My soon to be 19 year old daughter comes home last night and says that she wants to go to Aruba for a week in June with two of her soon to be 19 year old girlfriends and one of the girls 25 year old boy friend........and here is the kicker...my daughter cant leave the same day they are so she would have to fly to Aruba herself.......of course I said...hell freaking no!!!!!
Am I being mean?? I told her she needs to break me in and go to like Florida or the Jersey Shore first by herself....
marinai7
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I would be nervous too but my family was strict and I had an 11:00 curfew until I was 18. I think the first time I went away to Florida with my boyfriend was 21 but my sister had to come, lol.
Michy2009
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I am not strict...I let her stay out until 2:30, 3:00, as long as she texts me and lets me know what she is up too...I just dont think she has enough common sense to travel the world on her own...she is very naive.
MrsSoto
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
first, ita agree about you not wanting her to go on the plane by herself, thats an absolute deal breaker for me.
when i was 18, i went on my first vacay alone with my bf and my mom totally and completely lost it but it was also to floria for 4 days and i had been dating him for 2 years alreay at the time.
so not to say everything i did was perfect but i agree with you and think its very generous and an EXCELLENT compromise for you to say you would be okay with her going to floriday/jersey...just someplace within the US for her first vacay with our parents,.
BUT on the other hand, try to decide and figure out for yourself why exactly its easier for you to accept her going a little more local. i know the easy answer to her is just because its closer and its the first time but shes giong but she will probally want to hear from you WHY you that matters, so if you could verbalize to her valid reasons why, i think its easier for one to be able to except what their parent is saying.
she is 19 but 19 could be so different for so many kids. obviously i dont know your daughter and only you knew her best. if shes always been responsible, a good kid, etc. try to take that into account when you make your final decision because i remember as a teenager/really young adult it was hard for me to understand why my mother was treating me as if i was the same as the girl running around in the streets, never doing what she had to do, etc.
hope this makes sense
good luck!
marinai7
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Posted by Michy2009
I am not strict...I let her stay out until 2:30, 3:00, as long as she texts me and lets me know what she is up too...I just dont think she has enough common sense to travel the world on her own...she is very naive.
I mean if you trust her and think she's always been responsible, then I guess you can just let her go. I don't have kids yet and I know I would feel so nervous letting her go on a plane alone.
Michy2009
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Yes, makes perfect sense what you are saying...
First off, my daughter goes to school three hours away, so I know she is used to coming and going and I know she goes to bars and stuff at school, so I know she isnt a total angel...but she is very naive and gullable too. And she definately does not look her age.....she appears a few years younger.
If she was going with a boyfriend, I would actually feel better because I know he would be looking out for her...I cant expect her friends to 'babysit' for her.
My problem with her going out of the country is that I dont think the police are as reliable as they would be in this country, although I know she could get in plenty of trouble at the shore or in Florida too!! Although, I have been to Aruba and know it is a pretty safe place...I just dont think she is ready.
marinai7
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Posted by Michy2009
Yes, makes perfect sense what you are saying...
First off, my daughter goes to school three hours away, so I know she is used to coming and going and I know she goes to bars and stuff at school, so I know she isnt a total angel...but she is very naive and gullable too. And she definately does not look her age.....she appears a few years younger.
If she was going with a boyfriend, I would actually feel better because I know he would be looking out for her...I cant expect her friends to 'babysit' for her.
My problem with her going out of the country is that I dont think the police are as reliable as they would be in this country, although I know she could get in plenty of trouble at the shore or in Florida too!! Although, I have been to Aruba and know it is a pretty safe place...I just dont think she is ready.
So I think you answered your question - you would not feel safe letting her go at this time. I'm sure it's so tough because you don't want her to be mad at you for not allowing her to go, but at the same time, you have to make sure she is ready and will be ok.
Michy2009
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Yes, exactly, I wish I could say I trust her judgement and let her go...but I do not think it would be wise...so I am sure she totally hates me right now.
marinai7
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Posted by Michy2009
Yes, exactly, I wish I could say I trust her judgement and let her go...but I do not think it would be wise...so I am sure she totally hates me right now.
