Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Original post by sarahradio5

Jan 19, 2006 11:38 AM

Just curious... my parents are footing about 80% of the wedding costs, we're doing about 20% and my fiance's mom is doing the rehearsal dinner...

I know there are different versions of who should pay what depending on what 'tradition' you go by... how is everyone here doing it? I would like to ask his mom to help with limos or videographer or something to help lessen the blow for us. It's so awkward and stressful!

J&D 09/16 Posted: Jan 21, 2006 08:45 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

FH's mom is paying for the rehearsal dinner. My parents are paying for the reception (food, drinks place). We're paying for everything else. I was not really upset until FFIL made some comment about how he wants to control the volume of the band because loud background noise bothers him and then started complaining about the cost of everything. I know they dont' have a lot of money but they gave FSIL 5k when she got married a year ago, they can at least antiup that much for their son.

sarahbelle Posted: Jan 21, 2006 08:45 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

FILs are very generous. They are paying for the RD and the photographer. My parents are not able to contribute to the wedding.

julybride06 Posted: Jan 22, 2006 06:19 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Mine are only doing the rehearsal dinner...

MrsStefan Posted: Jan 22, 2006 07:14 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Errrgggg, I hate dealing with this between FH, FILs, and my parents. My mom and dad are paying for the hall and FH are paying for everything else. FMIL has said 'if you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.' IMO, it's totally fine if you don’t want to contribute to the wedding but then DON’T ask us to do certain things that we can't pay for. My parents said that his parents will have a certain amount of people to invite and anything over that they will be left to pay for. FMIL said 'oh no, my son will pay for our guests'. We don’t have the money for all of their guests and this still has to be dealt with. On the contrary, we don’t know what they will give us as a 'gift'. We have heard from various family members that they will be giving us a generous gift. My mom feels that while a gift is wonderful, my parents are also giving a gift AND helping with the wedding.

It's very frustrating and in my case, caused MANY hard feelings. Needless to say, FILs and my parents didn’t start out on the right foot.

Long story short, FILS are not helping us pay for the wedding. However, FFIL is giving us his credit card points to use for the honeymoon.

ETA: FMIL said that she might pay for the rehearsal dinner but ONLY if we have it at a certain place. FH think that this one particular place is too far away from the church and the food is not that great. We have to figure this one out still.

JCam695 Posted: Jan 22, 2006 07:18 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Yes, thankfully.

They are paying for the RD, Morning After Brunch, and Photographer.

R&J0806 Posted: Jan 22, 2006 10:28 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Our families split the costs 50/50...though it has been such a heartache since they have an equal say in it that I wish my wedding was scaled down 50% and my dad was paying for it.

raisin Posted: Jan 22, 2006 10:55 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

natinwpb Posted: Jan 22, 2006 11:26 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

We're paying for everything. We're 32 and 33 and we felt like we should do it ourselves. Besides we're not having a big wedding so the expense is not that much.

eden Posted: Jan 23, 2006 12:25 AM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Everybody whose parents are pitching in is so lucky! :)

His parents do well for themselves but they are saving for retirement. My parents are retired and the thought has never occurred to them to help us out financially - they can't really afford to with 6 chilren. :(

FH and I are paying for everything ourselves - boohoo! So we're pretty much stuck with a budget wedding and/or our bargaining powers. :D

We should start a poll about this if there isn't one already. I'm just very curious.

sarahradio5 Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:29 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

BUMP... for all the girls on the other topic. A lot of people have issues with this... it was nice to share our feelings the last time... and NO ONE got mean. Everyone was VERY supportive.

RachelisEngaged Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:30 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

my fh's mom is doing my placecards and chocolate gift boxes. Besides that we are paying for almost EVERYTHING!

conigs25 Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:34 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

They gave us a HUGE chunk of cash when we got engaged and used it as our down paymt for our home. They also are paying for the florist. I thought that was a nice gesture considering they gave us so much $ already

eroxgirl Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:34 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

My inlaws didn't contribute one cent to our wedding.
My mom contributed about $200 - seriously.
My dad, FH and I paid the other 99.7%. My dad's girlfriend paid for the rehersal dinner because she's the most generous woman to ever live..

suven Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:35 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Posted by sarahradio5

BUMP... for all the girls on the other topic. A lot of people have issues with this... it was nice to share our feelings the last time... and NO ONE got mean. Everyone was VERY supportive.

okay, but you have to realize that the tone of this post and the tone of your post today were VERY different. Here you were kind of questioning whether or not you should ask her for help. Over there, you sound really pissed off that she sold a home, retired, and won't hand over the cash for the big party...

And, IMO, it still isn't right to ASK anyone to pay for limos, video, whatever...these are all YOUR things, not hers...

hmpena Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:39 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Posted by suven

Posted by sarahradio5

BUMP... for all the girls on the other topic. A lot of people have issues with this... it was nice to share our feelings the last time... and NO ONE got mean. Everyone was VERY supportive.

okay, but you have to realize that the tone of this post and the tone of your post today were VERY different. Here you were kind of questioning whether or not you should ask her for help. Over there, you sound really pissed off that she sold a home, retired, and won't hand over the cash for the big party...

I agree with this completely.

MattsBride Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:41 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Posted by princessofci

The day we went to sign the contract fmil and ffil came along with my father and fh to see the place because they had never heard of it. When our bm came in with the contract for my dad to sign it, ffil offered to pay for half of everything...it was very sweet, my father was blown away. It was a nice start to the union of our families

That's wonderful!

SomethingBlu Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:46 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Posted by suven

Posted by sarahradio5

BUMP... for all the girls on the other topic. A lot of people have issues with this... it was nice to share our feelings the last time... and NO ONE got mean. Everyone was VERY supportive.

okay, but you have to realize that the tone of this post and the tone of your post today were VERY different. Here you were kind of questioning whether or not you should ask her for help. Over there, you sound really pissed off that she sold a home, retired, and won't hand over the cash for the big party...

And, IMO, it still isn't right to ASK anyone to pay for limos, video, whatever...these are all YOUR things, not hers...

Well put suven!

This post was a 'question' post...the other was a 'vent' about a FMIL that 'retired and won't help'...totally different.

06NovBride Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:55 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

My dad is giving some money, my mom is giving some money (they're divorced), FILs are giving a little bit and we're putting in a whole bunch.

sarahradio5 Posted: Feb 03, 2006 01:56 PM

Re: Are your fiance's parents paying for anything?

Posted by SomethingBlu

Posted by suven

Posted by sarahradio5

BUMP... for all the girls on the other topic. A lot of people have issues with this... it was nice to share our feelings the last time... and NO ONE got mean. Everyone was VERY supportive.

okay, but you have to realize that the tone of this post and the tone of your post today were VERY different. Here you were kind of questioning whether or not you should ask her for help. Over there, you sound really pissed off that she sold a home, retired, and won't hand over the cash for the big party...

And, IMO, it still isn't right to ASK anyone to pay for limos, video, whatever...these are all YOUR things, not hers...

Well put suven!

This post was a 'question' post...the other was a 'vent' about a FMIL that 'retired and won't help'...totally different.

So I should apologize for 'venting'? A lot of people use these boards to vent. When I don't agree with people, I nicely offer my differing opinion, or I just don't respond. I don't get MEAN about it. I was upset MORE that my FH said he was going to ask her again (since she said she didn't know YET a few months back) now that circumstances have changed, and didn't, and now is saying he's going to wait 'until it gets closer to the day'. I just needed to know where I stand financially! I do the bills... not my FH. He doesn't understand how stressful it is, especially when we still have a question mark! And all this doesn't help the stress!