Brides Helping Brides ™ - Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Iluvpoodles Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:08 PM

Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

My fiancee and I are planning and paying for our wedding. I'm very independent and like doing things and making decisions on my own. Even after I ask me maid of honor to be in my wedding and I don't plan on relying on her for planning or anything like that. I keep my family updated but don 't give them a rundown of every place we went to and don't plan on having my mom escort me to these places except when I get my dress. My financee on the other hand wants his family involved in the planning. I enjoy suggestions from both families but we really don't need any.

DnT2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:12 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

i think its important to remember, its NOT all about you. its the joining of two families and is a very exciting time for everyone. i would just be thrilled that your FMIL is interested and wants to be involved. that doesnt mean you have to listen to all of her suggestions but i wouldnt shut her out completely, i think thats kinda mean. its her sons wedding too. sorry, i dont mean to offend you, this is obviously JMHO.

Yankees2323 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:14 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

im not involving them with anything... they ask hows the planning going and actually we are done.. lol so its just paying for it now... so unless they want to be involved in that then nope...

KatieG2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:14 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by DnT2010

i think its important to remember, its NOT all about you. its the joining of two families and is a very exciting time for everyone. i would just be thrilled that your FMIL is interested and wants to be involved. that doesnt mean you have to listen to all of her suggestions but i wouldnt shut her out completely, i think thats kinda mean. its her sons wedding too. sorry, i dont mean to offend you, this is obviously JMHO.

ITA!!!! Eventhough we are the brides and the wedding is about the bride yadda yadda yadda it wouldn't be anything without the groom. FH and I are paying for our wedding as well but we offer and take suggestions from both sides- I would not want it any other way.

MrsC2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:16 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

we keep them updated as to how our plans are going but thats really it so far...

20mrsc10 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:16 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

fmil is involved with everything-i keep her updated with every place we visit, and she's come with me to florists..

fsil is my moh

maybe fmil wants to invite your parents over? i think its traditional for this to happen..it is a combination of families, and her son is getting married too

jmo though

Iluvpoodles Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:17 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

No ,I agree but in general it's usually all about her so I just don't want her now turning this into her wedding and not ours. When she offers suggestions we take them BUT we know already what we want and don't want.

DnT2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:18 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by Iluvpoodles

No ,I agree but in general it's usually all about her so I just don't want her now turning this into her wedding and not ours. When she offers suggestions we take them BUT we know already what we want and don't want.

i get this.. people have made OFF THE WALL suggestions that i would NEVER go for. but just smile and take it and then do what you want anyway. thats the least confrontational way to go about it. and at this point i just want to include anyone who wants to be included with the least amount of drama possible!

KatieG2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:21 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by Iluvpoodles

No ,I agree but in general it's usually all about her so I just don't want her now turning this into her wedding and not ours. When she offers suggestions we take them BUT we know already what we want and don't want.

I hate to bud in however it seems that there have been issues since begin wedding planning even started. In this situation I would include FMIL with minor things- not any major decisions because it is her son's wedding and she may hold it against you in the future. Whether you care or not i don't know but there is nothing worse when the husband is put in a position to choose between his mother and his wife..

DnT2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:21 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by tHEBRide2010

Posted by Iluvpoodles

No ,I agree but in general it's usually all about her so I just don't want her now turning this into her wedding and not ours. When she offers suggestions we take them BUT we know already what we want and don't want.

I hate to bus in however it seems that there have been issues since begin wedding planning even started. In this situation I would include FMIL with minor things- not any major decisions because it is her son and she may hold it against you in the future. Whether you care or not i don't know but there is nothing worse when the husband is put in a position to choose between his mother or his wife..

i couldnt have said it better myself.

Lsorrent Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:26 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by DnT2010

i think its important to remember, its NOT all about you. its the joining of two families and is a very exciting time for everyone. i would just be thrilled that your FMIL is interested and wants to be involved. that doesnt mean you have to listen to all of her suggestions but i wouldnt shut her out completely, i think thats kinda mean. its her sons wedding too. sorry, i dont mean to offend you, this is obviously JMHO.

