Cash Bar?

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

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I agree .......We didn't get married in 'another state where this is the norm' we got married (or are getting married) in NYC or LI. You DO NOT invite your guests to a huge party, expect them to spend a fortune getting dressed appropriately and giving you a gift - and then cut corners ........Cut somewhere else, the gown, the flowers, the photographer, - somewhere that will affect YOU and NOT your guests ! - JMO

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

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I'm sorry but there are some of us who did not go for Reem Acra gowns, $200 + centerpieces or HM's in Bora Bora & Tahiti because we chose to spend our money differently. What a couple choses to spend their money on for their wedding is up to them. To assume that a wedding will only be acceptable if it has the 'best of the best' is incredibly snobby. I was under the impression that this board was a forum for people of all opinions and means. To assume that everyone here is spending tons of money is not fair.

BTW to make it clear - i had an open bar and would never have a cash bar (because i like to drink and most of my guests do to). But that doesnt mean I'm going to trash anyone who choses differently.

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Posted by johnsae

I don't think a cash bar is ever acceptable - I think it's kind of rude....cut costs in other areas to make it happen.

JMO

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I totally agree. I know it's different outside of NY...but I just would not want to tell my guests to come to my wedding, eat a delicious meal, dance all night...but don't forget your wallet so you can pay for your own drinks!

Many times guests are coming from far, spending money on a nice outfit, perhaps a gift or giving money, taking the entire day to celebrate with you...and you're gonna have them pay to have a few drinks?! I especially find it tacky if you have OOT guests. They've chocked up the dough for a plane ticket, maybe 1-3 days for a hotel, spent hundreds of dollars and maybe taken a day or two off of work, and I'm gonna tell them that the drinks are on them!!

Sometimes when the & don't drink, they think it's ok to charge people, but it's not. It's tacky IMO.

Okay so this turned into a vent, but I just couldn't help myself!!

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Posted by natinwpb

Not all of us are getting Reem Acra dresses and going to Bora Bora. I would never be insulted if I had to buy my own drink. We're having a brunch and providing champagne and wine. Hard liquor is at the guest's cost.

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umm..i'm not doing bora bora or some fancy dress. (i'll be hunting down the david's bridal sales! LOL) i'm busting my butt (just as much as FH is as well) and we are paying for the entire things ourselves...no help from anyone and i want my guests to have a nice sit down dinner and an open bar for the 5 hrs of CH and reception. it's just something i want to make sure my guests have and enjoy themselves.

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Posted by Marisa M

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

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I agree .......We didn't get married in 'another state where this is the norm' we got married (or are getting married) in NYC or LI. You DO NOT invite your guests to a huge party, expect them to spend a fortune getting dressed appropriately and giving you a gift - and then cut corners ........Cut somewhere else, the gown, the flowers, the photographer, - somewhere that will affect YOU and NOT your guests ! - JMO

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I can see where you guys are coming from, but IMHO, the people throwing the wedding did not ask their guest to spend a fortune getting dressed 'appropriately' or whatever the case may be. And if that is true that we are all from a middle-class or better background, then what is the big deal about paying for a few drinks? When you go out, you expect to pay for your drinks, right? I personally would not have a cash bar, but I would not think any less of someone if they decided to have it. You don't HAVE to drink!

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Posted by carlsbride

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by johnsae

I don't think a cash bar is ever acceptable - I think it's kind of rude....cut costs in other areas to make it happen.

JMO

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I don't necessarily think it is rude. It is not common in NY but in other places, it is acceptable.

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ok - I still think it's rude though, and what places deem it acceptable?

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It's a big world out there - New York is not the center of the universe or the dictator for what is the proper way to host a wedding. Expand your horizons a little.
Most weddings I have attended down South did not have a full open bar for the whole event.

ETA: And I never thought it was Tacky or Rude, just different.

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I'm actually not from NY, and I've been to weddings all over the country, so don't tell me to expand my horizons. To me it's not about where you are having the wedding - NY, CA, PA...wherever...never acceptable in my book.

People CHILL!!!!!!!

A cash bar is NOT the norm here, but it is the norm in other places.

Your wedding is about celebrating the union of too people, not whether or not the Jack and Coke is free.
And thats the bottom line.

