Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES w/ Mom's email to the BP!

So I know I've posted about what a nightmare my shower was due to drama between my MOH and my FSIL (BM). Essentially, FSIL took over and did everything. My MOH and other BM did nothing except hand over $200... well let me rephrase... my MOH handed over the money. FSIL is still waiting on most of the money from my BM.

Because I didn't want to know anything that was going on, everyone has all these pent up feelings and emotions. Well, last night, FH pretty much exploded on me. He told me that it's not right what my MOH and BM are doing. That if FSIL had let them plan the shower it would've been a misery and I wouldn't have been happy at all. He kept saying, 'What goes around, comes around,' which means what?? When it's their turn, he's going to limit what I do for them and how much I spend??? I could not even speak... I sat there at the table shaking like a leaf - I couldn't even look at him. He knew how upset I was and he's like, 'Now I'm getting annoyed so I'm going out for a cig.' Well good for you! What about how I feel now that you let it all out into my lap????? So he called FSIL and told her he told me. She is SO angry with him and she kept trying to tell me 'what really happened' but I also know 'what really happened' from my MOH and BM. So what am I sposed to do now???

I am PETRIFIED that this drama will come out at the RD and then the wedding day (the next time they are all together) even though they're all swearing to me that it won't. Yes well, they swore that about my shower too, and it happened.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach! I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. I took a Xanax but it's not doing a whole lot. I'm not really mad at FH for telling me, but what DOES bother me is how he feels about my 2 best friends b/c of all this. They are such a big part of my life, whether he and his family hate them or not! I just feel sick and I don't even know what to do anymore. And, I am alone all weekend b/c my parents are away and FH has some other things going on. So that isn't exactly keeping my mind occupied! Thank goodness I am going to my therapist Monday night. I think I am going to ask her if I can extend my session for like 5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, ladies. I know this is long but I just really needed to get it out.

Try not to make yourself sick over this. I am sorry that you are going through this

Major Hugs for you...
Apparently there is a lack of communication between everyone and theres a lot of she said I said...I know your the bride but this is between the BM's and MOH and your stuck in the middle. Theres only so much you can do, you cant satisfy everyones needs and they have to understand that. Take advantage of this weekend to relax, go for a walk, get a mani and pedi just unwind...hope everything works out for you!

i'm soo sorry this is happening to you =[
I had the same situation. my MOH (my preggo sister) kept telling me that she doesnt have a lot of money and how I cant give her a big guestlist and we cant have it at night blah blah blah. she litterally told me that it had to be less than 20 per person. which is like impossible!
I was soo upset I told my FH what was happened and he blew up on me telling me why i'm so upset with this because what goes around comes around.. which means when it come to my sisters baby shower he is going to do the same thing she did to me.. I have a big heart and I cant do that. I'm still planning my sisters baby shower and I'm not going to tell my FH whats going one this time.

just vent and let it go.. dont let it stress you out too mcuh cuz in the end it will all work out for the best. I had such a great shower! I'm sure you will as well

I'm so sorry hun, they shouldn't be putting you in the middle of all of this. But im confused did you have ur shower already? and they made a scene at the shower?

I would really hope that grown women didn't make a scene at someone elses party. If they didn't I dont think you should think they will at the RD and wedding. I would just keep telling all of them, that its 2 days for your wedding! that they should concentrate on being happy because its a wedding!!! and not because they dont like eachother. Plus they wont have to see eachother again lol

I hope it all works out, you dont need this petty stress there putting on you

I'm so sorry!!!!

Oh Marissa I'm so sorry you are going through this! Try to take this weekend and relax...do something special for yourself! These ladies need to find a way to get along. They are adults and need to figure it out for the benefit of you. I hope it gets better soon!

Marisa, sweetheart, you should not have to be dealing with this nonsense!!!!!!! Would you like Mary, MOB, to tell these 'young ladies' ???????? to ' Grow up'!!!!!!!!!!! You poor thing!!! Mary MOB

Thanks, ladies.

Yes, my shower was 2 weeks ago. I can't say that THEY made a scene - FSIL made a scene and she felt it was justified. Like I said, MOH and BM did NOTHING for my shower b/c FSIL took over. They had bought things that FSIL told them to return, etc. And thanks to whatever FSIL has been feeding everyone, pretty much FH's whole family hates MOH.

There's been even more drama today... FSIL says that MOH and BM still owe her $40. The budget they had set was $200 each but the FSIL went and added things and she didn't discuss it with them and on the day of my shower she asked them for more money. My MOH is ADAMENT about not giving it to her. My BM has caved just b/c it's upsetting me so much.

At this point, I just want MOH to cave, too, so that FSIL just shuts up about it! I feel like if MOH doesn't give her the money, this will never end and even FH will start hating her. MOH was on a 3-way call before between me and BM and she got so upset and annoyed that we were all telling her to cave that she hung up the phone.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I won't be surprised if she calls me back and says she is backing down as MOH...

I am home alone and can't take another Xanax for 4 more hours...

Well ladies, sadly nothing has changed very much in all this.

I have barely eaten a thing since Friday. The Xanax is just NOT cutting it but I am afraid to take 2. I cannot WAIT to go to my therapist tonight!!!

