Do you think there is really a 'biological clock'???

Do you think there is really a 'biological clock'???

I always though that it was nonsense, but for the past several weeks I have been having dreams that Keith and I have a baby and everytime I see one 'I want a baby' runs through my mind. Until the last couple of years I didn''t think I wanted children at all. Then I decided that children sounded like a good idea, but not until I am in my early thirties. And that is still what I want - time for Keith and I, time for my career and time to get to a place of financial security. So what the heck is going on??? (And why can't I post h e double hockeysticks) I''ll be 27 in July. If there is a clock, isn''t mine going off a little early?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Becky

Do you think there is really a 'biological clock'???

No... mine has been going off for the last 5 years... honestly... and I'll be 25 this September. I've been wanting a baby for ever now. It doesn't help that my FI and I have been together for 9 years on our wedding day. It just feels like the next step for us. I am so ready! He's not yet. So I'm hoping after we're married he'll feel differently about it! I always have dreams that I'm pregnant or have a baby already. I've even experienced the feeling in my dream, when it was the exact moment we found out what it was. It felt so good! Anyway, you're not the only one. There are many other brides here that feel the same way! Good luck!

Do you think there is really a 'biological clock'???

I think there is, at least for me. I don't think it's too early, our bodies are able to get pregnant in our early teens. Babies and children are always on my mind. Actually my fi had a dream that I was pregnant, so maybe his is really ticking (he's 38 and I'm 26). And this might make some of you upset...but after lots of thought and recent study findings, my opinion for he and I is that it's better to have children sooner than later. At least we agree on this. I'm going to rebel from what most of my female peers are doing and put my career on hold and have focus on children. So, when I'm in my late 30s I can start with my career again (hopefully), instead of trying to have kids. We are going to try soon after our wedding. We even discussed trying now!! Unless you have a lot of money, is anyone ever financially ready??
Believe me I have thought so much about this... it's so unfair for us to be raised thinking get an education, have a career, get married, have children, be superwoman...
I spent so much money on my Master's level education, and now owe student loans, but I can't figure out how am i supposed to pay them w/o having a career. My eduation also seems like a waste if I'm home with kids. Maybe I should be marrying rich, too late :)just joking...
thanks for letting me vent too, and if anyone has all this figured out please let me know.

Do you think there is really a 'biological clock'???

Hi Becky. You are not the only one. My biological clock has been ticking for years too. I just turned 28 last Sunday. I think we are going to wait at least a year (due to the fact we will be living in a studio apt.), but, if it happens sooner by accident, I would be thrilled. We would just have to find a house sooner. But believe me, you are not the only one. And, from what I hear from my friends who recently had children, they can't imagine life without them and wonder how they got through life before them. So, I guess all the pain and getting fat, etc. is soooooo worth it! Can't wait! In a few years, we should all have a reunion and bring all the kiddies!

Becky

I`m in the same boat - I`m 27, never thought I would want kids until 'financial stable' and once my career was more settled - Lately I`ve been thinking more and more about it- and one time I forgot my pill (really did - not on purpose) and was secretly hoping I was pregnant. - I wasn`t. A friend of mine - who`s getting married in two weeks, just told me today - she`s two months pregnant, and I was sooo thrilled for her, and super jealous. I totally know how you feel.

FYI

Hi girls: I know we're probably all at school or work. But Oprah is having a 'What women need to know about when to have a baby' show. I wish I could watch it, but I'll be in school. If anybody gets to watch it, let us know how it was. Thanks!! :)

In the same boat - Cant Wait

I am 27 (almost 28) and cant wait to have kids. Probably only wait a couple months after the wedding to start.

And then last night i heard at 27 you fertility starts to decrease, just what I needed to hear (heard this on news last night)

FYI...Oprah

is repeated at 7:00 pm on WLNY TV, in Queens it is channel 55, but not sure about LI. It is a LI channel.

FYI...Oprah

Yes, on long island it is channel 55 at 7:00pm

Thanks Ladies and my opinion on the recent 'studies'

Thank you all who responded. I feel less crazy now!

A word on these studies....I saw something on 60 mins that made me so angry that I swore never to watch it again. It made all professional women seem stupid. What, I can't have babies at 48???? Duh. The studies say that on average women's fertility begins to slow down at 27, but it doesn't appear to be significant enough to cause alarm. In fact, once it slows down at about 27, it plateaus until the early to mid thirties. So it isn't like an hour glass. It just sounds suspisiously like we are being told to give up our careers and have babies in our mid twenties. Especially since I haven't heard anyone say that we can still have both! It is professional women don't have babies, women without a career do.

Please don't take offense if you want to be a stay at home mom in your mid twenties. I totally respect that decision. My mom didn't work and I loved having her available 24/7. But it isn't for me and I don't appreciate the studies that imply that women with careers are too dumb to know their own bodies and that whatever else they accomplish if they don't give birth, they will forever be tormented.

We finally get this far and now we are being patted on the head and told that our time is running out and if we don't have babies NOW, we might not be able to and then we will be miserable for the rest of our lives.

Sorry, it is just very upsetting! The same studies say that men's fertility slows down earlier than most people thought, but that is not the focus of most of the news coverage.

