Cash Bar?

I've been to weddings all over, some with open bar, some with cash bar, some with cash bar only before/after cocktail hour, and one with no alcohol at all.

People do what they need to do to pay for a wedding.

In NY though, it's a given that it will be an open bar at a wedding.

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Posted by JXNOscar

People CHILL!!!!!!!

A cash bar is NOT the norm here, but it is the norm in other places.

Your wedding is about celebrating the union of too people, not whether or not the Jack and Coke is free.
And thats the bottom line.

In my opinion opf whether or not to do it...
See if you caqn cut corners in other places first, if you cannt at least have wine and beer available complimentary

AND DONT BE SO DAMN MEAN ON THESE BOARDS

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Well said!

I think we are straying away from the original question here... the poster asked if anyone had ever been to a wedding with a cash bar, not whether or not you would have one or think it is tacky.
Things are done differently in different parts of the country, and we really have no right to deem them tacky, cheap, or whatever. To take away from someone's gift because they do not have an open bar is disgraceful and appalling. Since when is a wedding about drinking anyway? Those same people might turn around and have things to say about wedding in this part of the country, how would you feel if they said your martini bars, vienesse hours, extravagant CH's and chocolate fountains were out of control and totally unecessary, and yes they might even call them TACKY. It is very small minded to be so opinionated about the way people do things. We have our culture here, and in other areas, there are different cultures and ways of doing things. Please don't be so quick to judge others, would you want them to do the same to you?

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

I think we are straying away from the original question here... the poster asked if anyone had ever been to a wedding with a cash bar, not whether or not you would have one or think it is tacky.
Things are done differently in different parts of the country, and we really have no right to deem them tacky, cheap, or whatever. To take away from someone's gift because they do not have an open bar is disgraceful and appalling. Since when is a wedding about drinking anyway? Those same people might turn around and have things to say about wedding in this part of the country, how would you feel if they said your designer gowns and chocolate fountains were out of control and totally unecessary. It is very small minded to be so opinionated about the way people do things. We have our culture here, and in other areas, there are different cultures and ways of doing things. Please don't be so quick to judge others, would you want them to do the same to you?

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i don't understand why people can't just agree to disagree on this. if someone thinks a chocolate fountain or designer dress is out of control and is okay with a cash bar...that's THEIR opinion. i'm sure people in other states find NY weddings a bit extravagant. BUT that being said, why can't I express my opinion that I think a cash bar is tacky...period. That's how I feel about it. If someone wishes to say that things are outrageous at my wedding...than let them...because that's their own personal opinion on it, and who am I to say that they can't have one? Just as I have the right to think a cash bar is ridiculous, they have their right to say whatever they feel.

as always, this is a public board and everyone on here is entitled to say whatever they feel. so if a bunch of people wanna say they would NEVER have a cash bar and find it hideous, then i say let them say it. Just like the people who are ok with it have every right to state their opinions on the subject.

so for the 100th time .. YES i find them TACKY!!! that's right, I am judging and saying it's a rude, tacky thing to make your guests pay for drinks...this is my OPINION, and I'm sticking to it!!!!

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Posted by Jen2999

Cash bars are very common outside of NY along with much smaller and less extravagent affairs.

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It's actually a lot closer than outside NY. My wedding options only included 4 hours of open bar, cocktail and 3 hours open....the rest they said should be cash bar.......ummmm.....no!

I agreed to pay the last hour on consumption, how could I let my guests drive all the way upstate, take days off of work, buy new clothes, give a gift, and then pay to drink?

Granted, we had an after party and that was not on my arm, and the last hour cost me a serious penny, I mean serious, but I wouldn't have done it any other way.

Other parts of the country think we are crazy, gluttonous pigs for the wa we throw weddings, but hey, that's OUR norm....

Oooh, I have a wedding in PA and I had to pick my dinner already, do we think they'll have a cash bar?

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

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I TOTALLY AGREE 100%!!!

