I know how you feel...I lost my father when I was 15 and I was very emotional about in planning my wedding and there were times I cried so badly b/c I missed him and wished he was there to plan my day. But a really cool thing happened when I woke up on the morning of my wedding the sun was beeming and I went out on the balcony and it finally occured to me....my dad was up there making sure that my day was going to be perfect. I know that sounds really stupid but for the first time all that stuff people have been telling how he's up there watching over me...finally I realized it. I felt so close to him that day and I couldn't help smiling. ....don't know if that helps you any but I felt that I had to share that w someone
PoeticJustice
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Re: Fatherless brides
My father past away in 99' and my mother passed away in 05'. I will be having a memorial table set up in the Pavilion where my ceremony will be held in the Swan Club as well as a pic of my parents pinned to my bouquet.
july06bride
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Re: Fatherless brides
a friend got married recently, h er father died many years ago-she danced with her brother and was walked down the aisle with her brother as well... she gave a donation to the american heart association in memory of her dad
sugar4spc
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Re: Fatherless brides
My dad was killed in the bombing of the barrack in lebanon in 1982. Have no contact with anyone from his side. at my wedding will be my brother, mom and my self from my side. As for walking down the aisle my brother is walking me down... tried to persuade mom but she doesnt feel she will be able to handle it emotionally. Im stumped on the dance issue. i am thinking of having my dads marine corp flag sitting behind me at the wedding so his presense is there. we will see what i decide..
LuvMyAlfonse
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Re: Fatherless brides
I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. We all know that those we want to be there will be there, in person or in spirit.
Great thread, before I found this site, I thought I was so alone and had a pity party for myself everytime I went to a wedding. I was so sad and angry watching the father/daughter dance.
Dad passed away 4 yrs ago and instead of doing a memory table, I'll have his wedding ring on my Bo-K and a note in the program that my Bo-K is dedicated in his memory... Not so sad that it overshadows the day. For father/daughter dance, I'll probably dance with my mom to 'Puff the Magic Dragon' - she sang that to me when I was little. Silly but sweet...
BellaEyes
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Re: Fatherless brides
I don't know my father. My mother left him when I was 1 years old. She had me very young. She was 17 years old. My father was 22 when I was born. I met him when I was 16, a few times.. I decided after a while that I was better off without knowing him.
I am walking down the aisle with my mom and my mom's longtime bf who has been more of a father to me than I have ever known.
Princess92406
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Re: Fatherless brides
god, i read this thread and have been cryin for alike 5 minutes now..my mom almost didnt make it to my wedding...she had cancer last year, and we hda to post pone till this past sept..which was great b/c she was ok..but i remember sleepless nites thinking of how the hell i would do it alone...
my husbands mother is not in his life, and he chose to dance with my mother during the groom/mother dance,,, it was beautiful..
HelenZ
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Re: Fatherless brides
My father passed away in 1997- my wedding date will be especially hard b/c it's only 9 days before the 10 year anniversary. As for who walks me down the aisle- FH's dad offered to, but I kind of feel like it should be someone from my family who has the honor of giving me away.
I'd like my uncle to walk me down, but, he lives in Finland (as does all of my mom's family), and I don't even know if he plans on coming yet! If he doesn't come, I might have my mom walk me down the aisle. And regardless of whoever walks me down, I'm dancing with my mom.
I'd also like to do a memorial table for my dad, my grandparents & FH's grandparents (especially grandpa who passed last year) at the reception hall, maybe next to the place cards. I'd put some candles and a few pictures of them.
Here's some hugs to all of the other brides who will be missing someone they lost on their wedding day.
