curious- NO SHOW guests... what to do?

Okay so what do you do about those guests who don't show up to your wedding? See i know most will say 'forget about it' or 'it's there loss.' BUT that's it??? Are you kidding me!?!?!

We tip toe around people while planning this wedding, we try to involve everyone, and we worry about people's feelings get hurt? So... why should we be polite about people not showing up to the wedding?!?!

I had 1 guest not show up (and i know you all will say 'hey at least it was only 1') but its not acceptable. That is incredibly rude. Not only did she not show up, she never called, she never sent a Congrats card... nothing!

So do any of you ever do anything about it?

I'm asking because i'm so VERY tempted on sending this person a thank you card and thanking her for not showing up, being rude, etc. Even though i know what everyone is going to say... is this a horribly bad idea?

I would send her a 'Thank You for NOT coming to my wedding' card!!

---

Posted by aliwnec10

Okay so what do you do about those guests who don't show up to your wedding? See i know most will say 'forget about it' or 'it's there loss.' BUT that's it??? Are you kidding me!?!?!

We tip toe around people while planning this wedding, we try to involve everyone, and we worry about people's feelings get hurt? So... why should we be polite about people not showing up to the wedding?!?!

I had 1 guest not show up (and i know you all will say 'hey at least it was only 1') but its not acceptable. That is incredibly rude. Not only did she not show up, she never called, she never sent a Congrats card... nothing!

So do any of you ever do anything about it?

I'm asking because i'm so VERY tempted on sending this person a thank you card and thanking her for not showing up, being rude, etc. Even though i know what everyone is going to say... is this a horribly bad idea?

---

first of all... we are date twins!!!!!

now to the question:
i feel your pain! i had more than one person do this to me, and NONE of them have offered an apology!

worse yet, one is family MY GUT REACTION IS TO PUT HIM AND HIS FAMILY IN THEIR PLACE. but i'm not sure how/or even if i should bother

i'll be following this thread to see what others think on the matter

---

Posted by Chelle

I would send her a 'Thank You for NOT coming to my wedding' card!!

---

I seriously think i'm going to. I mean come on... i'm no longer talking to her anyway after her not coming... so why not say what i have to say?!?! I'm tired of people thinking they can get away with this. Maybe with others they can... but not me! I don't give two sh*ts about telling her what i think!

I agree that it's infuriating when people do this.

But you really need to think -- what good would it do and what purpose would it serve to send a 'thanks for not showing up' card or saying something rude to them? It won't do anything but make people even more angry and uncomfortable... and it probably won't make you feel that much better about it either.

I think it's one of those situations where you write the note, read the note, and then rip it up without sending it.

I don't think being rude back is any solution.

If it's a close friend, then I might try to talk to them about it calmly... If it's an older family member, I'd probably have my mother or father say something to explain how hurt everyone was that they didn't show up, etc.

This is, however, a situation where I'd take the high road, even though it's so frustrating.

FOUR of my cousins (from the side of the family we don't see that often) did not show up at my brother's wedding. Needless to say they were not invited to any future weddings...

If it's not someone you or your parents can talk to calmly about it to express your feelings, I'd vent now and then let it go...

ETA - I know your angry now, but eventually that will fade... I don't think it's worth doing something rude back. I'd take the high road if I were in your shoes, personally.

I get so mad when I read about people not showing up to other people's weddings...I can only imagine how I am going to feel if it happens to me (and I'm sure it will with some of FH's friends ).

I wish I had advice on how to handle. I am one to have a temper and get mad and need to address things...which will probably happen. But I'm more likely to address them personally, rather than writing a note. I feel like sometimes a note/email, etc. can me miscontrued since the reader doesn't know what tone you are speaking in. Can you talk to this person and let them know how hurt/angry you are?

---

Posted by Kara and Todd

I agree that it's infuriating when people do this.

But you really need to think -- what good would it do and what purpose would it serve to send a 'thanks for not showing up' card or saying something rude to them? It won't do anything but make people even more angry and uncomfortable... and it probably won't make you feel that much better about it either.

I think it's one of those situations where you write the note, read the note, and then rip it up without sending it.

I don't think being rude back is any solution.

If it's a close friend, then I might try to talk to them about it calmly... If it's an older family member, I'd probably have my mother or father say something to explain how hurt everyone was that they didn't show up, etc.

This is, however, a situation where I'd take the high road, even though it's so frustrating.

FOUR of my cousins (from the side of the family we don't see that often) did not show up at my brother's wedding. Needless to say they were not invited to any future weddings...

If it's not someone you or your parents can talk to calmly about it to express your feelings, I'd vent now and then let it go...

ETA - I know your angry now, but eventually that will fade... I don't think it's worth doing something rude back. I'd take the high road if I were in your shoes, personally.

---

I disagree. Writing her a note or telling her how wrong it was WOULD make me feel better. She is someone that i worked with for many many years and i think never talking to her again is worse. When i see her in the supermarket... what do i do? talk to her and be nice like nothing happened? To me... that is worse. Do i see her and ignore her? To me... that is worse. At least she will understand why i won't talk to her if i see her.

Does that make sense?

I'm sorry but what you see is what you get with me. I'm not fake and i always give my honest opinions (when asked). I will see this person time and time again. I'd rather be the b*tch that told her off rather than the b*tch who just ignores her for no reason (because she probably doesn't even realize how wrong it was to not show up or call).

