Catholic Girls- Are you having a full mass?

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Posted by I Love my bear

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Posted by Mimacat

I'm absolutely having a full mass. As a Catholic, I believe that marriage is one of the most important of the sacraments, and like First Communion and Confirmation I believe that it should be celebrated in conjunction with the Eucharist. It would feel odd to me to be IN church and not recieve communion. Maybe its just b/c I attend church every week, but I can't imagine not having a mass.

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I agree, I can't imagine being at church and not receiving communion.

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I feel the same way as you girls...

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Posted by Adriana618

omg its like a sign that this posting is up!!
I'm having 'issues' with this.
Although we are getting married in the church, I am torn between a full mass and a ceremony.

I am catholic however my FH is basically nothing lol. He grew up without dinomination and am happy he has agreed to get married in the church.

HOWEVER- he is super opposed to doing a full mass, even though its only a 15 min difference he thinks its too long and doesnt want to bore our guests. We had gone to a wedding in our church and he thought it was super drawn out and doesnt want that for us..... and at first I was ok with it....

NOW, my parents are all up in arms... 'what do you mean your not doing a mass?!' 'how you can you not have a priest marry you?!?!'

so now i'm torn, and I tried to talk to FH about it and he doesnt understand and is totally against it....his argument..isnt a decon a man of god too? its way too long....

ugh what to do?

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As I wrote, I was having the same issues. . . but luckily I have a great priest. When I went to him I said that FH wanted a ceremony and my mother wanted a mass.

He looked at me and said 'I think you know which one you should choose - and really set the tone for your marriage as a whole'

At first, FH was like 'aw man you are taking her mom's side!' but then I realized that he was telling me to listen to FH and NOT my mom. tee hee my mom was NOT happy about that but it makes so much sense if you think about it.

Yes, my mother has cried about me getting married by a deacon at a ceremony and yes, she prays for me every day bc she doesn't think my marriage will be 'vaild' BUT I am starting my marriage by considering what my HUSBAND wants.

And if anyone is thinking that 'marriage is about compromise' FH wanted to get married at a hall so the ceremony IS the compromise

GL in your decision.

PS - I also think its kind of cool that a man who has been married over 25 years and has kids is marrying us . . . i feel he really knows about marriage AND as I explained to my mom - SHE is the one going against hte church bc she doesn't believe in the powers that the Church GRANTS to a deacon - he is given the grace to perform a marriage ceremony and my MOM should be able to recognize that!

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Posted by jcslady

fh is not catholic so i can't

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yes you can - not saying you should or have to (not really my business) but you can just so you know.

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Posted by Mimacat

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Posted by cbcf

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

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CATIE YOU ARE SATANS SPAWN!!!

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so I have been told

haha yeah i know i am so confused with religion i definitely believe but some things keep me wondering or analyiznig i guess i am horrible

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Adriana618

omg its like a sign that this posting is up!!
I'm having 'issues' with this.
Although we are getting married in the church, I am torn between a full mass and a ceremony.

I am catholic however my FH is basically nothing lol. He grew up without dinomination and am happy he has agreed to get married in the church.

HOWEVER- he is super opposed to doing a full mass, even though its only a 15 min difference he thinks its too long and doesnt want to bore our guests. We had gone to a wedding in our church and he thought it was super drawn out and doesnt want that for us..... and at first I was ok with it....

NOW, my parents are all up in arms... 'what do you mean your not doing a mass?!' 'how you can you not have a priest marry you?!?!'

so now i'm torn, and I tried to talk to FH about it and he doesnt understand and is totally against it....his argument..isnt a decon a man of god too? its way too long....

ugh what to do?

---

As I wrote, I was having the same issues. . . but luckily I have a great priest. When I went to him I said that FH wanted a ceremony and my mother wanted a mass.

He looked at me and said 'I think you know which one you should choose - and really set the tone for your marriage as a whole'

At first, FH was like 'aw man you are taking her mom's side!' but then I realized that he was telling me to listen to FH and NOT my mom. tee hee my mom was NOT happy about that but it makes so much sense if you think about it.

Yes, my mother has cried about me getting married by a deacon at a ceremony and yes, she prays for me every day bc she doesn't think my marriage will be 'vaild' BUT I am starting my marriage by considering what my HUSBAND wants.

And if anyone is thinking that 'marriage is about compromise' FH wanted to get married at a hall so the ceremony IS the compromise

GL in your decision.

PS - I also think its kind of cool that a man who has been married over 25 years and has kids is marrying us . . . i feel he really knows about marriage AND as I explained to my mom - SHE is the one going against hte church bc she doesn't believe in the powers that the Church GRANTS to a deacon - he is given the grace to perform a marriage ceremony and my MOM should be able to recognize that!

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Good for you Tilde. Your priest is a wise man. Me and FH made our decision together too and are not letting anyone influence it.

