crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

We're in NC and celebrated Christmas yesterday with FH's family. We're staying at his sister's house and his mother came by for dinner and to exchange presents. A small amount of background info on FMIL--she is an avid online dater, which is fine but she finds these people that she only speaks to on the internet and calls them her boyfriends without meeting them and she has about 6 of them at a time. For this reason, FH and I decided that she is not invited to our wedding with a date. If it was someone she knew and we knew for a while we wouldn't have a problem, but not someone she only knows from the internet. So FH tells her this and she gets angry, says that none of her children want her to be angry, and storms out of the house I feel so bad for FH because we're only here for the week and his mother refuses to speak to him. Are we wrong here?

Not at all......you have to be VERY, VERY careful (as i'm sure you know) of who you meet online...especially when it comes to men. You should not have to worry about who's going to show up at your wedding with her.... I'm not saying she doesn't have the right type of judgement, but you never, ever know...

Maybe he can go talk to her & ler her know if she has a steady boyfriend she has met & stayed with by that time....then he can come and an exception will be made...but anything else is not okay??

i agree that its weird and creepy. but she is a grown woman and the grooms mother......i just think its kind of insulting to invite her without a date...its not like she is a cousin, or a friend, she is the grooms mom and if she wants to bring a date than she should be allowed too....especially if its known that she a 'boyfriend'

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.

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She'd be allowed to bring a date if she was seriously dating someone, she's not and we're scared of who she'd actually bring, the man she's talking about bringing now is MARRIED. But last year she talked about bringing someone else, who knows who she'd actually bring by the time of the wedding. We are not talking about a stable woman here

Is it bad that I just spit my coffee out on the computer?

Jess, no one tells a story better than you. Seriously.

In answer to your question - NOOOOO - you are SO not wrong! Who the eff knows what/who she's going to show up with. I would be so weirded out.

The flip side is that she ISSSSS a grown up and should be allowed to make her own decisions regarding her love life. Who knows - maybe it would make her happy?

But if it were ME, and I knew the whole background and sordid details of her serial-online-dating, I'd totally be against it too.

I feel bad for Mike though. Maybe a compromise would be to meet the person she wants to bring? Are they local?

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.

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She'd be allowed to bring a date if she was seriously dating someone, she's not and we're scared of who she'd actually bring, the man she's talking about bringing now is MARRIED. But last year she talked about bringing someone else, who knows who she'd actually bring by the time of the wedding. We are not talking about a stable woman here

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that is very sad i feel bad for her....sounds like she needs help.....

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Posted by beachbum05

Is it bad that I just spit my coffee out on the computer?

Jess, no one tells a story better than you. Seriously.

In answer to your question - NOOOOO - you are SO not wrong! Who the eff knows what/who she's going to show up with. I would be so weirded out.

The flip side is that she ISSSSS a grown up and should be allowed to make her own decisions regarding her love life. Who knows - maybe it would make her happy?

But if it were ME, and I knew the whole background and sordid details of her serial-online-dating, I'd totally be against it too.

I feel bad for Mike though. Maybe a compromise would be to meet the person she wants to bring? Are they local?

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i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....

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Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' 'boyfriends' there's something to be said for it.

It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.

After watching 'To Catch a Predator' a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.

Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of 'mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date.' It's a plain and simple safety issue.

Jess
you know how i feel about this and you are NOT wrong at all

i typed this whole long thing & then got logged out

my fmil has terrible judgement when it comes to men- she always has and FH also did not want to invite her with a date because he was afraid she would bring someone that he didnt approve of.... BUT, since she is his mom, I dont want to invite her to the wedding without a guest- so we are going to talk to her about who she brings and hope that it goes ok.... (fingers crossed)

on another note, I dont think it's very nice that she is ignoring your FH- can someone in the family talk to her?- you guys are down there for a short time and its the holidays i hope everything works out!

You are SO not wrong.

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....

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Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' 'boyfriends' there's something to be said for it.

It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.

After watching 'To Catch a Predator' a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.

Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of 'mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date.' It's a plain and simple safety issue.

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if that is the case Mom should be getting help and that should the priority - not if she can bring a guest or not to the wedding......if i were that concerned about my mom and who she was dating then i would try and get her some sort of professional help or have an intervention.....if it wasnt at that point then i would just let her bring her online friend - its better than ruining the relationship with my mother or MIL.....it is def a sucky situation......i guess i would leave the decision up to the groom - its his mother....

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....

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Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' 'boyfriends' there's something to be said for it.

It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.

After watching 'To Catch a Predator' a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.

Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of 'mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date.' It's a plain and simple safety issue.

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if that is the case Mom should be getting help and that should the priority - not if she can bring a guest or not to the wedding......if i were that concerned about my mom and who she was dating then i would try and get her some sort of professional help or have an intervention.....if it wasnt at that point then i would just let her bring her online friend - its better than ruining the relationship with my mother or MIL.....it is def a sucky situation......i guess i would leave the decision up to the groom - its his mother....

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well, easier said then done
admission is the first step to recovery and obviously this 'grown' woman doesnt see a problem with her behavior so that is really not the issue