I read it through and not to sound harsh, but I'm going w/ FH on this one and here is why: If I had the chance to take the HM you are, I would but we don't have that kind of $$ or time. It's a 20 city cruise you said correct? Is one day w/ his family going to ruin your whole HM, I would say no.
i get it - its YOUR HM, a time for you and your DH to spend together but if its important to him don't you think you should meet him in the middle too? You are getting 19 other cities just the 2 of you.
If I had the chance to go to Italy and meet all my relatives who I have never even seen or spoken to in my life I would expect my DH to be all about it. Yes, your DH has spoken to them but like you said, when will you have another vaca to do such a thing?
Maybe invite them to do the excursion w/ you in Palermo and kill 2 birds w/ 1 stone.
I think the bigger issue is FH opening his mouth to his family before talking to you first about this - that I agree with you 100%. No decisions should be made about your HM w/ out you being involved.
That's just my 2cents.
I agree with this... maybe his family can go on that excursion with you that day
KKS37
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Re: Am I Wrong?
You are NOT wrong at all. I can sympathize. FH and I are thinking about going to Hawaii. A girl he was friends with in High School lives in Hawaii so he keeps saying he wants to meet up with her one of the days on our honeymoon. He doesn't talk to her other than a random 'hello, how are you' text message every now and then. I've met her once and talked to her for 5 minutes. Why on earth would I want to spend an entire day with her on MY honeymoon!!!!! He says she can take us to cool spots that only a local would know of and if he's going all the way to Hawaii it would be rude to not see her.
Seriously???? I am right with you. This is our honeymoon, we should be able to spend the entire time alone with our FH's... since who knows when that opportunity will come a long again once we have babies and own a house and have a million expenses!
Moonmist09
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Re: Am I Wrong?
Posted by leesah85
Posted by WeezyGirl2354
I read it through and not to sound harsh, but I'm going w/ FH on this one and here is why: If I had the chance to take the HM you are, I would but we don't have that kind of $$ or time. It's a 20 city cruise you said correct? Is one day w/ his family going to ruin your whole HM, I would say no.
i get it - its YOUR HM, a time for you and your DH to spend together but if its important to him don't you think you should meet him in the middle too? You are getting 19 other cities just the 2 of you.
If I had the chance to go to Italy and meet all my relatives who I have never even seen or spoken to in my life I would expect my DH to be all about it. Yes, your DH has spoken to them but like you said, when will you have another vaca to do such a thing?
Maybe invite them to do the excursion w/ you in Palermo and kill 2 birds w/ 1 stone.
I think the bigger issue is FH opening his mouth to his family before talking to you first about this - that I agree with you 100%. No decisions should be made about your HM w/ out you being involved.
That's just my 2cents.
ITA with Eloise on this one.
You don't have to spend time with them the whole day - why don't you meet them for lunch or dinner? and find an excursion you and FH can do alone and just kill a couple of hours with them before your ship leaves?
ITA with you Antonella because I would probably have the same initial reaction, but I think that's what marriages are all about - a lot of give and take. No one's saying you have to go to their house and sit on their couch and eat pasta. Tell them what you're doing while you're there, and if they want to join you, they're more than welcome to. You should dictate what goes on, not them.
Moonmist09
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Posted by KKS37
You are NOT wrong at all. I can sympathize. FH and I are thinking about going to Hawaii. A girl he was friends with in High School lives in Hawaii so he keeps saying he wants to meet up with her one of the days on our honeymoon. He doesn't talk to her other than a random 'hello, how are you' text message every now and then. I've met her once and talked to her for 5 minutes. Why on earth would I want to spend an entire day with her on MY honeymoon!!!!! He says she can take us to cool spots that only a local would know of and if he's going all the way to Hawaii it would be rude to not see her.
Seriously???? I am right with you. This is our honeymoons, we should be able to spend the entire time alone with our FH's... since who knows when that opportunity will come a long again once we have babies and own a house and have a million expenses!
i COMPLETELY agree with you!
merbride
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ugh very true...this is such added stress you dont need take it from someone who hates giving in... i just think it might be easier to let FH have his way on this one... you might never get to meet that family again
Moonmist09
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Posted by michellelovesjohn
tough situation...my entire family is from palermo...we know them well, as i visit often...but i purposely chose an itinerary that did not include palermo...because i knew i would have to drag fh to my family's house...lol
HOWEVER...just so you know, IMO there is not much to see in Palermo...its a city, its like a small version of Manhattan and if you were forced to visit family, you wouldn't be missing much...