You misunderstood my post.

I'm NOT telling you to be fake - I'm saying it makes a lot more sense to me to just call her up and deal with it one on one than sending a rude note. JMHO. Clearly she falls into the 'close friend' category. In that case, just talk to her about it and explain how angry and upset you were. You can do this in person or over the phone without sending a rude note... and then just end the friendship if you want to.

You can be real while still taking the high road. I just see sending a note like that as stooping to her level, but maybe you have something else in mind.

But if you want to write the note, that's your prerogative. I'd handle it differently... and if I ran into her in the supermarket, I'd probably just ignore her.

Sounds like you have your mind made up, though...

---

Posted by Kara and Todd

You misunderstood my post.

I'm NOT telling you to be fake - I'm saying it makes a lot more sense to me to just call her up and deal with it one on one than sending a rude note. JMHO.

You can be real while still taking the high road.

But if you want to write the note, that's your prerogative. I'd handle it differently... and if I ran into her in the supermarket, I'd probably just ignore her.

---

She's not someone that i talk to on the phone and to be honest... i don't even have her phone number.

Okay. Like I said, it sounds like you have your mind made up - We just disagree. If i were someone I didn't even speak to regularly, I'd let it go before sending a hurtful note when I don't know the whole story...

Good luck, and I'm sorry it happened.

I'd probably just let it go.... but that's just me.

If you do feel like you need to send that card for some closure, I'd just first make sure that there's nothing else going on in that person's life right now (perhaps a death in the family, someone becoming ill, etc.) I'm sure that wouldn't be something you'd want to find out after sending an hurtful note.

JMO!

---

Posted by hayleyandsteve

I'd probably just let it go.... but that's just me.

If you do feel like you need to send that card for some closure, I'd just first make sure that there's nothing else going on in that person's life right now (perhaps a death in the family, someone becoming ill, etc.) I'm sure that wouldn't be something you'd want to find out after sending an hurtful note.

JMO!

---

I already know that there is nothing going on. I used to work with this person and i'm still very friendly with everyone that still works there. So i'm 100% sure nothing tragic or anything like that has happened.

i'm also a 10/7 date twin!

we had 5 no shows. 4 had other guests come tell us what happened. 1 guy is a really good friend of hubby's and was supposed to fly in from OOT. we called him like mad to set up his hotel and shuttle to the wedding 5x a day in the last week before the wedding. when he never responded, we got worried so we had another friend track him down in his city. turns out he was fine and had just decided not to come and didn't want to tell us last minute and cause us stress.
i give him credit for his intention (alleged) but the stress of calling/emailing this guy NON STOP was super super stressful for us. some ppl just think differently.

i'm rambling, sorry but i just wanted to say maybe your friend didn't want to stress you out? and now thinks it would be awkward to approach you about it? shoot her an email and say - hey missed you at the wedding and haven't heard from you since. just wanna make sure everything is ok. - if she STILL doesn't respond then write her off.

---

Posted by sandelion23

i'm also a 10/7 date twin!

we had 5 no shows. 4 had other guests come tell us what happened. 1 guy is a really good friend of hubby's and was supposed to fly in from OOT. we called him like mad to set up his hotel and shuttle to the wedding 5x a day in the last week before the wedding. when he never responded, we got worried so we had another friend track him down in his city. turns out he was fine and had just decided not to come and didn't want to tell us last minute and cause us stress.
i give him credit for his intention (alleged) but the stress of calling/emailing this guy NON STOP was super super stressful for us. some ppl just think differently.

i'm rambling, sorry but i just wanted to say maybe your friend didn't want to stress you out? and now thinks it would be awkward to approach you about it? shoot her an email and say - hey missed you at the wedding and haven't heard from you since. just wanna make sure everything is ok. - if she STILL doesn't respond then write her off.

---

But she's not really a friend. I don't have her email address or phone number. She's someone that i worked with for years. I wouldn't call her a friend (she's much older than i am). I invited everyone that i used to work with, her included.

---

Posted by lollipop

Rude people can only be dealt with in one way and that is the language they understand...rudenss right back! I would definitely be a nasty b!tch in your situation, but that's my personality...screw the high road! LOL...I think you should send her the thank you for not coming to my wedding card, it's been nice knowing you and, by the way, enclosed is an invoice for reimbursement of your plate, thanks and have a good day. That would make me feel better anyway! Good luck!

---

Can i just say that i love you?!?!?

My opinion is why take the high road? They certainly didn't! I never plan on speaking to her again so why not? I'm one who believes that certain people should be told when they're being an a*s! And i also find that people who are rude like that... get away with it all the time because no one says anything. Not this girl!!!!

I wouldn't send a 'TY note' and I wouldn't say 'TY for not coimng.' If it's not really a friend I might let it go, however - I can appreciate that you want to address the situation. Why not just send a regular note or send an email? I would try to take the high road in the note - something like... 'we were extremely disappointed you did not attend the wedding and even more so, that you did not notify us after RSVP'ing that you'd be there.'

It makes your point - she knows where you stand and will know why you won't talk to her - but it is not rude. I'm not saying she has earned 'nice,' but when I am ticked at someone for being rude, I always try not to stoop down to the level of teh person being rude....

As an aside - have any of the other coworkers told you if she siad anything about why she didn't make it? Just curious -- I know my coworkers would definitely ask the person...