If it hurts your budget to have open bar then don't do it. As long as there is access to liquor your guests will be happy. I went to a dry wedding and while I can deal with that- there wasn't any dancing! I had a nice time anyway but one or the other would have been nice!!

Personally, if you can't do the open bar offer CH and a part of the reception with an open bar. I'd have the open bar at the reception after your entrance and special dances...

I hear all of these things that are 'expected'- I have friends whose realtives expect black tie, some expect printed napkins- it gets ridiculous and you have to do what's best for you- they aren't paying for it!!!

Good luck

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Posted by BHW

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

I think we are straying away from the original question here... the poster asked if anyone had ever been to a wedding with a cash bar, not whether or not you would have one or think it is tacky.
Things are done differently in different parts of the country, and we really have no right to deem them tacky, cheap, or whatever. To take away from someone's gift because they do not have an open bar is disgraceful and appalling. Since when is a wedding about drinking anyway? Those same people might turn around and have things to say about wedding in this part of the country, how would you feel if they said your designer gowns and chocolate fountains were out of control and totally unecessary. It is very small minded to be so opinionated about the way people do things. We have our culture here, and in other areas, there are different cultures and ways of doing things. Please don't be so quick to judge others, would you want them to do the same to you?

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i don't understand why people can't just agree to disagree on this. if someone thinks a chocolate fountain or designer dress is out of control and is okay with a cash bar...that's THEIR opinion. i'm sure people in other states find NY weddings a bit extravagant. BUT that being said, why can't I express my opinion that I think a cash bar is tacky...period. That's how I feel about it. If someone wishes to say that things are outrageous at my wedding...than let them...because that's their own personal opinion on it, and who am I to say that they can't have one? Just as I have the right to think a cash bar is ridiculous, they have their right to say whatever they feel.

as always, this is a public board and everyone on here is entitled to say whatever they feel. so if a bunch of people wanna say they would NEVER have a cash bar and find it hideous, then i say let them say it. Just like the people who are ok with it have every right to state their opinions on the subject.

so for the 100th time .. YES i find them TACKY!!! that's right, I am judging and saying it's a rude, tacky thing to make your guests pay for drinks...this is my OPINION, and I'm sticking to it!!!!

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I totally agree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If I think something is tacky and other don't, who cares? It's my opinion and no one else has to agree with it.

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THe short story of what I was trying to say is that you might be really hurting someone's feelings when you say something is tacky. INot that you are not entitled to your opinion, because, of course, everyone is entitled to an opinion. (this is encompasses more than the cash bar issue. you might think something is tacky, and then you post your opinion, and someone else who has done or is thinking of doing the thing you called tacky now feels like sh*t)

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Posted by Pmpkn087

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Posted by Marisa M

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Posted by andri

I have NEVER been to one and IMO would think the couple to be cheap. Giving their guests bare minimum but racking in the gifts.

Lets stop BSing each other OK? Most of us here (geographically speaking) are from a middle-class or better background. We talk about and discuss topics like Reem Acra wedding gowns,$200+ CP's, Limo's galore,BoraBora & Tahiti.. then you're gonna make it a cash bar? Wasn't there a better way to cut a corner? Granted this is common outside of NY and I respect that but here on LI? No Way. You better believe I'd take money out of the envelope(BTW ppl from my culture ONLY give $$,a gift - like off the registry would be insulting,thats what a shower is for..but thats just me and common knowledge to ppl I invited and was invited to,pls don't flame)

My guests are exactly that-MY GUESTS for the evening. They should want for nothing. Now lets have a

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I agree .......We didn't get married in 'another state where this is the norm' we got married (or are getting married) in NYC or LI. You DO NOT invite your guests to a huge party, expect them to spend a fortune getting dressed appropriately and giving you a gift - and then cut corners ........Cut somewhere else, the gown, the flowers, the photographer, - somewhere that will affect YOU and NOT your guests ! - JMO

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I can see where you guys are coming from, but IMHO, the people throwing the wedding did not ask their guest to spend a fortune getting dressed 'appropriately' or whatever the case may be. And if that is true that we are all from a middle-class or better background, then what is the big deal about paying for a few drinks? When you go out, you expect to pay for your drinks, right? I personally would not have a cash bar, but I would not think any less of someone if they decided to have it. You don't HAVE to drink!

