Brides Helping Brides ™ - Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!- updated

HelenZ Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:37 AM

Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!- updated

So....the hall that we like has 2 dates available for the time of year we like (September/October 2007).

They have 9/15/07 and 10/06/07.....here's my dilemma- my best friends wedding, in which I'm the maid of honor- is October 20th- so that's 2 weeks away from October 6th- might be a little hectic!! Also, the 6th is Columbus day weekend- and FH doesn't want to have it on a 3 day weekend.

Sept. 15th- we found out that our best man (FH's brother) is in another bridal party Sept. 8th- so then that's a week apart, although our weddings would only have 2 guests in common, so maybe it's not a big deal?? We know our best man is upset at the prospect of having 2 weddings 2 weeks in a row, I guess for financial reasons (FH and him actually had an argument about it), but I kind of think that October 6th might be worse considering I'm a maid of honor Oct. 20th, and she's also in my bridal party!! Oh, and did I mention that we have the same flower girl!!

We both like fall (but don't want it to be too chilly) & my BM dresses are going to be wine (love that color)...we can't do November, and honestly don't think we can wait til 2008 since we've been dating since 2000!!

So, I'm turning to my fellow LIW brides for advice, since the people I've asked are biased (FH's family is telling me to do October 6th b/c they don't care about my best friends wedding, and of course my friends think Sept. 15th, b/c they don't care about FH's brothers dilemma!!!)

Any advice is appreciated!!

ETA- Just letting you guys know.....we officially went with September 15th....FH spoke w/ BM and BM apologized for fighting about it, and admitted it wasn't really him that cared but it was his wife....he said he could care less if our wedding was the day after the other one he's in!! I'm glad it ended somewhat amicably...just wish we could've avoided all the drama!

Thanks for all of your wonderful advice!!!

Boop2704 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:42 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Wow, that is tough, but I would go with September, only because your FH's brother is only paying for a tux and gift, your best friend is paying for a whole wedding and that is a lot of expenses for both of you in one month period, plus she has had her wedding planned already and may feel being so close will kinda steal some of her thunder. I say go with September. Its a no win, but I think will ultimately be easier on you with September!!

klingklang77 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:43 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

i think you should do september. 1- it will only affect one guest, not a few. 2- will your HM have to be cut short? you dont want to have to be restricted on your HM.

shellibean Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:44 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Taking everyone else out of it:
1. Does either date have a significance to you (like a dating anniversary?)
2. Are you getting the same price quote/ # of guests to guarantee?

I really think you have to decide based on YOU and FH. Me, personally, I was going to go for the three-day weekend at first, but then we really wanted the end of October b/c that is when our dating anniversary is so the date is significant to us. I've known plenty of people who have had to be in weddings weeks/days apart from each other, and they didn't complain. I was a BM in late March and a MOH in mid-April, and everything was fine! And let's be honest, as an MOH you have a GREAT deal more of responsibility than a Best man, IMHO!!!!! Do what's right for the two of you!!!!

DancerBride Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:45 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I think 9/15 would be a better option because you are only affecting one person,FH's brother. As far as planning, guys are easy because all they have to do is get tuxedo's only. It might put a financial strain on him, but he could budget ahead. So that would be my choice, plus, it would be easier on you. Good luck!!!

JazzyT Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:50 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I would do the September date it tonly affects the bestman and maybe FH can alleviate some of his brother's financial burden by paying to rent his tux as well...if this is the problem.

cuteauburnininny Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:53 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

one of my bridemaids is geting married 3 weeks before me which i am her moh. she is getting married on 9/15/07 she has a wedding i beleive 9/22/07 AND 9/29/07 then mine 10/5/07 then she has one on 10/6/07 there gonna be wedding out.

i'd say go for the oct 6th date its more of the fall which you seem to want. its a year away that should be enough notice to save for what you need for your friends wedding.

kam0813 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:54 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I would do the September date only because the only person who will be inconvienced is FH's brother...and if he really complains THAT much...offer to either split the cost of the rental with him and if he STILL complains...then offer to pay for his rental for him.

MyDay627 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:58 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

That is rough. I wish I had better advice but maybe Sept./Oct. may not be the best time for you guys. How about early Nov?

HelenZ Posted: Aug 20, 2006 11:59 AM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Posted by Boop2704

Wow, that is tough, but I would go with September, only because your FH's brother is only paying for a tux and gift, your best friend is paying for a whole wedding and that is a lot of expenses for both of you in one month period, plus she has had her wedding planned already and may feel being so close will kinda steal some of her thunder. I say go with September. Its a no win, but I think will ultimately be easier on you with September!!

