curious- NO SHOW guests... what to do?

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Posted by mka06

I wouldn't send a 'TY note' and I wouldn't say 'TY for not coimng.' If it's not really a friend I might let it go, however - I can appreciate that you want to address the situation. Why not just send a regular note or send an email? I would try to take the high road in the note - something like... 'we were extremely disappointed you did not attend the wedding and even more so, that you did not notify us after RSVP'ing that you'd be there.'

It makes your point - she knows where you stand and will know why you won't talk to her - but it is not rude. I'm not saying she has earned 'nice,' but when I am ticked at someone for being rude, I always try not to stoop down to the level of teh person being rude....

As an aside - have any of the other coworkers told you if she siad anything about why she didn't make it? Just curious -- I know my coworkers would definitely ask the person...

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That's a good idea!! I like this suggestion the best because you are calling her out without being obnoxious about it.

But I am PIMP This is great. I only had one no show and it was a guest of one of my dad's cousins. I originally wasn't going to invite her with a guest, but decided to and now I am pissed that I did. Oh well, luckily that was the only no show with no excuse

Idiots! How do you not show up?I

I wouldn't send a mean note, I pesonally might overreact and regret what I say. Then she'll have proof when the two of you meet on Judge Joe Brown when you sue her for the cost of her plate! J/K, just trying to make you laugh at this.

You can send the thank you note, but write something saying that you were concerned about why she didn't show up and that you hoped everything was ok, it had to be serious if you didn't show up. She'll feel guilty!!

That happened to a friend of mine in September! Her DH wants to send TY notes to the no shows will a bill from the reception (he's dead serious)......could you imagine!!!!

I had one no-show that didn't call and one couple that didn't make it but went to extreme lengths to make sure I knew they couldn't come and why the day of the wedding.

As for the no-show, no-call, I called him two days before I left for my HM to find out why. I was very cold, and basically do not believe for one second the excuse I was given (although if true was a really good reason). Essentially this is a person who knows all the 'Emily Post' rules, and hasn't sent a card etc since the failure to come to my wedding. I have no intention of speaking to this person again. After 20 years, the friendship is over.

As for the other couple, she saw us before we left for our HM at a social gathering and ran home to get us her card & gift.

Some people are just beyond help.

We had 4 no shows....all but one sent gifts...and all had lame excuses...Well I am not sending a thank you to the one who didn't send a gift...I have nothing to thank that person for!

ETA...Oh and that person told me mom they sent a gift...and I never got anything

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I agree that it's infuriating when people do this.

But you really need to think -- what good would it do and what purpose would it serve to send a 'thanks for not showing up' card or saying something rude to them? It won't do anything but make people even more angry and uncomfortable... and it probably won't make you feel that much better about it either.

I think it's one of those situations where you write the note, read the note, and then rip it up without sending it.

I don't think being rude back is any solution.

If it's a close friend, then I might try to talk to them about it calmly... If it's an older family member, I'd probably have my mother or father say something to explain how hurt everyone was that they didn't show up, etc.

This is, however, a situation where I'd take the high road, even though it's so frustrating.

FOUR of my cousins (from the side of the family we don't see that often) did not show up at my brother's wedding. Needless to say they were not invited to any future weddings...

If it's not someone you or your parents can talk to calmly about it to express your feelings, I'd vent now and then let it go...

ETA - I know your angry now, but eventually that will fade... I don't think it's worth doing something rude back. I'd take the high road if I were in your shoes, personally.

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I agree completely. When you've been 'ruded' [my new word ], it only makes you look just as 'ugly' on the inside as the person who ruded you. Obviously, don't throw a party in their honor...but look at it this way, you aren't obligated to send them a thank you either since they didn't even show up!

We had a few no shows... one couple called a day before... but never sent a gift and we still got stuck paying for them...

the other no-show couple never said or sent anything... and i even ran into her in the store and she didnt even mention it!! She was also a no-show for my shower as well! I should have known not to expect her at the wedding!

depending on how close i was or am with the person, i would probably let it go,

if im not close with them and dont even have their phone #, what is the point in sendig a rude note?

if i was close with them or somewhat close, i would call to make sure they were OK

I know people say the proper thing to do is send a thank you, but what are you thanking them for?

We had six cancellations the week of our wedding, but our hall was great and worked with us. We only had to pay for one that told us that day he couldn't come, but he sent a gift. I just don't see why someone who didn't show up and didn't send a card would get a thank you.

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Posted by beeinsilly

i would not send a thank you to a no show, unless of course, they mailed a gift

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I agree with this.

We only had one no show and one person who RSVPed with a date and the date didn't show. My friend who RSVPed with a date and he didn't show gave a gift, which I assume would have been the same since it was very generous.

