Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
KitWisdom
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Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
It's become clear to me that no one is excited about my wedding but me.
My family is, for some reason, terrified of talking about it, because a) they don’t want to make my sister (the gosh darn MOH—not necessarily my choice there) jealous even though she’s younger so it’s not like she’s bitter about not getting married and b) it makes my mom get bizarrely anxious because she doesn’t know how to plan these things. Um, that’s why I’m taking control of this, Mom.
My friends could care less, regardless of the fact that they’ve known and liked FH for as long as I have. Mostly, they seem to be upset because I’m not as keen as going out and getting trashed with them which was done last, um, about three years ago?! It’s not like there was a sudden change there. I’ve tried to include them in other things, but their apathy just stings. I actually got an e-mail from one friend saying “oh, I got the invite to the engagement party—it was really pretty!” and I responded with “Thanks! Most importantly, though, does that mean you can come?” Absolute silence for over a week until I finally got her to pick up her cell phone.
Even people at work! When my supervisor heard, she said something along the lines of “Oh, I didn’t know Carl was in like Flynn!” Regardless of the fact that that was probably one of the oddest expressions ever, it just ticked me off: I’ve only been here for three months. I didn’t know I was supposed to tell you my entire relationship history.
I know I sound like a big whiney baby. It just hurts that whenever I try to bring up anything wedding related, more often than not the topic is changed very quickly. And it’s not because people think I shouldn’t get married; everyone loves FH and we’ve been together for about seven years. Everyone seems to love the idea of FH and I being married.
Sorry—I just need to rant and rave for a sec, lol. I doubt any of that made sense.
kBr
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
it did make sense... people are just weird... ive had similar issues with people.. its a little different in my case- what ive seen happen ever since i got engaged is lots of people suddenly starting to get engaged now or if they were engaged but not actively planning it then they all of the sudden were planning their wedding too now. i think the thought of someone getting married just makes other people want to do it too or something.. or makes them jealous? i dunno, but i know what youre saying and i hope everyone is really excited for you and that everything turns out great.. i dont think my reply made much sense though, but yeah.... lol
bella1028
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
1st, it made perfect sense. 2nd, I am sorry you are feeling like this. 3rd, I have found that friends who are not in the same situation are very strange about it...are any of them engaged or married? As far as parents, maybe reassur your mom that you are doing it all but would at least like her to show some interest...maybe take trips with you to look at stuff, etc. I am not really sure what the answer is, but I wish you luck
catsgirl
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
it made sense, some people are like that when its not about them, well you can tell us your plans we'll listen and were all happy for ya.
KitWisdom
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
Thanks everyone for the kind words …I’m just glad my ramble made SOME sense. I understand about my friends because absolutely none of them are even in a serious relationship. It’s just my family that hurts me. And I end up feeling like a spoiled brat because I get so frustrated whenever I’m shot down!
Soon2beAlberti
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
I think what i'm learning now is that maybe its not meant to be malicious towards you...but they see you taking steps in your life that they may still be dreaming about. maybe your solidifying your relationship is making them question their relationships. I felt that way once too and it wasn't to be malicious. when my sis got engaged I cried a whole lot...and at first it wasn't tears of joy. the reason was because I had been with my FH for about double the time they had been together if not more. I was very sure that FH was the man I wanted to marry but I wasn't sure it was going to become a reality for me. I was hurt because I felt like it was coming so easy for everybody else and for me it took almost 7 years. don't take it personally just give them their time to get over it.
RadiantBride
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
awwww sorry that you are going through this But it makes perfect sense and I can understand alot of the things that you are going through. It ***** but sometimes when you are the only one out of your circle going through this it seems like you are alone (at least that's how I feel)
Things will get better. Just come on here and talk to us all day (that's what i do and trust me it makes me feel alot better)
Future Mulligan
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
some people only care about themselves
there was such drama when FH and I got engaged......my family is bunch of debbie downers. it was like oh thats great you are engaged, come talk to me in 15 years and then we'll see how happy you are...... they think just b/c they are miserable nobody else can ever be happy either. my mom actually had to say something to them! and like you said, its not becaues they think we shouldn't get married, or they don't like FH, its just that they are miserable people........FH's family on the other hand went crazy, popped champagne and we all celebrated. my family is very depressing so i totally understand......
and don't get upset WE on LIW are all happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris109
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
this is the exact reason I started coming to wedding boards! I get VERY excited to talk about the wedding, and almost none of my friends seemed to care. I understand that they have their own things going on, and I've gone out of my way to be conscious of that in making plans for dresses, and all that. But, seriously, like, my two best friends, I've been friends with for 30 years!!! and I was in both of their weddings, and was over the moon excited for them. but I feel like, I get nothing in the way of enthusiasm from them. So, my point is, it *****, but thank goodness there are other wedding obsessed people out there to talk to about our FABULOUS weddings!!!
