Don’t mean to get all pessimistic but…..

You know I was thinking this morning…We are all so excited about our wedding and we’ve talked about how all the wedding planning has brought most of us closer together with our FH. I can only imagine the actual DAY we won’t be able to stop staring at each other all night.
How do couples get from this point where we are all now to DIVORCE and practically HATING each other?? The thought just makes me cringe!

I know, it's scary to think of all the couples who don't make it but it does happen..... I guess some couples just grow apart, who knows!!

Ive noticed, since I have many older friends and family members, that the ones who got married because its
1. 'time'
2. 'the right thing'
3.'been so many years that they were together'

are the ones having problems. It may just be my circle of friends and ffamily but I've made a connection betweenthem. Like, my two cousins for example, got engaged and were NON STOP talking about their weddings. It was almost as if their lives were this wedding...

and now, one has been married for a year filed for divorce and the other for two, and is considering divorce.

One of them said to me 'Jenny, once the wedding was over there was nothing there'.

Its almost as if it was the wedding that was keeping them together...

LOL i think about it all the time.... Sad to say but the facts dont lie.... half of us on this site will be divorced down the line...

people dont realize it takes work and some just look for the easy way out.... the work should also have begun waaay before the wedding day.... this is another reason why we feel its a MUST to live together before you're married... to see if you can deal with each others quirks on a daily basis

There is no such thing as a 'formula' for a successful marriage that applies to all of us.
I think what happens is people don't take the time or effort to nurture their relationship on a day to day basis, and so their unity becomes to deteriorate.
If we put as much thought in to our marriages as we do to our weddings, there wouldn't be that many failed marriages. I was speaking to this guy who is thinking of leaving his wife. He told me that after the wedding, he and his wife slowly stopped doing things together, talking, and they have seperate groups of friends. The point I got out of this is that for a bond to last, you have to keep reinforcing what made you get together in the first place....to put in simple terms: marriage is like a machine, it works great when its new without you having to worry about it...but as time goes on, it needs proper care and a couple of tune ups to keep running.

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

LOL i think about it all the time.... Sad to say but the facts dont lie.... half of us on this site will be divorced down the line...

people dont realize it takes work and some just look for the easy way out.... the work should also have begun waaay before the wedding day.... this is another reason why we feel its a MUST to live together before you're married... to see if you can deal with each others quirks on a daily basis

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You are right. It's so important to really know the person. I mean, I don't live with my FH but I have known him since High School and practically live at his house since he is 2 mins away from mine. I don't think there is anything I don't know about him. I am not saying we are perfect- believe me. Life is a crapshoot. You seriously don't know where you will be in 10 years and more. I know I have tons of work ahead for this marriage. I am excited for it. I know we are ready to tackle this! I know there are no guarantees- maybe we will be divorced. Who the hell knows. That's the beauty of life- not knowing where it will take you!

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Posted by Kaprabbit

You know what also I think... How our lives are so consumed and busy with this wedding planning.. what on earth are we going to do with ourselves when it's all over?!? lol.

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lol i guess i'll have to really work then lol

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Posted by michesq

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Posted by Kaprabbit

You know what also I think... How our lives are so consumed and busy with this wedding planning.. what on earth are we going to do with ourselves when it's all over?!? lol.

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lol i guess i'll have to really work then lol

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LMAO work? what's that?

after the wedding we take a break and have kids....thats when the big planning comes in

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Posted by flairforfashion

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

LOL i think about it all the time.... Sad to say but the facts dont lie.... half of us on this site will be divorced down the line...

people dont realize it takes work and some just look for the easy way out.... the work should also have begun waaay before the wedding day.... this is another reason why we feel its a MUST to live together before you're married... to see if you can deal with each others quirks on a daily basis

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You are right. It's so important to really know the person. I mean, I don't live with my FH but I have known him since High School and practically live at his house since he is 2 mins away from mine. I don't think there is anything I don't know about him. I am not saying we are perfect- believe me. Life is a crapshoot. You seriously don't know where you will be in 10 years and more. I know I have tons of work ahead for this marriage. I am excited for it. I know we are ready to tackle this! I know there are no guarantees- maybe we will be divorced. Who the hell knows. That's the beauty of life- not knowing where it will take you!

