Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

Okay, so the background story is this:

I asked my FSIL to be my MOH. I have 2 reasons. Firstly, I wanted to bond with her since she is becoming my new sister. When FH and I got engaged, all she kept saying was how excited she was to have a sister. She has 2 kids whom I am really close to, so I knew this would be a long lasting relationship.
Secondly, my family is old school Roman Catholic Italians... and the MOH is also the godmother of the first born. Since I have a brother and FH has a sister, they would be the godparents of this first born... so I thought making FSIL my MOH would be really nice because it's keeping with the family tradition.

...Then I got to thinking... and my only female cousin is my bridesmaid. She & I grew up together. We spent every single holiday together as kids and have always been close (even though she drives me nuts sometimes, lol). So I thought, hey, FSIL is my maid of honor... so why not make my cousin my matron of honor?! So I spoke to my FSIL and explained to her the situation and informed her that I was going to ask my cousin to also be my MOH. My FSIL threw a HUGE baby fit over it and threatened to back out of her position as MOH and back down to BM. I should have taken the opportunity but instead I reassured her that it's not anything personal against her and it isn't some sort of competition... I just felt that my cousin deserves the honor, also. I went ahead and asked my cousin to be my MOH and she was very touched by the gesture.

Ever since that happened, FSIL has been acting wierd towards me. I decided not to let it bother me and keep it moving. When it came time to go dress shopping for the BMs, FSIL came along reluctantly. She has made it clear that there are better things she could be doing and it seemed like a chore. She was kind of rude to my other BMs and has been a black hole, sucking the fun out of it all.

One day, I called out from work and decided to go with my mom to a few stores to just browse at dresses. Eventually, I found the BM dress that works perfectly with my wedding dress and is flattering on my BMs. I was thinking of ordering it in teal. I sent out a FB message to all my BMs and MOHs to get their opinions. FSIL immediately called me up and was bashing the dress. She said teal is 'so 80s' and kept calling it very 'Miami Vice'. All of my friends said they liked the dress but she kept saying 'my friends are just lying to me and telling me what I want to hear'. I told her that I doubt that and I am working hard to make everyone happy. She said that I can't make everyone happy and tried talking me into taking a break from my wedding planning because it was stressing me out too much (WHICH IT WASN'T AT ALL! So, IDK where she came off saying that).

Anyways, I mulled over the dress for a week or 2 and decided she was right... I can't make everyone happy... and I love the dress... So I guess she is the one I am not making happy (lol). I decided to compromise, since she is my MOH, all the girls can order the dress in black. I asked the girls to order by 4/15. FSIL never responded to my emails/texts about ordering the dress. She texted me a couple of days ago about something unrelated and I figured, since I finally had her attention, to ask her if she knew when she was planning on ordering so I could go with her. She replied back 'No' and hasn't said anything to me since.

Before the dress debacle, she criticized everything I was planning. I originally wanted purple dresses and she would say things like 'We are all going to look like Barney'. I told her I wanted to go to ComiCon for my bachelorette party and she snuffed her nose at me and pretty much called me a dork. I told her that I liked a Taylor Swift song for the cake cutting and she replied with 'NO! ABSOLUTELY NO TAYLOR SWIFT OR KELLY CLARKSON AT YOUR WEDDING'. Like, who does she think she is?

I am so fed up with her. Every part of me wants to 'demote' her to BM but I am afraid this will cause a huge problem because she is a ton of drama and also my FSIL.
I pretty much have 3 questions.....

#1. Was it wrong of me to ask my cousin to also be a MOH months after asking her to be a BM... and having to MOHs?

#2. Is there a way to 'demote' FSIL without it exploding or should I suck it up?

#3. Am I just overreacting?

Thanks for reading this loooong rant and TIA for any advice!!!

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

I don't think it was wrong of you at all for asking your cousin.. I have a Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor because I have 2 cousins who I am extremely close to and could not chooses. Thankfully they get along very well and we aren't having to much of an issue. I'm not sure if there is a way to demote her without making the matter worse (if thats even possible), but maybe sitting down with her and asking her if this is too much for her or maybe just explaining the reasons why you want to have them both in this important role... and no.. you are not overreacting. This is you and FH's special day, I have been compromising on way to much with my wedding and just realized this past week that it stops now, you do what YOU have to do and what is best for you.. Its YOUR day.. not hers..

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

1. I don't think you are wrong at all for asking your cousin to be MOH of also. People have two all the time. I think it was a nice gesture and FSIL she be honored to even be in the party let alone MOH.

2. Im not sure there is a way to demote her without it exploding givin that she threw a tantrum in the first place when you told her you were making your cousin MOH too. If she doesn't order the dress in time you could always use that as an excuse to kick her out all together if you wanted to.

3. I don't think you are overreacting at all! This would irritate me to no end tk have her be so offended over nothing then give you nothing but negative remarks and not even be excited to do anything related anymoreb because shes being petty.

