Catholic Girls- Are you having a full mass?

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Posted by kkss1419

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Posted by jessamyn78

I am very serious about getting married, but I grew up in a family that is not religious at all. I went to church with my grandmother but my mother and father never went to church. I do not fully follow catholic teachings or any other religion.

FH and I are getting married in church because it is very important to him. Not sure about the mass because I am not comfortable in church. I feel anxious and nervous.

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I can understand how you feel. It was very important to FH and his parents that we marry in a Catholic Church. I was raised in the church, but due to personal reasons stopped attending about 12yrs ago. I felt I was compromising by agreeing to the church ceremony. FH understood when I told him I did not want a mass. Since I am non practicing, I feel it would be hypocritical of me to take communion.

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That is the way I feel also. It's terrible but I have no desire to go back regularly.

we are doing a full mass- its really important to my mom & plus a lot of my family is very religious- and they would have to go to mass the day before (cause they NEVER miss)- so its just easier for everyone if we have it.

eta- we also go to church weekly and its important to us- I didnt want to imply the only reason we were having a mass was to make things easier

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Posted by Mimacat

I'm so glad to see that there are girls who take the religous aspect of the ceremony seriously! Thats one of my hugest peeves - people that use the church as a stopping off spot for a bit followed by a few photos, but then again I dont think that people who don't believe in Jesus Christ should be celebrating Christmas, but thats a whole other topic

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ditto, I mean I'm not a saint don't get me wrong...but do you know when FH and I started getting serious but couldn't afford a wedding we prayed for gods blessing together and that he might not frown down upon us for having relations before marriage because we had every intention of marrying and were very much devoted to each other. what I've learned in my RCIA and by attending mass every week is that to be devoted you must give yourself completely to something, a full commitment

I just feel like If you're getting married in a church but you're not a true believer or u only halfway believe in the church and whatever it may stand for...then isn't it all just one big show? the priest will be saying things and you may be standing there thinking 'pffft let's get it over with, when do I get to kiss my honey and get out of here'. thats not right. everyone has the right to get married according to their beliefs...but if u don't believe in catholicism and don't support it but get married in a catholic church because its pretty or its what other people want...thats kinda hypocritical. there was a time when I questioned my faith and at that time...I would not have gotten married in a church...I would have gotten married on a hilltop or in a forest or something.

again I really don't mean to offend but when it comes to issues of religion this is a very touchy subject.

I don't even know if my church would allow anything but a full mass...they certainly won't allow any 'rapid pre-cana' programs like I've heard of other churches doing. my church is known to be strict...its the head of the arch diocese. and it can be offensive to people who are hardcore religious because for some people it feels like brides nowadays use the church as a 'pretty backdrop' for their dream wedding instead of taking it more seriously...and thats sad coz its a house of worship...the house of god.

for example...look at that bridezilla episode where the girl didn't want the banners in the church saying jesus loves the children. thats just 1 more example of brides getting carried away with the 'ceremonial' part of it all instead of the spiritual. I don't care what anybody else in my family practices...even if nobody showed up to the church...I'd still be having my full mass because IMO it's the right thing to do.

we are...my FH grew up pretty religious and actually attended our church as a student until 9th grade...honestly it did not really make a whole lot of difference to me

Yes, we are having a full mass. I agree with mimacat and Tilde and the other girls who said they can't imagine being in a church without receiving communion.

For FH and I - it was a no-brainer - we're both catholic and if we only had a ceremony it would feel awkward to us - as if it WAS just for the scenery.

Do what feels right for you - however - your MOH's religion/beliefs should have absolutely NO bearing on your decision whatsoever. This marriage has nothing to do with her - it's all about you and FH.

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

we are having a full mass. Both FH and i go to church every week.

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Posted by cbcf

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

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CATIE YOU ARE SATANS SPAWN!!!

omg its like a sign that this posting is up!!
I'm having 'issues' with this.
Although we are getting married in the church, I am torn between a full mass and a ceremony.

I am catholic however my FH is basically nothing lol. He grew up without dinomination and am happy he has agreed to get married in the church.