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ya know... i feel i know mine too... together 7 yrs now, but we're all gonna be hittin roadblocks that we never came across before... buying a house, having kids, me eventually being able to work... lol etc etc....those are just more tests for us in the future.... I feel if you can successfully get over the obstacles that have come up in the rel (god knows we all have had em and plenty of em), then we prob have that mentality to tackacle any other obstacles down the road it also depends on how you handle conflict... do you run away from it? do you work to compromise? do you constantly argue and nothing gets resolved? these are all signs of how you will cope down the road... imo at least

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by flairforfashion

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

LOL i think about it all the time.... Sad to say but the facts dont lie.... half of us on this site will be divorced down the line...

people dont realize it takes work and some just look for the easy way out.... the work should also have begun waaay before the wedding day.... this is another reason why we feel its a MUST to live together before you're married... to see if you can deal with each others quirks on a daily basis

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You are right. It's so important to really know the person. I mean, I don't live with my FH but I have known him since High School and practically live at his house since he is 2 mins away from mine. I don't think there is anything I don't know about him. I am not saying we are perfect- believe me. Life is a crapshoot. You seriously don't know where you will be in 10 years and more. I know I have tons of work ahead for this marriage. I am excited for it. I know we are ready to tackle this! I know there are no guarantees- maybe we will be divorced. Who the hell knows. That's the beauty of life- not knowing where it will take you!

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ya know... i feel i know mine too... together 7 yrs now, but we're all gonna be hittin roadblocks that we never came across before... buying a house, having kids, me eventually being able to work... lol etc etc....those are just more tests for us in the future.... I feel if you can successfully get over the obstacles that have come up in the rel (god knows we all have had em and plenty of em), then we prob have that mentality to tackacle any other obstacles down the road it also depends on how you handle conflict... do you run away from it? do you work to compromise? do you constantly argue and nothing gets resolved? these are all signs of how you will cope down the road... imo at least

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Absolutely. How you handle the conflict is a MAJOR THING!!!!!!!!! You can't run away because it comes up again in a new fight. But when you work together and compromise- that is the best way to go!

Your right. I take advice from my parents. My parents will be married 39 years this coming June. They are still young. I'm blessed that my parents are still married.

FH's parents are still married as well. They willbe married 35 years. You don't find parents for that long these days.

We both take lessons from our parents and see what makes a happy marriage.

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Posted by flairforfashion

Absolutely. How you handle the conflict is a MAJOR THING!!!!!!!!! You can't run away because it comes up again in a new fight. But when you work together and compromise- that is the best way to go!

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i have a friend who is on again off again with fh's friend... the prob with them is that they dunno how to argue constructively .... nothing ever gets resolved... its the same fight over n over... and shes been making sacrifices for him and hes jus so stubborn that he wont budge... she is in love with this kid and he loves her but i think he prob loves himself more if that makes any sense.... until they battle that stubborness, they arent gonna get anywhere.... and sad to say, but she just doesnt see it/get it

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Posted by Kaprabbit

You know what also I think... How our lives are so consumed and busy with this wedding planning.. what on earth are we going to do with ourselves when it's all over?!? lol.

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LOL me and my friend said the same thing....we are just going to have to find a project to work on or somethng...LOL

Staying married is harder then getting a divorce you have to stay strong even in the hardest times...I KNOW there are goign to be HARD times! Its expected everyone fights! I think its important to fight rather then let it build up inside and explode. I also think its important that you make sure you always have FUN! as long as you have something to look foward to then I think you will be ok...if you lose the fun then eventually your n ot goign to be happy. at least thats how I feel.... I look at FH's great aunt and uncle as my insperation... they are both in their 90s and they have such a strong love for each other...its amazing! when I watch them together it really gives me so much reinforcement that it is possible in this crazy world for people to stay together and be happy for their entire lives together