Am I wrong for not telling my FH that......

Honestly, I don't think its a good idea to not tell him about it. To me it seems like a bad way to start a life together (on lies)

Sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear.

I think you should say something at least it wont be a total shock or a stab in the back.

I think he should def understand that you need someone to help lift this burden off your shoulders during your special day, making his day and life alot easier!If you really want something and if you are willing to pay for it I would say that to him.

I did this!

I didn't tell FH about our DOC, he still doesn't know....I'll tell him closer to our wedding and then tell him I got a great discount (I did get a discount but it wasn't that HUGE of a difference).

The way I see it, FH will not understand the peace of mind this will bring me. I want to be relaxed (as much as possible) on my wedding day and I know that this will lift a huge burden. He doesn't see that because he doesn't really do much with the wedding- he's just showing up and helped pick the DJ/video and photog.

As far as starting off your life with a lie if it were a huge amount of money and I were taking food out of someone's mouth to finance it....then yes, it's a big deal. Seriously a few hundred in the grand scale of a wedding for peace of mind- is priceless to me!

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

I did this!

I didn't tell FH about our DOC, he still doesn't know....I'll tell him closer to our wedding and then tell him I got a great discount (I did get a discount but it wasn't that HUGE of a difference).

The way I see it, FH will not understand the peace of mind this will bring me. I want to be relaxed (as much as possible) on my wedding day and I know that this will lift a huge burden. He doesn't see that because he doesn't really do much with the wedding- he's just showing up and helped pick the DJ/video and photog.

As far as starting off your life with a lie if it were a huge amount of money and I were taking food out of someone's mouth to finance it....then yes, it's a big deal. Seriously a few hundred in the grand scale of a wedding for peace of mind- is priceless to me!

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I'm doing the same thing, i haven't told FH yet that I booked one. But I'm handling all wedding related items, FH has no idea what is booked and what's not, I have a budget and thats it.

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Posted by T E R I

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

I did this!

I didn't tell FH about our DOC, he still doesn't know....I'll tell him closer to our wedding and then tell him I got a great discount (I did get a discount but it wasn't that HUGE of a difference).

The way I see it, FH will not understand the peace of mind this will bring me. I want to be relaxed (as much as possible) on my wedding day and I know that this will lift a huge burden. He doesn't see that because he doesn't really do much with the wedding- he's just showing up and helped pick the DJ/video and photog.

As far as starting off your life with a lie if it were a huge amount of money and I were taking food out of someone's mouth to finance it....then yes, it's a big deal. Seriously a few hundred in the grand scale of a wedding for peace of mind- is priceless to me!

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I'm doing the same thing, i haven't told FH yet that I booked one. But I'm handling all wedding related items, FH has no idea what is booked and what's not, I have a budget and thats it.

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Oh, and I'm paying for the wedding so I'm not using his money at all and trying to stick to the budget we agreed on (we'll end up a bit over). I understand it's all 'our' money but I don't stress him over videogames/sporting event tickets/techie toys. I would put the expense for the DOC in this category but to each their own.

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Posted by charondita

I really didnt think it would be that big of a deal not to tell him but i think I will now tell him way before the day of the wedding. I dont want to ruin the mood for the day. I DEMAND to have sanity and enjoy my wedding. I work a 2nd job which is for my maintenance only so none of the money for the DOC is coming out of OUR money. Its $450 total which is the best price I have found. Most quotes were over $600. I originally wanted to get an Antique car in addition to the limo for the BP. The Antique car was $400 for 3 hours. I decided not to get it so i figured since the $400 was basically spent I could put it toward the DOC and not have a problem. My FH is just so cheap its crazy!!!!

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Snaps! I'm with you!! I will tell FH right around his Bachelor party- a month before the wedding. lol, what can he REALLY say to me as he boards a plane to Punta Cana? If he dares to complain, I will gently point out that the savings of my bachelorette party to Fire Island vs. his trip to DR would pay for 2 DOC's.

Enjoy your stress free day! Are you meeting with Elite Affairs by any chance? That's who I booked with.

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Posted by charondita

I really didnt think it would be that big of a deal not to tell him but i think I will now tell him way before the day of the wedding. I dont want to ruin the mood for the day. I DEMAND to have sanity and enjoy my wedding. I work a 2nd job which is for my maintenance only so none of the money for the DOC is coming out of OUR money. Its $450 total which is the best price I have found. Most quotes were over $600. I originally wanted to get an Antique car in addition to the limo for the BP. The Antique car was $400 for 3 hours. I decided not to get it so i figured since the $400 was basically spent I could put it toward the DOC and not have a problem. My FH is just so cheap its crazy!!!!

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$450 is a great price for a DOC.

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

I did this!

I didn't tell FH about our DOC, he still doesn't know....I'll tell him closer to our wedding and then tell him I got a great discount (I did get a discount but it wasn't that HUGE of a difference).

The way I see it, FH will not understand the peace of mind this will bring me. I want to be relaxed (as much as possible) on my wedding day and I know that this will lift a huge burden. He doesn't see that because he doesn't really do much with the wedding- he's just showing up and helped pick the DJ/video and photog.

As far as starting off your life with a lie if it were a huge amount of money and I were taking food out of someone's mouth to finance it....then yes, it's a big deal. Seriously a few hundred in the grand scale of a wedding for peace of mind- is priceless to me!

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I wasn't talking about the money, I just don't think its a great thing to be keeping things from the person you want to marry...if FH booked something for the wedding and didn't tell me about it I'd be upset.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a DOC (I booked one last night) and I'd definitely stand my ground with FH over it but I wouldn't just go and do it behind his back.

I'm not trying to pass judgment, just stating my own personal opinion. Everyone has to decide what is best for them in their lives and relationships.

