Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

This is causing a bit of a rift between me and FH. I want to hyphenate my last name with his. FH is totally against this and feels that it is a huge disrespect to him. He feels that the hyphen is a subliminal separation between us and will carry over into our marriage. He also says that when we have our kids they will probably ask why mommy’s last name is different (as if kids even realize that their parents even have a real name aside from mom or dad). To be honest with you ladies I absolutely hate his last name. It’s not the name itself that I have a problem with, it’s just the way it sounds with mine. It just doesn’t sound “right” or have a nice ring to it. But even deeper than my superficial reasoning, I feel bad because my pop has no one to carry on his last name. How do you ladies feel about this issue? And for those of you that plan on hyphenating your last name how does your FH feel about it?

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I think it's a personal decision between you and your FH. However, I think ultimately it is YOUR personal decision.

I would try to explain to him why you want to keep your last name as part of you (explain about your father... maybe leave out that you dislike his last name with your first name, lol).

Hopefully, he'll come to understand.

I don't think the kids will be confused at all. Just expect their friends to call you Mrs. Husband's Last Name unless you explain.

Try to talk with your FH calmly about it and listen to his feelings, too. Ultimately, it's your name and your choice. I don't think what name you choose is ANY indication at all of your relationship with or devotion to your husband. Try to make him understand that it's not a rejection of him, but rather you wanting to preserve an important piece of your family, which will hopefully also be meaningful to your children.

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I can totally relate. I do not want to take my FH's name. It's mispronounced and misspelled all the time which is annoying to me and I have another reason as well that I'll keep to myself.

I'm keeping my name as is professionally. I don't care if he doesn't like that, I'm working very hard to establish myself and my name in the business. In my personal life, it's still up for debate.

This is a huge argument in our house as well. We don't discuss it anymore. I know what you are going through. Sorry I have no words of wisdom to offer you but you aren't alone! I

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Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I personally am not hyphanating my last name but the future children will be hyphanated. I told fh if it is that important for us to all have the same last name then he can take mine. I know alot of girls are taking their husbands names for tradition and everything else and more power to them if thats what they want to do. Personally for many reasons I am not. I work for a family buisiness and for professional reasons I am keeping mine. Also its because I want to damn it I have had this name for almost 30 years and I don't see why I should have to give up mine just for tradition. Especially a tradition which I find demeaning because my fh and I will be equals I will not be his possession. Therefore there is no need to brand me with his name. It does not mean that i am not fully committed or that I think we are going to get divorced. I love him and am vowing to stay with him forever but I have been given no good reason why I must change my name. Sorry its so long but its a subject I feel strongly about. My fh has known from the begining that I am not changing my name he has made a couple remarks but knows better then to push the subject

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

Well here is my take. I am hyphenating. I was born Rafaela Dias. I am not changing my last name. It's who I am. I am Brazilian and in my native country married women do not change their last names at all!!! And in MANY other parts of the world. Do not feel guilty. He should understand and respect your wishes. I am adding my FH's name to mine because he is a part of my life now, but I feel that I do not need to loose my last name just because I got married. I feel VERY strong about this. AND.....traditionally the women took the man's last name because it was a sign that she was 'his property' PRETTY chovenistic huh??? lol
TIMES HAVE CHANGED!!!! I support anyone who is willing to change their last name and want to do it, but YOU don't have to!!!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

The only reason beside tradition my FH has given for the name change is to make finances easier. I haven't given the name change much thought yet though.

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

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Posted by dplehat

I personally am not hyphanating my last name but the future children will be hyphanated. I told fh if it is that important for us to all have the same last name then he can take mine. I know alot of girls are taking their husbands names for tradition and everything else and more power to them if thats what they want to do. Personally for many reasons I am not. I work for a family buisiness and for professional reasons I am keeping mine. Also its because I want to damn it I have had this name for almost 30 years and I don't see why I should have to give up mine just for tradition. Especially a tradition which I find demeaning because my fh and I will be equals I will not be his possession. Therefore there is no need to brand me with his name. It does not mean that i am not fully committed or that I think we are going to get divorced. I love him and am vowing to stay with him forever but I have been given no good reason why I must change my name. Sorry its so long but its a subject I feel strongly about. My fh has known from the begining that I am not changing my name he has made a couple remarks but knows better then to push the subject

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AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!!! lol
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I did not want to change my name or hyphenate our names. However, it was very important to DH (and he does not typically have such strong opinions). To compromise, I changed my middle name to my maiden name and am using his last name as my surname. That way I am maintaining my own identity while also taking on a new one as DH's wife. This might be a good alternative for you... respectful to both your father and your husband. That being said, it is a personal preference. I hope you can work it out

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

For me, I've always wanted to take my husband's last name, but that's just ME! Other people have completely valid reasons not to change their names. If you don't want to, don't!

My FH's name is 5-syllables and nearly everyone in his family pronounces it differently. It wasn't my first choice of names, but I just would like to have his name... I hadn't really thought about my JD diploma having a different name, but I have that in my home office.

I think you should do whatever you want to do. After all, it's YOUR name.

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

This is definitly a personal decision and you just do what you feel is right for you....

I personally can not wait to change my last name to FH's last name, Its so exciting to me!

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

Do whatever feels right to you. But really you can't carry on your name-your kids will take your husband's name, so there is no way for you to carry on your family name. If you want to hypenate your name then do it.

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Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

you sound JUST like me... i HATE my DHs last name with my first name... LOL and everybody that hears them together agrees we've been married almost a year and a half.. he was upset at first when i told him i wasn't going to change my name... but now i don't even think he remembers that i didn't LOL his only issue is that he wants the kids to have hs last name, which is fine with me i can definitely say i disagree with your FH about having differnt last names affecting your 'bond' as a married couple. DH and i have a great marriage after 1 1/2 years, and we have different last names. i don't feel any less married.
i think you have to do what you want to do. you shouldnt go through life with a name you hate, just because society or your FH think you should....

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

my friend had this problem also- she decided not to change her name legally, but socially she goes by her husbands last name.

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

From a bride who has changed her name, I sometimes wish I hadn't. I love my family name and that was the hardest thing through the whole wedding process. I didn't think it would have affected me as much as it does.

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I'm up in the air, maybe i should decide soon,,, hahaha.... BUT I just think of my parents, I have my last name, which I love, because my mom gave up hers. ... but i do understand, I'm going from a beautiful Italian name to one I'm not too fond of

Re: Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

It's up to you. I'm changing mine, but I'm old fashioned like that and I'm really excited to become his wife. This is my way of showing the world that we're now our own family. There's no one to carry on my dad's name anymore either, but they understand. It's totally up to you and your relationship. I do have a friend that hyphenated and her husband is pissy about it to this day (3 yrs later). He says the same thing your FI says about it, so you guys need to come to some happy understanding =)