Ok Ive been feeling kind of awkward asking my bridesmaids to pay for things. I'm assuming they know they have to pay for their own attire including shoes and jewelry. I do not plan on making them purchase expensive dresses or shoes because that's just not fair to them. Since I do not require them to do their hair a certain way I am not paying for their hair and make up. I really wish I could afford it but unfortunately I cant. I'm paying for the wedding on my own. I just feel like they are expecting me to pay for a lot of things. I wanted my bridesmaids to get together for dinner or something so they can get to know each other, but some of them assume I am paying for everyones dinner and drinks for the entire night. Again, I really cant afford it , but I just dont know how to say this to them without making it awkward. I am so confused. I do plan on getting them nice gifts to say thank you. The way things are going I think im going to be paying for my own bridal shower and bachlelorette party I just dont know what to do or say without coming off like a cheap ungrateful person. any ideas??
ndeokinanan
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
When I asked my girls to be part of my bridal party I made sure I told them what they will need to pay for. I am doing a 'tea party' at my home next month so that all the bridesmaids could discuss what needs to be done.
Tricia1230
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Yeah I plan on throwing a bbq at my house for everyone. I just feel so cheap asking them to pay for things but they do need to understand what a bridesmaid's responsibilities are. For some reason I just feel like I'm going to be looked at like I'm asking for too much.
AlexandMike2012
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
There really is nothing set in stone...it all depends on what you want or can do....I've been in weddings for I've paid for everything as a bridesmaid, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, jewelry, bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. Then I've been in weddings where I've just paid for the dress and shoes and everything else was taken care of....It's really up to you...I always assume as a bridesmaid that I'm going to have to put money out for stuff and anytime the bride offers to pay for something I think it's a very nice gesture but not expected on my part. For my wedding, the girls will pay for dresses, I'm not going to be picky with shoes, I'll most likely pay for hair, makeup is an option for them, I'll prob buy jewelry etc. I want to keep the price down for them because I know how expensive it can be, but on the other side I've done it for them....
mjm2012
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
in all of the weddings I've been in I've known that I would be responsible for everything from engagement gift. Typically the bridal party would get together and figure out the shower and bachelorette party, you should by no means be paying for that. I think you are approaching it well by not picking expensive dresses and not forcing things upon the party. I think that most people in a bridal party understand that there is a lot of money coming out of their pockets and you are understanding of that (have had a few where I've almost cried at pricetags). Unless this Is the first time in a wedding, your party should get that they are responsible for everything involved, especially shower and bachelorette
FutureMrsJC
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
In my experience, the BMs pay for their attire (dress, shoes), alterations, hair & MU (if you want them to have it done). They are not required to give an engagement gift, but they should give a shower gift - and in many cases, they actually pay for the shower. According to etiquette/tradition, the bride's immediate family and the bride are not supposed to pay for the shower, so the responsibility becomes either the BP or another relative. As far as bachelorette parties go, every one I have ever been to, all of the friends chip in for the cost to an extent. So if you are just going to dinner, the girls pay for the whole thing. If you are going away for a weekend, then they pay their way, you pay yours, but they still treat you to a dinner or something like that.
I would be upfront with them and tell them what you expect them to pay for. If possible, keep costs reasonable and try to give advance notice of how much things will cost. I would also let them know how much you appreciate it and how grateful you are that they will be such an important part of your day, but also say that you understand being a BM has a lot of responsibilities (including financial commitment) and if anyone is not comfortable with it, you hope they will be honest with you.
Just my two cents! HTH
Edited to fix a typo!
Jmrosa1
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Posted by mjm2012
in all of the weddings I've been in I've known that I would be responsible for everything from engagement gift. Typically the bridal party would get together and figure out the shower and bachelorette party, you should by no means be paying for that. I think you are approaching it well by not picking expensive dresses and not forcing things upon the party. I think that most people in a bridal party understand that there is a lot of money coming out of their pockets and you are understanding of that (have had a few where I've almost cried at pricetags). Unless this Is the first time in a wedding, your party should get that they are responsible for everything involved, especially shower and bachelorette
sometimes you have to explain what the role of a BM is. For the most part the girls I asked knew...except my FH sis..which I spelled it out for and is still having an issue contributing any $$ (you can see my rant in another post )
I made sure to keep the cost down by a dress under $200, i gave them the color for shoes and I dont care from there...and gave them the option to get hair and makeup done with me or on their own...and they pretty much all chose with me so everyone looked the same. I am buying their day of jewlery as the gifts. And you really should not be paying for your shower or bachelorette party. How many BM do you have? I know money is tight everywhere...but if they pool together I'm sure they could do SOMETHING for you.
leelou48
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Ive been a BM a gazillion times by now. Ive always expected for pay for certain things. Ive paid for my own dress. The weddings Ive been in, most of the brides just picked silver strappy sandals to cut shoebuying costs because thats something everyone usually has. Jewelry usually has been given as part of the gift and if you decide not to do that then you really shouldn't specify what they wear. Hair/makeup/nails should be paid for by the bridesmaid unless you are teling them to do a certain thing. They are expected to contribute to the shower although sometimes family helps out a bit, and the bach party. Its probably not that they don't realize but more that they are just worried about how they will make it work. BUt thats their responsibility and they will figure it out.
