You girls all know about the drama that went down last week with my bridal party and my bachelorette party. I asked my MOH to cancel it and she didn't bc she feels bad. Now MORE drama started today. I had ENOUGH. It is not right for me to be literally throwing up every day because of my nerves and stress these people are causing!! I wrote them all a letter.......I think it might still be a little nasty, but I edited it A LOT and took out a lot of other nasty things I wanted to say. Here it is, let me know if you think it was totally wrong:
I am writing you girls this letter because enough is enough. I have kept my mouth shut for so long for fear of sounding like a pushy bride or a *****, but I've just had enough.
I really cannot get over the amount of drama and problems going on. And this is not directed towards one person individually, but the group as a whole, since it has not been just one person causing problems, but several. A bridal party is supposed to HELP, not stress out! For quite awhile, but more predominately in the last week, I have done nothing but listen to bitching about my wedding. This is supposed to be HAPPY. Out of the entire wedding process and planning the most stress I have had is from the bridal party. When I asked you to be in my bridal party, I asked you because I felt you were an important person in my life. Its very disheartening to find out just where I place in some of your lives. Especially at a time that is supposed to be so happy and exciting for Jay, myself and our families.
I don't even know if you girls realize what you are doing to me, but maybe if everyone took a step back, stopped complaining and thinking of themselves, you would see. In the last week I reached the end of my rope. I have literally been sick to my stomach every day over all of this and thats not right.
I didn't speak up in the beginning about things that were bothering me and thats my fault. I just couldn't get over the fact that I was being told 'no' and thought maybe I was being unreasonable. After speaking with other brides and other girls who are presently in wedding parties, I find out I am not being unreasonable at all. I asked for silver shoes and was told 'No, I want black'. So, I went with black shoes. I asked that they be open-toe. I was told 'No, I want closed toe'. So now, half of you are wearing open toe, half of you are wearing closed toe and its just progressed from there. It leaves me sometimes wondering do I even have a say in my own wedding when it comes to the bridal party??
Now, when it comes to my bachelorette party and shower (which I am not even supposed to be included in knowing certain things), all I get are phone calls and emails yelling at me that its too much money or that you won't be coming for some reason or another. Half the time, I don't even know what you are talking about since I was included in on plans, as it should be. The last thing I ever wanted to do was put people in debt, but in my defense, you knew when you accepted that certain costs go into being in the bridal party. In addition, if you knew you had a budget or financial difficulties you had all these months to go to Erin, my Mom, or myself and maybe something could have been worked out. I don't think its right to now-so close to the wedding-make me feel guilty about things I am not even supposed to be involved in. I have been so upset the last week about people complaining about my bachelorette party and shower that my parents have offered to pay for my bachelorette party. Pretty sad when my parents have to offer to pay for my friends to take me out, huh?
I am not trying to make myself sound like a saint, but I feel I have always been there for you girls. Every celebration you have had-birthdays, graduations, showers, etc. we have been there. Jay and I went through a VERY rough year last year, both emotionally and financially, but we were still always there for anything we were invited to.
Since it is such a huge inconvenience for everyone, I have asked Erin to please cancel my bachelorette party. I really don't want one at this point.
In addition to that, if you don't want to be in my bridal party, please let me know now and you are off the hook. I don't want anyone feeling forced to be a part of my wedding.
Dooodles
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
a job well done I would love to know the responses you get
PrincessPeanut
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
Thanks girls. Well, since my email pretty much everyone in my bridal party has called me and apologized except one who left me a voicemail while I was on the phone with someone else and totally told me off- really bad and totally crossed the line- even accusing me of not really loving my FH, just wanting a wedding (not that I was suprised she has been the one person REALLY causing problems since day 1). I kind of got updated on whats been going on by my BMs when they called- they didn't want me to know but that one BM who told me off has been causing MAJOR problems and fights between the girls, very argumentative, nasty, uncooperative, putting the girls down on their ideas, etc. My FSIL apparently wrote a generic email to the whole group (She lives out of state and supposedly wrote it with everyone knowing who it was meant for) and this BM wrote back FSIL and told her off too. In the last week, this BM has told off 3 of my BMs and then called my MOH and told her off too, but no one told me.