BelMal
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Re: Fatherless brides
My father has been gone for about 10 years now. He would have been 62. My stepmother just emailed me a bunch of pictures yesterday so I could pick out a couple to enlarge for the wedding. I got a custom made memorial candle with his name that came out beautifully. My mom and her husband are walking me down the aisle and I am not having a parent-daughter dance out of respect.
mbm750
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Re: Fatherless brides
My father died when I was 14, my mother died when I was 20, but I was pretty much raised by my grandmother. I was very torn about how to walk down the aisle. I would've liked my grandmother to walk me down, but she's unsteady on her feet these days so I didn't want to put pressure on her in case I got emotional and needed someone to hold onto and lean on myself. I didn't want to walk down with my brother - we are not close and never have been and he did something really horrible to me and my family just before the wedding - he also has yet to get me a wedding gift (he never will) so as you can see I wouldn't want him to walk me. I didn't feel close enough to ask FIL and if I asked him I knew my uncle would be hurt but I didn't really want him to walk me either. My best friend of 12 years ended up walking me down - which was perfect because until the thought came to me I hadn't found a role for him. There was a dedication to my parents in the program, but that's it - I knew they wouldn't have wanted to make my wedding day sad and any other kind of tribute would've been difficult for me. I skipped the dance altogether. DH danced with his mother though - I almost asked her not to but I couldn't take that moment away from her in the end - even though it was hard for me. I don't think anyone thought it was weird to just do one and my band worked it in well.
Goldi1021
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Re: Fatherless brides
My father passed away 6 months before my wedding. He may not even have known that we were engaged as he was in and out of consciousness and various hospital units for 9 months. His death was very fresh for us and we were still in mourning as we are Jewish and our mourning period is from the time of death to the time of unveling the stone at the grave.
It is also tradition that even after a death, the happiness is not to be confused with the sadness and the wedding went on as scheduled - also as Dad would have wanted it. We knew, on the day of the wedding, that there wouldn't be a dry eye anywhere. Everyone knew what had happened. They did not need obvious reminders. I had to consider the feelings of my mother, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my father's sister and all of my father's nieces and nephews who were also in mourning for a great man. IMO, they did not need it shoved in their faces that he wasn't there. They knew.
There were no poems, no candles, no shrines. He would not have wanted that and neither did Mom. The day was about DH and me. However, we chose three subtle ways to honor his memory.
The first was on our invitation. Since my father was deceased, yet posthumously hosted the wedding with my mother, we decided that the named host would be 'Mrs. Dad's first and last name.' My mother, until and unless she remarries, will always retain his name.
The second method of remembrance that we chose was in our program. The last page read 'In loving memory...' followed by his name. It stood alone and was very special - again, with no poems. He was a quiet man of few words so it suited him perfectly.
The final way we chose to have him with us that day, was very personal and few people at the wedding took notice. I had a picture of my father attached to my bouquet. I had found a Christmas ornament at Michaels and voila! I was also able to work it into our album in a very subtle way.
ETA: My brother stood in his place and walked me down the aisle.
mslgirl
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Re: Fatherless brides
I realize this is a few days old but had to add to this.
So sorry for everyone who has lost your father or another important person in your life. My dad passed away last summer, less than 2 months after I was engaged and only 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer.
I debated having my mother walk me down the aisle but felt that it would be too depressing and that she already had another role at the wedding. I realize the mom's role at the actual ceremony tends to be small, but I still wanted her to walk down earlier as she was supposed to all along.
Instead, I am having my dad's best friend, who I have always called 'uncle' walk me down the aisle, and his wife, my 'aunt' will do one of the readings. They never had children and I wanted them involved in my wedding. When my dad was first diagnosed and had surgery, the surgeon told me and my mom the cancer had spread much more than they'd initially thought. I wasn't even engaged at that point but my mom told me how she and my 'aunt' were talking and she said 'who will walk the girls down the aisle when they get married' and my aunt told her my uncle would do it. I wish it could be my dad, but I'm happy to have one of his oldest and closest friends there to fulfill that role for him.
I am still debating how to honor him. I thought about doing favor donations but may skip the favors entirely and just put something in the program. I think we are doing a unity candle for the moms, so maybe I will have one of the candles have his name on it or something.
Valor06
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Re: Fatherless brides
I feel a little more at peace knowing that I'm not the only one here with the same bittersweet feelings about not having their parents at their wedding. I lost my mom 7 years ago and my father hasn't been in my life ever since. I go through planning my wedding thinking of how she'd react.
