Bachelor Party

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Posted by dannisayz

Someone else touching them and making them aroused. I trust him. I know he won't be touching them. However, there is someone who is not me touching MY man. To me, it's sick.

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So is it a control thing? Meaning you want to be able to be the only one who arouses him?

Again, I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I'm really curious - I'm in the middle of writing a psychology paper that's due in 2 days, so I'm all about trhis stuff right now!

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by dannisayz

Someone else touching them and making them aroused. I trust him. I know he won't be touching them. However, there is someone who is not me touching MY man. To me, it's sick.

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So is it a control thing? Meaning you want to be able to be the only one who arouses him?

Again, I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I'm really curious - I'm in the middle of writing a psychology paper that's due in 2 days, so I'm all about trhis stuff right now!

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Not really. He watches porn and so do I. I don't care if the sight of another woman arouses him. I care if it is someone touching and caressing him that does it. I guess I feel it's cheating in a sense. I know he wouldn't want another man rubbing himself on me.

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by dannisayz

Someone else touching them and making them aroused. I trust him. I know he won't be touching them. However, there is someone who is not me touching MY man. To me, it's sick.

---

So is it a control thing? Meaning you want to be able to be the only one who arouses him?

Again, I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I'm really curious - I'm in the middle of writing a psychology paper that's due in 2 days, so I'm all about trhis stuff right now!

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I wouldn't say it is a control thing. It just has to do with monogamy. I think of it this way:

FH and I are in a committed relationship. On a normal day to day basis, we don't have sexual interactions with anyone but each other.

But at the bachelor party it is supposed to be legit for him to have a sexual interaction with another naked woman that involves her basically dry humping him and that's okay b/c money changes hands? Just never got that.

I have no desire to have some naked guy rub his shlong on me...and I wouldn't think it was appropriate for me to.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that is my rationale for not liking lap dances.

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Posted by dannisayz

Not really. He watches porn and so do I. I don't care if the sight of another woman arouses him. I care if it is someone touching and caressing him that does it. I guess I feel it's cheating in a sense. I know he wouldn't want another man rubbing himself on me.

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I hear ya. Aww, well, it sounds like FH is a great guy and doesn't want to upset you. Unfortunately you can't control his dirtbag friends.

I like the idea of a boys camping weekend....could they do something like that? Men. Roughing it. Beer. Fire. Sounds like a good time to me!

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Posted by lwny427

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by dannisayz

Someone else touching them and making them aroused. I trust him. I know he won't be touching them. However, there is someone who is not me touching MY man. To me, it's sick.

---

So is it a control thing? Meaning you want to be able to be the only one who arouses him?

Again, I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I'm really curious - I'm in the middle of writing a psychology paper that's due in 2 days, so I'm all about trhis stuff right now!

---

I wouldn't say it is a control thing. It just has to do with monogamy. I think of it this way:

FH and I are in a committed relationship. On a normal day to day basis, we don't have sexual interactions with anyone but each other.

But at the bachelor party it is supposed to be legit for him to have a sexual interaction with another naked woman that involves her basically dry humping him and that's okay b/c money changes hands? Just never got that.

I have no desire to have some naked guy rub his shlong on me...and I wouldn't think it was appropriate for me to.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that is my rationale for not liking lap dances.

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Ditto.

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by dannisayz

Not really. He watches porn and so do I. I don't care if the sight of another woman arouses him. I care if it is someone touching and caressing him that does it. I guess I feel it's cheating in a sense. I know he wouldn't want another man rubbing himself on me.

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I hear ya. Aww, well, it sounds like FH is a great guy and doesn't want to upset you. Unfortunately you can't control his dirtbag friends.

I like the idea of a boys camping weekend....could they do something like that? Men. Roughing it. Beer. Fire. Sounds like a good time to me!

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Tried that. Another NO.

bon bon
you make it sound like brokeback mountain

LOL

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Posted by lwny427

I wouldn't say it is a control thing. It just has to do with monogamy. I think of it this way:

FH and I are in a committed relationship. On a normal day to day basis, we don't have sexual interactions with anyone but each other.

But at the bachelor party it is supposed to be legit for him to have a sexual interaction with another naked woman that involves her basically dry humping him and that's okay b/c money changes hands? Just never got that.

I have no desire to have some naked guy rub his shlong on me...and I wouldn't think it was appropriate for me to.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that is my rationale for not liking lap dances.

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I totally hear ya.

Is your FH into the idea of going to a strip club for his BP? Or is he against it too?

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Posted by Snowflake08

bon bon
you make it sound like brokeback mountain

LOL

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(Hi Laura!)

oh man. Now THAT would be WORSE than a strip club - no?!

hmmmm
yea , i think it would be worse

i know for myself, i am very self conscious about my small chest
so if anything, i'd be jealous that he'd have big ones in his face, but as i posted earlier, FH doesnt know his brother is making his bachelor party jan 19

when i somewhat hinted about it, he said he didnt want it, he doesnt like it, its not him, etc

and that if he wanted some girl''s a$$ in his face it would be mine

LOL

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by lwny427

I wouldn't say it is a control thing. It just has to do with monogamy. I think of it this way:

FH and I are in a committed relationship. On a normal day to day basis, we don't have sexual interactions with anyone but each other.

But at the bachelor party it is supposed to be legit for him to have a sexual interaction with another naked woman that involves her basically dry humping him and that's okay b/c money changes hands? Just never got that.

I have no desire to have some naked guy rub his shlong on me...and I wouldn't think it was appropriate for me to.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that is my rationale for not liking lap dances.

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I totally hear ya.

Is your FH into the idea of going to a strip club for his BP? Or is he against it too?

