Are you kidding me???

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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Posted by coldasice217

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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I totally agree w/you. Especially a NY wedding we do expect $ @ our wedding, which is why the majority of us are getting wedding card box holders. I am not getting married 4 $ and i am sure we are all not getting married 4 that reason neither, but $ is expected especially from those that we know that got it like that.

on the one hand, i think someone in the BP has already shelled out so much cash by the time the wedding rolls around that if they were the people who stiffed me on gifts, i'd totally understand. from a BM, i would graciously take something small and thoughtful like that.

however, in response to some comments made by other ladies about the cash gift issue: when the people who love you know that you are 2 young people struggling to make a life for yourselves and you're paying for the wedding yourself, i think it's inconsiderate for them to expect a free lunch...or dinner, as the case may be. everybody (in NY) knows. everybody also knows that no one is 'making money' off the wedding. almost all of us are simply trying to cut our losses. I'm sorry, but barring economic strife as a reason, i think it's obnoxious to give something other than cash as a NYer @ a NY wedding.

i'm inclined to defend the OP when she says that it's easy to tout those morals when it's hypothetical. when someone gives your a coffeemaker at your wedding, let me know. and tell me all about how grateful you were.

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Posted by iYexie

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by egem523

JMO I think that is kind of rude. It is the thought that counts. Maybe it is something she had in mind to give at your bridal shower. Aren't your shower gifts consider a wedding gift too. Maybe she also intends to give $$$ on your wedding day also. But this is JMO

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ITA... and this is the BM that you felt wasn't really excited for you.... today she thought of a gift for you and you pretty much shot her down. So if she was working on changing her behavior this might have pushed it back to square one.
I think you should cut her a little slack. No matter how small or 'cheesy' the gift is you should always be gracious.
JMO

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I agree w/ both you girls!!!!!!!!

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me too... these are some tough times for people, i would be grateful for the thought- i would think twice before saying such things- karma may come around and bite you in the a$$!!!

its..funny. My sister and i had this convo recently. Almost all other states only give gifts! They have a gift table, and you register for your wedding just like a shower! I talk to many people all over the country, and they think its absurd on what we pay for a wedding, and what we 'expect' for a gift. I couldn't imagine going to a gift wedding! I would feel so cheap! But...on the other hand, thats how they do it all over. I think we have to respect what we get, cause i know some OOT people might bring gifts. Thank god its only 22 people..lmao I understand where you are coming from...it was shocking to hear your getting a gift as a wedding present, cause id prolly pee my pants, but at least its something. My gf had two people give nothing at her wedding, not even a card!

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Posted by coldasice217

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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ps...this is what the board is for, so you can vent....i dont think its nice to jump on someone about expressing their feelings. Im glad you wrote this post, cause you can! Your being honest, and real.

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Posted by coldasice217

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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I totally agree with you!!!! When I was reading some of the posts saying things like how can you expect money and you need to be grateful, etc.... I thought to myself YEAAAAAA RIGHT!!! If that happened to them, they'd be really annoyed. Some of us are paying out of pocket... my FH and I are paying for this wedding paycheck by paycheck when we have it. Some of us do not have parents helping, tons of money, etc.... and when the wedding comes along- like I said before, I'm not getting married for money only and nor am I expecting all of it back. My FH and I would only like maybe a couple of grand so that it can help us with a down payment on a house. I really dont think that is wrong to even think like that...

Also, you are not ungrateful or being petty.... like I said before, I would be mad too and so would a lot of brides....whether they want to admit it or not.

Yes, and people tell me you sometimes only make about half of what you put into your wedding.... I'm hoping just for anything- a couple grand would be nice to help out for a down payment on a house

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ugh! i hear ya... but seriously i just graduated from school and we're all getting married at the worst of times... i mean, couldnt the downfall of the economy hold off for a few years??!?! LOL

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OMG I was thinking the same thing a couple of weeks ago.... now I am afraid that people wont come to the wedding b/c of the economy.... I thought 'whyyyyyyyyyyyy is this happening now???' lol

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Posted by coldasice217

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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i agree that i would have thought the same thing as you did, but i think i wouldve said it differently or kept the thought to myself... i think people were more upset about how rude it came off as...

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Posted by coldasice217

I'm glad I caused such a stir .

Let's be brutally honest here for one moment. It's really easy to throw stones on a message board, but you're telling me that if you received that as a wedding gift, when you're struggling to pay for everything and every last bit helps, that you wouldn't have freaked?

If you say no, you're lying. Simple as that. Sure, you might *say* you're ok with it, but deep down, you'd be upset and hurt and a little angry.

That's totally fine that most don't agree with me here. Like I said, you don't know my friend, or the situations that have existed between us for many many years and the kind of jokingly sarcastic relationship we have with each other. We're brutal with each other, because we KNOW the other can take it, and dish it right back

You don't know me for that matter either. I don't appreciate being called petty and ungrateful, because I am neither. In my vent, it was hurt, disbelief, sadness and regret speaking. But since no one really cared about that and just wanted to start jumping, hope the glass houses don't break.

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While I totally see where you are coming from...you DID ask in your original post if you were totally out of line for saying what you said to her. You asked...people told you what they felt. No need to get defensive when you invited the difference in opinion.

That said...I would be a little annoyed myself if my good friend and BM wanted to get me ornaments for my wedding, but I don't think I would have said what you said. But then again, like you said, I don't know your relationship, so I really can't judge.

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Posted by Cacarina

While I totally see where you are coming from...you DID ask in your original post if you were totally out of line for saying what you said to her. You asked...people told you what they felt. No need to get defensive when you invited the difference in opinion.

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Fair enough. My issue now becomes that I'm just being real and honest, and I feel that a lot of the reactions were fake.

I mean, if I had instead said that I was hurt and upset by my BM, what should I do, would the reaction have been more favorable? Probably. But I'm not going to lose sleep over it. My sense of humor doesn't translate very well over AIM or boards and stuff, so I'm not expecting anyone to think I'm funny or get my tone.

2009 Public Enemy Number 1 has a nice ring to it

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Posted by coldasice217

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Posted by Cacarina

While I totally see where you are coming from...you DID ask in your original post if you were totally out of line for saying what you said to her. You asked...people told you what they felt. No need to get defensive when you invited the difference in opinion.

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Fair enough. My issue now becomes that I'm just being real and honest, and I feel that a lot of the reactions were fake.

I mean, if I had instead said that I was hurt and upset by my BM, what should I do, would the reaction have been more favorable? Probably. But I'm not going to lose sleep over it. My sense of humor doesn't translate very well over AIM or boards and stuff, so I'm not expecting anyone to think I'm funny or get my tone.

2009 Public Enemy Number 1 has a nice ring to it

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I totally agree, many people may have rushed to say 'It's the thought that counts' without actually thinking about what they would have felt if it were them in the same situation.

Dear Guests at my 2009 wedding,
Please make a huge donation to me and my fh. Id really like a new car, and fh would like to give it to me also....to bad hes broke. So im counting on you guys, fill those envelopes up! BBBBBBBBbbwwwwwwwaahahahahahahahahaahahahaha

Sincerely, the bride!