I know this sounds weird, but it makes me feel a tad better. I feel HORRIBLE that this BM is giving everyone such a hard time, however, I have been so upset the past week thinking no one in my BP really gave a crap about me. Don't mean to sound selfish, but does that make sense? At least now I know there was a reason for all the drama. And it annoys me even more that I ONLY asked this BM to be in bc her husband is FH's really good friend and in the wedding party. I KNEW if I didn't have her, she would constantly be fighting with him, so I did it to try and ease things and it totally blew up in my face.
SummerBride2005
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
I'm really sorry to hear the stress you've been through lately. I hope this letter will get through to your bm's. I can't believe how much you had to endure. They have been very inconsiderate. Good luck!
ellengrisal
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
princesspeanut,
i would kick her out IMMEDIATELY! you and your bridal party do not and should not have to deal with someone like her. if she's making you this miserable over the happiest time in your life, then she's no friend. JMO.
also, who is she to accuse you of not loving your FH???? i'd be FURIOUS!
attn2details
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
You did the right thing - enough is enough - maybe they didn't realize how their terrible behavior was affecting you - but there is no question now - if it continues after that very well put letter (not nasty at all) I suggest that you take them out of your BP - what is one less BM especially if it makes your planning and your wedding more pleasurable - IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR YOU, YOUR FH, AND YOUR FAMILIES!! Don't let this get you down -
Summer05
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
Posted by PrincessPeanut
Thanks girls. Well, since my email pretty much everyone in my bridal party has called me and apologized except one who left me a voicemail while I was on the phone with someone else and totally told me off- really bad and totally crossed the line- even accusing me of not really loving my FH, just wanting a wedding (not that I was suprised she has been the one person REALLY causing problems since day 1). I kind of got updated on whats been going on by my BMs when they called- they didn't want me to know but that one BM who told me off has been causing MAJOR problems and fights between the girls, very argumentative, nasty, uncooperative, putting the girls down on their ideas, etc. My FSIL apparently wrote a generic email to the whole group (She lives out of state and supposedly wrote it with everyone knowing who it was meant for) and this BM wrote back FSIL and told her off too. In the last week, this BM has told off 3 of my BMs and then called my MOH and told her off too, but no one told me.
I know this sounds weird, but it makes me feel a tad better. I feel HORRIBLE that this BM is giving everyone such a hard time, however, I have been so upset the past week thinking no one in my BP really gave a crap about me. Don't mean to sound selfish, but does that make sense? At least now I know there was a reason for all the drama. And it annoys me even more that I ONLY asked this BM to be in bc her husband is FH's really good friend and in the wedding party. I KNEW if I didn't have her, she would constantly be fighting with him, so I did it to try and ease things and it totally blew up in my face.
Glad that you are feeling better about everything Maybe you should think about not having her in the bridal party
PrincessPeanut
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
The same BM just called me up AGAIN and told me off AGAIN. She told me no one likes in my BP and the wrong thing she said was- 'And XXX said you were a spoiled little *****' Well, she named the wrong person in her lie, because she named my COUSIN not realizing she was my cousin! I ended up hanging up the phone on her because she was screaming at me, told me to shut my f**ing mouth when I tried to speak, insulted me numerous times and quite honestly I don't need that abuse. She also told me 'My husband things you are a lunatic and crazy' so I said 'who??' and had to ask 3 or 4 times before she would say it again. Now FH is FURIOUS because her husband is DH's VERY good friend. What drama! The sad part is, she pulled this SAME shi* on another friend's wedding this past April. She's crazy!!! I told her I want her out of my wedding before I hung up!
