my FH has a conference in Colorado next month. No biggie, he goes to one almost every summer. however, he just told me that he and another girl in his lab (who he happens to be very fond of) have decided to drive there (13 hrs each way) and share a hotel room. now, i'm not a jealous type or anything, but i'm totally NOT cool with this and he's kinda pissed at me because he doesn't see what the problem is. am i wrong to be upset about this??
i don't want to tell him he CAN'T do it, because i'm not like that, but seriously?? how can he not see that this is completely inappropriate for a guy who's about to get married? or am i seriously overreacting? i guess that's possible too. . .
**UPDATE** - thanks ladies for all of your comments and support. It was really nice knowing I wasn't overreacting!! we had numerous looooooong discussions about it and they changed their hotel reservation and got separate rooms. he gave me a very sincere apology and said he'd do whatever he could to get a seperate hotel room. he said he just wasn't thinking when he booked the first one, he was just trying to be helpful to the dept, but has to realize that this stuff affects me too and it can't always be about what's best for the dept. so hooray! thanks again everyone!!
Bride2B7707
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
amytee
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
i think i'd be upset too. can you talk to him about it? maybe they can get separate rooms??
Espo22
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
I was going to say the EXACT same thing, driving down together is ok but to stay in the same room-HELL NO i would be mad too so don't feel guilty at all for how you're feeling
and what do you mean, he's fond of her?
Drv0716
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
Yeah I agree. I wouldn't care about them driving together, but I'd be uncomfortable with them staying in the same room unless this was a female friend of his that I knew very well.
rfilipofornow
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
DLM107
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
You are not wrong to be upset. There is NO WAY that I would ever let my FH share a room with another girl, unless he was related.
2Be1
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
Um yeah no . . . I'm sorry correction HELL NO!!!
rfilipofornow
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by 2Be1
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
Um yeah no . . . I'm sorry correction HELL NO!!!
LOL - well, i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks this is ridiculous. thanks guys, i feel slightly justified in my feelings.
Espo22
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by rfilipofornow
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
if you are uncomfortable with this then yes definitely put your foot down, why should you feel the way you do while he is away, it's not fair to you and he needs to understand that. Don't let the 'i cant believe youre jealous, i never thought you would be' speech get to you, people know what to say to get their way. If he see's it as no problem say ok you'll go stay in the same room with a co-worker or another guy and see how he likes it
rfilipofornow
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Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
if you are uncomfortable with this then yes definitely put your foot down, why should you feel the way you do while he is away, it's not fair to you and he needs to understand that. Don't let the 'i cant believe youre jealous, i never thought you would be' speech get to you, people know what to say to get their way. If he see's it as no problem say ok you'll go stay in the same room with a co-worker or another guy and see how he likes it
i so wish that worked. i tried that whole thing, 'you wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed' and he said 'i totally wouldn't have a problem with it if you did this with say, joe or something' (one of my BF from college, who's also good friends with FH) i was like, 'dude, you KNOW joe - i don't know wendy, i've met her once!' SO not the same situation
melissankurt07
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
I agree with all the other girls.... driving is one thing but staying in the SAME room..... ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!! I would be PISSED!!!! I think you are totaly justified to be upset.... I think everyone of us girls feel the same exact way you do!!!!! Put your foot down!!!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
if you are uncomfortable with this then yes definitely put your foot down, why should you feel the way you do while he is away, it's not fair to you and he needs to understand that. Don't let the 'i cant believe youre jealous, i never thought you would be' speech get to you, people know what to say to get their way. If he see's it as no problem say ok you'll go stay in the same room with a co-worker or another guy and see how he likes it
i so wish that worked. i tried that whole thing, 'you wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed' and he said 'i totally wouldn't have a problem with it if you did this with say, joe or something' (one of my BF from college, who's also good friends with FH) i was like, 'dude, you KNOW joe - i don't know wendy, i've met her once!' SO not the same situation
see thats why, hes just thinking of your friend joe in this scenario maybe bring up a guy at work or a guy he doesn't really know.