In my opinion opf whether or not to do it...
See if you caqn cut corners in other places first, if you cannt at least have wine and beer available complimentary

AND DONT BE SO DAMN MEAN ON THESE BOARDS

Well. actually .......New York is absolutely the center of the universe ........
But I digress, It's not a question of getting married in another state, or region of the coutry and 'expanding horizions' .......if you're getting married in NYC/LI doing the whole 'out of control NYC/LI wedding' hoopla - IMO, having a cash bar is NOT the place to save money .....
Let's be honest, we all need to save money. No one here is independently wealthy.....I just don't think that's the place to do it. -

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Posted by Marisa M

Well. actually .......New York is absolutely the center of the universe ........

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LOL Marisa....doesn't everyone know that NY IS the center of the universe!? i mean as soon as everyone gets that, we won't have any problems.

This is one of those touchy subjects that some people get a little crazy about. For those of you who are having or think it's okay to have a cash bar....than that's your choice. But don't get all mad at those of us that think it's tacky to have a cash bar...this board is all about opinions. I realize that the ones who are okay with a cash bar, are getting a bit offended by our opinions...well I'm sorry to make you feel that way, but that's just how we feel!!

Let's just call it a truce, and all have a ...on me!

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Posted by otherme

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

---

I'm sorry but there are some of us who did not go for Reem Acra gowns, $200 + centerpieces or HM's in Bora Bora & Tahiti because we chose to spend our money differently. What a couple choses to spend their money on for their wedding is up to them. To assume that a wedding will only be acceptable if it has the 'best of the best' is incredibly snobby. I was under the impression that this board was a forum for people of all opinions and means. To assume that everyone here is spending tons of money is not fair.

BTW to make it clear - i had an open bar and would never have a cash bar (because i like to drink and most of my guests do to). But that doesnt mean I'm going to trash anyone who choses differently.

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I totally understand not all of us (including me) SPECIFICALLY had a Reem gown or BoraBora..but... many,many here did or will. I was fortunate enough to have many extras.
We also paid for everything ourselves but recieved very generous gifts from our families,thats MY situation. I do not assume everyone is spending tons but a considerable amount ummm YES!
I'm just saying that I would hope the Bride&Groom cut corners in other ways,not on their guests. I'm being truthful in my opinion,I'm reminding everyone we're not from 'somewhere else' as compared to most of the US, LI is pretty affluent. We are aware we are being ripped-off compared to lets say a South Dakota wedding (just picked the state out of air,no offense intended) thats just what comes with the territory of living here.
If the B&G want a cash bar,so be it..I wouldn't comment directly to them but I would in my head & to my DH, JMHO.
Also,just look at the topics posted on the boards. Then go (just for fun) to lets say, theknottt and look at one of the local boards of a state you're not so familiar with. 9/10 times you won't be able to relate to THAT board. Just because things are done differently.
If I were out of state,I would tolerate,no the world does not revolve around NY. But in NY,I wouldn't question open bar or not,I would just 'assume' it was. Of course,no offense to anyone who chose differently. Sheesh,ppl,lets not get sooo po'ed!

*Edited for spelling

My friend got married in philly, and to try to save money, she was able to bring in the hard liquor herself, so it may not have been a 'full bar' but she had all the liquor you'd expect there, and i don't think anyone noticed at all; but I know it did save her a lot of $$$
I'm not aware of any place on LI that would allow you to do that though, hmm

I went to a wedding in Florida that was cash bar ( we were not aware ) in addition we had no choice in meal. As in here is your chicken and it only gets cooked one way.

It was so bad. I know that open bar is what we are used to but some warning would have been good.

I've heard about cash bars, but never went to a wedding that had one.

IMO, the height of tackiness!! at least give your guests beer & wine. they give you a gift and got all dressed up to celebrate your big day. they least you can do is give them some free booze. again, JMO

I'm not a big drinker - but I have been to weddings where there is a cash bar...but if I remember correctly the cocktail hour was an open bar. (The last one I went to was in Rhode Island). I would never expect people to pay for their drinks at my wedding. Because I know I don't carry much cash with me at weddings. You are a guest, you shouldn't be expected to pay for anything.

Edited...
This same wedding in RI didn't have an entree choice either - and their only option was a FISH entree to top it off! My FH HATES fish, so he asked if they had anything else...of course they did, but they gave them him a problem when he asked for something else. He told him he was very allergic to fish... hee hee.