can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

Original post by JeanetteandSteve

Jun 05, 2007 09:19 AM

i don't have the best relationship w my father and i would feel uncomfortable having a father-daughter dance w him. most of the songs people use don't fit, and i just don't want to. i posted about this a long time ago, but when i posted i just didn't want to do any dance at all...

but i was thinking, instead of a dance w my dad what if i have a dance w my brother? it would be at the same time as the father daughter dance, right before FH dances w his mom.

but the problem is, my grandma and my dad's whole side of the family don't know that i have a bad relationship w him. they think everything is fine, and they are the kind of family that don't talk about uncomfortable things...so i have chose to let them think there's nothing wrong for all these years.

sooooo...anyway, i want to dance w my brother instead of my dad but do you think my family would be offended that i didn't dance w my dad?

obviously, you don't know my family so it's hard to answer, but do you think in general at a wedding the father of the bride's family would be upset if she did this? if i do it this way, then i will have my dad walk me down the aisle...even though i don't want to do that either...but during the ceremony i will do the rose ceremony for the moms. do you think i can use the excuse that i want to include my entire immediate family in the wedding...so my dad walks me down, my mom gets a rose, and my brother gets the dance?

i'm sorry this was long. any thoughts would be helpful. and i'm sorry this is kind of repetitive of my problem...i'm just having a tough time with this part of the wedding. thanks so much in advance!!

bemyyoko Posted: Jun 05, 2007 11:35 AM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

you can definately dance with your brother. there is no reason for you to be so uncomfortable on your wedding day. if other family members have a problem with it... too bad, they'll get over it.

i always think it's sweet when the bride dances with her brother/s. i might do it as well as dancing with my dad.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 11:37 AM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

do what makes YOU happy. who cares if other ppl are offended? that's their problem!

my sister did not have a great relationship with my dad. (from his 1st marriage), so when she got married...she asked that my brother walk her down the aisle. my dad understood--and it did hurt him a little bit, but he got over it.

if you want to do a dance with your brother, that's fine..i say go for it.

GinaBambina08 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 11:42 AM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

to be perfectly honest with you, it would definitely raise a couple of eyebrows, and if you don't mind that, then I would say go for it...but just be prepared that people are going to be reading into it...

Heather1 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 12:24 PM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

I think it would be fine to dance with your brother. Whatever you feel more comfortable with. It's your sentimental dance and you should do it with who makes you feel special. I don't talk to my dad and will be dancing with my mom at that time.

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 01:09 PM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

Just a suggestion, you could dance with your Dad to a fast song that is not a mushy one. That way you don't feel awkward. It would keep the questions from flying- if any. (again, we don't know the whole sitution). But, ultimately- you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Ilovebriani Posted: Jun 05, 2007 01:18 PM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

this seems to be something that has been bothering you for a while now, and it sounds like you might have come up with a good solution to the problem that may keep everyone happy. i think it is a supernice touch for you to dance with your brother. being that you and your dad are not really close, ( i am sure it is not a secret between yu and your dad, even if the rest of the family dosnt know about it) he should be understanding of this. i would explain it to your father ahead of time just so he is prepared for what is to be of the situation and you can leave it up to him if he wants to explain anything additional or come up with an 'excuse' to tell his side of the family. i can totally relate to you about feeling like you have to 'hide things' from the rest of your family, it is not an easy thing to do and it can be very hard on you after all this time. Maybe before you dance with your brother you can have the DJ say something special about him and why you chose him for this dance. it is your wedding day and you need to be happy. i say go for it! Good luck. by the way, have you thought to talk to your brother about this situation? maybe he could give you some advice, siblings are usually good for that.

rahana316 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 02:41 PM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

I do not think you should do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable on your weddding day. It's your day and even though you want everyone to be happy at your wedding it should be your decision to make.

Try having a talk with your dad's family so they dont make things more difficult for you at the wedding.

I'd sad be happy. Dance with your brother.

TJ22908 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 02:48 PM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

I think you should do whatever your comfortable with..it is your day!! I would talk to your father about it before so that theres not any drama that day with him.

Strings22 Posted: Jun 06, 2007 10:41 AM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

Yeah that is fine, you can do whatever you want. Plus like you said everyone is being honored in onw way or another...I din;t have that great of a relationhsip with my dad.... that is why we are dancing to a song that is not too emontinal

AMGBride2008 Posted: Jun 06, 2007 10:56 AM

Re: can i dance w my BROTHER instead of my DAD?! (little long)

I didn't read everyone's responses, but you can do whatever you want and you don't owe an explanation to anyone... but if someone questions you about it, I think that's a perfectly fine excuse as to why you're doing things this way.