drama with 6 days away REALL!

So my wedding is 6 days away and just yesterday I get a text not a phone call a darn text that my aunt who was suppose to be the matron of honor and my cousin who is her daughter that was suppose to be a bridesmaid are not coming! My aunt said she is sick with cancer which obviously I understand but to wait until one week away to tell me when you've known for months is ridiculous! I'm sure she was hoping for the best but to not keep me in the loop so I'd have a back up plan is just not right of them. So now 6 days away and down a matron of honor and a bridesmaid. Thank God my one bridesmaid that I'm super close with accepted to be maid of honor when I told her last night about it. BUt was still down one girl, so we asked a friend of ours that was actually already a guest at the wedding but it is going to look so stupid with her in a regular dress and not one of the bridesmaids dresses. Pictures will look so odd now. Frustrated and annoyed. Now I have to change so much around because of it. I had already purchased jewelry, bags, gifts lots of stuff for my aunt and cousin and now it will be useless because it won't go with the dress my other girlfriend is going to wear now. Ugh also another family member that kept saying he was definitely coming also just told my Mom yesterday that he is not going to make it. DON'T people get it that we pay so much and theres reasons why we send invites out in advance and requests for rsvp's in advance. Having to pay this extra money now for seats that will not be occupied. I understand things come up and happen but its annoying for it to happen like this when its darn family. UGH I wish we would have just had eloped at this point. TOo much aggravation during the week that I should be enjoying it and relaxing. Sorry for the vent but needed to vent lol

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

that stinks i'm sorry that happened =/ just keep in mind that there are so many other factors of the wedding besides the BM dresses, so when all is said and done it won't be a big deal that she will be in a diff dress. All in all your day will be great and NOBODY is going to pay attention to detail as closely as you will. You will be your hardest critic so just try to relax and just go with the flow.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

I'm sorry you have to deal with this 6 days before your wedding. I also don't understand when guests decide they can't come. Like they don't realize we pay in advance for them. I'm down one bridesmaid 4 weeks to my wedding and I decided not to replace her. Do you have to replace the bridesmaid so you don't have to deal with one person not in the right dress? I understand your aunt backing out, but why did your cousin back out? Is it because her mother is sick? Maybe your cousin can stay in it and wear the right dress? I'm going through the same things with the gifts I've already purchased as well. It's so annoying.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

I understand how important our weddings are, but I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation. You're worried about day of jewelry and dresses when your aunt, who you must be very close with since she was your MOH, is obviously very sick. I have to say I'm more sorry for your aunt and cousin for having to go through such a horrible time rather than for you to have to fudge it with some bridesmaids. I think you need to reread what you wrote and reevaluate some of your priorities.

drama with 6 days away REALL!

I know you're upset and you can feel however you want...you're human! What if you buy your cousins dress from her so your friend can wear it?

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

Its the principal behind it. THe fact that she didn't call me to tell me she sent a text when she is able to talk as she talked to my mother on the phone. The fact that she said she been sick for months but never said a word to me. The fact that she waited until one week before to tell how sick she is and that she can't come. The fact that her daughter my cousin that she wanted in the bridal party to begin with so I said ok to it that she should still be able to come as she was only planning on being in from California for one day anyway that she is not now coming either. The whole thing is ridiculous. I would have understood if she'd call me and tell me what was going on in advance not one week away and also to do it by text not a phone call. Its rude. I understand if she is sick but she said shes been sick for months but never said a word to anyone. If she knew she was as sick as she is she should have said something months ago not wait until one week and doing it by text. My cousin said she will mail the dress but its coming from California so number one who knows if it will fit my other friend, and when it will even arrive. Its on Saturday and its not like theres much time to get it fitted right for her, steam cleaned and all. If she knew she wasn't coming (she never even made airline reservations) then she should have said so and could have mailed the dress sooner and then no big deal. But a week away is just crazy to me.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

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Posted by Kroedel87

I understand how important our weddings are, but I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation. You're worried about day of jewelry and dresses when your aunt, who you must be very close with since she was your MOH, is obviously very sick. I have to say I'm more sorry for your aunt and cousin for having to go through such a horrible time rather than for you to have to fudge it with some bridesmaids. I think you need to reread what you wrote and reevaluate some of your priorities.

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This. I know it's not something you want to deal with the week before your wedding, but what your aunt is going through is more serious than whether the dresses/jewelry match. I'm sure she would much rather be at your wedding than dealing with what she's dealing with.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

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Posted by Kroedel87

I understand how important our weddings are, but I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation. You're worried about day of jewelry and dresses when your aunt, who you must be very close with since she was your MOH, is obviously very sick. I have to say I'm more sorry for your aunt and cousin for having to go through such a horrible time rather than for you to have to fudge it with some bridesmaids. I think you need to reread what you wrote and reevaluate some of your priorities.

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This.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

Marquita, you're carrying a heavy load and - to others reading - the original post is only a microcosm of what this girl is going through. Granted, when you read it out of context, as in this thread, one might think she's being selfish but it's really just representative of a big family just not 'presenting' and supporting her. There is more illness than just the aunt that she's dealing with. Marquita is actually a very nurturing person. We should all be able to gripe on these boards when we need to. The last thing she needs is judgment. Just sayin'...

