crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Original post by MikeandJess

Dec 27, 2007 10:04 AM

We're in NC and celebrated Christmas yesterday with FH's family. We're staying at his sister's house and his mother came by for dinner and to exchange presents. A small amount of background info on FMIL--she is an avid online dater, which is fine but she finds these people that she only speaks to on the internet and calls them her boyfriends without meeting them and she has about 6 of them at a time. For this reason, FH and I decided that she is not invited to our wedding with a date. If it was someone she knew and we knew for a while we wouldn't have a problem, but not someone she only knows from the internet. So FH tells her this and she gets angry, says that none of her children want her to be angry, and storms out of the house I feel so bad for FH because we're only here for the week and his mother refuses to speak to him. Are we wrong here?

AMGBride2008 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 10:38 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by Future Mulligan

i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....

The thing is though, this is a wedding, not the prom. For the mother of the groom, a random date isn't acceptable or appropriate. She'll be too busy saying hello to everyone to even hang with her new online man of the moment.

Jess... I would stick to your guns on this one. She'll get over it.

Future Mulligan Posted: Dec 27, 2007 10:46 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?

Snowflake08 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 10:51 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by Future Mulligan

i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?

if she isnt contributing to the wedding, and really doesnt 'have a say' i have NO problem telling her this
LOL

apparently the groom didnt either

Future Mulligan Posted: Dec 27, 2007 11:01 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by Snowflake08

Posted by Future Mulligan

i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?
if she isnt contributing to the wedding, and really doesnt 'have a say' i have NO problem telling her this
LOL

apparently the groom didnt either

LOL well at least Jess's groom will do the dirty work!

Mrs. V 2008 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 11:11 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

no! not at all..i think i would do the same thing...I would definately try talking to her about it and explain what bothers you

Belongs2DanBuckley Posted: Dec 27, 2007 11:12 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

that's such a touchy situation...on one hand she shouldn't have to come alone and on the other, she shouldn't bring some random guy she found on the net...I think your FH should talk to her privately and explain his concerns....

Espo22 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 11:16 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

MAYBE you can set her up with a decent nice man lol that might fix the problem

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 11:21 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

You seriously never know who your talking to on the internet. An perfectly normal person can show their true colors in person.

Not only is it unsafe for her to bring one of these men to her sons wedding, but your right- you dont know them.

I have the same problem with someone, but tis a friend so I hope they wont be as upset and if they are- oh well.

But i tottally see your point and your not wrong.

Maybe FH can talk to ehr once it blows ovr- let her cool off a bit. It also isnt cool of her to ignore you while you are there for a holiday for out of town

MikeandJess Posted: Dec 27, 2007 01:04 PM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

wow thanks for all your responses girls! I can't get on the internet unless I sneak on the neighbor's wireless and I got locked off before so sorry I didn't respond earlier. I feel very bad knowing how upset she is but I've heard too many horror stories about money being stolen from weddings, or even guests belongings being stolen and I honestly do not trust her judgement. You girls made me feel a lot better about this, thank you. FH is going to try and reconcile later tonight

GinaBambina08 Posted: Dec 27, 2007 01:12 PM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

You guys are definitely not wrong! But he needs to reach out to her to explain the reasoning behind your decision (as if it weren't already obvious )

MikeandJess Posted: Dec 27, 2007 01:18 PM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by WinterBride08

You guys are definitely not wrong! But he needs to reach out to her to explain the reasoning behind your decision (as if it weren't already obvious )

lol yea we tried that one and she stormed out of the house. FH did give her the explanation that we're not inviting people with dates that we don't know (meaning that we don't know the date), and that's when she responded, 'I can't bring Michael?', and that is when this whole thing started

beachbum05 Posted: Jan 01, 2008 11:51 PM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Jess - what happened? Any new info?

I just watched 'To Catch A Predator' again and thought of you.

gfield101 Posted: Jan 01, 2008 11:58 PM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by Future Mulligan

i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.

Ditto..But I could see her being even more upset, posting a subject entitled....CRAZY FMIL and assuming nobody on here may know her.. I would feel horrible for her if she read this!!

lwny427 Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:03 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by LauraD419

I understand your point, but I kind of see hers too. Sit her down and explain it to her. Maybe you can come to a compromise. She can bring someone but you want to meet him first so he's not a stranger to you. HTH

I agree with this.

I totally would feel uncomfortable too if I were you and I can understand not wanting some sketchy random guy that your fmil has never even met in person at your wedding.

Talking to her about wanting to meet the person she is planning on bringing sounds like a good compromise.

That's sad that she was giving the cold shoulder over this. I hope it works out for you all.

MikeandJess Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:33 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by beachbum05

Jess - what happened? Any new info?

I just watched 'To Catch A Predator' again and thought of you.

LOL, well we were over her house for dinner tonight, we leave tomorrow. No talk about the wedding but she says she's not going if she can't bring an 'escort', thanks for asking bon!

MikeandJess Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:33 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by lwny427

Posted by LauraD419

I understand your point, but I kind of see hers too. Sit her down and explain it to her. Maybe you can come to a compromise. She can bring someone but you want to meet him first so he's not a stranger to you. HTH

I agree with this.

I totally would feel uncomfortable too if I were you and I can understand not wanting some sketchy random guy that your fmil has never even met in person at your wedding.

Talking to her about wanting to meet the person she is planning on bringing sounds like a good compromise.

That's sad that she was giving the cold shoulder over this. I hope it works out for you all.

thank you! She lives in NC so it's hard to meet all the guys she talks about and she's not serious with any of them so it's even harder.

MikeandJess Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:34 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by gfield101

Posted by Future Mulligan

i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.

Ditto..But I could see her being even more upset, posting a subject entitled....CRAZY FMIL and assuming nobody on here may know her.. I would feel horrible for her if she read this!!

no one on here does know her and that is really not the issue here. I've seen worse titles for threads... thanks for your input anyway

Wifeynella Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:34 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

i can see what you are saying. maybe you invite her with a guest but with a provision that you and FH have met the guy 4-5 times prior to the wedding. if you both cant meet him, b/c of distance have your FSIL meet him.

i see it from both points of view. it is your wedding and you have the right to say who can and cant come, plus you dont want perfect strangers there that you dont know from adam. but she's the groom's mom, a grown woman and she should have the right to be treated as such.

its very childish of her not to come or not to talk to anyone. im sorry for you and your FH

MikeandJess Posted: Jan 02, 2008 12:37 AM

Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)

Posted by tinabella7780

i can see what you are saying. maybe you invite her with a guest but with a provision that you and FH have met the guy 4-5 times prior to the wedding. if you both cant meet him, b/c of distance have your FSIL meet him.

i see it from both points of view. it is your wedding and you have the right to say who can and cant come, plus you dont want perfect strangers there that you dont know from adam. but she's the groom's mom, a grown woman and she should have the right to be treated as such.

Well FH did try telling her we want her to bring someone we've met and she said we can't meet her boyfriends (or whatever she considers them) because she lives in NC and we're in NY. She never comes to visit and if she does, she's not serious enough with these guys to actually bring them around to introduce them to us so if we do allow her to bring a date it would definitely be someone we don't know, probably even someone she doesn't know