If it were me id definitely demote her to bm or kick her out entirely. I wouldn't be able to stand the negativity tradition or not.

My sister is MOH and is completely uninvolved. It totally ruins the experience

Hope this helps!

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

You FSIL is acting like a huge brat!! I'd personally have kicked her a$$ out the wedding all together by now, but that's just me lol

1st, she needs to stop being a brat about you asking your cousin to be MOH. You did absolutely nothing wrong in asking her. So she needs to get over it. I have 2 best friends and one is my matron and the other is my maid of honor.

As far as a way of demoting her w/o it blowing up, I honestly don't think there is a way for it not to. Especially with her acting the way she does. If I were you, I'd have a talk with her or ask FH to have a talk with her. Its not her wedding. She needs to stop acting like it is and making you feel like all your decisions are bad ones. This is your wedding and you should be supported in everything you are doing.

Also, if you want purple dresses, then do it. If you want teal dressed, then do it!! Stop trying to make everyone happy and make yourself happy!

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

omg!i don't think it was wrong of you at all to ask your cousin, it's your family and you grew up together, she should understand that. I agree that the fsil is being a brat, you are not over reacting at all. do what makes you happy it's your wedding. if your friends and cousin like the dresses order them if she doesn't order hers then too bad, she basically demoted herself out of the bridal party. something similar happened to my fsil maid of honor, my fsil ended up just not including her in anything outside of the wedding day and bm dress shopping because this girl was so mean to her and all of her bridesmaids!

Re: Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

Wow!!! I was in a similar situation and the one person who I thought would have been standing by my side isn't. I think it was nice that you asked your FSIL and I tthink it was very nice of you to ask your cousin as well. I personally feel that your FSIL wanted to have the spotlight on herself only than share it and the thing is the only two people that should have the spotlight is the bride and groom. As far as demoting her to a bridesmaid per se, either way she is going to make a big stink over it as she already has. This is suppose to be a once in a lifetime moment and be exciting and fun. Have a talk with her just the two of you and express to her how you feel. She has to understand this wedding is not about her-it's about her brother and you. You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. Don't let this situation take away from your moment. Remember this is you and your FH special day and you can not accomodate others and sacrafice your happiness and moments. The people you should have standing in your bridal party are those that are genuinely and truly happy for you and are honored to be there to share this special day with you. Although my situation is different from yours I understand how you feel. You should not allow anyone to take away this excitement of planning your special day. Sorry for such a loooooonnnnggggg response. Lol.

Re: Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

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Posted by Kimberley2014

Wow!!! I was in a similar situation and the one person who I thought would have been standing by my side isn't. I think it was nice that you asked your FSIL and I tthink it was very nice of you to ask your cousin as well. I personally feel that your FSIL wanted to have the spotlight on herself only than share it and the thing is the only two people that should have the spotlight is the bride and groom. As far as demoting her to a bridesmaid per se, either way she is going to make a big stink over it as she already has. This is suppose to be a once in a lifetime moment and be exciting and fun. Have a talk with her just the two of you and express to her how you feel. She has to understand this wedding is not about her-it's about her brother and you. You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. Don't let this situation take away from your moment. Remember this is you and your FH special day and you can not accomodate others and sacrafice your happiness and moments. The people you should have standing in your bridal party are those that are genuinely and truly happy for you and are honored to be there to share this special day with you. Although my situation is different from yours I understand how you feel. You should not allow anyone to take away this excitement of planning your special day. Sorry for such a loooooonnnnggggg response. Lol.

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Great advice!!

Re: Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

1. I don't think it was wrong of you at all. This is your day and it is important to have the people you want included. I think that your FSIL is being dramatic for no reason. I think that she needs to accept the choices you made and if she isn't satisfied with your decision than SHE should address it rather than being petty.
2. I think that you should have an open conversation with her about it. Explain to her that ever since you asked your cousin she has been acting this way and it is not what you envisioned and are becoming uncomfortable. I would also try to explain to her that she needs to be in or out (obviously in a sensitive way). Either she is going to accept your choices and move along in this process lovingly and willingly or maybe she shouldn't be involved at all...
3. You are ABSOLUTELY NOT overreacting! This is your day, it is a once in a lifetime experience and you should have the people in your life that love and support you and ideally would want it to be drama free!!

The best advice I can give is to just talk to her about it!

Also, I love the ComicCon idea as FH & I are going this year!!

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

You are allowed to have whomever you want in your wedding. This is your day!! If she is still being difficult, I highly doubt things are going to change. I would talk to your husband and inform him of the situation and remove her from the bridal party. It will be less headaches down the line. Good luck

Do I Just Suck It Up??? (LonG)

By the time my wedding came FSIL was not invited..lol Take a deep breathe and do what you want. This is YOUR time and you do not have to feel guilty about anything YOU decide.