Side note: FH's family is from athens, which is one the stops on our 10 night HM cruise...but he doesnt know them as well...and we made it clear that there was know way that we would have time to see everybody in one day and because it is our HM, we prefer to do our own thing and if they want to meet us at the ship for a few minutes before we sail thats fine.
i've been told by several people that there really isn't much to see in Palermo as it is, but honestly, that is beside the point, because just like i am sure with mosst of you, as long as FH & I are together we can make anything fun
Moonmist09
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Posted by merbride
ugh very true...this is such added stress you dont need take it from someone who hates giving in... i just think it might be easier to let FH have his way on this one... you might never get to meet that family again
KKS37
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If FH is REALLY insisting and you feel like you have to compromise.... I'd tell them to meet you near the boat close to the time that you have to be back on the boat so that you can do whatever you want most of the time you're there... and then I would hope that they don't want to make the trip over there to see you guys for the short time that you have left! I would definitely not dedicate the entire day to visiting them nor would I travel to see them. You're the guest, they can meet you wherever you might be!
AdriandSteve
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Re: Am I Wrong?
I understand his thinking b/c since you don't see this people often (or ever) this is an opportunity to see them. BUT, I also agree that the honeymoon is for the 2 of you to be honeymooners. Perhaps a compromise would be seeing his fam and then doing something that YOU want to do that he isn't/wasn't too thrilled with.
I'm not sure how long you'll be in the town that his family was at but if they can meet you somewhere for lunch or something that might be a compromise too. But it has to end with just lunch.
Moonmist09
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Posted by KKS37
If FH is REALLY insisting and you feel like you have to compromise.... I'd tell them to meet you near the boat close to the time that you have to be back on the boat so that you can do whatever you want most of the time you're there... and then I would hope that they don't want to make the trip over there to see you guys for the short time that you have left! I would definitely not dedicate the entire day to visiting them nor would I travel to see them. You're the guest, they can meet you wherever you might be!
this is what i said to FH, have them meet us after the excursion at a local coffee shop and we can hang out with them for an hour or something before the boat has to leave.
adelz
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Posted by Moonmist09
Posted by KKS37
If FH is REALLY insisting and you feel like you have to compromise.... I'd tell them to meet you near the boat close to the time that you have to be back on the boat so that you can do whatever you want most of the time you're there... and then I would hope that they don't want to make the trip over there to see you guys for the short time that you have left! I would definitely not dedicate the entire day to visiting them nor would I travel to see them. You're the guest, they can meet you wherever you might be!
this is what i said to FH, have them meet us after the excursion at a local coffee shop and we can hang out with them for an hour or something before the boat has to leave.
I think that's a pretty good compromise.
Moonmist09
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Posted by adelz
Posted by Moonmist09
Posted by KKS37
If FH is REALLY insisting and you feel like you have to compromise.... I'd tell them to meet you near the boat close to the time that you have to be back on the boat so that you can do whatever you want most of the time you're there... and then I would hope that they don't want to make the trip over there to see you guys for the short time that you have left! I would definitely not dedicate the entire day to visiting them nor would I travel to see them. You're the guest, they can meet you wherever you might be!
this is what i said to FH, have them meet us after the excursion at a local coffee shop and we can hang out with them for an hour or something before the boat has to leave.
I think that's a pretty good compromise.
Jennielee15
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Hmmmmmm........ I'm gonna have to agree with your FH on this one. Sorry! I live far from family and given the opportunity to visit them, even on my honeymoon, I would jump at the chance! You have a long trip planned so what is wrong with giving one day for his family. He already bent on the one cousin, so I say either take that day to yourselves or suck it up and visit with his family. It's only one day out of 20. JMHO. Sorry its not what you wanted to hear.
cc2011
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Posted by Moonmist09
Posted by cc2011
Antonella, you are NOT WRONG at all!!!! This is the EXACT reason I refuse to go to Italy on my honeymoon. A honeymoon is not meant to spend with your family...it's YOU and FH only!!!
It's one thing if you guys were just vacationing in Italy...fine....but NOT on your honeymoon. I'm very passionate about this because FH brought it up last year and I blantantly stated...HELL NO! You won't have any privacy whatsoever! It's not fair to you at all! Do you think that he feels forced to go to visit because his relatives know he's going to Italy for his honeymoon? When my sister went to Italy w/ her friends all she told relatives was that she was going to be in town for one or two days and then went off to do her own thing as she originally had planned with her friends.
Is FH open to the idea of visiting his relatives in Italy the following year maybe instead of using your HM?
Let me tell you...I COMPLETELY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!! Just because you don't want to visit his relatives on your honeymoon does NOT mean you are not family-oriented!!!
I can't even begin to tell you some of the b.s. I've had to nip in the bud already regarding some things!!!!
I'm here if you need to talk...