I have to agree with this. Also, who's paying for the wedding? Are they contributing in any way??? If so, then their opinion should definitely hold some weight.

With us, this is their first child getting married, so we are involving them when we can. They have offered suggestions, and some I've taken, others I haven't. For instance, originally, FH and I wanted a DJ, but my father and FIL's wanted a band. We decided to go with a band. We also wanted to get married at FH's church instead of mine (even though we're ending up at mine b/c of other issues), so FMIL made some initial phone calls for us.

When we started looking at halls, I ran down the list with FMIL b/c I know she's very critical and will give her honest opinion. There was one on my list that she had been to and didn't like, so I crossed it off. Then when FH and I went to put the deposit down on our RH, we brought FIL's with us to see it.

Also, I just made a post how FIL's offered to pay for our honeymoon. So they will DEFINITELY be involved in that piece.

I want FIL's to be as involved as my parents because this is a big deal for all of us. Also, because I don't want to cause any problems.

No one says you have to take their suggestions, but I would at least let them voice their opinions.

Mrs Z To Be Posted: Mar 24, 2009 02:44 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by Iluvpoodles

No ,I agree but in general it's usually all about her so I just don't want her now turning this into her wedding and not ours. When she offers suggestions we take them BUT we know already what we want and don't want.

I feel you. same thing going on over here. FM me ANYTIME!! I understand!!

T E R I Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:01 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

we give them updates on what's going on. We are the one's paying for it all, but we like to keep them involved

Reymiliz Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:05 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

if shes like that .. she probably has a list of ppl for you to invite ... jmo .... i dont involcve anyone ... im paying to the final say is mine

emc282rjm Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:07 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

We are keeping both sets of parents in the loop but are ultimately making our own decisions. We're taking suggestions from people, but doing what feels right for us!

Nichole2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:08 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

I dont really include them...

i let them know how its going...

FMIL doesnt have good ideas and is too worried about how much things cost & how to save money even though she is loaded & they aren't gving up a penny towards it

Jna2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:10 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by DnT2010

i think its important to remember, its NOT all about you. its the joining of two families and is a very exciting time for everyone. i would just be thrilled that your FMIL is interested and wants to be involved. that doesnt mean you have to listen to all of her suggestions but i wouldnt shut her out completely, i think thats kinda mean. its her sons wedding too. sorry, i dont mean to offend you, this is obviously JMHO.

ita!!! i love my fmil but i get a little upset sometimes when shes not as eager to come with me places and offer her input... its nice to have people interested in your wedding

Nrauch8191 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:10 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Nooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyy!!! His mother is not giving a penny, therefore, decisions are all up to me...

soontobecruz Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:14 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

Posted by DnT2010

i think its important to remember, its NOT all about you. its the joining of two families and is a very exciting time for everyone. i would just be thrilled that your FMIL is interested and wants to be involved. that doesnt mean you have to listen to all of her suggestions but i wouldnt shut her out completely, i think thats kinda mean. its her sons wedding too. sorry, i dont mean to offend you, this is obviously JMHO.

ITA! I have the opposite problem. I don't have a FMIL, she passed away when FH was 13. I feel cheated I wish I had someone on his side interested, (even if there are times you don't want it). My FFIL is from Portugal and has no idea what a real wedding is like, (he and my FH's mom didn't have a real wedding, long story not important). Anyway.... Be thankful for what you do have. I agree your wedding decisions are ultimatley up to you and your FH but don't shut her out, she might only be trying to help and is proabaly just real excited for her son and for you.

stinenandy2010 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 03:14 PM

Re: Are you involving your future in-laws in your wedding plans?

i don't 'involve' them, but they ask about what's going on and i always show them the stuff we have done and what not....but the decisions are up to me and my mom.