FH recently moved to Michigan and has few friends there. So when someone offers to go out, he jumps on it. Anyway, last night a single female co-worker asked him to go out for a drink. That didn't bother me. However, afterward he went back to her place and stayed there till 4 AM. Well today when he told me about it, I was really annoyed. I would never go to a guys place alone and stay till 4 AM. I have never met this girl and know nothing about her. Perhaps if we knew eachother, I wouldn't care.
What do you girls think? Would you be bothered by FH at girls place till 4 AM when you dont know her?
sarahradio5
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Re: Am I too jealous?
I would feel completely disrespected. The girl probably has ulterior motives, and NEWSFLASH... people DO cheat.. whether they 'planned' it or not, so it's just better to not put yourself in those situations. REALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
And I DO NOT give him praise for 'telling you'. Maybe he told you 'just enough' to be honest with you? Maybe he's being proactive just in case you found out another way? Maybe he told you out of guilt. You do not know fully what happened over there. I do not want to scare you, but just be careful You don't know for sure if they fooled around. There is NO REASON for him to hang out ALONE with a girl and go back to her place unless they were BOTH SINGLE. I don't care if you know her or not! GOD, I would be SO PISSED that he's jeaopardizing your engagement for this. To me, it would be THAT serious.
suven
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Re: Am I too jealous?
completely unacceptable.
She invited him out (and then back to her place) for a reason....and it wasn't 'to be friends'.
Regardless of whether or not he could figure that out for himself, he should start getting used to being engaged and then being a married man.
Married men do not to out for drinks with single women and then back to their place until 4 am.
ETS: Any man in a committed relationship should not be going out for drinks and then back to someone's place until 4 am
Noonie
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Sweetie, I don't know if you're aware of how wrong this is. He had no business being in a single girl's home until 4 am. Something needs to be changed IMO. I don't want to 'assume' anything.....But, it just doesn't sound right to me. I think you two need to have a serious conversation. Sorry. That just is not appropriate for a man who's getting married.
cherryj24
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Unacceptable!
Noonie
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Posted by camposal
If he was hanging out with a girl that i had met before i wouldn't have cared as much. I guess it really bothers me that i have no idea what she looks like. What if she looks like a model??? but you're right, he was honest.
WHAT???? So, it would be ok with you if the girl was ugly? What is this? The friggin' Twilight Zone? Even if she was hideous AND you knew her, it still doesn't make it right. He had drinks with her, then went back to her place until 4 am!!!
And his reasoning behind why it's OK for him is because he's 'safe' & you wouldn't be? Ummmm, has he ever heard of Lorraina Bobbet? Babe, he's got you under his thumb! I don't mean to be rude, but I was in this type of relationship for 7 years before I realized enough was enough! You deserve the best that life has to offer & honey, he ain't giving it to ya! I'm so sorry for sounding harsh, but I've been in your shoes & I kept telling myself, 'Oh, she wasn't that pretty, so it's ok' This whole situation is messed up! Please talk to him & let him know that this is so wrong on so many levels.
CherylandCliff
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Re: Am I too jealous?
I am so sorry to hear that you are stuck dealing with this WHILE you plan your wedding! I am not a jealous girl at all, and this would REALLY upset me. I would feel disrespected by both FH and this random girl, and I don't think I could let this go. Inviting someone else's fiance back to her place for drinks until 4am does NOT speak well of this girl, and excuse be for being a biotch, but I am already judging her. Even if he does not agree with you and thinks you are crazy, it doesn't matter because he should still respect the feelings of the girls he has asked to spend the rest of his life with. I'm sorry for you girl. I agree with posters who suggested showing him these answers. Are all zillion of us overreacting too?
chapel06
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Re: Am I too jealous?
I would be really upset. There is a double standard out there, that it is ok for a man to do this because a man is in control of the situation when he decides to be alone with a woman, since he makes the first move, where as a woman is like a little naive lamb that goes along with whatever a man does. yada yada yada. I would not buy into that double standard.
heatherfaith
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Re: Am I too jealous?
maybe Im crazy but that would be grounds for me to consider calling off our wedding. thats just insane. I would flip out.
megsm3
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Re: Am I too jealous?
i am not a jealous person at all, but this would make me very uncomfortable - tell him you are uncomfortable about this and ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed!!
