I am having a big issue with 1 bridesmaid. The girls were supposed to get their measurments by July 31st and all of them except for one. I gave her some time and it turns out she was going to go in august because she was too busy in July - she works 2 jobs and is a librarian and I do the same thing as her and I find time to do things I care about.
Now she tells me, after an email that I sent her that she is 'still too busy to go' and cant get their until late Sept....i emailed her back and she sent me another email stating that she has other expenses right now and if that is a problem let her know.
Now FH wants to lay out the money and I am like hell no they have known about this since Jan. 2009.
It almost sounds like she wants out and doesnt want to say.
What do you wise people out there think ??
SoonToBMrsC
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
hmmm....I totally agree with you, it sounds like she is dropping these hints to tell you that she doesn't want to be in it. I mean honestly, we are all busy people with busy lives but if your telling me that throughout the entire months of july, august and september you can't go get fitted then theres something fishy going on....Good luck.
I would just say they need to be done this month or they can't guarantee she will get the dress. That should tell u if she cares about being in the wedding...
mares2000
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
now FH is calling the dress shop to see if we can wait longer and why should we...it is not fair to the other girls
BlondieBride
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
It definite'y sounds like she wants out. I would give her the option of dropping out of the bridal party. She probably does not want to hurt your feelings and is hoping you will give her an out.
Jna2010
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Posted by StaceYums81
I would just say they need to be done this month or they can't guarantee she will get the dress. That should tell u if she cares about being in the wedding...
i agree and if she still makes excuses just flat out as her if being in your bp is something that is viable right now for her
drivwal
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
I don't know...she could def have a lot of expenses that have stopped her from being able to shell out the money for the dress deposit or whatever she would need to pay for right now. Why don't you talk to her about it seriously like NOT in an email and tell her that if she needs you to front the money and she will pay you back then you are willing to do that. Right now, lots of people are experiencing grave difficulties with the way the economy is and that may make her attitude a little less enthusiastic about the wedding.....just think about it, wouldn't you be a little less enthusiastic if you didn't have a lot of disposable money? Just talk to her, she might have money issues and then again I may be all wrong and she just doesn't want to be in the wedding but you will never know unless you have a 1 on 1.
mares2000
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
i see your point but the problem is she just bought a brand new car so I dont think that she is too strapped for money
GR2010
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
I agree with some of the other girls. Tell her it needs to be done by the end of August or they can't guarantee the dress will be there in time. Also to try and salvage the friendship and if you don't care if she is in the wedding or not I would just call her up and tell her you completely understand that money is tight and as much as you really want her to be a part of your day you don't want to put her in a financially uncomfortable situation. Ask her if she would maybe want to do a reading instead or have some other job... nothing jumps to mind right now... but you get the idea... I guess it all depends how much you really want her in the bp.
drivwal
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
hmm...i don't know everyone is different and sometimes people make silly choices with money and maybe paying for that new car has put her in a financial bind right now....just talk to her, you will seem a lot more understanding and she will appreciate it if you are concerned about her issues right now. Lots of times brides get so wrapped up in the 'this is my wedding' aspect of wedding planning that they lose touch with the reality that its your wedding, not everyone's wedding...ya know? I have been guilty of this myself and once I stepped back and started to think about the best way to approach situations things got better for me and everyone else. Don't worry, you will find a way to address this issue
TessMike621
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
damnn....i guess give her until late september and tell her that's it, it's now or never....she'll come through hopefully...late september isn't too far away...it took me 3 months to get all 7 of my girls to order their dresses so i definitely feel you...try not to stress too much if she says she'll go then, tell her that's it you can't wait any longer..tell her the dresses take 3 months to come in so they need to be ordered asap
Risgirl
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
Posted by GinaRandy2010
I agree with some of the other girls. Tell her it needs to be done by the end of August or they can't guarantee the dress will be there in time. Also to try and salvage the friendship and if you don't care if she is in the wedding or not I would just call her up and tell her you completely understand that money is tight and as much as you really want her to be a part of your day you don't want to put her in a financially uncomfortable situation. Ask her if she would maybe want to do a reading instead or have some other job... nothing jumps to mind right now... but you get the idea... I guess it all depends how much you really want her in the bp.
I agree - maybe she doesn't want to be in the bridal party - these things can get really expensive...and she might not have thought about it before she said 'yes'. Take the high road and let her off the hook - you'll be a lot less stressed!!
stinenandy2010
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
I would have a talk with her asap. Most bridal salons will not place the bm dress order until all the girls in your party have been measured, so she is holding you up. I would simply say, 'please go somewhere local to get measured and let me know and i will call it in' and maybe even mention if money is an issue she does not have to be in the wedding party.
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
I would talk to her and explaine your expecations of her as your BM and see if she feel she is up for it right now.
MarjorieFrank
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
Posted by BlondieBride
It definite'y sounds like she wants out. I would give her the option of dropping out of the bridal party. She probably does not want to hurt your feelings and is hoping you will give her an out.
ITA.
KatieG2010
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i would dump her asap...
Sorry to be insensitive but she should be honored that you selected her to be in your BP and it is apparent that it is not important enough for her to fit it in her schedule... tell her to beat it!
FutureLW
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Yea, no offense to you whatsoever, she sounds like she wants out!
GR2010
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
Posted by KatieG2010
i would dump her asap...
Sorry to be insensitive but she should be honored that you selected her to be in your BP and it is apparent that it is not important enough for her to fit it in her schedule... tell her to beat it!
I don't mean to sound confrontational but even though it is very nice to be asked to be in someone's wedding party they just don't have or don't want to spend the money... I don't really expect my wedding to be at the front line of everyone's financal priorities. And that is their choice, I am ok with it.
There are a lot of factors involved... how close are you, is the girl your childhood friend or someone you have known a short time, how much is the dress... and yes she may have just bought a new car but that is something she wanted, we can't fault people for wanting or needing things for themselves just because we're getting married.
JMO
Alexandra17
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Re: Bridesmaid issue--need advice asap
I kinda think that she doesn't want to do this or at least can't do it anymore..I would try to call her and ask her if at this time she would like to opt out.
