Anyone feel too young...

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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thanks for your advice!! :) The truth is I have been living on my own for 6 years now in foreign countries....4 in canada and 2 in mexico doing all those things, paying rent , utilities, dealing with all the details of being out on your own. FH and I have been living together for almost 2 years now and have been through so much! I just get a little worried now and then b/c of the fact u mentioned about divorce rates and all. The thing is, waiting isn't going to change much. After we finish med school we start 3-5 yrs of residency and then fellowships and so on...we wont actually be financially set until we are well into our 30s and neither of us want to wait that long. thanks again

I feel too young sometimes, but not because I actually AM, but rather that I'm just a victim of circumstance. I'm 24 now, I was engaged at 23, and I will be just over 2 months away from my 25th bday when we get married. FH on the other hand is 28, was engaged at 27, and will be 29 when we get married.

However, both of us live home, and never went away to school, just commuted. We don't have the experience of having to take care of ourselves. I'm a little more self sufficient though...if no one is around to prepare lunch for FH, he won't eat. Clearly, we are not real adults, and should not be getting our own invitation let alone be getting married

Honestly, I think it will be a big adjustment for us because we haven't been on our own and had many life experiences yet, but I also think it's normal to feel that way. Besides, you can only get divorced if both of you sign the papers, and I'm not signing, so there goes that theory.

I'm 28 and sometimes I feel the exact same way - it's so surreal, the whole thing.

I think it is very normal for you to feel this way and I don't think it necesarily matters how old you are.

There are no rules or guidelines to what makes a marriage work. Sometimes certain things matter & other times they don't. It all depends on the circumstance & the people involved. Age is JUST a number...maturity is a whole other ball of wax. Reflect on what you want and WHY. Be honest with yourself & your partner. DO NOT let others sway you. Live your life for you!

BTW, I'm 29. FH is 35. We are professionals. I had to learn some of the above lessons the hard way.

I happen to think that there is no real age that you can put on 'being too young to be married'. Everyone is different and everyone views their priorities differently than others. In my case, FH and I have been dating almost 6 years and he proposed 2 months ago. I had just turned 26 and he just turned 27. We never lived alone as we both still live with our parents. That is one thing we are totally thrilled about since it will be a new experience for us not having to make plans and commute back and forth to each other when hanging out. He did wait until I completed my MBA first before proposing, which I did last May, because he wanted to make sure I got that out of the way. He was afraid that if we got married while I was still in school, the expenses and adjustments of living on our own might cause me to stop my education, which he didn't want.

On the other hand, many of my friends got married while in college and many of them went back after they were married for their Master's. It really does depend on each person's situation. You have a long line of schooling ahead of you and atleast you are both in the same field, so it's not like he will be home while you are doing your residencies. I think you will be fine and you might just have a few wedding jitters! =) Don't worry, I got them the other night because I was freaking out about not knowing how to iron clothes and him going to work with wrinkly shirts.....i know i know.....

Best of luck to you and tell anyone who voices their opinions to keep it to themselves..... =)

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Posted by GiannisWifey

I happen to think that there is no real age that you can put on 'being too young to be married'. Everyone is different and everyone views their priorities differently than others. In my case, FH and I have been dating almost 6 years and he proposed 2 months ago. I had just turned 26 and he just turned 27. We never lived alone as we both still live with our parents. That is one thing we are totally thrilled about since it will be a new experience for us not having to make plans and commute back and forth to each other when hanging out. He did wait until I completed my MBA first before proposing, which I did last May, because he wanted to make sure I got that out of the way. He was afraid that if we got married while I was still in school, the expenses and adjustments of living on our own might cause me to stop my education, which he didn't want.

On the other hand, many of my friends got married while in college and many of them went back after they were married for their Master's. It really does depend on each person's situation. You have a long line of schooling ahead of you and atleast you are both in the same field, so it's not like he will be home while you are doing your residencies. I think you will be fine and you might just have a few wedding jitters! =) Don't worry, I got them the other night because I was freaking out about not knowing how to iron clothes and him going to work with wrinkly shirts.....i know i know.....

Best of luck to you and tell anyone who voices their opinions to keep it to themselves..... =)

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thanks so much!!! i think you are right...jitters :)

I'll be 23 when we get married and I'll be just starting grad school for nursing...

i've never felt too young to get married... my parents were married at 21 and 25 years later they are still happily married !!!

It really has nothing to do with age, but maturity and responsibility. I have been working a full-time job for over two years, since I was 18, and have worked since I was 16. I have more responsibility than anyone I know who is my age, and I am more mature than most 30 year olds I know. Age is really irrelevant I feel.

But hey, apparently I am bound for divorce... just like my parents AND my FIL's (both happily married for 30+ years) who got married when they were 21-24

I don't feel that way at all. Then again, I'll be 2 months shy of 28 when we get married and FH will be 30. On top of that, and even more pressing, FH and I will have been together for 10 YEARS when we get married and living together for almost 4. So really, I've been ready for this for like the past 2 or 3 years now.

I do agree however, with making sure that you are your own person, but that doesn't necessarily come just with your age. Having my own identity, aside from FH is very important to me. I don't want to be known as just 'Mike's fiance.' I want to be known to people for things that I've done or am without FH. Hence the reason I went to college and grad school, have a career of my own, and have some of my own friends. Remember, our FH's want to marry us because of who we are......not because of who they want us to be.

