One of my BMs just sent me an email saying she plans on not coming to bachelorette party or rehearsal dinner, but only plans to fly in morn of wedding and go to ceremony and part of reception because: she is having money problems AND (this is my fave!) doesnt want to be tempted to drink or smoke cus shes trying to quit..... ok so you cant come to rehearsal dinner because of that?!?!? Isnt part of accepting to be a bridesmaid coming to wedding -related events? i dont care if she doesnt drink at the bachelorette festivities, but we going to dinner (im paying for) going to comedy club, and going dancing.... its not like its gonna be all drinking, i did it this way because i have other friends that dont drink.... i also am paying for the hotel room for the gals to crash at that night too... im upset. I feel like she shouldnt even bother buying the dress.... or participating, how are the other gals gonna feel when they see she hasnt helped with one thing, skipped out on rehearsal, and just shows up at ceremony start time?? i wrote her back and said her just 'being there' was what was important to me, and not that she drank or spent her savings, but i encouraged her to drop out and take care of herself..... waiting for a reply.... i feel like i became bridezilla, but in the same sense feel there are responsibilites that go along and she never should have accepted in first place..... how would she feel when she gets married if i didnt participate in anything?
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: BM vent and advice
I seriously think sometimes they should be called 'bridesmaidzillas'!! Mine are great...so far..
But I was the MOH in a wedding in May and all the other BMs were such brats. I had to do EVERYTHING by myself and they were nasty to me when I tried to include them in plans. I don't know why people get like that. I mean it's the bride's day and if you don't want to be nice..say no. Why do they have to cause problems? As if planning a wedding isn't stressful enough!
I don't think you're being unreasonable, I think you're actually being pretty generous!
Hope it works out.
GinaBambina08
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Re: BM vent and advice
I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all...that's just ridiculous! Perhaps there is another reason for her actions...you should probably ask her if that's the only reason she doesn't want to come and if there is anything wrong..
Autumn08
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Sometimes I think it's very easy to go bridezilla on BMs. In your case I think you are right. It's not just about wearing a dress and walking down the aisle. It's about being a part of the wedding and your life. Based on what you said, it doesn't seem like she is really interested.
Autumn08
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You know I was just thinking a friend of mine said she went to a bridal shower and then after that they went out for the bachelorette party the same night... it's an idea to cut down traveling trips.
Teamhurldon
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Re: BM vent and advice
Posted by Autumn08
You know I was just thinking a friend of mine said she went to a bridal shower and then after that they went out for the bachelorette party the same night... it's an idea to cut down traveling trips.
im not having a shower, and thats why i made bachelorette party 2 days before wedding, ive been thinking about everyone else
Autumn08
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Re: BM vent and advice
Posted by Teamhurldon
Posted by Autumn08
You know I was just thinking a friend of mine said she went to a bridal shower and then after that they went out for the bachelorette party the same night... it's an idea to cut down traveling trips.
im not having a shower, and thats why i made bachelorette party 2 days before wedding, ive been thinking about everyone else
the guests are supposed to just show up. Honored attendents are supposed to contribute. If you still want to include her can she do a reading instead of being in the party?
mariaobride
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Re: BM vent and advice
I think you handled the situation very well. Just remember it is your day- don't let anyone take that away from you. She probably feels funny because she is low on funds- but you did let everyone know that ahead of time. You are right- 'if it was there wedding day they would not like it'.
In the end it always somehow works itself out. No worries, you did let her know -see how she responds to that.
TommysWife08
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Posted by kkss1419
You not being 'bridezilla' Being in your wedding party is something she accepted. There are responsibilities that go along with it. As far as the Bachelorette party, you said she is flying in, maybe it's too much for her to come to NY 2 times, but she has no excuse for not being here for the rehearsal
totally agree with this!!
my MOH lives in texas & wont be able to fly in for my shower or bachlorette party... but we plan on doing a special little bachlorette party in dec when she's home for xmas - so i totally see where she could be coming from with the flying in two times... BUT she has NO excuse why she cant come to the rehersal dinner!!!
EGreene79
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Re: BM vent and advice
I would agree with all the girls on this, except for one part ... She mentioned that she doesn't want to be tempted to drink or smoke because she's trying to quit. I don't know your friends, so I could be off on this, however I can sympathize with her. I come from a long line of alcoholics. I'm not joking when I say there are over 30 alcoholics, including recovering, on one side of my family alone.
Anyway, I go through times where I feel like I'm getting a little out of control, so I will avoid certain parties and outings because it gets difficult for me to go out and not drink with everyone. I've gone out an not drank plenty of times, but am I going to want to not drink at a bachelorette party? No. My way of keeping myself in line is to sometimes stay away from the situations. And I play it off like it's nothing with my friends - 'oh, I just need to take a break for a while,' but to me it's more than that. I never want to get out of control with alcohol because I know I have that potential.
Granted, I've never missed a friends wedding event for this stuff, buy maybe you should talk to her about this drinking piece. People who don't struggle with drinking issues, or don't see it in their families, sometimes don't realize how serious it is.