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Posted by MikesBride2B

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

I did this!

I didn't tell FH about our DOC, he still doesn't know....I'll tell him closer to our wedding and then tell him I got a great discount (I did get a discount but it wasn't that HUGE of a difference).

The way I see it, FH will not understand the peace of mind this will bring me. I want to be relaxed (as much as possible) on my wedding day and I know that this will lift a huge burden. He doesn't see that because he doesn't really do much with the wedding- he's just showing up and helped pick the DJ/video and photog.

As far as starting off your life with a lie if it were a huge amount of money and I were taking food out of someone's mouth to finance it....then yes, it's a big deal. Seriously a few hundred in the grand scale of a wedding for peace of mind- is priceless to me!

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I wasn't talking about the money, I just don't think its a great thing to be keeping things from the person you want to marry...if FH booked something for the wedding and didn't tell me about it I'd be upset.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a DOC (I booked one last night) and I'd definitely stand my ground with FH over it but I wouldn't just go and do it behind his back.

I'm not trying to pass judgment, just stating my own personal opinion. Everyone has to decide what is best for them in their lives and relationships.

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I totally agree!

Tell him and tell him WHY.

Its less stress on you for the big day. Plus, its putting stress on you NOT telling him....

if it were ME, I would just tell him about it now. Personally, I find it very difficult to lie or to keep things from DH. I just can't. It's not how I want our relationship to be (esp since I know that I'd be hurt and annoyed if he did that to me).

Why wouldn't your FH understand that you need some help tho? For my wedding, it was unnecessary to have a DOC, for one because we just didn't have the extra money for it, plus I was capable or handling it all on my own anyway. But i know that if we COULD have afforded it and I really needed the help, dh would have definitely given in. I'm sure your FH would understand.

But it's up to you. Hope it all works out.

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

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Posted by charondita

I really didnt think it would be that big of a deal not to tell him but i think I will now tell him way before the day of the wedding. I dont want to ruin the mood for the day. I DEMAND to have sanity and enjoy my wedding. I work a 2nd job which is for my maintenance only so none of the money for the DOC is coming out of OUR money. Its $450 total which is the best price I have found. Most quotes were over $600. I originally wanted to get an Antique car in addition to the limo for the BP. The Antique car was $400 for 3 hours. I decided not to get it so i figured since the $400 was basically spent I could put it toward the DOC and not have a problem. My FH is just so cheap its crazy!!!!

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Snaps! I'm with you!! I will tell FH right around his Bachelor party- a month before the wedding. lol, what can he REALLY say to me as he boards a plane to Punta Cana? If he dares to complain, I will gently point out that the savings of my bachelorette party to Fire Island vs. his trip to DR would pay for 2 DOC's.

Enjoy your stress free day! Are you meeting with Elite Affairs by any chance? That's who I booked with.

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No its Cynthia Ross. She is awesome!!!!

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Posted by MikesBride2B

Honestly, I don't think its a good idea to not tell him about it. To me it seems like a bad way to start a life together (on lies)

Sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear.

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I agree with this.

I was so excited after talking to my DOC and thrilled how I found someone I clicked with so well, and how relieved I was after talking with her that I very excitedly told FH on the phone that night (we don't live together - he lives in NC).

He was really silent about it and I knew something was wrong. He, too, didn't understand why I have to 'keep spending gobs of money' on the wedding. I've scrimped and saved and been very reasonable this whole time but this is something I really feel like I need to enjoy the day, and I know it will make the whole day so much better than it could be without her.

I honestly feel like I could have just not said something and later on explained that our DOC was someone to help with the wedding without explaining to FH exactly how she came to be a part of the wedding and it would've been totally fine in his mind and he wouldn't have thought about the extra expense (especially since it's coming from mine and my dad's money).

I never hide anything from FH, and this is no exception. Looking back, though, I don't think it would've been a big deal not to have told him in advance. You have to determine if your situation is similar.

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Posted by JenBill61210

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Posted by MikesBride2B

Honestly, I don't think its a good idea to not tell him about it. To me it seems like a bad way to start a life together (on lies)

Sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear.

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I agree with this.

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I second this!

Personally I would just tell him now, whether its now or closer to the wedding it will be the same thing. Not only that but what if he calls while youre meeting with the DOC or talks to you before you go and will ask you what youre gonna do that day, you're gonna have to lie about it. If it were done to me, i would be more upset about the lying and being sneaky rather than the money and in the end might be the bigger argument. Just tell him while he is away, and this will give him time to cool down by the time he gets home. Infact, this might be the best time to tell him bc it gives him that time to get over it lol.

I hired a DOC but i paid for it and didnt ask him for the money so the way i saw it was, hey it was my money and not like i was taking money out of something else we could've used for the wedding, so i spent it how i wanted to. He encouraged it though but with other wedding things its what i did.

Just make it clear...this is what you need not to be a hysterical crying mess on your wedding day.
Nobody wants a crying bride.

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Posted by Espo22

Personally I would just tell him now, whether its now or closer to the wedding it will be the same thing. Not only that but what if he calls while youre meeting with the DOC or talks to you before you go and will ask you what youre gonna do that day, you're gonna have to lie about it. If it were done to me, i would be more upset about the lying and being sneaky rather than the money and in the end might be the bigger argument. Just tell him while he is away, and this will give him time to cool down by the time he gets home. Infact, this might be the best time to tell him bc it gives him that time to get over it lol.

I hired a DOC but i paid for it and didnt ask him for the money so the way i saw it was, hey it was my money and not like i was taking money out of something else we could've used for the wedding, so i spent it how i wanted to. He encouraged it though but with other wedding things its what i did.

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ITA