Am I the only one who thinks this way about gifts?

kelly9904.. i think we all give different amounts, and also counts on money availible...

people may say i give 400 for a friend and 200 for elsewise.. thats just what they can afford... perhaps them and fh income together total $150k+....


i know my fh is working fulltime now, with no debt, but we still cant give out big amounts,
we have a future house to think of, which comes along with many expenses..and dont have much surplus money to be handing out

whenever i read posts about how much money people give for gifts at weddings, i am blown away. absolutely stunned really. i was also surprised about the 'covering your plate' theory. i will never understand that idea. i think the amount that we usually give is generous but it doesn't even come close to the gifts that other ladies here give (therefore i always feel cheap when i read those posts!).

was that off topic??

oh, and we did not get a card from the MOG, FOG, or his brother & sister. i was terribly hurt by that. other people didn't give us gifts/cards either, but its very painful when its your closest family. i've been wanting to vent about that for months now...
i'm babbling now. cabin fever here too!

I think the 'covering the plate' theory though comes from each individuals experience with weddings. I think we can agree that there is an 'average' or 'usual' amount that people give per person. Of course people will give more and some might give more - more likely than not the less and more will average to that same 'usual' amount. Of course covering the plate indicates that your price per person (including tax and tip) is close to this 'usual' amount. If your price per person is more than this usual amount then you wont be covering the plate -

Did that makes sense? I dont know - it does to me though....

Also, for a person to compare a cash gift to the price per person depends on the way that they evaluate money and compare in other situations... I'll be open and say i do compare the cash gift to price of the plate but definitely not to evaluate how 'generous' the person was. I think it is comparable to this example: If I buy a sweater that costs $100 but I have a coupon and can save $25 dollars on it then I can use that $25 to buy something else. I do such comparisons all the time. Another example I heard from my mom recently. She bought a stove top that cost over $900. She was so upset when she say that it has scratched in a corner (which of course is inevitable - but upset my mother none the less). She rationalized it by saying that the cost of the stove top is equivalent to my family going out to a reasonable restuarant for dinner about 9 times. Bottom line - just depends on each individual and how they rationalize things...

...Ok i'm babbling now...

Sorry, I am getting to this a little late in the game, but I didn't see this post earlier. I have been shoveling! I don't want to seem like a b****, but I guess the whole e-party scenario really annoyed me and since Jannshari was obviously referring to me even though she claims she is not ( she used the #'s and complaints I posted in my response to Bethsiars question on plates!) I am now responding.

I am sorry Jannshari if you think I am quote 'materialistic' and 'ungreatful' especially since I don't think my FMIL is right for saying that just bc you have a nice wedding doesn't mean ppl (Herself) should have to reciprocate in the envelope. According to her,(my FMIL), I give what I can. (Maybe someone should tell my FMIL she is in the year 2003!@)


I will have you know I received a crystal vase and a candlestick holder from her. I am sorry but I think some people are just RIDICULOUS!!!!! I have been getting the same gifts from ppl since my Sweet 16! I am sorry but $50 a person just doesn't cover it!!! Call me a b****, but reality is INFLATION baby! How could my FMIL give us such a gift! Granted she is a single mom, but give me a damn break. His grandmother gave us $100 and 2 crystal candlesticks and she only collects social security! I mean this is her son. She knew we were eventually going to get married. But instead she had the audacity to tell him last month, well given that your sister is getting married ( I will have you know we got engaged last Dec, she magically followed suit in July to a guy she has been more off with than on!) I will have to give her some $$$ towards her wedding since she is the daughter. But I don't have enough to give you any. I hope your not mad? That is b****! FI has done everything around the house for from painting the entire inside and outside, installing pipes, putting up an entire fence, etc. He even pays her rent every month. How dare she!!!


His sister who is a BM came with her FI and came me a crytsal dish (ugly) worth $50. His cousin and wife gave me a measly set of $29 glasses. (I checked prices).

I know I sound irrate,but my mom had soup to nuts at Russo's for my e-party. These ppl everytime you passed the table were eating like scavengers. They even had the audacity to ask for tins to take home dessert! Give me a break!

Call me what you will but my parents and myself have always given sufficient gifts to ppl for all occasions. It is not greed if you know certain ppl can definitely afford it and they give crap! I am not asking for $500 gifts or more, but a set of 4 wine glasses from 2 ppl is absolutely ridiculous.

For your info I have even returned gifts to people who decided to call me the day before my party to tell me the were sick and wouldn't attend but felt good enough to go out that evening to a bar! I am not a greedy b****, but I do expect respect like I give to everyone else. I would have appreciated my frend showing up with a card with some nice words in it than to have her nastily send me a plain check in the mail with no words written in the card at all!

Call me what you want but I know there are many ppl here who agree with me.

The examples may have come from your post, although I honestly didn't remember whose post it came from, but I certainly wasn't talking about you specifically. You don't know me, nor I you, but those people who do know me know that if I had something to say about a single person specifically, I say so. I'm not shy about things like that; I don't pussyfoot around someone. If I have a problem with someone, I say so.

That being said, it didn't matter whose post I was reading that prompted me to start this thread. Every single time I see a post like that, I feel the same thing. For whatever reason, tonight I decided I needed to vent about it. If I gave you the impression that I was referring to you, that I will apologize for. I specifically stated several times that I wasn't referring to anyone in particular and also said that I thought that SOME people can act like materialistic brats about things like this. I will not, however, apologize if you assumed that I was speaking about you - I can understand now how you might think that if I used statements that you made tonight to make my point, but frankly, I didn't write my original post with any one person in particular in mind.