but tell him these are your feelings and emotions can't be controlled and you can't help and feel the way you do and for him to respect those wishes. Also, you are not the jealous type for feeling like this so don't feel bad about it, theres alot of ppl who normally are not jealous but would get mad about this situation, im very cool about most things and FH's friends are surprised im cool about alot of things but i would also feel the same way in this situation
BlushingBride714
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
Agreed! Have you tried to tell him to put the shoe on the other foot? Just be careful how you say it - you don't want it to come across as a tit for tat. But if you explain to him that you are really not comfortable with the same room situation, he should ultimately respect that. It doesn't sound to me like you are being jealous - you are just being human. No one in their right mind would agree to their FI staying in the same room with an 800 pound woman let alone a normal looking one! Try explaining to him that it's not a jealousy issue, or even an unfaithful issue, it's really a boundary issue. And this situation is crossing the line. Good luck sweetie!
rfilipofornow
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
if you are uncomfortable with this then yes definitely put your foot down, why should you feel the way you do while he is away, it's not fair to you and said 'i totally wouldn't have a problem with it if you did this with say, joe or something' (one of my BF from college, who's also good friends with FH) i was like, 'dude, you KNOW joe - i don't know wendy, i've met her once!' SO not the same situation
see thats why, hes just thinking of your friend joe in this scenario maybe bring up a guy at work or a guy he doesn't really know.
but tell him these are your feelings and emotions can't be controlled and you can't help and feel the way you do and for him to respect those wishes. Also, you are not the jealous type for feeling like this so don't feel bad about it, theres alot of ppl who normally are not jealous but would get mad about this situation, im very cool about most things and FH's friends are surprised im cool about alot of things but i would also feel the same way in this situation
thanks for the support it certainly helps to know that i'm not the only one who would feel uncomfortable about this!
Captsarkasm
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.....I'm never one to be jealous (granted my FH works in a place where 80% of the people are men)....but staying in the same room would be crossing the line for me....
Whats her deal? is she single? taken?
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Espo22
Posted by rfilipofornow
we did talk about it - when he first said they'd be in the same room, i was like, um, ok, not totally cool, but when he added the 'yeah and we decided to drive there and back, it's 26 hrs round trip' i had to say something. much like i expected, he just said he's surprised i turned into the 'jealous' type because i never was before. i'm not jealous. i have no desire to go to a protein conference in colorado and spend over a day in the car. i just wish he was doing it with his boss, instead of this chick. he just sees it as me 'keeping him on a tight leash', which is absurd because this kid gets away with a ton. i think i really need to put my foot down on this one though
if you are uncomfortable with this then yes definitely put your foot down, why should you feel the way you do while he is away, it's not fair to you and said 'i totally wouldn't have a problem with it if you did this with say, joe or something' (one of my BF from college, who's also good friends with FH) i was like, 'dude, you KNOW joe - i don't know wendy, i've met her once!' SO not the same situation
see thats why, hes just thinking of your friend joe in this scenario maybe bring up a guy at work or a guy he doesn't really know.
but tell him these are your feelings and emotions can't be controlled and you can't help and feel the way you do and for him to respect those wishes. Also, you are not the jealous type for feeling like this so don't feel bad about it, theres alot of ppl who normally are not jealous but would get mad about this situation, im very cool about most things and FH's friends are surprised im cool about alot of things but i would also feel the same way in this situation
thanks for the support it certainly helps to know that i'm not the only one who would feel uncomfortable about this!
awwww no problem we all feel the same way, and sorry you have to feel like this
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Captsarkasm
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.....I'm never one to be jealous (granted my FH works in a place where 80% of the people are men)....but staying in the same room would be crossing the line for me....
Whats her deal? is she single? taken?
hahaha love the questions about the girl, but so true, what is her deal?
rfilipofornow
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by Captsarkasm
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.....I'm never one to be jealous (granted my FH works in a place where 80% of the people are men)....but staying in the same room would be crossing the line for me....
Whats her deal? is she single? taken?
i've only met her once or twice, but she's extremely attractive, loves science and DNA as much as FH and is very, very single.
BlushingBride714
Posted:
Member since
Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Captsarkasm
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.....I'm never one to be jealous (granted my FH works in a place where 80% of the people are men)....but staying in the same room would be crossing the line for me....
Whats her deal? is she single? taken?
i've only met her once or twice, but she's extremely attractive, loves science and DNA as much as FH and is very, very single.
I know I replied to this already but I just have to add:
Ok, NO!!! Absolutely NOT!!! He is forbidden from staying in the same room with her - you just tell him I said so!!! Seriously, this is unacceptable and it's making ME mad now.