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

I know this is not the kind of tension you want so close to your wedding. But I honestly think that you may not need a fill-in bridesmaid. It might look better having an uneven bridal party than having one bridesmaid in a different dress.

As for your aunt not informing you about her cancer beforehand, maybe she was hoping she would feel better closer to the wedding and maybe she was planning to try her best to make it. As for not calling you and texting you, it can be really hard telling someone that you are sick, maybe she didn't want to hear the disappointment/ frustration in your voice. You definitely should give her the benefit of the doubt, let it go, and give your aunt and her daughter the love and support they need.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I know it's frustrating, but as someone who works in the cancer world, I see patients all the time who feel fine one week and awful the next. Sometimes it's very difficult to predict even a few hours in advance, so while I agree its a stinky situation, your aunt may not have expected this and I'm sure she feels horrible about not being there. All you can do is support her and let her know your wedding won't be the same without her.
I don't think your post was meant to sound selfish. Sometimes when we're overwhelmed, we're not entirely rational. Take a deep breath, get some sleep and you'll feel better in the morning.
Hugs to you and prayers to your aunt!

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

Sorry you are going through this. I hope your aunt is feeling better.

I understand your frustration of receiving important information through a text. There is no excuse for this and things always get lost in translation.

I don't know you, but my feelings are that once things start going the wrong way, all the little stuff really starts to bother you. I don't think overall you really care about the money you spent on the gifts but more about the secrets.

Take a deep breath and move on. There really isn't much that can be done, your wedding will be beautiful.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

The fact is... you sound like a spoiled brat!! Prayers to your aunt.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

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Posted by McC2McM

Marquita, you're carrying a heavy load and - to others reading - the original post is only a microcosm of what this girl is going through. Granted, when you read it out of context, as in this thread, one might think she's being selfish but it's really just representative of a big family just not 'presenting' and supporting her. There is more illness than just the aunt that she's dealing with. Marquita is actually a very nurturing person. We should all be able to gripe on these boards when we need to. The last thing she needs is judgment. Just sayin'...

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Agreed!! Weddings can be very stressful. Take a deep breath. I wouldnt worry about having to find a replacement BM. Just have all the bridal party work in solo (no couples). You can still make this work. I'm glad your friend is stepping up to the plate for MOH. Thoughts and prayers to you & your aunt.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

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Posted by AMK

The fact is... you sound like a spoiled brat!! Prayers to your aunt.

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Totally uncalled for... there is clearly more to the story than we can detect from one paragraph.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

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Posted by AMK

The fact is... you sound like a spoiled brat!! Prayers to your aunt.

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That is totally unwarranted. I'm sorry some people can be so quick to judge. Hope you figure out the bridesmaid situation, relax, and enjoy your day!

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

Wow. Didn't realize people were so quick to pass judgement. There is ALOT more to the story and I'm sorry that you think so badly of me based on your comments. There is ALOT more to the story. My mother whom I've taken care of for over 12 years now, I am 37, is very ill. I take care of her and my Dad. ALL of my aunts and uncles whenever they've needed something I've been the first one to step up and take care of them or help them with anything that they need. The fact of the matter is not that I'm insensitive and is not that I'm not upset about my aunt being sick. The fact is that she said in a TEXT that she is sick one week before when she has been sick for quite a few months from what she is saying. There is NO reason to have hid that from me because I would have been the first person to help her with whatever she needed help with as far as her care. To text me something like this one week prior is the wrong part. People can seriously think that I'm a spoiled brat as you say but I am the furthest from that. I'm the one person that does EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for all of my family. Don't pass judgment on people unless you know the entire story. This is an inch of a mile long situations that have gone on.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

I feel your pain, I understand what your going through. I admit at first I did think how selfish but sometimes you have to look at it from someone elses point and understand where she is coming from.

Some people take everything in stride, where some people want everything to be perfect, not only for themselves, but for everyone.

I think many people have to be in her stressed out position to understand, sometimes, just once its got to be about yourself, and this wedding is about her, so for that one moment that she got this text, she lost it.

Understandable, its her day, shes obviously got alot going on, and all she wanted was the respect of a forewarning, even if her aunt felt fine somedays and bad others, she just wanted to be told, in advance so she could have control of the one day that is all about her.

drama with 6 days away REALL! - Long Island Weddings

Another thing, I assumed this board was here for support, whatever the situation is, all she really needed to hear was it will be ok, take a breath and everything has a way of working itself out.

If you didn't like her post or agree, then just ignore it and move on to the next posting, thats all.

Whatever she is feeling now is up to her to deal with in her own time. Many people deal with unsettling news in different ways. Some people break and some people lash out. In the end its not our place to judge but to be supportive if we find that we can and she will deal with her reactions and emotions when she is ready to come to terms with it.

I hope everything does work out for you, and even if everything doesn't match, and the pictures are a little weird, remember your getting married and that is all that matters.

Re: drama with 6 days away REALL!

I haven't posted in quite awhile, but this made me fume. As someone who has lost all of her grandparents to cancer and who has watched her mother fight cancer for the past 14 years, I can say that this comes across as one of the most insensitive posts I've ever read.