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Posted by MayBride06
OMG...I would be fuming!!!!! Unacceptable!!!
I AGREE! you're not over-reacting IMO. that is total BS!
AmyMarie
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Posted by heatherfaith
maybe Im crazy but that would be grounds for me to consider calling off our wedding. thats just insane. I would flip out.
I totally agree...I was afraid to say it, but since you did...thank you.
CLMon7906
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Posted by AmyMarie
Posted by heatherfaith
maybe Im crazy but that would be grounds for me to consider calling off our wedding. thats just insane. I would flip out.
I totally agree...I was afraid to say it, but since you did...thank you.
ok, not to bandwagon, but i kind of felt the same way.
also..i just consulted FH on this one....i explained the scenario and he said 'well, once you're engaged the rules change and i'd be pissed if you did that and assume the same if i did that. but you should trust that nothing happened.' then i pointed out that it wasn't someone you knew...'oh, well in that case, no he shouldn't have been there.'
i do think that you and FH should seriously discuss this and how inappropriate this behavior really is....had you known the friend, it might be different. this isn't even really about trust, though my FH said it should be, it's about respecting the bond of your relationship and ultimately your marriage. quite simply, an engaged or married man should not hang out all night alone with another woman (and vice versa). and that was a guy's thought on the subject.
NinaChris07
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Are you both living in Michigan now? (I just got confused bc you said FH recently moved to Michigan)
I would be very mad - I actually am surprised he doesn't see the problem...
maybe switch it around and ask if he would be annoyed if the reverse situation.
Honestly, I think its very inappropriate and just wrong on by any standards to a) go to her apartment with just the two of them and b) stay so late.
I would not be mad at one drink after work, because she is his co-worker and such outings occur but NO the apartment!
camposal
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Wow, i never expected to get so many replies back to my post. Thank you so much for everyone's advice and support. I really need some support last night, I was feeling pretty down. FH and I talked about it and he is sorry and wont do it again, but i dont think he understands how what he did is inappropriate. Perhaps once i move out to michigan with him he wont be so lonely and wont feel the need to do that again. but anyway, thanks to everyone. You girls are the best!!!!!
Sunflower08
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Re: Am I too jealous?
I would be very upset......Just think if you pulled a stunt like that.....would he be ok with you haning out until 4 at some guys place. I DON'T THINK SO
Sunflower08
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Re: Am I too jealous?
jenheartsrob
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Re: Am I too jealous?
Wow -- I think you really need to sit FH down and talk about this further. An 'Im sorry, I wont do it again' might not be enough to cut it in my book....but that's just me...
just talked to FH about this and his words were 'That's out of line. When you're engaged you have to act as you would when you're married'.... and no married person should be going over ANYONE's apartment, period. Especially after drinks til wee hours of the night'
When are you moving out to Michigan?
I think the fact that you prefaced that with 'and then i'm there and he won't be lonely anymore' speaks volumes about the situation -- and girls aren't al that innocent and nice all the time and we know how to smell loneliness in a guy a mile away. he needs to be explicitly told that this is to NEVER happen again and that you dont want him going out drinking with her alone anymore.
JMHO ...
E See
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Re: Am I too jealous?
My FH would be thanking me for his life when I was done with him.
He would never do that to me - he is a jealous person and knows it. Sometimes it's just a misunderstanding about what is a 'big deal'. I have done things that I viewed as 'no big deal' that my FH was horrified over. You might just want him to understand that to you that is not acceptable and then let it go.
If it happens again then you would have more cause to be upset because you already discussed what you thought was acceptable for him to do as your partner. I think it's safe to say most women wouldn't want their FH out with a strange woman alone anyway, nevermind for drinks or until 4AM. It isn't as if you're being totally unreasonable.
anglbyme
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Re: Am I too jealous?
WOW!!! That is a DEFINATE NO NO!!!! I would be pissed. I'm sure you trust him 100% but ask him how he would have felt if the tables were turned.