I spent time w/ my MOH yesterday and I am now at the point where I am practically BEGGING her to just give FSIL the money. I feel like that's the only thing at this point that will shut her up and make it all go away! Of course, there are still no guarantees she'll (FSIL) behave herself at the RD and at the wedding, but I can only pray. My MOH says she wants to hear what my therapist has to say and then she'll make a decision about giving the money. I just feel like throwing up! I am having poopy problems, too (sorry for the TMI) and my monthly visitor came today, also!!! I just want my wedding to be over already! I cannot take this.

Marissa, I'm sorry to hear that nothing has gotten any better! This su-cks that you are going through this! Your FSIL really should let this go. If she chose to go over budget (which I think you mentioned she spent more than orignially planned for) then she should just eat the extra cost. I would have asked the girls if they could contribute extra but if not oh well her choice. I totally understand though how it would just help so much if your MOH would just give in to reduce the drama. One of them needs to just give in. This is horrible that they are making you not enjoy this time. I hope your therapist has some good advice for you. I wish I could give you some good advice myself for the situation but at least I can give you some of these

hon I am sorry that you are going through this- if it were me I would tell them all to STFU and not deal with it--- it is between them and you have nothing to do with it.

you also have to decide if this is worth your health- you are stressing yourself out and most likely this will get worked out- we are hear if you need to vent!

editted cause i cant spell lol

Thanks, girls.

The problem is that FH himself is even on his sister's side (which is sort of understandable) and the whole family pretty much hates my MOH (and aren't thrilled w/ my other BM, either). I am absolutely PETRIFIED that someone in the family won't be able to keep their mouths shut either at the RD or the wedding itself! FSIL showed at the shower that she cannot bite her tongue so why should I believe she will at the wedding??? I am just praying that if she gets the money this will end it for everyone. I will even tell her that she needs to let it go now and not say a word about it when she sees the other girls at the RD and wedding. My MOH doesn't even feel comfy giving a speech at my wedding now, b/c she's afraid FH's family will comment or something... UCK!!! I just want it to end!!!

Wow, what a disgrace...pretty sad! I don't remember your other post so I'm not sure of the back story. I can understand your BMs backing off if your FSIL took control and was very controlling of everything. I also understand her trying to make things nice for you if she felt your BP was not responsive. It seems pretty obvious to me just based on this why your BP was probably 'uninvolved' and just handed over money to let FSIL do her thing. But...if your FSIL decided to go over budget without running it past them, then that was HER choice. And for $40?? I'm sorry, I can understand your FH taking her side since this is his sister, but he needs to SET HER STRAIGHT NOW! Maybe your MOH is being stubborn, but I almost don't blame her...it's more the point now of not giving into your FSIL's behavior.

I went through something similar the last time I was a BM...we were told we had to contribute for the shower which I had no problem with (by the FMIL). But, then she kept adding on all these things,that to me, just were not important, and it was getting out of hand. And, I'm not talking about another $50. The bulk of the cost was all nonsense...not the restaurant, favors, centerpieces. I finally said, enough is enough...if she wants to keep adding on all these things without having the courtesy to see how we feel about it, that is her choice. She is the FMIL, so if she wants to add extra touches that's good for her. It wasn't even so much for me, but I felt bad for a couple of the other girls who clearly didn't have the money (one a college student who was not working). She was not being fair to the other girls. It was already more of an expense for them than they initially expected when they accepted.

Anyway, you shouldn't have even been involved in this. Your FH may not want to deal with it, but I think it's to the point he needs to. They are all adults and should have been able to work this out without it getting to this. I'm sorry you are so stressed out over this. Unless there is something more to the story, I don't understand how your FH can completely justify his sister's actions. It needs to stop. I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what else to say. I guess see what advice your therapist has to give. You can't be worrying about how everyone is going to behave on your wedding day.

Oh Marisa

You had problems with your FILs too right, about where you were living and all of that? I am sooooo sorry to hear about all of this.

Would it help to sit down with all of them and just talk it out? CALMLY? Maybe there is a misunderstanding / miscommunication and no one even knows. I try to look on the bright side and be optimistic, but it's very possible I am being naive here. I would think that a bunch of girls could get together and solve this for YOUR sake.

If you don't want to have a meeting, maybe just send them all an email explaining how you feel, how you are hurt and how you love them all and don't want anyone to be upset about anything? Would that work?

Many to you and I hope things get better real soon.

Try taking some acidopholis, it restores the good bacteria in your gut and it may help the poopy problems.

Thank you so much for all the support and the hugs!!! I had to force myself to eat my lunch today - not good!!!

FH thinks that my MOH and BM are totally not doing the right thing, and he's really annoyed at them. I love how FSIL turned the whole family against them, though. Everytime she was pissed and venting, she had a 'crowd' of like at least 5 family members or friends. So naturally everyone knows the story (HER story).

My mom actually has a really good relationship with FSIL - FSIL LOVES her to death, so I may get my mom involved on this one. I will see what my doc says tonight. I just feel like, as much as it ***** that FSIL stole everything from MOH, and I know how hurt MOH is, I think she needs to suck this up and pay her just to make it all go away for MY sake!!! I can't live this way for the next 5 weeks til our wedding, that is for sure!!!

Thanks, again!!!