cheating in relationships--warning

Not trying to start a huge debate im just curious since u r all married/engaged...

if you are in a relationship (mariage or dating)and someone cheats..is the person they cheat WITH to blame??...

so lets say u are married for 10 years, ur hubby cheats on you...do u blame the other woman?? what if she didnt kno he was married? is it not really her problem even if she knew?? should he take all the blame?? what if kids r involved does that make it worse? what if 1 SO treats the other one bad, is that a good enough reason??

im bringing this up cause i was watching desperate housewives and ya kno the lady is miserable with her hubby, hes mean to her but buys her stuff..and she cheats with that young guy..is the young guy to blame or is it not really his problem?

all opinions welcome, and remember i kno this hits pple close to home cause ur all in serious relationships-i dont want drama just interesting convo

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

I think it is the person who cheated, whos fault it is. I have been married 8 yrs and I cheated and it was totally my fault. There was some blame to put on DH but my fault. It was lack of communication. we went to therapy, we have since stopped therapy but I think we still need it. Where he thinks we dont.



ETA: it was last year and obviously kids are involved. Thats why it was my fault I didnt think of them

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

I felt that if someone cheats in a relationship it is a reflection of deeper issues the couple may have.

In most cases, I do not feel that the blame should be placed on the person your SO cheated with. There are a few situations that would warrant blame on this other person; an example would be if a friend of yours was the other person

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

T, thank you very much for sharing personal info. im sorry u went threw that and r very happy things worked out for you..many hugs

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Re: cheating in relationships--warning

I have serious issues with the cheating part because it was done to me by a serious boyfriend.

When I MET my now husband, I was very upfront about the fact that after I caught that guy cheating, I drove all of his belongings over to his house. And, then I ran everything over with my car. I also explained to my now husband that I think I let that boyfriend get off easy and that if I was every cheated on again, I would not be so kind...

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

Hmm...this is a hard subject to tackle because i guess so many circumstances could be involved...your email kind of hit home though. To me, cheating is just something that is inexcusable. I grew up with a very normal, loving type family (oldest of 6 kids!) and my dad decided 20 years into his marriage to cheat...and lie to my mother about it. I have never fully forgiven him, and have sworn to myself that i would never put someone through what my mother went through. He later married the woman he cheated with...and she knew 100% he was married with 6 kids. Do I hold her responsible? Yep..just as much as him. I think anyone who goes along with it and would allow a man to treat his family like that is sick...BUT he is to blame the most, without a doubt. Sorry if this was a lot of information, just made me think about things and I realize just how strong i feel about cheating.

If a marriage is loveless...and a person is miserable...I think that the issues should be confronted. Today there is no room for staying in a bad marriage..maybe decades ago when many women stayed in bad marriages because you didn't hear about divorce...and if someone was treated terribly...then maybe. Sorry if i sound like a huge contradiction :)

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

Edited: Unless the 'other person' has no idea whatsoever the married person is married (or in a serious relationship) I don't see how you can blame them.

In 'Desperate Housewives' - I would put the young guy at fault. Yes he's young (high school) and is caught up in the whole idea of having sex with an older woman but he's old enough to know that it's cheating.

I think some people feel they are not cheating if they are not the one fooling around on the significant other but I think they are at fault if they know that the person is married or in another committed relationship. There are times when they have no idea that the person is married or in a relationship but taht's usually because that person lies and hides it. In those cases, I can't see blaming them.

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

The KEY isCommunication

We still dont communicate as well as we should cause of stress on each of our lives. But, we try even with the people who intrude which is part of our problem.


Commincate biggest thing there is. Tell them how you feel

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

i would say the kid in the show is wrong...but he's a kid...doesn't know any better...and i guess it's just not really his problem...he's having fun...

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

If a person cheats it means there is something seriously wrong in the relationship. Cheating is the reponse to that problem. Not the correct response in my book but still. I would rather have my hubby leave if not happy rather than stay and cheat. It is something that the two people in the relationship need to work on.

In the case of Desperate Housewives, I would say that the wife feels emotionally neglected by the husband and punishes him by cheating. The teenage boy is way too immature to really be at fault here. When he is older, he might regret his actions but right now he isn't thinking with his UPPER head!

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Re: cheating in relationships--warning

wow monkey! that was some post!!

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Re: cheating in relationships--warning

beautifully articulated...

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

well said monkey!!

Re: cheating in relationships--warning

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

beautifully articulated...

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Exactly

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Re: cheating in relationships--warning

MonkeyLuv's post was the perfect answer to Michi's question. Could not have said it better myself

BRAVO!

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