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How can you say that the people throwing the wedding did not ask their guest to spend a fortune getting dressed appropriately??? When you invite them to the wedding, you're are asking them to do just that. Would you be okay with a guest showing up to your wedding in jeans? Of course not and everyone tries to dress their best for a wedding. When you invite them... you are asking them to put on a nice dress, suit/jacket or anything that is appropriate. Those things are not cheap. Even going to a wedding can be very expensive... just as a guest!

I can see where you guys are coming from, but IMHO, the people throwing the wedding did not ask their guest to spend a fortune getting dressed 'appropriately' or whatever the case may be. And if that is true that we are all from a middle-class or better background, then what is the big deal about paying for a few drinks? When you go out, you expect to pay for your drinks, right? I personally would not have a cash bar, but I would not think any less of someone if they decided to have it. You don't HAVE to drink!

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How many times when you go out to dinner do you spend $250-350?

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Posted by curliegirl

Well the original post DID ask if we thought it was tacky.....

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Lets bring the original post to pg 3:



Have you ever gone to a wedding with a cash bar?
Where was it?

I live in California and I was just discussing wedding plans with my co-workers.

Apparently having an open bar is not expected.

I heard a couple of different options:

Cash bar the whole wedding
Each person gets two drinks tickets then it is cash bar
Open bar for only 2 hours then a cash bar

Anyway, I just wanted to hear any other options you may have experienced.

ETA: I am having a full open bar at my wedding. I am just curious to see if people actually did go to a wedding with a cash bar.

It is funny cause the first thing some people asked me when I told them I was engaged is if I am having an open bar. Not the date, or where we are having it, just the bar

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Posted by curliegirl

Well the original post DID ask if we thought it was tacky.....

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I didn't see that part, and for FH and myself a cash bar wasn't an option. FMIL wasn't happy but that's due to religious reasons. (they are Protestant but traditional)

FBIL had an open bar for only an hour and NO cash bar- it saved them a ton but they are Indian, it's expected that you invite everyone you know- so for 435 people (which was small- most have 700) paying for an open bar is crazy. Plus, most guests only give $50 for 4 ppl b.c they get invited to weddings all the time and can't afford it!! It depends on your situation!

I do think that 'tacky' is harsh- everyone nit-picks at weddings. Honestly, while I love NY, it's is crazy what ppl do for weddings- it's one day that should be special and beautiful but I'm so turned off by everything I'm not that excited about mine. I'm going to love getting married but I would have loved City Hall!

Bottom line, it's your money and access to liquor is important- but unlimited beer and wine is cool too. Some halls stop serving top shelf when guests are too drunk to notice...

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Posted by SuzBride

It is funny cause the first thing some people asked me when I told them I was engaged is if I am having an open bar. Not the date, or where we are having it, just the bar

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The fact that they asked shows that it's not expected...

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

THe short story of what I was trying to say is that you might be really hurting someone's feelings when you say something is tacky. INot that you are not entitled to your opinion, because, of course, everyone is entitled to an opinion. (this is encompasses more than the cash bar issue. you might think something is tacky, and then you post your opinion, and someone else who has done or is thinking of doing the thing you called tacky now feels like sh*t)

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people have to develop a thick skin if you are gonna post to a public board. one person might post they are ecstatic over their phtographer, and another poster could say that particular person is horrible and they were dumb to book them...or someone could pick a hall and another poster will could say 'only cheap losers book there, it's a shady place'...what are you gonna do? these things happen. one person's dream could be someone else's nightmare...that's just life.

if someone truly feels okay with what they are doing for their wedding...be it a cash bar...or dollar dances, chocolate fountains, potluck, backyard bbq, etc. etc....then their feelings won't be hurt. they will realize that whomever is posting is allowed to have their opinion, and they disagree with said opinion.