I will get off my soapbox now.

the 'biological clock'...(LONG)

I watched a special a few weeks ago (it was either 20/20 or 60 minutes)...and this was the topic - women waiting to have children. It was pretty scary what they were saying about the biological clock, but it made perfect sense. The show discussed how, as we get older, we of course produce less eggs - thus, making it MUCH more difficult for a 40 year old woman to conceive than a 20 year old. It discussed how, for so many years, woman have been pushing, struggling and striving to get their careers recognized - and how the only way to keep up with the men (society's overall outlook - not mine) was to not have children. Career women, once they feel they have paid their dues and are on track in their careers, are looking to THEN have children - and are extremely disappointed to learn that it is close to impossible because they waited 'too long'. It was a real eye opener for me (31 years old) - especially since I would like to have more than one child. One time my gynocologist laughed at me when I said my biological clock was ticking. He said 'honey, your biological clock went off the day you started menstruating'. So the moral of the story is - your biological clock is a REAL thing - not just something in your head. I'm certainly not saying rush off and have babies even if you're not emotionally or financially ready for them cause it may be too late, but thinking that 27 - 30 is young to have children is PHYSICALLY not the case...according to doctors anyway...just wanted to fill you in on what was a real eye opening experience for me...good luck to you all!

Becky...

That's the show I was writing about! But I took it in a very different way. I took it as a warning - not to give up your career (which I personally have NO intention of doing) - but to just keep in mind that it could potentially be more difficult to conceive at 48 than at 28...perhaps I got the 'wrong' message - but it just made me realize that the biological clock thing is real.

the 'biological clock'...(LONG)

It almost seems like our male-dominated society creates these studies just to control us! My female GYN was happy that I told her that I wanted to try in a few months. She basically said 'get it over with now, it'll be easier'. The biology part is a fact, the older you get (or the closer to 40 you get) the harder it is to get pregnant and there are more possibilities of complications for a woman and her child. Of course, we all know that it doesn't mean that we can't get pregnant, so woman who want to wait should.
I think in addition to feeling very maternal for the past year or so, I personally (an my fi) would rather have our children sooner to avoid problems with getting pregnant (fertility drugs), delivery, health of me and child, etc. Getting my career going later, hopefully, will not be as difficult.
I do agree that there are many, many frutrations with career vs. motherhood and why we can't succeed at both. I personally think that our society doesn't support working moms as much as it should.

Marnles

How funny is that that we were typing away about the same show with totally different takes on it, at the very same time!

I see your point about it, but man the woman who wrote that study made me so mad. I was literally yelling at the television and everyone who spoke, especially the young ignorant women who wanted to be professionals, one of whom thought she could wait until her 50s to have kids and another one implied that it is harder for a professional woman to find a man. 'When guys find out that I am in Harvard Business School they don't want to have anything to do with me.' Aghhh, Keith thought my reaction was one of the funniest things he had seen in a long time - which didn't help!

Becky

There is a biological clock..and it can tick really loud

Mine goes tick...ticks...all the time but you need to do what is right for you and your life. It is very hard to wait sometimes but you have to get your life in order before becoming a parent. It is a very personal decision that requires each of us to do what is right for us at the time.

From a sociologist point of view...

Please don't flame me..just passing along facts...

It is a fact that a couple is MOST satisfied with their marriage when they are childless! They are least satisfied with their marriage when they have teenaged children. FOr a man the satisfaction goes back up when the last kid leaves the house, but it DOES NOT for a woman..while she becomes a little more satisfied...then when the kids were at home...it is not as high as when they were childless.

I am 28 and know I will not have children until I am into my 30s...I talked to my GYN and she ASSURED me that it was very safe to have children in your 30s and 40s if you prepare...(pre natal vitamins, etc)

She had her FIRST at 36...

glad i'm not the only one :)

I am sooo relieved to hear everyone's views on the 'baby' issue. I was beginning to think that I was nuts for wanting kids soon (I'm 24). Thank you!!! :)

Becky, I agree with you...

I was LOL when I realized we were writing at the same time!! And I too was frustrated by some of the comments of the show (that Harvard comment stood out in my head too!) - and was also sitting with my FH who thought my reaction was funny...I guess what I took away from it was that I don't want to wait TOO long where complications may arise. And I certainly haven't waited for my career to take flight - I was just waiting for my FH to pop the darn question after 5 years!! :) Well, when the time is right for ALL OF US, may the 'baby dust' sprinkle our way!

This all thing is kinda unsettling

I was totally planning on starting a family soon after I get married which is March 2003. Being age 27 and hearing my fertility is now decreasing worries me, I know it only starts now but it just seems to STINK. My biggest fear in life always was not being able to have children (watch to much lifetime tv or something) so now with this news it just makes me alittle more nervous, I know everything should be fine but you know how us women get sometimes, just something I didnt want to hear but I guess its good we know this information.

It isn't about being a healthy women

When you are born you have a certain amount of eggs, and that is it. We do not 'make' new eggs as we get older. The doctors said that being healthy, exercising, taking vitamins doees not give us reproductive health. There was a marathan runner on the show who cannot get pregnant.
It is a fact that fertility decreases are we get older. For every 'Grandma has a baby' story we read there are hundreds of women who simply cannot get pregnant or have miscarriages.
Doctors are not informing us about the 'odds' of getting pregnant later in life. It isn't just about having a healthy baby, it is about having one at all.
We should be given ALL of the real facts in order to make decisions about our future. I mean, I cannot turn the clock back and meet Scott at 27 instead of 30 BUT with the information we can decided to TTC earlier than later, if that is what we think is the right decision.