Mizzdimple
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
They will come around., my family were the same way. As it gets closer., you will see hang in there!
Jesses Girl
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
awww dont let it bother you as long as you are happy...and once it gets closer people will be really excited im sure of it...
its weird...i have the opposite problem...i have people askin me about it ALWAYS and sometimes im like im excited too but like...theres a whole part of me that is not planning a wedding
but i see what you are sayin...give them some time...
but we are excited for you!!!
AMGBride2008
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
Made perfect sense...
Remember this (I always remind myself) no one is going to get as excited about your wedding as you are.... our lives revolve around our upcoming weddings, no one elses does. And when you're looking for excitement from people you come here!
cbcf
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
I am sooo sorry you are going through this. I hope everything works out and people start realizing you are happy and excited and try to share that excitement with you.
a friend of mine- who we have had a rocky relationship with her not calling me and then expecting me to do things for ehr etc well when i got engaged she was happy but then didnt care like right after i told her. she even like knocked me down about my planning and stuff. And now that she is engaged she thinks I should be listening to everything wedding related she has ever had to say- or she compares wedding budgets etc thinking because hse can pay more in a certain area of the wedding she is better.
Some people just need to get off their high horses and realize you are happy and if they are your friend they arent going to be rude and downers.
cbcf
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
another thing is I am 21 and FH propsed when we were 21. Yes young for some people but my parents were married at 21 and 22.
Well I feel some people arent as excited and stuff because we are younger. Like I feel they act like our engagement and wedding is a joke since we are young But I will be 23 when I married so I dont see it as so young.
KitWisdom
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
Posted by cbcf
another thing is I am 21 and FH propsed when we were 21. Yes young for some people but my parents were married at 21 and 22.
Well I feel some people arent as excited and stuff because we are younger. Like I feel they act like our engagement and wedding is a joke since we are young But I will be 23 when I married so I dont see it as so young.
I’m in the same boat as you—I’ll be 24 when I get married, which I guess strictly speaking is young, but we’ve been together so long and all that. That’s why I’m not terribly surprised with my friends’ indifference. The thing that really hurts is when my family will change the topic so my sister (who at 20 should be old enough) to not get jealous about any attention on me! I guess that’s when I wish I had more supportive friends but then I have to realize—I have you guys!
sunflower3223
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
All of what you wrote actually makes perfect sense. FH and I have gone through this all summer. SInce we got engaged, we have actually seen couples we were friends with break up, we have been left out of outings and get togethers, and we have had people change the subject very quickly when the wedding comes up. The only people we can really count on are our families. They have been awesome! Just hang in there and don't let anyone rain on your parade!!! You only get to go through all of this once, so you should enjoy every second of it!!
cbcf
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
Posted by KitWisdom
Posted by cbcf
another thing is I am 21 and FH propsed when we were 21. Yes young for some people but my parents were married at 21 and 22.
Well I feel some people arent as excited and stuff because we are younger. Like I feel they act like our engagement and wedding is a joke since we are young But I will be 23 when I married so I dont see it as so young.
I’m in the same boat as you—I’ll be 24 when I get married, which I guess strictly speaking is young, but we’ve been together so long and all that. That’s why I’m not terribly surprised with my friends’ indifference. The thing that really hurts is when my family will change the topic so my sister (who at 20 should be old enough) to not get jealous about any attention on me! I guess that’s when I wish I had more supportive friends but then I have to realize—I have you guys!
yeah sisters can be a pain sometimes. My sister keeps siding with my mom abuot having a Mass and not just a ceremony. And I want to say SHUT UP it's not your wedding...
but yes we are definitely here for you....
megzzie
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
This definitely makes sense. I'm so sorry you're going through this and you feel this way. Don't let it get to you - don't let people put a damper on the day that you've been looking forward to your whole life. Avoid bringing up the wedding to certain people if you know that they are going to be on the negative side. LIW is always here for you and we'll always be excited and ready to talk about your wedding!
MikeandJess
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
I'm sorry you feel this way While weddings are the happiest time in our lives, it can bring out the worst in the people we love. I've also found that people are not as excited as I am for my wedding but I'm learning to live with it, it does hurt but you can't dwell on it and let it ruin your wedding planning experience, you only get to do this once
adre212
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Re: Beware: self-pitying rant inside (long and probably doesn't make sense)
