my FH has a conference in Colorado next month. No biggie, he goes to one almost every summer. however, he just told me that he and another girl in his lab (who he happens to be very fond of) have decided to drive there (13 hrs each way) and share a hotel room. now, i'm not a jealous type or anything, but i'm totally NOT cool with this and he's kinda pissed at me because he doesn't see what the problem is. am i wrong to be upset about this??
i don't want to tell him he CAN'T do it, because i'm not like that, but seriously?? how can he not see that this is completely inappropriate for a guy who's about to get married? or am i seriously overreacting? i guess that's possible too. . .
**UPDATE** - thanks ladies for all of your comments and support. It was really nice knowing I wasn't overreacting!! we had numerous looooooong discussions about it and they changed their hotel reservation and got separate rooms. he gave me a very sincere apology and said he'd do whatever he could to get a seperate hotel room. he said he just wasn't thinking when he booked the first one, he was just trying to be helpful to the dept, but has to realize that this stuff affects me too and it can't always be about what's best for the dept. so hooray! thanks again everyone!!
kns11
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Randi you have the right to feel annoyed and unhappy. I agree with the carpooling but in the same room that is another story. He actually helped you by pointing out that your not the jealous type. My suggestion would be to remind him you are indeed not jealous but pointing out what is inappropriate for a FI and soon to be husband. Sending you .
BoxOfRocks
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
No, you're not nuts at all. Even if you and FI were just dating monogamously, it would be inappropriate. Heck, even if they were single, the fact that they're coworkers makes staying in the same room questionable. Has he thought about the latter point? Maybe reframing the question into: 1) not only does it make you upset, but 2) it also looks weird at work, will convince him.
tricia3381
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by rfilipofornow
Posted by Captsarkasm
Posted by Bride2B7707
OK driving is one thing but staying in the same room?!?!?! NOOOO!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.....I'm never one to be jealous (granted my FH works in a place where 80% of the people are men)....but staying in the same room would be crossing the line for me....
Whats her deal? is she single? taken?
i've only met her once or twice, but she's extremely attractive, loves science and DNA as much as FH and is very, very single.
ur sooo not over reacting!!!! do not let him share a room w/her!! ur a good woman for letting them drive out there together.
thelastresort
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Yeah, no. I would definitley be putting the kabosh on that whole plan. There would be no driving, no being roomies, none of that. Jealous my a$$! That is ridiculous. How about a little respect for the future wifey?
Um....are you KIDDING ME?!?! Driving down together for 26 hours - though annoying - I'd deal with. But sharing a room???! NO F^CKING WAY!!! Is he serious?! And I'm sure he would definitely NOT be ok with you sharing a room with some random guy - regardless of what he says. OMG! I am SO sorry. I would be livid.
bettybcafe
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Uh..no... If he were my FH he sure wouldnt be doing that...I dont think I could sleep knowing hes sharing a room wtih another woman..
rfilipofornow
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
thanks for the support everyone!!! i've got to head out now - we're taking the red eye to NY tonight, so i've got to pack (way to wait until the last minute) but we'll certainly have some interesting conversation on the 5 hr flight home. but thanks again for listening!! i def feel better knowing i'm not the only one!
GettinHutched
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
arrrggghhh! I'm so mad for you right now!
See my FH would play devil's advocate on this one- while I think he knows it would be inappropriate- he'd still want to 'test' me to see how much I trust him. Sometimes he thinks that means I have no reason to be jealous because I have every reason in the world to trust him. But this is NOT about jealousy. It is just simply inappropriate. You hardly know the girl, they're already driving all those hours together...the room thing is taking it WAY too far - it's just plain wrong. He can't pull that 'you have no reason to be jealous' card- I know my FH would too, but it's crap. Trust or no trust, it's not appropriate. Simple as that!
We are behind you!!!! Your FH is gonna have to wake up and he HAS to care about how you're feeling- even if in his male mind (how frustrating the male mind is!) it seems irrational. You know...they all think we're too emotional about everything. Puhleaze.
MEN!
tricia3381
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
good luck!! let us know how everything works out.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
GettingHutched, your comment about testing limits was very insightful!
joan_db
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
After reading your post, I shared it with my FH (without letting him read the other brides response), just to get a 'guy' opinion. His response to me was....'driving together is OK but sharing room is kind of a d^ck move. You can't share room with other female unless is your close relatives'
So, in my opinion you have a right to get upset. I think you should tell him that you are very uncomfortable and unhappy with this situation...and he really have to respect that.
GinaBambina08
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
I'm sorry, even though I trust FH, I would've said I had a problem with him driving up there AND sharing a room with her! I guess i'll be a wife-zilla because there's no way that would be happening without a fight...I understand trusting FH's judgement and all, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't at least make an effort to avoid temptation...
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
big no no!! youre def not over reacting. sure you may trust him, but what do you know of her?? beyond that, its just disrespectful to your relationship.
JMO!
drpepper318
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Posted by nycgirl79
Um....are you KIDDING ME?!?! Driving down together for 26 hours - though annoying - I'd deal with. But sharing a room???! NO F^CKING WAY!!! Is he serious?! And I'm sure he would definitely NOT be ok with you sharing a room with some random guy - regardless of what he says. OMG! I am SO sorry. I would be livid.
EXACTLY what I'm thinking reading your post. I can't believe he doesn't see your side of things! It is totally inappropriate for a man about to get married to share a room with another woman.. that's INSANE!!!!!!! Especially someone he's 'fond of' (as you said in your first post) I hope you guys can come to some sort of agreement about this... good luck!!!
milana
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
All the girls pretty much already said what i was thinking!
You should not feel bad about feeling this way at all, youre absolutely entitled to react the way you did, i honestly just could not imagine what i would do or say if FH asked me something like this! He would probably get clocked in the head or something and be sleeping on the couch for the next three days lol jk well ........maybe not
Just make sure he understands the differnace between what is *jelousy* and what is just plain *wrong*
Eta: have good time in NY! Im off to ny next Friday....to get married this time!
jeanmarie
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Driving together is fine...but the same hotel room NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAY. Tell him that and stnad firm he should understand how you feel. Ask him if the shoe was on the other foot how would he feel??
luvabul
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
WTH ..NO WAY he cant stay in the room with her overnight
kate0211
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
hahah i wouldn't even deal with the drive- that's insane! id tell my FH that ill PAY for him to fly...but he's not driving with that very,very single scientific chick. no way jose. and HOTEL ROOMS??? outta the question. who is this girl...let me at her. lol
firesign75
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
Yeah not no but HELL NO. Driving is one thing, rooming together no way
ErinC0119
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Re: am i nuts to feel this way?
I would feel exactly the same way. I would ask him to not share a room with her. That would bother me tremendously!!!
