so my friend just had his wedding this past friday, and he said he spent about $45k. he told me he only got about $10k in gifts. he had 135 guests. is this possible?!?!?
sorry if i seem shallow but FH and i are paying for this whole wedding ourselves and that would stink if that's all we got
mskittynj
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I only got about 13 so yeah I think that's possible.... XOXOXO Kitty
Nina
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I really just think it depends on your family and friends and what is the norm for them.
I have heard of christening where the baby takes home 10k, and weddings where they take home 30k.
It really just depends.
I wouldn't sweat it. You would be surprised how generous people are. We made about 5k at our e party and only had about 75 people(a lot of people who could not make it or were out of town sent $$ as well)
leshellem
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My Fh always says we will get back what we put in. I so did not go into this with that thinking at all. What we spend is gone. If we get some back great, but not banking on it. I know too many people who go in thinking that what they spend they will get back only to be sorely disappointed and starting a marriage in debt. If you plan your wedding expecting to get money back, honestly you are putting yourself and your marriage at risk. You should spend only what you have and not expect to get any of it back. Though I know I would never show up empty handed or w/o a decent monetary gift, there are people who will. These people are invited to share your day not the cost of your wedding.
Nina
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Posted by leshellem Though I know I would never show up empty handed or w/o a decent monetary gift, there are people who will. These people are invited to share your day not the cost of your wedding.
Well said.
NinaChris07
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I don't think it is the guest's responsibility to pay their way for a wedding party that we chose to have...
BUT - that being said,
I do not think you are shallow to think or wonder how much you will get in gifts.
We don't expect to make back what we paid, HOWEVER, we would much appreciate gifts to pay towards the wedding and house expenses... so I don't think its shallow to wonder what you will get in gifts, because unfortunately, most of us have to worry about money bc we are not filthy rich!!!
HollyMac
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I'm the last one to get married in my family and everyone has told me not to expect to make the money back.
BEANS
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It all depends. We made back entire cost minus about 5k and not including what we spent on our HM. Our wedding was 200 people.
lisalisa27
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I always felt the more you spend the less you get back. But then again it really depends. We will just be happy with what we get but will be helpful if we get back alot.
sarahthegreat
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don't expect to 'make back' what you spent. some people will be generous and some will give what thye can afford, not what you think they should give you.
lisalisa27
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Posted by sarahthegreat
don't expect to 'make back' what you spent. some people will be generous and some will give what thye can afford, not what you think they should give you.
Ditto
MF9282
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That stinks!!! We are paying for most of it on our own having 170-180 ppl hoping to make atleastt 25,000!!!
Bailey07
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Do people actually expect to get back in gift what they chose to pay for their wedding. I would hate to think that people would expect to get as much back as what they spent. We are having our wedding to have a good time and see all our family and friends, it's more fun for me to see others have a good. Of course everyone wants gifts but I know everyone that shows up will probably not have anything you need or can use but it's the effort that counts.
PapayaChic
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Posted by Nina
I really just think it depends on your family and friends and what is the norm for them.
I have heard of christening where the baby takes home 10k, and weddings where they take home 30k.
It really just depends.
I wouldn't sweat it. You would be surprised how generous people are. We made about 5k at our e party and only had about 75 people(a lot of people who could not make it or were out of town sent $$ as well)
yep it depends on family i had an eparty with 60-70 people and only made $1500 i dont expect to make that much on the wedding at all i know both families dont make much so ill be happy they'll be there at all, especially those travelling
MJDoc12
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sadly...that's about the ratio that we got. i mean we didn't have our wedding for the $$...if we got $100 bucks back, we were happy. but we definitely got less than 1/3 of the money that we put into the wedding.
what can ya do? i wouldn't trade it for anything...our wedding day was the best day of our lives and our guests had a good time. would it have been nice to get some extra moolah? hell yeah...but we still survived without it!
werock0709
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Posted by billandme
I guess I just look at it different................
It doesn't matter to me in the least how many gifts we get or even how much was spent on them.
I'm just honored that people are taking time out of their hectic life and will be spending money to travel to watch my FH and I get married. That to me is seriously a gift enough........
But I am well aware that people look at this differently too
You couldn't have said it better!! I agree wholeheartedly.
ntunison
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Am I the only one disappointed with this? I'm not going to lie and say that i don't care about hte gifts -- shiit, i need the gifts! Maybe that sounds selfish or whatever, but i'm not the only one that needs them.
My wedding was originally supposed to be about 100 people and intimate, it has escalated b/c of others expectations - and then i'm not allowed to think or wonder if I'm going to break even? I think not!
With the cost of weddings (and yes I chose things, no one forced me to do anything, but NOTHING was cheap) I think it's more than fair to expect for people to cover their plate!
We had about 100 people at our eparty and we got about $8K. So if it's comprable to that I will be happy.
rkl1130
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Posted by ntunison
Am I the only one disappointed with this? I'm not going to lie and say that i don't care about hte gifts -- shiit, i need the gifts! Maybe that sounds selfish or whatever, but i'm not the only one that needs them.
My wedding was originally supposed to be about 100 people and intimate, it has escalated b/c of others expectations - and then i'm not allowed to think or wonder if I'm going to break even? I think not!
With the cost of weddings (and yes I chose things, no one forced me to do anything, but NOTHING was cheap) I think it's more than fair to expect for people to cover their plate!
We had about 100 people at our eparty and we got about $8K. So if it's comprable to that I will be happy.
I agree with you. I would be a bit disappointed too!
Although FH and I have been together for almost 8 years, during that time we have been going to school and he had been deployed twice. So, people know that we don't have a lot.
We don't throw a wedding for the gifts, but to have a good time. Guests' gifts would be most welcome though and I hope they are generous.
leshellem
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Maybe I'm reading this all wrong, but it sounds like some of your girls weddings is a gig, in which you should be compensated for. I'll be the first to say that it would be nice to get money as a gift, but honestly some of you have gotten into the wedding planning for all the wrong reasons. The gift of showing up and supporting you truly is the greatest gift someone can give.
jessruth9
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I don't want to be negative but why does it matter? You chose what you wanted for your wedding and the price tag was there. The choices you make lead to the total cost of your wedding. I can't understand expecting to 'make back' anything. I have some family that is more well off and they sent us engagement gifts and checks. All of that was greatly appreciated but i would gladly give the money back to have more family at my wedding. I'm not in this for the gifts at all. I want to spend the rest of my life with FH and share that special moment with our families and friends. We are being concious in terms of spending but i honestly never considered what we 'would make' on the wedding.
NinaChris07
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I chuckle inside reading this thread, because in my one and a half year engagement (and time on LIW), this topic has come up sooo many times and people either take one adamant side or the other on this issue and it always becomes heated.
I can see both sides to this. On the one hand, I agree that you don't have a wedding to make gifts, and I don't think a guest is obligated to pay their way for a wedding that we chose to throw for ourselves. (for example, I am not going to give X friend whose parents are wealthy and throws her a reception at Oheka Castle more than I give Y friend who is paying her own way at a less expensive place).
That being said, we are human, it is really tough living in long island and hosting a wedding on long island (in which there are certain expectations by family members, etc) - so I don't think it is shallow to wonder or ask about gifts received (or anything regarding money, as it is totally natural)... it is an extra benefit, or nice side effect that family members and close friends give you a gift which will help send you off as you start your married life in your new apartment or house, etc.