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He knows my feelings on lapdances. I once referred to them as 'a legitimized form of cheating' and he got really freaked out and swore them off. He'll end up going to a strip club for his bp. I told him that it is okay for him to get lapdances at his bp, b/c it just will be expected of him. He is uncomfortable with it now knowing how I feel. He is not a big strip club guy to begin with, but he doesn't hate them either. Plans still aren't set yet for his. It really ends up being about all the guys though and not just the bachelor.

I trust him. He's not going to go bang a stripper or anything. If I thought he was, I wouldn't be marrying him. It's not that I think he would do anything aside from sit there and get the dance. Just that in itself is kind of icky, for complete lack of a better word. haha.

honestly, if FH get s a lap dance at his bp it would be funny....he is so ocd and 'mr. clean' he would flip out at the idea of this girl touching him.....the strippers would be more for the other guys then him.

We all have our own opinions and if its cheating...its all about trust...just be open with FH about it and put it all out on the table. If he loves you he will respect your feelings when it comes down to it....

I totally and completely sympathize with you. But how I feel or others feel about strippers is irrelevent to your situation.

I think that the fact that this is making YOU upset and uncomfortable is the main thing. You and your FH should sit down and really decide what will make the both of you happy. And you should not stop talking about this until find a comfortable compromise. FH should know that you are the priority, not his friends. If this is not something that either of you want, why are the friends running the show? He is getting married to you and he needs to put you first. The days where the buddies are #1 are over. That's for kids, not adults.

The 2 of you should decide what makes you both happy and then have the friends go along with it. If there are some friends that don't like it, then too bad. Its your lives. FH should respect your feelings. You are #1.

send him to a real expensive strip club, maybe scores or something...this way it'll cost alot of money to even get a lapdance lol so they might not even get it.

everyone is different so it really is hard to try and change someones mind.

But all i can say is dont stress out, you said you trust him so just feel confident he'll go doing the right thing and won't do anything to disappoint you. And go out the same weekend, maybe have your bachelorette that weekend, dont stay home and worry about this.

They're strippers, not hookers! Its like watching porn, but in person. I don't see the big deal. Its not like he's going to go in a back room with one of them.

I have heard so many stories to the contrary. For a little extra cash, many of those dancers will switch roles rather quickly. I know of three, YES three wifes whose nerdy, quiet, and completely responsible husbands did some dirty work in a back room the night of his bachelor party. The guys in his party paid for it in advance and the 'dancer' danced him all the way to ecstasy....Most men wouldn't say no when a group of his friends is coaching him on and counting on him to make their nights memorable. Anyway....there ARE private rooms in the back of most places. They exist for a reason.

I understand your feelings-but I think this is something you need to let him do. I'm in the same boat- FH is going to Vegas for his bachelor party. And my ex cheated on me for the entire 2 years we were together- same as yours. But the truth is that we are marrying them because we know they arent like our ex's- we can trust them or we wouldnt be marrying them, right?

I know FH is going to gamble, go to clubs/bars, and some strip clubs but I trust his judgement. As hard as it might be for you, I think you should let him go.

I'm fine with my FH going to strip clubs... I trust him completely... and I guess I may be the odd one out on this, and please don't everyone kill me here for saying this... but I'll probably be going out with my friends to one for my bachelorette party! Why the hell not?? Maybe go to Vegas and catch the Chipendales show, or the Thunder from down under, lol...

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Posted by Luvbsb4eva

I'm fine with my FH going to strip clubs... I trust him completely... and I guess I may be the odd one out on this, and please don't everyone kill me here for saying this... but I'll probably be going out with my friends to one for my bachelorette party! Why the hell not?? Maybe go to Vegas and catch the Chipendales show, or the Thunder from down under, lol...

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Ha ha !!! I know my BM's are definitely planning on taking me to a strip club! I agree with you completely. I understand it's hard for some girls with this whole issue- it's not the easiest one to deal with but I trust FH and I expect him to get a lap dance or two- it's his bachelor party! But I also trust his judgement and respect for me. I know it's just that and nothing more!

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Posted by Luvbsb4eva

I'm fine with my FH going to strip clubs... I trust him completely... and I guess I may be the odd one out on this, and please don't everyone kill me here for saying this... but I'll probably be going out with my friends to one for my bachelorette party! Why the hell not?? Maybe go to Vegas and catch the Chipendales show, or the Thunder from down under, lol...

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My bachelorette party is to to Museum of Natural History during the day and an 80s dance club at night and then to a fancy hotel with my girl friends. Far from male strip club.

He and I talked all last night. We didn't get any sleep because of it. He really wanted to go on a Colorado river rafting trip, but now it's too late. They need to be booked a year in advance. He decided that he's going to talk to the BM and together they will figure out a way to tell them that Vegas is no more without making it look like I'm the 'evil woman ruining their fun.'

i think its bs when guys say they dont like strippers or strip clubs FH says he's not into it, he never goes to them now but i know for sure he is going to have a good time and enjoy himself at his BP. what guy wouldnt enjoy watching beautiful women with nice bodies prance around naked? id have to be a fool to think that he wouldnt enjoy himself......some guys might actually believe themself when they say they dont like strippers but put a guy in a strip club and im sure he will find something that he enjoys to look at!

there is only 1 thing i asked FH not to do for his BP and that was go away - i want him to come home that night....there is no reason he needs to go to someplace like Vegas when we live in one the best cities in the world - with the wedding coming up we don't have the money for him to go to Vegas and there is no way his friends have the money to take him there without him having to pay for any of his own expenses. we arent made of money and i think it would be a huge waste. i also dont like the idea of him traveling across the country for his BP - i trust him 100% but i feel like going someplace like Las Vegas is asking for trouble. i really dont want my FH wasted for 3 days in a place where the motto is 'what happens in vegas, stays in vegas' i rather him have a few drinks, get a few lap dances and come home to me