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by Mimacat

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Posted by cbcf

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

---

CATIE YOU ARE SATANS SPAWN!!!

---

so I have been told

haha yeah i know i am so confused with religion i definitely believe but some things keep me wondering or analyiznig i guess i am horrible

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You are not horrible. I have questions and concerns. Things I believe and full faith in and things that I am not so sure about or agree with. IMO doesn't make anyone less Catholic and having a ceremony doesn't make you any less married!

We are but only because it meant something to both of us -- good luck!

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Posted by anneandchris

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by Mimacat

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Posted by cbcf

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

---

CATIE YOU ARE SATANS SPAWN!!!

---

so I have been told

haha yeah i know i am so confused with religion i definitely believe but some things keep me wondering or analyiznig i guess i am horrible

---

You are not horrible. I have questions and concerns. Things I believe and full faith in and things that I am not so sure about or agree with. IMO doesn't make anyone less Catholic and having a ceremony doesn't make you any less married!

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thank you!!!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Adriana618

omg its like a sign that this posting is up!!
I'm having 'issues' with this.
Although we are getting married in the church, I am torn between a full mass and a ceremony.

I am catholic however my FH is basically nothing lol. He grew up without dinomination and am happy he has agreed to get married in the church.

HOWEVER- he is super opposed to doing a full mass, even though its only a 15 min difference he thinks its too long and doesnt want to bore our guests. We had gone to a wedding in our church and he thought it was super drawn out and doesnt want that for us..... and at first I was ok with it....

NOW, my parents are all up in arms... 'what do you mean your not doing a mass?!' 'how you can you not have a priest marry you?!?!'

so now i'm torn, and I tried to talk to FH about it and he doesnt understand and is totally against it....his argument..isnt a decon a man of god too? its way too long....

ugh what to do?

---

As I wrote, I was having the same issues. . . but luckily I have a great priest. When I went to him I said that FH wanted a ceremony and my mother wanted a mass.

He looked at me and said 'I think you know which one you should choose - and really set the tone for your marriage as a whole'

At first, FH was like 'aw man you are taking her mom's side!' but then I realized that he was telling me to listen to FH and NOT my mom. tee hee my mom was NOT happy about that but it makes so much sense if you think about it.

Yes, my mother has cried about me getting married by a deacon at a ceremony and yes, she prays for me every day bc she doesn't think my marriage will be 'vaild' BUT I am starting my marriage by considering what my HUSBAND wants.

And if anyone is thinking that 'marriage is about compromise' FH wanted to get married at a hall so the ceremony IS the compromise

GL in your decision.

PS - I also think its kind of cool that a man who has been married over 25 years and has kids is marrying us . . . i feel he really knows about marriage AND as I explained to my mom - SHE is the one going against hte church bc she doesn't believe in the powers that the Church GRANTS to a deacon - he is given the grace to perform a marriage ceremony and my MOM should be able to recognize that!

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Tilde...yes Fh is the same he is Catholic but I know he doesn't want a mass and I think he is getting married in the church for me. but i shouldn't not listen to him then because then he isthe only one making sacrifices/compromises and that is not how a marriage works. i commend you in your decision and that is another reason why FH and I are not having a mass. We are getting married by a deacon and my mom needs to realize the same as you said your's does. PLUS my grandfather (god rest his soul) was a deacon and married my parents (except they did have a mass hte priest did the mass and my grandfather did the vows)...so my mom is kinda hypocritical

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Posted by Mimacat

Actually, in a catholic church a priest/deacon/etc doesn't marry you. You only recite your vows to eachother - you literally marry each other. The priest is only there as a witness, so it doesnt really matter if its the priest or the deacon that witness; the important part is the exchange of vows on the altar before God.

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oh i always thought you say 'it is the deacon or it is the priest who is marrying us' i know obviously we are marrying each other but i always thought it was like that. i guess because my mom said 'oh well your grandfather married us'

learn something new everyday

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by Mimacat

Actually, in a catholic church a priest/deacon/etc doesn't marry you. You only recite your vows to eachother - you literally marry each other. The priest is only there as a witness, so it doesnt really matter if its the priest or the deacon that witness; the important part is the exchange of vows on the altar before God.

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oh i always thought you say 'it is the deacon or it is the priest who is marrying us' i know obviously we are marrying each other but i always thought it was like that. i guess because my mom said 'oh well your grandfather married us'

learn something new everyday

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That was the first thing they told us in precana! The priest doesnt marry you - you marry eachother.

Now, I'm going to give you a lecture on family planning...

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Posted by Mimacat

Actually, in a catholic church a priest/deacon/etc doesn't marry you. You only recite your vows to eachother - you literally marry each other. The priest is only there as a witness, so it doesnt really matter if its the priest or the deacon that witness; the important part is the exchange of vows on the altar before God.

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yes you are right - i always forget to think of it like that

we are not having a full mass.