littlebookworm4
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
I think what you wrote was perfect. You weren't harsh and nasty but you told them how you felt. It's pretty sad that your own bridal party has driven you to this point though.
marc_rai
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
Posted by PrincessPeanut
The same BM just called me up AGAIN and told me off AGAIN. She told me no one likes in my BP and the wrong thing she said was- 'And XXX said you were a spoiled little *****' Well, she named the wrong person in her lie, because she named my COUSIN not realizing she was my cousin! I ended up hanging up the phone on her because she was screaming at me, told me to shut my f**ing mouth when I tried to speak, insulted me numerous times and quite honestly I don't need that abuse. She also told me 'My husband things you are a lunatic and crazy' so I said 'who??' and had to ask 3 or 4 times before she would say it again. Now FH is FURIOUS because her husband is DH's VERY good friend. What drama! The sad part is, she pulled this SAME shi* on another friend's wedding this past April. She's crazy!!! I told her I want her out of my wedding before I hung up!
Get her out of your bridal party! I will do it for you. You don't need this stress. I can't believe her. I wouldn't believe a thing she said. DOn't have her ruin FH and her husband friendship.
PrincessPeanut
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
See, thats the thing- FH puposely NEVER called her husband bc he felt it wasn't between them, but he is so pissed that his friend would say that. he is trying to simmer down
TEDNJENN
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
I completely understand where you are coming from... Iam having the same stress from my bridal party....I sat down with MOH last night and hopefully worked things out...
If it doesn't smooth out , can I borrow your letter? I couldn't have said it better.
Hope all get straighthened out...
katieshope
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
How old is this girl?? She sounds very immature!!!
May05Bride
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
i am sorry you are going through this!
Magooo221
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
You absolutely did the right thing and it is a shame that the happiest time in your life has to be tarnished by this!! Congrats on speaking your mind!
buckles
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
OMG...what a horrible individual! I am so happy that everything worked out for you. Hopefully today can be a new fresh start with that negativity out of your wedding!
shamrock12472
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
I don't think that sounds nasty or harsh. Shame on these girls for making your wedding and the festivites such a production. They should be honored that you held them in such high regard. I wish I could throw you a shower!
PrincessPeanut
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
Thank you all so much for reading my long vent and replying- it means a lot to have people respond who are on the 'outside' lookin 'in' and can understand and not think I am a loon!!
I am a little sick to my stomach still, mainly because FH is going to call his friend tomorrow. They generally talk every day, anyways, and he is basically going to say, dude, I never wanted our friendship to get involved with this, but I have to ask you, did you call my future wife those names and if you did, why? FH said he is going to be very calm and not accusing, but he needs to know for himself. He is waiting until tomorrow so he is cooled off and he is afraid if he calls the house, she will just be screaming and it will end up badly. I feel horrible it has come to this, but she has NO right to be telling girls in my BP off because she doesn't like their ideas and then to talk to me the way she did. If she truly wanted to work things out, like she said, then she would have changed 3 things- 1. when I answered the phone, she would have talked instead of SCREAMING into my ear. 2. She wouldn't have been cursing at me. 3. she wouldn't have resorted to insults and name calling. Those three things do not equal a civilizied convo!
PrincessPeanut
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
Posted by katieshope
How old is this girl?? She sounds very immature!!!
She is 33!! I'm 23 and one of the insults she used was my Immaturity is showing. In all honesty, the one thing I know I am not is immature! Bitchy maybe but not immature
PS.- TednJenn- feel free to use the letter!! I truly hope everything works out for you though and there will be no need for it!!!
azoodie
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
how did everything work out?
im so sorry you have to be involved in all this drama you were definitely right for sending them that letter...maybe now they'll realize how horrible they've been to you
AnniesSS
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Re: Basically....I just told off my bridal party....
I'm so sorry they have been so rotten to you But you spelled everything out to them and if they don't understand, then I don't think they are true friends. That's hash, I know. But when it comes down to it, who's there for you... family and FH