HOWEVER- he is super opposed to doing a full mass, even though its only a 15 min difference he thinks its too long and doesnt want to bore our guests. We had gone to a wedding in our church and he thought it was super drawn out and doesnt want that for us..... and at first I was ok with it....

NOW, my parents are all up in arms... 'what do you mean your not doing a mass?!' 'how you can you not have a priest marry you?!?!'

so now i'm torn, and I tried to talk to FH about it and he doesnt understand and is totally against it....his argument..isnt a decon a man of god too? its way too long....

ugh what to do?

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Posted by cbcf

I know I am going to start something by saying this but I dont care because it is how I feel but

I mean I agree I believe some people use the church as a pit stop for pretty scenary etc. And I think that is wrong. But what you guys who said you couldn't picture getting married in a church without the Eucharist being given...how do you feel about Catholics who go to church (maybe not every week but still go) and are not having a mass but still getting married in the church? Do you think that is wrong as well? Just curious not trying to be mean or anything.

But also...I mean I don't think you just because a person questions their faith they shouldn't get married in the church. I have questioned mine before. I used to go to church every sunday with my parents, went to catholic school received all my sacraments etc. But for FH's family I am most likely not having a mass (still up in the air about it though) I don't want to be embarrased inf ront of my family since his has no idea. Plus I have questioned my faith. I still go to church but not all the time. And I explain it to my parents and they dont understand why I would question it. And they said if I do then I shouldnt get married in the church. But then when i said ok i will respect that they said OMG you need ot get married in the church. So right there another confusion about my religion. Also I know we are not all saints we have had sex before marriage and sinned other ways but why it is ok to have a relation before marriage and/or live together and get married in God's house as a 'sinner' (a word i hate) but still say its wrong to get married in the church without a Mass because then you are just using it as a pit stop. I know I WILL NOT be wishing for the ceremony to be over. I will cherish every word the priest says and I know FH will as well. But I dont feel I need a mass to be completely married in the eyes of God. Just making a statement not really asking any specific person these questions so please dont feel I am attacking anyone. This is a touchy subject kinda like politics haha....

I just wanted to state my opinion i guess and see what others say. maybe it will help me and my confusion or misjudgement of my religion!

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Thank you Catie. That was very well said! Just because some people are choosing not to have a mass or are getting married in the church for the sake of our significant others doesn't mean we are hypocritical. I have a 12yr old son, which I had when I was not married. The church gave me a really hard time about it. The basically refused to baptize my son because I was an 'evil sinner' I had to yell at a nun and tell her she should be thankful I didn't chose to have an abortion and that she was a horrible person for making my son pay for my mistakes before they would agree to even baptize him. This is why I have issues with the church. FH understands this, so does FFIL. FMIL is another story. She is very religious and I respect that greatly. It would be devastating to her if her only son did not marry in the church. So I agreed to the church ceremony for FHs (and his mother's sake) Sorry if that makes me a bad person.

Ha this is great! I'm not even having mine in a church. We are doing it at the lighthouse, I'm just getting a little S*** for this one!

my friend got married in a chruch and had a full mass...she is a religious girl...and she even said if she could do 1 thing over she would have cut out the full mass...she didnt like sitting up there the whole time and she felt bad for her guests that didnt believe, or werent catholic, her full mass was an hour and a half or so. Just do whatever you want and how you want to do it! thats what i have to say about it!
like i said FH and I do not follow religion he was raised in a very catholic family, i was raised Lutheran , my parents had us make our confirmation and that was pretty much it. My family is not religious either, they believe what they belive and I believe what I believe. We are getting married in a church even tho we dont believe in all the things the church has to say....and if anyone going to my wedding thinks its wrong of me then oh well lol dont come! see ya at the RH. Noone seems to have a problem so far. I want to walk down the aisle, I want to have my pictuire taken comming down the teps of the church, and i want HIS parents to be happy cause i know if we didnt get married at some kind of church they would ruin our wedding. SO to each their own....Do what you want!!! Don't let anyone tell you...og you cant get married ina church cause you dont follow the ways of the christians or lutherans or whatever religion your church is. If its what u want then do it. thats it!