????
JenBill61210
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no i agree with you totally... who knows what may happen!!
Lil OC
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Posted by SummerBride10
I don't think you're being mean AT ALL. I immediately was reminded of the Natalee Holloway tradgedy. Its scary the things that can happen in other country (well things can happen here too of course but other countries might now have the law enforcement we do and resources). I don't blame you at all. You here so many sad stories on the news about trips gone wrong. You're not being mean, just keep her safe.
Totally agree. I wouldnt let her go either, and I dont think you are being mean. Besides the jersey shore, AC, or upstate etc, my first real going away trip with friends was to New Orleans during Mardi Gras the month before I turned 22, and my mom was even nervous about that!
