Is anyone marrying a man who has child/children? How do you feel about being a stepmother?
Yes, I'm going to be a step-mom. FH has a 9 y/o daughter from his 1st marriage. I feel the same was as franksgirl323 sometimes. Esp about him not being as excited about having our children as I will be, but he's assured me that's not true. I trust that he'll be excited all over again, he says it'll be special bc it's with me. I try to think of it positively, it'll be nice to have someone who has some experience. When I'm freaking out he'll be able to calm me down and know what to do.
Posted by cindyandkevin
Yes, I'm going to be a step-mom. FH has a 9 y/o daughter from his 1st marriage. I feel the same was as franksgirl323 sometimes. Esp about him not being as excited about having our children as I will be, but he's assured me that's not true. I trust that he'll be excited all over again, he says it'll be special bc it's with me. I try to think of it positively, it'll be nice to have someone who has some experience. When I'm freaking out he'll be able to calm me down and know what to do.
Posted by franksgirl323
Posted by cindyandkevin
Yes, I'm going to be a step-mom. FH has a 9 y/o daughter from his 1st marriage. I feel the same was as franksgirl323 sometimes. Esp about him not being as excited about having our children as I will be, but he's assured me that's not true. I trust that he'll be excited all over again, he says it'll be special bc it's with me. I try to think of it positively, it'll be nice to have someone who has some experience. When I'm freaking out he'll be able to calm me down and know what to do.
I guess that's a point I really never considered. Hmmmmm
I am a mom allready and FH will be a step dad from day one he has treated her as if she was his child. We both want to have a child togther in a year or 2 :)
Posted by franksgirl323
My FH was married before...and has two sons. On the plus side...I love the kids...so much. The negative is that FH always has to deal with his ex...a connection he and I both wish he didn't have.
I guess the only real negative I have is that when we have our first child together...I'm gonna feel a little 'cheated' (if thats even the right word). There will be so many firsts for me as a mom...and he might not have the same excitement as me because he's been through it all before. That's a sad thing for me to imagine.
I guess if anything else bothered me...it just that I feel like we live our lives for 'every other weekend'. If we want to do something or go somewhere...the first question is always 'do we have the kids that weekend'. He loves seeing his boys...and I feel bad that sometimes I feel like its more of a burden than a gift. I feel horrible saying it, believe me.....I really love those kids. We even considered trying to get full custody from their mother. I'd rather have them FT....then part time..because the part time is harder in some ways.
Posted by franksgirl323
My FH was married before...and has two sons. On the plus side...I love the kids...so much. The negative is that FH always has to deal with his ex...a connection he and I both wish he didn't have.
I guess the only real negative I have is that when we have our first child together...I'm gonna feel a little 'cheated' (if thats even the right word). There will be so many firsts for me as a mom...and he might not have the same excitement as me because he's been through it all before. That's a sad thing for me to imagine.
I guess if anything else bothered me...it just that I feel like we live our lives for 'every other weekend'. If we want to do something or go somewhere...the first question is always 'do we have the kids that weekend'. He loves seeing his boys...and I feel bad that sometimes I feel like its more of a burden than a gift. I feel horrible saying it, believe me.....I really love those kids. We even considered trying to get full custody from their mother. I'd rather have them FT....then part time..because the part time is harder in some ways.
Posted by chrissyandvin
after reading your post.. I want you to understand something... when you have a child with your FH.. trust me it will be great and he will be just as happy when he had his kids with his Ex! Even happier I am sure... being where he will be having a child with the woman he LOVES and wants to spend the rest of his life with!! I already have 2 kids and I know that when my FH and I have a child together it will be the most amazing feeling because it is with the man of my dreams!
Posted by chrissyandvin
Posted by franksgirl323
My FH was married before...and has two sons. On the plus side...I love the kids...so much. The negative is that FH always has to deal with his ex...a connection he and I both wish he didn't have.
I guess the only real negative I have is that when we have our first child together...I'm gonna feel a little 'cheated' (if thats even the right word). There will be so many firsts for me as a mom...and he might not have the same excitement as me because he's been through it all before. That's a sad thing for me to imagine.
I guess if anything else bothered me...it just that I feel like we live our lives for 'every other weekend'. If we want to do something or go somewhere...the first question is always 'do we have the kids that weekend'. He loves seeing his boys...and I feel bad that sometimes I feel like its more of a burden than a gift. I feel horrible saying it, believe me.....I really love those kids. We even considered trying to get full custody from their mother. I'd rather have them FT....then part time..because the part time is harder in some ways.
after reading your post.. I want you to understand something... when you have a child with your FH.. trust me it will be great and he will be just as happy when he had his kids with his Ex! Even happier I am sure... being where he will be having a child with the woman he LOVES and wants to spend the rest of his life with!! I already have 2 kids and I know that when my FH and I have a child together it will be the most amazing feeling because it is with the man of my dreams!
Posted by smara
Posted by franksgirl323
My FH was married before...and has two sons. On the plus side...I love the kids...so much. The negative is that FH always has to deal with his ex...a connection he and I both wish he didn't have.
I guess the only real negative I have is that when we have our first child together...I'm gonna feel a little 'cheated' (if thats even the right word). There will be so many firsts for me as a mom...and he might not have the same excitement as me because he's been through it all before. That's a sad thing for me to imagine.
I guess if anything else bothered me...it just that I feel like we live our lives for 'every other weekend'. If we want to do something or go somewhere...the first question is always 'do we have the kids that weekend'. He loves seeing his boys...and I feel bad that sometimes I feel like its more of a burden than a gift. I feel horrible saying it, believe me.....I really love those kids. We even considered trying to get full custody from their mother. I'd rather have them FT....then part time..because the part time is harder in some ways.
OMG words right out of my mouth...
Posted by smara
I am I am....First I hate being called stepmom, it just reminds me of fairy tells where all the stepmoms are evil.
I dont have any kids so it does get overwhelming when I realizes the huge responsibility I am taking on. Its bad when you screw up with your own kid but how about if you make a mistake w. someone elses. I just try to be there for FH and help with any constructive input.
It also used to upset me when I used to say I want 3 kids an dmy FI would say kids are hard work and you should just deal with the fisrt kid and etc... I had to finally tell him that his experiences with his son doesnt necessarily mean it will be the same with my kid(s).
My FH's ex-girlfriend STILL has not come to terms with me (almost 3 years later) and does nothing but make my life miserable. I have always been nice to her and I respect her as mom. FH intervenes with her craziness and deals with her but it hurts me b/c I do not deserve to be treated like that. I am so over my limit with her. I can't even look at her, never mind be civil to her b/c of all the b.s. with her. It's constant. So now I avoid her whenever I can. How did you guys get to the point of getting along with mom? It would really be better for everyone but I'm not going to allow her to make me feel bad every chance she gets just b/c I'm living her dream. Any tips on how to deal with her?