As for the other real NO SHOW, it was a friend of my parents and honestly, I could care less. My parents are slightly offended and actually are kind of offended she didn't send a gift since she is an heiress

I know people lose money over this, but honestly, what can you do? You can confront them, but will it really make you feel better? Don't let it overshadow anything!

We had 2 couples not show up to our wedding, one was legit (the wife couldn't walk and was in tears she couldn't make it), the other didn't call.

They both sent gifts and cards.

If the second couple hadn't sent a gift I would have made damn sure they knew we were PO'd. To this day I still don't know why they didn't come. They were on DH's side, so I don't really know them.

If I were you I would send them a card thanking them for not showing up.

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Posted by R&J0806

It is VERY rude...but I'd ask yourself this: What will it bring to the table by sending a thank you for not coming card, or for saying something at all?

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see this is what i don't understand. Why is what they did acceptable??? Everyone who says that they'd forget about it and so forth... you're just condoning their behavior. It is NOT acceptable to rsvp to a wedding and not show up, not call, not send a card, etc. NOT ACCEPTABLE! So who cares if me sending a thank you for not coming card is rude!! Who cares about the end result because they obviously didn't care about what they did!!!

we had 2 no show.
we didnt invite them originally but when we spoke to them we told them we wanted them to come

They accepted to come and the fri before my wedding the friend even helped us moved furniture into our apartment. We all spoke and we were saying how we cannot wait til sunday!

Then they never came. We still see them now and they havent said one word. Whatever...it isnt worth a fight i guess

but it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying!

I would be VERY offended and call ask why she wasn't there. I am very loud and don't keep my mouth shut about stuff like this.

I understand how you are upset over this. It is very rude indeed what the person did to you. What you're gonna do depends on your relationship with this person. If it's a family member/close friend I would call and give them a piece of my mind. If not I would revalueate if they are worth continuing to be in your life....Good luck!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by R&J0806

It is VERY rude...but I'd ask yourself this: What will it bring to the table by sending a thank you for not coming card, or for saying something at all?

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see this is what i don't understand. Why is what they did acceptable??? Everyone who says that they'd forget about it and so forth... you're just condoning their behavior. It is NOT acceptable to rsvp to a wedding and not show up, not call, not send a card, etc. NOT ACCEPTABLE! So who cares if me sending a thank you for not coming card is rude!! Who cares about the end result because they obviously didn't care about what they did!!!

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I promised myself i wouldnt jump in..but its killing me lol...i had this situation, not with 1 person, but with 11 people that didnt show up to my wedding..i explained in another thread..
sending a thank you for not coming card, reminds me of when i was little hearing, if mary jumped off a bridge would u do it?
so this person showed obviously no class, so it makes it ok for you to handle it 'rudely' as well?
to me, that just makes you look bad..you say she wasnt even close to you, not a friend, dont have her number etc, im still trying to figure out why she was invited to your wedding in the first place?
if it bothers you that much, instead of taking the easy way out of writing an obnoxious card, go through the trouble of getting her number and calling her and confronting her..actually if i didnt show up to someones wedding, hearing them on my phone line would embarrass the sh*t out of me, reading a card would be like 'eh, her problem'...if getting her number and handling it in a more one on one way seems like too much trouble, then it probably is
try and let it go,..people dissapoint sometimes, thats life. i wish everyone cared as much as me about my wedding, but obviously thats not possible..
you had a great day, everyone who MEANT something to you was there, it isnt worth it.
good luck!!

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Posted by Princess92406

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by R&J0806

It is VERY rude...but I'd ask yourself this: What will it bring to the table by sending a thank you for not coming card, or for saying something at all?

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see this is what i don't understand. Why is what they did acceptable??? Everyone who says that they'd forget about it and so forth... you're just condoning their behavior. It is NOT acceptable to rsvp to a wedding and not show up, not call, not send a card, etc. NOT ACCEPTABLE! So who cares if me sending a thank you for not coming card is rude!! Who cares about the end result because they obviously didn't care about what they did!!!

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I promised myself i wouldnt jump in..but its killing me lol...i had this situation, not with 1 person, but with 11 people that didnt show up to my wedding..i explained in another thread..
sending a thank you for not coming card, reminds me of when i was little hearing, if mary jumped off a bridge would u do it?
so this person showed obviously no class, so it makes it ok for you to handle it 'rudely' as well?
to me, that just makes you look bad..you say she wasnt even close to you, not a friend, dont have her number etc, im still trying to figure out why she was invited to your wedding in the first place?

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And everyone that you invited to your wedding... did you have their phone number??? I worked with her for 6 years and i invited everyone that i used to work with. I think it would have been rude not to invite her. So no she wasn't exactly a friend friend. But regardless, my reasons for inviting her... i shouldn't have to explain.

Obviously i know where you stand on this issue and you can be that person who does nothing. Fine. But i'm not. If you're an a*s... well i'm going to point out that you're an a*s.