Forgot to mention that I had already confronted my best friend about the possibility of us doing October 6th to avoid an issue with FH's brother- being the best friend that she is, she told me to do whatever makes my life easier, and if it helped me to avoid drama, then she wasn't worried about herself...and get this...she even offered to try and call Leonard's and move her date to 10/27/07 (a week later)...god I love her!! Thank goodness for best friends!!

HelenZ Posted: Aug 20, 2006 12:01 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Posted by klingklang77

i think you should do september. 1- it will only affect one guest, not a few. 2- will your HM have to be cut short? you dont want to have to be restricted on your HM.

We thought about the honeymoon- and yeah if we got married Oct. 6th then we'd only do 8 or 9 days and then as soon as we're back we'd be going to my best friend's rehearsal dinner, so it probably would be hectic.

HelenZ Posted: Aug 20, 2006 12:11 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Posted by shellibean

Taking everyone else out of it:
1. Does either date have a significance to you (like a dating anniversary?)
2. Are you getting the same price quote/ # of guests to guarantee?

I really think you have to decide based on YOU and FH. Me, personally, I was going to go for the three-day weekend at first, but then we really wanted the end of October b/c that is when our dating anniversary is so the date is significant to us. I've known plenty of people who have had to be in weddings weeks/days apart from each other, and they didn't complain. I was a BM in late March and a MOH in mid-April, and everything was fine! And let's be honest, as an MOH you have a GREAT deal more of responsibility than a Best man, IMHO!!!!! Do what's right for the two of you!!!!

You are soooo right about more responsibility as a MOH!!!

As for your questions:
1) We met 10/13/00 (on a Friday the 13th no less, I guess he's the black cat that crossed my path lol!!)....we started dating on 7/14/01....the hall doesn't have 7/14 open (which does actually fall on a Saturday next year), but also we decided summer is too hot for us!! So Sept. 15th is actually close to our anniversary date of the 14th....but October is the month we met...so either date would work as far as that goes.

2) We are not getting any discount for Columbus day weekend- I guess b/c it's on the Saturday, not the Sunday or Monday? I actually haven't brought this up to the BM, so maybe if I pushed getting a discount, then that would actually be an incentive.....thanks for your help!!!

ewickens Posted: Aug 20, 2006 12:11 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I'd choose the September date! One - you'll have beautiful weeather, the guys who has to rent a tux, it spaces out your bridal party member own wedding by almost a month, so you can get a break - and so can your FG, who may need the time!!

HelenZ Posted: Aug 20, 2006 12:22 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

Posted by cuteauburnininny

one of my bridemaids is geting married 3 weeks before me which i am her moh. she is getting married on 9/15/07 she has a wedding i beleive 9/22/07 AND 9/29/07 then mine 10/5/07 then she has one on 10/6/07 there gonna be wedding out.

i'd say go for the oct 6th date its more of the fall which you seem to want. its a year away that should be enough notice to save for what you need for your friends wedding.

Whoa!!! that's a lot of weddings! Good luck to you and your bridesmaid.....I hate to say this...but women are so much better at multi-tasking and dealing with stress!!! These men get to put on a tux , throw some gel in their hair, and just show up...women spend weeks/months agonizing over every detail!!

Anyway....we do love the fall, but, I'm thinking it is a lot to ask of my friend....even though she's willing to deal with it, the more I think about it, the more I think why should she have to??

Thanks for the help ladies!! Any other suggestions....just let me know!!! I'll keep you posted if any more drama develops!

ali120206 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 12:29 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I think the September date would be better, it would give you time to relax in between your wedding and your friend's wedding.

Since you want your wedding in September or October, there really aren't many weekends that aren't 'cutting it close' to the wedding your FBIL is in and your friend's wedding so that's not a bad date.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Aug 20, 2006 05:49 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I would choose the sept date also. 2 weddings within a week of each other really isn't that bad... we just did it. Last sat. we have a wedding and then we had another one last night. Does it break the bank a little, yeah, but we care about the people who's wedding it was so we were OK.
Also, find out if FH will consider Columbus Day weekend... it's not a huge holiday but there may be a chance that you may get a cheaper rate at a RH... no?

CaMacho Posted: Aug 20, 2006 05:59 PM

Re: Date dilemma!!!! Pls help!!

I'd choose the Sept date! I wouldn't want my wedding so close to my MOH.... jmo. My bridesmaid got engaged 6 months after me and wanted the end of June (mine was june 10th). I was totally okay with that, but then she realized how hectic it would be with all the showers, bach parties and just planning... so she booked August. We were both so happy about it b/c we had so much more time to be there for eachother.