I'm sure she is but she will get over it eventually. When she grows up and has kids, she'll understand.
canmigs
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
If you do not feel comfortable with her going alone than I would just try to explain that to her. Yes, she swears she hates you right now, but as I parent I know that they all hate you at one point or another. They get over it, and eventually she will realize you were looking out for her!
tmcnair414
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
No your def not being mean. Don't worry she will get over it, when I was 18 my boyfriend now FH wanted me to go to Portugal with him and my mom didn't let me, I got over it.
lbkate
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I can see both sides of this;
I myself traveled alot while in College, and it really was a great experience. I know when I got on the plane by myself at 19 to head over to visit friends studying abroad in Ireland, my mom was a wreck. But they trusted me enough to do it. Your daughter probably is mad b/c she thinks you are taking her freedom away.
Would you ever let her go to Mexico or anything for spring break?
But I do get where you are coming from as well with all of the crazy stories you hear about young girls going away... Good luck!
AngnShaun
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
JMHO, if you think shes naive and gullible... shes going to be that way regardless if shes in Aruba, Florida, Jersey or even at school...
id be happy she asked you at all... I didnt ask permission to go to the Bahamas when i was 19...
MerSaysEh
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
i see both sides of this too...
my parents were definitely not the strict type and i have been taking planes by myself since i was like 11- first as an unaccompanied minor where one person drops you at one end, the airline takes care of you then somone picks you up at the other end, but by the time i was 16 or 17 i was flying alone a ton.
i also understand what you're saying about safety in another country. in the end you are the parent and it is your decision but i definitely agree try to explain to her more about the outside factors that make you nervous such as the police and safety and less that its her who isn't ready because that is likely to be harder for her to hear. stress that you would be happy to have her go on a more local trip and if all goes well you will feel much better about a trip somewhere further
HTH
SoontobeGallagher
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I went to Spain and Africa when I was 14, but it was a school trip and I went to Switzerland and Italy my senior year in high school with my girlfriends. My knew my mom was nervous but she trusted me and knew I had a good head on my shoulders.
SummerBride10
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I don't think you're being mean AT ALL. I immediately was reminded of the Natalee Holloway tradgedy. Its scary the things that can happen in other country (well things can happen here too of course but other countries might now have the law enforcement we do and resources). I don't blame you at all. You here so many sad stories on the news about trips gone wrong. You're not being mean, just keep her safe.
Michy2009
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Posted by SummerBride10
I don't think you're being mean AT ALL. I immediately was reminded of the Natalee Holloway tradgedy. Its scary the things that can happen in other country (well things can happen here too of course but other countries might now have the law enforcement we do and resources). I don't blame you at all. You here so many sad stories on the news about trips gone wrong. You're not being mean, just keep her safe.
LOL...actually the last thing I said to her on my way back to bed was, 'I bet you Natalie Holloways mother wishes she was mean to her and said no too'.
I know she doesnt get it, and thinks I am a total *****, but I guess that is the chance I will have to take. In another year or two, she wont even ask my permission at all, so I guess I will keep her safe while I can.
Kristan35
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
Posted by SummerBride10
I don't think you're being mean AT ALL. I immediately was reminded of the Natalee Holloway tradgedy. Its scary the things that can happen in other country (well things can happen here too of course but other countries might now have the law enforcement we do and resources). I don't blame you at all. You here so many sad stories on the news about trips gone wrong. You're not being mean, just keep her safe.
This is the first thing I thought of too.
20mrsc10
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
hmmm tufffy...
i was 19 when i went away to puerto rico with my fh for the 1st time..however i think my mother thought along the same lines as you..that he would 'protect' me..
19 is different for everyone though..my cousin is 20, and has been married for over a year..she had her first baby 2 months after turning 20..
Chelechel1
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Re: Am I being mean to my daughter????
I wouldn't let her go. Do you know this 25 year old friend's boyfriend? If you did and he's a guy you feel that your daughter is safe with then that may be a different story. If you don't know who he is, then I wouldn't let her.