After reading your post, though, and statements like I am not asking for $500 gifts or more, but a set of 4 wine glasses from 2 ppl is absolutely ridiculous. , I do think that you come off as sounding like you do expect people to spend a lot of money on you. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with 2 people purchasing you 4 wine glasses. No one forced your mother to go all out and throw you an e-party at Russo's, and it's unfair of you to think that because she did that, others should have to rise to the occasion and spend more money to accommodate you. If that's not what you mean, fine then. But that's how it comes across.

Like I said earlier...this is all a matter of personal opinion. No one has to justify their feelings to me. No one has to explain themselves to me. I have no impact on your life, nor should I. I was simply stating how I feel about the issue. If you think that your opinion is correct, then what I say really shouldn't matter to you. I'm sorry if you were offended, but it really wasn't about you, per se.

You can say whatever you want. Just as long as you quote Palebride.

I accept your explained apology.

FYI, I did not expect anyone to rise to the occassion as you say. Maybe I am just stupid to expect more of certain people. I am a VERY generous individual and for this once in a lifetime event (this was not my birthday) I guess I stupidly thought people would be more considerate. From this spread I guess people obviously do not all act the same on the generosity side.

I do respect your feelings and would agree with you for those individuals who truely couldn't afford it, but I find it hard to believe you wouldn't be the slightest annoyed at a cheap gift, especially from your FMIL and especially in the event that I explained above.

I have to leave to pick someone up from the airport (finally), but I will say this...a cheap gift would not annoy me so much as it would amuse me. Hell, I'd probably try to make a profit off of it if it was that bad and sell it on Ebay...people will buy anything!

To me, if someone that close to me doesn't show up for my important day, doesn't acknowledge it in any way (and I don't mean a gift), or simply acts like they couldn't care less and are miserable, that is far worse than any gift they could give me or not give me.

I don't claim to be perfect and I don't pretend that I don't like gifts or wouldn't want any, but I really don't place as much import on them as some other people. And again, that's so completely fine if you do. I just wouldn't want to be in a position to have to give you a gift, because I don't know that I could give you what you're looking for. Sorry.

WOW!!! Are you all forgetting the reason we are getting married?? For our love and to INVITE people to join us. They aren't asking to be invited, they aren't picking out halls that charge $100+ a plate. They are coming to celebrate your marriage. I think that if you are so worried about monetary gifts then you should have your wedding a little bit smaller so you can afford it. It isn't anyonelses obligation to pay for this wedding. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!! It truly is. My Best friend, and MOH made me a slide show for our engagement party. It was so sweet, did it cost a lot NO, did it pay for everyone's plate NO but I appreciated that more then a lot of the other gifts we received. I'm trying to understand why some people have weddings. For the money that they get in return? does the presence of their family and friends not matter? You mine as well, charge people at the door, leave a check by on the table. And don't forget about all of the people that have to pay for traveling expenses and hotel rooms. Anyway, I hope everyone takes a deep breath and realizes the reasons that they are having this wedding.. Your marrying your soulmate.

ETS: I think that this money we are spending is just overwhelming!! We are all great girls, and have different opinions..

No problem. But really I am not that hard to buy for or expect as much as you think.

Have a save trip to the airport! Be careful, the snow is intense.

exactly!
we are not getting married for a profit...at least i'm not
i am getting married because i love tom and i am having a wedding becasue i have always dreamed of a day where i could have everyone that i have ever loved in a room together dancing and laughing and having a good time.
yes, i know i will recieve gifts, and yes i will appreciate them and write lovely thank you notes telling everyone i appreciate their generosity.....but that is not the reason behind the wedding!
and if that is the reason behind the wedding, i personally would not want to get married.
just my opinion! (you can quote me if you want...wink wink)

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exactly!

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your right palebride.. it won't let me quote your entire post though.. SORRY

I will have you know Palebride that noone has waited longer than I to get married to FI. I waited 11 years for him to propose! I have always loved him and I count the days when I will spend all my waking and sleeping hours with him.

Noone is saying this is for profit. With the prices of weddings today, you would be lucky if you at least made the $$$ back for your DJ. What I am trying to simply say is that some people are just downright CHEAP!!!!!! Not those who can't afford to be but those who can!!!

Did you ever notice its those who have the least who give the most and its those who have the most that give the least and are the first to complain or make a nasty comment. That is the statement I am trying to get across.

I am not going to say that I wouldn't notice if someone gave me something really cheap - but if that's all that they can give - and I am inviting them to my wedding - it's because I want them there to share the day with us! No guest should have to base their gift on where the wedding is and how much it cost - that is the bride and grooms decision! My best friend would get more money from me if her wedding was at McDonald's - over someone i wasn't as close with having their wedding at a ritzy place!
Just to show how much some people care about the money - my dad is really annoying me because he wants to invite all these people who i don't even know - when my FI and I are really watching our list and definitely don't have all the people we want on there - when I tell me dad that I don't want all these people there that I don't know - all he keeps saying is 'oh - they'll give you so much $$' - and then he starts guessing on amounts! I DON'T CARE!! i want my friends at my wedding and if i get $50 from each - so be it!

i HAVE noticed that the people who have the most generally give the least....i once got a $25 bonus check from my boss who took home millions every year....and he had the b@lls to take taxes out on it!
But it was his money to do what he wanted with.....and scine it was a bonus i couldn't complain really.
and that's pretty much i guess the point of this whole thing....these gifts are just that....gifts...and it's up to the person giving the gift to determine how much or how little. you can be generous and you can know that you're a good person. perhaps they think they are being generous....but just by a different standard.
i know i save my money for certain things because they are important to me...but they might not be important to someone else.....and that's a personal choice.
i just don't like it when people tell other people how to spend their money...and it sounds kind of like that's what you're doing here.....
i don't mean to offend you by this, i'm just trying to explain it a little better

I am not telling ppl how to spend their $$$, but its obvious even you get annoyed when people are plain cheap!