With that said, you can probably keep costs lower for them by m hosting all of the pre-wedding BM get togethers at your home instead of making them go out and spend more $.
jettahot
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
My Bm's are paying for their own dresses, shoes and whatever jewelery they want to wear the day of. As a gift I am paying for their makeup on the day of and pedicures, they are paying for their own hair. They are also planning my bachelorette party and are asssiting my mom in planning my shower. We didnt discuss any of this prior, except what I am doing for them, they just took the reigns! HTH Good Luck
Yankeeelove
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
All of the times I've been a bridesmaid I always had to pay for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, mani/pedi, and some jewelry too. I think if you say yes to being in someone's wedding party, these things are expected IMO.
Future Mrs Snuggle Bunny
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Everyone wedding I have been in I paid for the dress, shoes, hair/makeup, shower, bach party and wedding present. I offered to pay for dresses but everyone said no to that. So I am trying to keep the dress cost to under $100.
kdm822
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Aww.. Im sure if you explain to the girls the situation your in then theyll understand. I know someone else mentioned doing something at your place.. That sounds like a good idea, maybe you can order a pizza and just have everyone hangout.
I think everyone expects different things. My family is in my bparty so i dont expect them to pay for my things. I know my parents will take care of it. I think if your friends arent offering to pay for your things then I wouldnt expect to have a shower or bach party (unless your willing to pay- i know i wouldnt want to throw my own parties) For my cousins bparty we all threw in like 50$ and went to dinner and then a club with a vip area. There was a bunch of girls so the price wasnt to high.
Im sure everything will work out.
HSsweethearts
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
THEY pay for: Dress and shoes Hair/makeup Sometimes part of your bridal shower and a group gift Your bach party.
YOU pay for: Gifts for each of them (many times including hair/makeup or jewelry) A brudesmaids dinner/luncheon if you have one.
Sorry to be the bearer of news you don't want to hear, but if you want to get the BM together to get to know each other, it should be on your dime. Instead of being at night when you have to worry about dinner and 'drinks all night', how about taking them to brunch? That would really cut down on the bar bill, or invite them all over to your home.
I think if YOU are inviting them to all get together, YOU should pay.
AngnShaun
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
You shouldnt be expected to pay for anything for them other than the rehearsal dinner and their plate at the wedding...
they pay for their own dresses, shoes, hair... (i did buy my girls their jewelry but it was cheap) and since i wanted them to match that was on me...
im sorry you have to go through that....
as far as your shower goes its really more of a case by case thing... i know people whose mom paid for everything or only asked a small amount from the BMs or where the MOH and BMs paid for the entire thing...
pjc92980
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
i think you are find to have them pay for dress, shoes, hair and makeup - most girls expect to pay for that when they say yes to being part of your BP. Since you are not paying for hair and makeup I would give them the option to use whoever you are using but also allow them to go somewhere else if they prefer. I do think you should not ask them to pay for DOJ. if you want them in matching jewelry then you should give it as a gift...otherwise they should be able to wear whatever they want.
HSsweethearts
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
Posted by pjc92980
i think you are find to have them pay for dress, shoes, hair and makeup - most girls expect to pay for that when they say yes to being part of your BP. Since you are not paying for hair and makeup I would give them the option to use whoever you are using but also allow them to go somewhere else if they prefer. I do think you should not ask them to pay for DOJ. if you want them in matching jewelry then you should give it as a gift...otherwise they should be able to wear whatever they want.
I agree
monamiestephanie
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
My BMs paid for their attire, bach party and gift. My mom paid for the bridal shower. You SHOULD NOT be paying for the bridal shower and bach party! They should've known the costs involved in being a part of the party. You should definitely discuss this with them.
KristyANDMatt224
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
I think my girls are all on the same page as to wha they should pay for and contribute to. FH would like for me to buy their dresses as he hopes to pay for the tux rentals, but we will see! I'm having my bridesmaids all come over to my house 1 night next month. I'm serving wine, appetizers and finger foods. I bought them each a bridesmaid handbook- it's cute and sassy like 'how to deal when she's being bridezilla!' it tells traditions of responsibilities and gives ideas for parties, gifts, etc. I have other gifts too, but basically I want to get them together and talk bout my plans and expectations. (my biggest concern is that girls who I invited to shows or whatever that can't make it, wind up apologizing profusely and feel bad) I do NOT expect them to be everywhere or do everything! My non-negotiables are RD, shower and wedding obvi, not expos or vendor chats. Lol
angelicd77
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Re: Bridesmaids..what are they suppose to pay for?
my best friend is getting married in sept and im a BM for her. i paid for my dress shoes alterations and the girls are pitching in for the bach party. we got lucky with her shower cuz her MOH is her younger sister (shes only 19) and her parents have mucho $$$$ so they are taking care of the shower. however that is NOT the norm. i knew as soon as she asked me to be in the party what i was in for and ive never been a BM before lol. hopefully your girls will understand that you are going to be laying out a LOT of money in the upcoming months and that you should NOT have to pay for your shower or bach party. thats something that they should have thought about before saying yes to being in your party. JMO but i HTH!!!