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! and whenever this comes up in front of his family, i never say anything because i do not want to start problems, especially in front of them, so i let my blood simmer down and say nothing and then when FH and I are alone i tell him again how we haven't discussed anything so don't say yes we are going to do anything when nothing has been decided yet! the thing is, when we first told people we were going on this cruise and where it would stop, the first thing his parents said was, oh! you should stop and see so and so and they can show you around. again, ididn't say anything and let it go and told him we would talk about it later since we had booked this cruise last year and it was still so far away. then when his sisters found out, they chimed in with the same bs! um, excuse me, did you go visit family when you went on your HM? no? so then how come i have to? mind your business and keep your moouths shut because you were family free and problem free and only the 2 of you when you went on your HM's so now leave me alone. if you want to go visit your families so much in Italy - YOU GO! we can't go in 2012 because we plan to start our family pretty quickly so we will be land locked for a few years
YESSSSSS!! You're exactly like me!!! It's your wedding, your honeymoon- you and FH make the decisions...NO ONE ELSE!!! Hands down w/o a doubt- you WILL get trapped when you go to Italy once you start visiting family!!! You know how everything plays out...it's the same story in every Sicilian town!!!! So and so from this town wants to come by and see the son of so and so. You have to have dinner here and then there!!! OHHHHH NOOOOO, NOOOO, NOOOOO!!!! Not on a honeymoon!!! That's not a honeymoon AT ALL!!!! His sister's had their wedding so they should BUTT out!!! It's not their place....it's no one's place to discuss this except you and FH.
I don't understand why some people feel the need to stick their nose in other people's business...I get the same nonsense and half the time, I'm flipping out like a maniac!!! I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wish we could elope some days!!! Definitely try to talk to FH, but be firm- it's your honeymoon as well!!! Ughhhh...I feel your frustration!!!
cc2011
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Re: Am I Wrong?
Posted by Moonmist09
Posted by adelz
Posted by Moonmist09
Posted by KKS37
If FH is REALLY insisting and you feel like you have to compromise.... I'd tell them to meet you near the boat close to the time that you have to be back on the boat so that you can do whatever you want most of the time you're there... and then I would hope that they don't want to make the trip over there to see you guys for the short time that you have left! I would definitely not dedicate the entire day to visiting them nor would I travel to see them. You're the guest, they can meet you wherever you might be!
this is what i said to FH, have them meet us after the excursion at a local coffee shop and we can hang out with them for an hour or something before the boat has to leave.
I think that's a pretty good compromise.
i thought so too but he wouldn't give me a straight answer about it so i just dropped the whole subject because it always ends like this. we'll have to figure something soon because there are already limited excursions left on this cruise. we booked all of them except for 3, and this city is one of them!
I think that's an EXCELLENT compromise!! Let them come to you...coffee for an hour and good-bye! If you go to them, there's no escaping...
chris1082
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I just saw this (sorry so late in the game) and I wanted to say that I 1000% agree with you!
FH and I don't even want to make friends with other couples on our HM, let alone visit family! And I know that sounds anti-social, but we are with our friends all the time (and we absolutely love that we have such a close knit group) and take trips with them all the time, but our HM is reserved for just us. No visiting family (not that we have any in Turks & Caicos lol) and not to spend 9 nights getting wasted with people we'll never see again. A HM is just to spend the time together IMO.
You are DEF not wrong!! I would be upset, even for 1 day. I hope it works out!
HSsweethearts
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Posted by Reinhart2be
I'm going with FH on this one. You have an amazing opportunity to spend time with his family in their native village. This is probably a once in a lifetime thing. Imagine showing your children video/photos of Aunt Blah Blah's in Italy.
FH might never get to see these people again. It is 7 hours out of a 20 day honeymoon. Give in.
ITA!
You're all the way there, you'll be near them, why not spend some time with them? it's almost a slap in the face if you don't. Plus, what a greta opportunity. You'll have a lot of days to be alone. This will make the HM that much more special
FutureMrsDe
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My mom tried to pull the same BS with me. i am going to Rome and she was like oh you should contact our family that lives there and go visit with them and i was like stop right there. FH comes everywhere to every family party here, he doesn't need to be visiting my family on our hm ! He should be sticking up for you .
SoonToBeMrsCali
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Ok I read your original post and I see both of your points. I kinda agree with FH though. You keep saying that the honeymoon is about you and FH but there are gonna be people on the cruise and tours that are also strangers that you will hang out with too - dinner on the ship, events, etc. You will have so much time with FH throughout the honeymoon so I think a little time with his family won't hurt. But make sure FH is clear to them that it would be easier if they met halfway or came to the dock based on the tours/docking schedule. It's not like they are telling you to go stay with them while you're near their city either. Imagine your Italian relatives (although distant, still relatives) coming so close to you yet you won't be able to see them because they didn't want to travel a few hours to see you. I don't know, that's just another way of looking at it.
But, I think the main issue is that he shouldn't be discussing HM plans with anyone before discussing with you.
Sorry that you are going through this though dear.. Hope it all works out fine!
Moonmist09
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Re: Am I Wrong? *w/ Update*
Posted by chris1082
I just saw this (sorry so late in the game) and I wanted to say that I 1000% agree with you!
FH and I don't even want to make friends with other couples on our HM, let alone visit family! And I know that sounds anti-social, but we are with our friends all the time (and we absolutely love that we have such a close knit group) and take trips with them all the time, but our HM is reserved for just us. No visiting family (not that we have any in Turks & Caicos lol) and not to spend 9 nights getting wasted with people we'll never see again. A HM is just to spend the time together IMO.
You are DEF not wrong!! I would be upset, even for 1 day. I hope it works out!