For those that tell you you're too young, or your marriage won't work, tell them to F-off. It's really none of their business. And if you really want to go into statistics, 50% of all marriages end in divorce anyway.......regardless of age. You just have to take your chances. My parents were in their late 20's and early 30's when they got married, and 30 years later they got divorced. FH's parents on the other hand got married in their early 20's and are still going strong 30 years later.

It's all a matter of chance, hard work, and understanding.

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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A statistic is just that . . . a statistic. Not all young couples end in divorce and plenty of couples in their 30's, 40's get divorced. JMO, but don't let age stop you from getting married if that is what you want. I know plenty of people in their 20's that shouldn't get marrried, but I also know plenty that should. If you have that gut feeling that he is 'the one' and you stand by each other, then everything else will work itself out. Good Luck and hope everything works out. Only you and FH know if it's right for you.

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Posted by marinai7

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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A statistic is just that . . . a statistic. Not all young couples end in divorce and plenty of couples in their 30's, 40's get divorced. JMO, but don't let age stop you from getting married if that is what you want. I know plenty of people in their 20's that shouldn't get marrried, but I also know plenty that should. If you have that gut feeling that he is 'the one' and you stand by each other, then everything else will work itself out. Good Luck and hope everything works out. Only you and FH know if it's right for you.

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Personally I would NEVER tell anyone I met on LIW to wait to get married because I think they are too young due to STATISTICS!!!!!!!! Especially someone who is in the middle of wedding planning already. It comes across as VERY RUDE!

If you knew the situation in real life then that might be a different story.

NOT only that BUT ALL PEOPLE ARE DIFFERNT and they all mature at different rates!! I know some 23 year olds who are wayyyyy more mature than some friends I have who are in their early 30's!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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Who are YOU to tell people to wait to get married??? I am speechless....

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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Who are YOU to tell people to wait to get married??? I am speechless....

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I'm RIGHT there with you my friend!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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Who are YOU to tell people to wait to get married??? I am speechless....

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I'm RIGHT there with you my friend!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

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I didn't tell anyone not to get married. I told her that if her gut feeling tells her that she is not ready for all of this then your gut feeling is almost always right. I added that statistically people who get married in their early 20's have much higher divorce rates because they probably were not ready to be married in the first place. I don't think it matters at all that she is in the middle of planning her wedding. I would rather stop in the middle and save myself alot of future hardship if I discovered that I was not ready to be married. That is not to say that she and her FH are not meant for each other, maybe they just need to wait a little while longer until they are older and feel more ready. It is not a great idea to get married if you are not 100% ready for it. That goes for any age.

Sometimes I feel too young but then I think how long me and FH been together. We are going on 8 years and I've been with him since I was 15 years old. Now I am 23 I finished my BA and he finished college as well. We both have our careers. So I think this is the perfect time, we both want to make this step. His 25 going on 26 and he said it's time for us to make this move. As long as we ready and we both want this I don't see any problems. I don't think their an age for marriage. Is either your ready for that commitment or not. I plan to go for my masters and so does he after our first year of marriage. We planned everything so I think so far so good. Don't worry, if your ready that's what counts don't think about how young you are. People will always talk.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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Who are YOU to tell people to wait to get married??? I am speechless....

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I'm RIGHT there with you my friend!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

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First of all, this was not a post to get an opinion of whether you think this girl should 'wait a few years' or whether you think she is ready for marriage. Every person is different and nobody on her but the person who posted this question knows whether or not she is ready for marriage. I am sure she is smart enough to know what is right and wrong for her and I don't think that is your place to make a comment like that. People get married at 20 years old and have stronger marriages than some people who get married at 40. Age is just a number and as the other girls said, maturity is the most important thing. It takes 2 mature people to make a marriage work, regardless of their age. Just because I will be married at 27 doesn't mean that I am better than a 21 year old getting married. When it is right it is right and that is nobody's call but THEIRS.

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Posted by leeserd

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

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Posted by leeserd

Not to scare anyone but people wo get married in their early twenties have the highest divorce rates. I didn't make this up...you can look it up, its true. I would imagine that is because it is very important to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual before you allign your self with someone else. It is important to know that you can stand on your own without this other person. Like do you know what it is like to have your own apartment and have to pay rent, utilities, cable, a car payment, and student loan payments all by yourself with no one else to turn to? These things are very important. Then you add the stress of being in school on top of that and it can get very hard because you don't have 2 full incomes and there is alot of pressure. My adivce would be if you can wait until your older then you'll be better off. If you love each other then its not going anywhere. Your gut feeling is usually correct so if you feel like your too young and your not ready for all of this then your probably not but you will be in a few years so just wait a lil while.

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Who are YOU to tell people to wait to get married??? I am speechless....

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I'm RIGHT there with you my friend!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

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I didn't tell anyone not to get married. I told her that if her gut feeling tells her that she is not ready for all of this then your gut feeling is almost always right. I added that statistically people who get married in their early 20's have much higher divorce rates because they probably were not ready to be married in the first place. I don't think it matters at all that she is in the middle of planning her wedding. I would rather stop in the middle and save myself alot of future hardship if I discovered that I was not ready to be married. That is not to say that she and her FH are not meant for each other, maybe they just need to wait a little while longer until they are older and feel more ready. It is not a great idea to get married if you are not 100% ready for it. That goes for any age.

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I never said you told anyone to NOT get married... MY QUOTE was regarding telling them to WAIT to get married!! The OP posted that she feels young because OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT TO HER!!! GEE I WONDER WHO THOSE OTHER PEOPLE ARE???? PEOPLE LIKE YOU I SUPPOSE!!!!